Crowbar Nurse Chapter 8

“What the?! Why are there so many of them here?!”

It was probably because we were loitering around in one spot that the zombies were now gathering around us.
A cursory glance revealed about 30 of them shuffling closer and closer.
The zombies looked like just your average ankle biters, but judging by how brutal they seem to be, they’re probably not just normal ones… it seemed to be a swarm of the “kinda strong” ones.

Our unstoppable army from h.e.l.l were fighting for their lives… but armed with only crude clubs and metal pipes, they couldn’t stand their ground. And since we were at the starting area of the game, there weren’t many choices for weapons, aside from random junk like that.

“This ain’t good… I was hoping to look for bugs to exploit while our army holds the zombies back…
I’m just spitballing here, but do you have any items or anything to trap them in one place?”
“Hmm, let me see…”

As I watched the zombies slowly overcome the soldiers, I stroke my chin as I contemplated.

“… what about… hmm, no, that wouldn’t work…”
“So, we’re s.h.i.t outta luck?”

I nodded along with Kiryū, tense and stiff.

“It is a tough situation… but there’s no reason to lose hope.”

He looks puzzled as I shouldered the a.s.sault rifle. I flashed him a smirk.

“Let’s just start killing them until we come across an opportunity. I’m sure we’ll be alright… we can do this together, Kiryū.”
“… yeah, you’re right. We can’t throw in the towel just yet.”

The situation left us with little to no choice but to fight our way out. Kiryū was looking oddly cheery amidst all of this. But I had to focus on the battle unfolding in front of us and so I promptly looked away.

This battle we’re headed into would prove to be a real handful.

With my rifle and Kiryū with his crowbar, we joined the fray.
Our unstoppable h.e.l.lish army—or rather, the survivors—won’t resp.a.w.n when they lose all of their health. And if we want to use our downtime to search for bugs and glitches, we’ll need to protect them. Looks like I can’t help but to level up a little.

Give no quarter!

Carefully and precisely, I began to take them down one by one… but the enemies still had the upper hand.
Kiryū and I were trying our d.a.m.nedest to save our army, but we simply couldn’t keep up. Another pair of zombies came to bolster their numbers. One or two zombies isn’t anything to worry about, but at this rate, we’ll be slowly overrun by them.

That’s when we noticed it.

“Whoa! Look at Nick! He’s drawing all the zombies here!”

After splitting a zombie’s skull with his crowbar, Kiryū snapped over to the posing protagonist of this game.

… interesting.

Still standing upright in the middle of the parking lot was Nick, now being tackled and gnawed at by zombies.
He seemed unfazed, though, as he stood unflinchingly in the same default position.
… wait, isn’t he totally glitched out?

c.r.a.p, that can’t be good for Nick…

I panicked.
Nick should be getting real damaged from being chomped on like that. If the protagonist loses all their HP… what’s going to happen to us? incomprehensible game world

“Nick!”

I yelled.
We’ve got to save him! But can we?
Kiryū and I were already at our limits with the zombies in front of us! What else could we do?!
And not to mention that at level one, Nick dies after being bit a mere three times. Doesn’t that mean he’s already…!

“Niiick!”

I yelled, even knowing full well that I was already too late.
He was at the mercy of the horde, but they showed him none. Eventually, he succ.u.mbed to the zombies and collapsed—all still in pose.

The protagonist was kicked and tossed around on the ground like a sack of potatoes.
His health was probably in the negative, but Nick lays there unrelenting in his stance.

… wow. What a manly man.

His determination to maintain posture was less like a mannequin in a display window and more like a stoic warrior.

“—Huh? Oh, d.a.m.n! We can totally make use of him!”

Kiryū snapped his fingers as he looked over at Nick.

“Sera! Help me take care of the zombies around Nick!”
“Wha—? O-Okay!”

Though at that moment I didn’t completely understand what Kiryū’s plans were, I did as I was told and began taking off their heads and suppressing the zombies.
And for just a moment, Nick was safe in his immediate surroundings.

“—Alright!”

Immediately after showing a grin on his face, Kiryū slid right up to Nick, carried him off the ground, and darted away. It happened so quickly and smoothly, you’d miss it if you blinked. Kiryū really, really is physically adept.

With Nick tucked under one of his arms, Kiryū sprinted towards an overturned truck, upon which he lies the stiff figure.
For better or worse, Nick—who previously could only stand in one position and take attacks head-on—was now actually useful! The zombies drew to him like moths to a flame but couldn’t reach the top of the truck; he was the perfect bait.

“Whaaat?! That’s nuts!”
“A job change from scarecrow to decoy and voila, Nick’s working exactly as I hoped!”

Kiryū was grinning from ear to ear, satisfied not only by how well his idea was working, but also because he made our fight that much easier.
Though a little condescending to treat the protagonist of this game as simple bait… the results were speaking for themselves.
The zombies that were gunning for us had shifted their aggression onto Nick, giving us more than enough breathing room. We handily swept up the remaining enemies nearby.

I feel bad for him, but with Nick’s help, I’m sure… I’m sure we can make it out of this!
We can do this… we can beat them.

I pulled myself together.
But a problem still remained… enemies will keep on coming if we stay in one spot for too long. Though, I had something up my sleeve for that.

“… Kiryū! I’ve got a great idea too!”

I kept my trigger finger moving as I shouted.

“What is it?!”
“We’ll damage the zombies until they’re barely alive, then feed them to our h.e.l.lish army to finish them off!”
“Hmm? Then… oh, I see. So, we’ll be letting the h.e.l.lish army deliver the final blow, you mean?”
“Exactly! It was a little dicey earlier, but… we can do it now!”

Most of the zombies were standing in front of the truck, futilely reaching up in hopes of getting their fingers around the loitering Nick.
And since we’re farther away, there were only five or six of them around us.
Taking down the ones around us attracted a couple zombies that shuffled towards us.

Nice. This is working out great…

With only one or two of them, I could easily drop their health down to a sliver. Leave it to the survival horror nerd.
Then, we’ll get our unstoppable army to finish them off and level up with all the experience. We could even get them to max level like this! I mean, it’d take a lot of time, but still!

“—Gotcha. Endless zombies mean endless experience, eh?!”

Kiryū’s voice cut through the clamor of gunfire and groans.

“You’re amazing, Sera… I thought we were s.h.i.t outta luck, but you came up with such a great plan with your quick thinking!”
“Hehehe, how flattering! But keep it coming!
Getting back on track, though, leave this all to me. Keep looking for more glitches!
… oh, and here. You’ll die of traumatic brain injury if you keep literally using your head, so take this!”

I unstrapped the Vital Watch from my forearm and tossed it over to him.

“Put the Vital Watch on your wrist!”

While keeping a watchful eye on the zombies, I called out to Kiryū.

“Check your health after running into walls head-first. That way, you’ll know to use your healing herbs before your HP runs out!”
“Okay…? Wait, hold on. It’s on my wrist, but how do I check my status?”

He sounded rather perplexed as he called back to me.

“I see my heartbeat show up, but I don’t get how to read ECGs or anything.”
“You can tell by the color! If your pulse is green, then you’re at max health. Yellow means caution, and red means you’re in big trouble!”
“Ugh… of course, it is!”

Kiryū continued to yell.

“Yeah, about that, Sera, the thing is that I’m color blind. I’m the kind of guy that can’t differentiate between red and green! Is there any other way?!”
“… oh, I didn’t know! Sorry! Umm, the more hectic your pulse is, the worst your condition is! So, really take care of yourself if the line gets all scraggly!”
“Alright, I’ll keep an eye on the watch!”

—The statistics say that roughly 5 percent of males and 0.2 percent of females in j.a.pan are born with color blindness, making it not at all unusual for Kiryū to be afflicted by it.
And since our world isn’t designed for people with color blindness, many of them tend towards invention and design… maybe Kiryū is like that too?

Hmm, so it seems that we resemble the characters of this game, but we keep the innate physical traits from our own bodies… what about me though?
I feel like there was something strange that happened, but…

Thoughts raced through my head, but I was still firing off round after round.
There’s no visible health gauges above the zombies’ heads, but I’ve got their stats all memorized.
I know exactly how many bullets each and every enemy needs.

Bug testing is something only Kiryū can do; this is something only I can do.

I kept my rifle rattling.
Right when I get a zombie to the point where it’ll die if I shoot them again, I switch targets and start laying on damage. Rinse and repeat.

That leaves the only task for our unstoppable h.e.l.lish army—the survivors, I mean—is to mop them up.
Every zombie they finish off makes them all the powerful. In fact, the survivors get visibly tougher. And armed with whatever junk lying around—be it a rock or a squeaky toy hammer—they began taking down the zombies in the area.

—Gradually, things were settling down as my plan came to fruition.

Zombies began pouring into the stage, but rather of coming towards us, they were drawn to Nick who was nearby.
The few that would break off from the mob and target us instead would be taken down by the ten soldiers of our army.
Our unstoppable army from h.e.l.l were able to easily take care of incoming enemies, even without me and my rifle.
And since Kiryū and I had managed to avoid leveling up, we didn’t have to worry about stronger zombies popping up either. Our soldiers were now more than capable of taking care of mooks and leveling up.

Whew… looks like they’ll be okay even without supervision. Maybe I can let them level themselves up all on their own.

I let out a sigh of relief, glad that things have finally worked out—even if this peace of mind were only temporary.
A super strong enemy might show up to put us in our place if we overdo it… but speak of the devil.

Oh, what’s this? The tank and minotaur are causing a bit of a traffic jam…

The path between us was too tight for them to cross. They’re not supposed to show up in the beginning area anyway, so it kinda makes sense.
The tank tries to force its way through, firing its gun. But every time it does so, the backblast from its gun heavily damages the minotaur beside it.

… maybe we can ignore them for now. Once we get our unstoppable h.e.l.lish army to max level, they’ll be able to kill ‘em in the blink of an eye. Not to mention, if Kiryu and I don’t level up too much, nothing stronger will appear either.

While I was thinking to myself, I turned over to Kiryu.
He kept slamming into the wall such force…he’s already clipped halfway into it.

■Nick

The original protagonist of DMC3. Afflicted with a convenient bout of amnesia—typical of survival horror protagonists.
In her high school years, Sera lived as Nick, completely and thoroughly clearing the game in all possible ways. She had even written down every minute detail of the game on her personal blog.

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