Works of John Bunyan Volume III Part 124

[HE THROWS OFF THE MASK AND CRUELLY TREATS HIS WIFE.]

Now when he came home in this case, if his wife did but speak a work to him about where he had been and why he had so abused himself, though her words were spoken in never so much meekness and love, then she was wh.o.r.e, and b.i.t.c.h, and jade! and it was well if she missed his fingers and heels. Sometimes also he would bring his punks home to his house, and woe be to his wife when they were gone if she did not entertain them with all varieties possible, and also carry it lovingly to them. Thus this good woman was made by Badman, her husband, to possess nothing but disappointments as to all that he had promised her, or that she hoped to have at his hands.

But that that added pressing weight to all her sorrow was that, as he had cast away all religion himself, so he attempted, if possible, to make her do so too. He would not suffer her to go out to the preaching of the word of Christ, nor to the rest of his appointments, for the health and salvation of her soul. He would now taunt at and reflectingly speak of her preachers, and would receive, yea, raise scandals of them, to her very great grief and affliction.

Now she scarce durst go to an honest neighbour's house, or have a good book in her hand, especially when he had his companions in his house, or had got a little drink in his head. He would also, when he perceived that she was dejected, speak tauntingly and mockingly to her in the presence of his companions, calling of her his religious wife, his demure dame, and the like, also he would make a sport of her among his wanton ones abroad.

If she did ask him, as sometimes she would, to let her go out to a sermon, he would in a churlish manner reply, Keep at home, keep at home and look to your business, we cannot live by hearing of sermons. If she still urged that he would let her go, then he would say to her, Go if you dare. He would also charged her with giving of what he had to her ministers, when, vile wretch, he had spent it on his vain companions before. This was the life that Mr.

Badman's good wife lived, within few months after he had married her.

ATTEN. This was a disappointment indeed.

WISE. A disappointment indeed, as ever I think poor woman had.

One would think that the knave might a little let her have had her will since it was nothing but to be honest, and since she brought him so sweet, so lumping a portion--for she brought hundreds into his house--I say, one would think he should have let her had her own will a little, since she desired it only in the service and worship of G.o.d; but could she win him to grant her that? No, not a bit, if it would have saved her life. True, sometimes she would steal out when he was from home, or on a journey, or among his drunken companions, but with all privacy imaginable; and, poor woman, this advantage she had she carried it so to all her neighbours that, though many of them were but carnal, yet they would not betray her, or tell of her going out to the Word if they saw it, but would rather endeavor to hide it from Mr. Badman himself.

ATTEN. This carriage of his to her was enough to break her heart.

WISE. It was enough to do it indeed, yea, it did effectually do it. It killed her in time, yea, it was all the time a killing of her. She would oftentimes, when she sat by herself, thus mournfully bewail her condition:--'Woe is me that I sojourn in Meshech,' and 'that I dwell in the tents of Kedar! My soul hath long dwelt with him that hateth peace.' O 'what shall be given unto thee,' thou 'deceitful tongue?' 'or what shall be done unto thee, thou false tongue?' (Psa 120). I am a woman grieved in spirit, my husband has bought me and sold me for his l.u.s.ts. It was not me, but my money that he wanted; O that he had had it, so I had had my liberty! This she said, not of contempt of his person, but of his conditions,[37]

and because she saw that, by his hypocritical tongue, he had brought her not only almost to beggary, but robbed her of the Word of G.o.d.

ATTEN. It is a deadly thing, I see, to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. If this woman had had a good husband, how happily might they have lived together! Such an one would have prayed for her, taught her, and also would have encouraged her in the faith and ways of G.o.d; but now, poor creature, instead of this there is nothing but the quite contrary.

WISE. It is a deadly thing indeed, and therefore, by the Word of G.o.d, his people are forbid to be joined in marriage with them.

'Be ye not,' saith it, 'unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? and what agreement hath the temple of G.o.d with idols?'

(2 Cor 6:14-16). There can be no agreement where such matches are made; even G.o.d himself hath declared the contrary from the beginning of the world. 'I,' says he, 'will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed' (Gen 3:15). Therefore he saith in another place they can mix no better than iron and clay (Dan 2:43). I say they cannot agree, they cannot be one, and therefore they should be aware at first, and not lightly receive such into their affections. G.o.d has often made such matches bitter, especially to his own. Such matches are, as G.o.d said of Eli's sons that were spared, to consume the eyes and to grieve the heart.

O! the wailing and lamentation that they have made that have been thus yoked, especially if they were such as would be so yoked against their light and good counsel to the contrary.

ATTEN. Alas! he deluded her with his tongue, and feigned reformation.

WISE. Well, well, she should have gone more warily to work. What if she had acquainted some of her best, most knowing, and G.o.dly friends therewith? What if she had engaged a G.o.dly minister or two to have talked with Mr. Badman? Also, what if she had laid wait round about him, to espy if he was not otherwise behind her back than he was before her face? And besides I verily think--since in the mult.i.tude of counsellors there is safety--that if she had acquainted the congregation with it, and desired them to spend some time in prayer to G.o.d about it, and if she must have had him, to have received him as to his G.o.dliness upon the judgment of others, rather than her own--she knowing them to be G.o.dly and judicious and unbiased men--she had had more peace all her life after, than to trust to her own poor, raw, womanish judgment as she did. Love is blind, and will see nothing amiss where others may see a hundred faults. Therefore I say she should not have trusted to her own thoughts in the matter of his goodness.

As to his person, there she was fittest to judge, because she was to be the person pleased, but as to his G.o.dliness, there the Word was the fittest judge, and they that could best understand it, because G.o.d was therein to be pleased. I wish that all young maidens will take heed of being beguiled with flattering words, with feigning and lying speeches, and take the best way to preserve themselves from being bought and sold by wicked men as she was, lest they repent with her, when, as to this, repentance will do them no good, but for their unadvisedness go sorrowing to their graves.

ATTEN. Well things are past with this poor woman and cannot be called back, let others beware by her misfortunes, lest they also fall into her distress.

WISE. That is the thing that I say, let them take heed, lest for their unadvisedness they smart, as this poor woman has done. And ah! methinks, that they that yet are single persons, and that are tempted to marry to such as Mr. Badman, would, to inform and warn themselves in this matter before they entangle themselves, but go to some that already are in the snare, and ask them how it is with them, as to the suitable or unsuitableness of their marriage, and desire their advice. Surely they would ring such a peal in their ears about the unequality, unsuitableness, disadvantages, and disquietments, and sins that attend such marriages, that would make them beware as long as they live. But the bird in the air knows not the notes of the bird in the snare until she comes thither herself. Besides, to make up such marriages, Satan and carnal reason, and l.u.s.t, or at least inconsiderateness, has the chiefest hand; and where these things bear sway, designs, though never so destructive, will go headlong on; and therefore I fear that but little warning will be taken by young girls at Mr. Badman's wife's affliction.

ATTEN. But are there no dissuasive arguments to lay before such, to prevent their future misery?

WISE. Yes: there is the law of G.o.d, that forbiddeth marriage with unbelievers. These kind of marriages also are condemned even by irrational creatures. 1. It is forbidden by the law of G.o.d, both in the Old Testament and in the New. 1. In the Old. Thou shalt not 'make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son' (Deut 7:3). 2. In the New Testament it is forbidden. 'Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers,' let them marry to whom they will, 'only in the Lord' (2 Cor 6:14-16; 1 Cor 7:39).

Here now is a prohibition, plainly forbidding the believer to marry with the unbeliever, therefore they should not do it. Again, these unwarrantable marriages are, as I may so say, condemned by irrational creatures, who will not couple but with their own sort.

Will the sheep couple with a dog, the partridge with a crow, or the pheasant with an owl? No, they will strictly tie up themselves to those of their own sort only. Yea, it sets all the world a wondering, when they see or hear the contrary. Man only is most subject to wink at, and allow of these unlawful mixtures of men and women; because man only is a sinful beast, a sinful bird, therefore he, above all, will take upon him, by rebellious actions, to answer, or rather to oppose and violate the law of his G.o.d and Creator; nor shall these or other interrogatories, What fellowship?

what concord? what agreement? what communion can there be in such marriages? be counted of weight or thought worth the answering by him,

But further, the dangers that such do commonly run themselves into, should be to others a dissuasive argument to stop them from doing the like: for besides the distresses of Mr. Badman's wife, many that have had very hopeful beginnings for heaven, have, by virtue of the mischiefs that have attended these unlawful marriages, miserably and fearfully miscarried. Soon after such marriages, conviction, the first step towards heaven, hath ceased; prayer, the next step towards heaven, hath ceased; hungerings and thirstings after salvation, another step towards the kingdom of heaven, hath ceased. In a word, such marriages have estranged them from the Word, from their G.o.dly and faithful friends, and have brought them again into carnal company, among carnal friends, and also into carnal delights, where, and with whom, they have in conclusion both sinfully abode, and miserably perished.

And this is one reason why G.o.d hath forbidden this kind of unequal marriages. 'For they,' saith he, meaning the unG.o.dly, 'will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other G.o.ds; so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly' (Deut 7:4). Now mark, there were some in Israel, that would notwithstanding this prohibition, venture to marry to the heathens and unbelievers. But what followed? 'They served their idols, they sacrificed their sons and their daughters unto devils. Thus were they defiled with their own works, and went a whoring with their own inventions; therefore was the wrath of the Lord kindled against his people, insomuch that he abhorred his own inheritance' (Psa 106:36-40).

ATTEN. But let us return again to Mr. Badman; had he any children by his wife?

WISE. Yes, seven.

ATTEN. I doubt they were but badly brought up.

WISE. One of them loved its mother dearly, and would constantly hearken to her voice. Now that child she had the opportunity to instruct in the principles of Christian religion, and it became a very gracious child. But that child Mr. Badman could not abide, he would seldom afford it a pleasant word, but would scowl and frown upon it, speak churlishly and doggedly to it, and though, as to nature, it was the most feeble of the seven, yet it oftenest felt the weight of its father's fingers. Three of his children did directly follow his steps, and began to be as vile as, in his youth, he was himself. The other that remained became a kind of mongrel[38] professors, not so bad as their father, nor so good as their mother, but were betwixt them both. They had their mother's notions, and their father's actions, and were much like those that you read of in the book of Nehemiah; these children were half of Ashdod, 'and could not speak in the Jews' language, but according to the language of each people' (Neh 13:24).

ATTEN. What you say in this matter is observable, and if I take not my mark amiss, it often happeneth after this manner where such unlawful marriages are contracted.

WISE. It sometimes doth so, and the reason, with respect to their parents, is this. Where the one of the parents is G.o.dly, and the other unG.o.dly and vile, though they can agree in begetting of children, yet they strive for their children when they are born.

The G.o.dly parent strives for the child, and by prayers, counsel, and good examples, labours to make it holy in body and soul, and so fit for the kingdom of heaven; but the unG.o.dly would have it like himself, wicked, and base, and sinful; and so they both give instructions accordingly. Instructions did I say? yea, and examples too according to their minds. Thus the G.o.dly, as Hannah, is presenting her Samuel unto the Lord: but the unG.o.dly, like them that went before them, are for offering their children to Moloch, to an idol, to sin, to the devil, and to h.e.l.l. Thus one hearkeneth to the law of their mother and is preserved from destruction, but as for the other, as their fathers did, so do they. Thus did Mr.

Badman and his wife part some of their children betwixt them; but as for the other three that were, as it were, mongrels, betwixt both, they were like unto those that you read of in Kings, they feared the Lord, but served their own idols (2 Kings 17). They had, as I said, their mother's notions, and I will add, profession too; but their father's l.u.s.ts, and something of his life. Now their father did not like them, because they had their mother's tongue; and the mother did not like them because they had still their father's heart and life; nor were they indeed fit company for good or bad. The good would not trust them because they were bad, the bad would not trust them because they were good; namely, the good would not trust them because they were bad in their lives, and the bad would not trust them because they were good in their words. So they were forced with Esau to join in affinity with Ishmael; to wit, to look out a people that were hypocrites like themselves, and with them they matched, and lived, and died.

ATTEN. Poor woman, she could not but have much perplexity.

WISE. Yea, and poor children, that ever they were sent into the world as the fruit of the loins, and under the government of such a father as Mr. Badman.

ATTEN. You say right, for such children lie almost under all manner of disadvantages: but we must say nothing, because this also is the sovereign will of G.o.d.

WISE. We may not by any means object against G.o.d; yet we may talk of the advantages and disadvantages that children have by having for their parents such as are either G.o.dly or the contrary.

ATTEN. You say right, we may so, and pray now, since we are about it, speak something in brief unto it, that is, unto this: what advantage those children have above others, that have for their parents such as indeed are G.o.dly?

WISE. So I will, only I must first premise these two or three things. 1. They have not the advantage of election for their fathers'

sakes. 2. They are born as others, the children of wrath, though they come of G.o.dly parents. 3. Grace comes not unto them as an inheritance, because they have G.o.dly parents. These things premised I shall now proceed.

1. The children of G.o.dly parents are the children of many prayers.

They are prayed for before, and prayed for after they are born; and the prayer of a G.o.dly father and G.o.dly mother doth much. 2.

They have the advantage of what restraint is possible, from what evils their parents see them inclinable to, and that is a second mercy. 3. They have the advantage of G.o.dly instruction, and of being told which be and which be not the right ways of the Lord.

4. They have also those ways commended unto them, and spoken well of in their hearing, that are good. 5. Such are also, what may be kept out of evil company, from evil books, and from being taught the way of swearing, lying, and the like, as sabbath-breaking, and mocking at good men and good things, and this is a very great mercy. 6. They ave also the benefit of a G.o.dly life set before them doctrinally by their parents, and that doctrine backed with a G.o.dly and holy example. And all these are very great advantages.

Now all these advantages the children of unG.o.dly parents want; and so are more in danger of being carried away with the error of the wicked. For unG.o.dly parents neither pray for their children, nor do nor can they heartily instruct them; they do not after a G.o.dly manner restrain them from evil, nor do they keep them from evil company. They are not grieved at, nor yet do they forewarn their children to beware of such evil actions that are abomination to G.o.d and to all good men. They let their children break the sabbath, swear, lie, be wicked and vain. They commend not to their children a holy life, nor set a good example before their eyes.

No, they do in all things contrary: estranging of their children what they can, from the love of G.o.d and all good men, so soon as they are born. Therefore it is a very great judgment of G.o.d upon children, to be the offspring of base and unG.o.dly men (Job 30:8).

ATTEN. Well, but before we leave Mr. Badman's wife and children, I have a mind, if you please, to inquire a little more after one thing, the which I am sure you can satisfy me in.

WISE. What is that?

ATTEN. You said a while ago that this Mr. Badman would not suffer his wife to go out to hear such G.o.dly ministers as she liked, but said, if she did, she had as good never come home any more. Did he often carry it thus to her?

WISE. He did say so, he did often say so. This I told you then, and had also then told you more, but that other things put me out.

ATTEN. Well said; pray, therefore, now go on.

WISE. So I will. Upon a time, she was, on a Lord's day, for going to hear a sermon, and Mr. Badman was unwilling she should; but she at that time, as it seems, did put on more courage than she was wont; and, therefore, after she had spent upon him a great many fair words and entreaties, if perhaps she might have prevailed by them, but all to no purpose at all, at last she said she would go, and rendered this reason for it: I have a husband, but also a G.o.d; my G.o.d has commanded me, and that upon pain of d.a.m.nation, to be a continual worshipper of him, and that in the way of his own appointments. I have a husband, but also a soul, and my soul ought to be more unto me than all the world besides. This soul of mine I will look after, care for, and, if I can, provide it a heaven for its habitation. You are commanded to love me, as you love your own body, and so do I love you; but I tell you true, I prefer my soul before all the world, and its salvation I will seek (Eph 5:28).[39]

At this, first he gave her an ugly wish, and then fell into a fearful rage, and sware moreover that if she did go, he would make both her and all her d.a.m.nable brotherhood, for so he was pleased to call them, to repent their coming thither.

ATTEN. But what should he mean by that?