Without A Trace: Inside The Lines Part 15

Mia stayed with Ian, and Noah wished us luck. But the sadness in his eyes didn't bode well.

Eripio Farm seems even farther away than the last time, and my stomach ties in knot after knot as we get closer. Ella lays a hand over mine, which is gripping the gear shift. "It's going to turn out the way it's supposed to, Lux."

I nod, not trusting my voice or emotions. When I pull up outside the barns, I stare out over the acres for a few minutes, gathering my strength.

I glance quickly at Ella for moral support, and she nods. "You can do it."

"What if it's too soon? What if I haven't been in therapy long enough? It's been, what, a month? That's hardly enough time-"

"None of us are perfect, Lux. Just go. Give it a shot."

I exhale. "Yeah. Here we go."

Unlike the last time I was here, the barn is packed with people-children, adults, several dogs. This time, I wore jeans and a sweatshirt, both because I don't want to be noticed, and because I don't want to give Fin anything but my honesty to focus on. I can only hope that's enough. And that he isn't dating someone else already.

That thought definitely gives me pause.

I push one foot in front of the other until I've walked through the barn, past people who aren't familiar to me and don't look like they work here. I'm nearly to the round pen when I see Willie sitting on a hay bale, petting a cat. Grubby, in pants a bit too small for him, he looks up at me. He's lost a tooth, giving him a mischievous expression.

"I remember you," he says by way of greeting.

"You do? I'm glad. Willie, right?"

He nods, then returns his attention to the cat.

"Is Fin around anywhere? I'd hoped to find him."

He looks up at me, one eye squinted against the midday sun. "Nope. He's gone."

Whatever knots my stomach had tightened into quickly turn to wet noodles. "Gone? What do you mean?"

"He went home. Back to Scotland." He over-p.r.o.nounces it, as though I might not be able to understand him otherwise.

"Really? How long ago?" I don't know why I'm asking. Whatever small dash of hope I'd sprinkled on this venture has dissolved into thin air.

"Dunno. Couple of weeks, maybe?"

I swallow hard. "Thanks for telling me, Willie."

He doesn't respond, and I watch him with the cat for a moment, focused on keeping my breakfast from coming up. Then I walk away.

I step out of the barn, anxious to return to the safety of the car so I can wallow in my grief, but a few horses with riders are entering the barn. It takes a moment, but I recognize the one horse.

"Is this Nellie?" I ask no one in particular.

The girl riding her nods. "Yep, she's awesome."

She's no more than eleven or twelve, and she seems completely at ease on top of the large horse. I reach out a hand towards Nellie's nose, and her lips close around my fingers, seeking a treat. "She is. I saw some of her training."

The girl smiles, nodding. "She's a rescue. We just adopted her, and I love her. She's so awesome." She leans over the buckskin's neck, laying her head on Nellie's mane and stroking the horse's neck.

I don't know much about horse expressions, but Nellie seems pleased enough, and I smile at the girl before heading for the car.

"You are back way too fast," Ella says as I get in.

"He wasn't there." I slip the key in the ignition, listening to the old engine roar to life. "He went home."

She stays quiet until we're out on the road, barreling for the city. "He wouldn't be hard to find, you know. You can still contact him."

I nod, but we both fall quiet. I flip on music, anything to fill my mind with something other than Technicolor pain. It's a long ride back to the city, with only The Smiths' "I Know It's Over" acknowledging the truth.

Chapter 26.

Falling into Place Charles is as good as his word. I receive his email a few days after emailing his a.s.sistant with a new business plan, this one laying out my vision for Kinked in my own words, rather than in fancy business-ese.

"I am beyond impressed with your diligence and vision for this project. It would be my honor to take part in this venture. I am prepared to discuss numbers. Let's set up a time. Your servant, Charles." I call, set up a time, and a few days before Christmas, we chat.

"So?" Noah asks when I get off the phone with Charles.

"He wants to contribute half of what I need." I can't help the smile spreading across my face. "His a.s.sistant will forward the paperwork this weekend."

Noah hoots and grabs me in a hug, which I return with enthusiasm. "I can't believe it." There's still a lot to do, but half...that's something.

"Dinner is called for." Noah gets on the phone and makes reservations at an exclusive steakhouse. "Helps to have a concierge on speed dial," he says, winking, as it's the concierge from the Parisienne I introduced him to a few weeks ago.

We enjoy a lavish dinner of steak, lobster, oysters, and their signature bacon macaroni and cheese. By the time the server asks if we are interested in dessert, we're both holding our distended bellies.

"Oh my G.o.d. I haven't eaten like this in months."

He grins but then looks over my shoulder.

I turn to look, and I'm greeted by the smiling faces of Ella and Ian. They're both in jeans, and when they reach us, they remain standing.

"We can't stay, as it's date night for us." Ella squeezes Ian's arm, and he leans down to kiss her forehead. "We wanted to stop by and tell you that you have another 50% investor." And then she hands me an envelope. "And Merry Christmas."

"What?" I look up at them, confused.

She leans down and busses my cheek. "I'll let Noah translate for you."

Ian squeezes my shoulder, and then they are shown to their own table, some distance from ours.

Noah smiles broadly. "That," he points to the envelope, "is for you for Christmas." He pauses, then continues. "Investing in your company is a family decision. Ian, Ella, and I are your other investors." He grins. "I figured given that we live together, I can protect my investment."

I recover enough from my shock to make a face at him, but I still can't believe it. "I don't want you guys to feel obligated-"

"It's not an obligation." He holds up a hand. "You are family, but besides that, this is a great idea, Lux, and you are the best person to make it happen. How can we not support that?"

I finger the edge of the envelope in my hands, but then tuck it into my small bag. "I'm incredibly grateful." I look up at him, feeling as though the sun has finally broken through the clouds. While their generosity feels overwhelming, if Kinked is successful-and I'm even more determined to make it so-then there are no other people in the world I would want to profit from it more than those I love. And Noah's right: they are family to me, in so many ways.

"Not going to open the envelope, eh?"

"It's not Christmas yet."

His eyes widen. "You don't have to wait for it. G.o.d, you were one of those kids who waited to open everything?"

I laugh. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. I loved Christmas, and everything that came with it. So why rush?"

He snorts, then takes a sip of his wine. "d.a.m.n. Ella and I would race to the tree all month, wheedling to get our mom to let us open something early."

"Well, I didn't have a typical childhood," I point out with a shrug. "Besides, where's the excitement if you open everything early?"

Noah shakes his head. "Way too practical a mindset."

On the way home, I lean my head against the subway window, the cool gla.s.s easing the commotion inside my head. Having my business plan fully funded means now I'm responsible to not only investors, but to friends. So if I wasn't concerned about making the right decisions before-and I definitely was-I'm even more terrified about getting it wrong now.

My therapist would say something along the lines of, seek out one problem at a time, and deal with that one. Tomorrow will be soon enough to tackle the next one.

Chapter 27.

No Place Like Home One Year Later Bakertown is a far cry from New York City. If it sounds like sleepy suburbia, that's because it is. I've been driving about two hours, and when I pull off for gas, I consult my GPS to make sure I entered the address correctly. As usual, Stephen lent me his car, and while I don't mind the drive, I'm antsy. Which, given what I'm about to do, is no surprise.

It's another ten minutes, twisting and turning through a flat, surprisingly busy retail highway, before I turn off, heading back into a mixed use area-some executive business centers, a few medical-appropriated buildings, and the occasional restaurant and shopping area.

After parking, I get out and stretch my legs, surveying the terrain. It's a quiet Monday, with few people about. The shopping center has a UPS Store, an Italian Bistro and a few specialty clothing stores, and while I suppose it's technically a strip mall, the elegant design challenges the stereotype. A law office and an interior design firm punctuate the retail theme.

White Peony's front window displays delicate lingerie laid over beds of holiday ornaments and flowers, reminding me that Christmas looms close. It's a small display window, as the store is wedged in the corner, making it easy to miss. I approach strategically, hoping I can peek through the window without being seen.

"Can I help you?" A deep feminine voice asks behind me.

I know exactly who it is, so I turn slowly, unsure what to expect. "Hey, Zi."

She's even more beautiful than I remember, with thick hair like mine, but blonde and wavy as opposed to black and curled. Her father must have been half Viking, I swear, as she got the height and high cheekbones in the family. She retained our mother's light skin, as all three of us did, as well as the full hips. Though unlike me, who's a little too skinny to be cla.s.sically gorgeous, Zi could be a model had she been born in the time of Marilyn Monroe.

"Lux? Oh my G.o.d." Her mesmerizing blue gray eyes take me in. Then she pulls me to her in a hug so hard, I can't breathe.

But I don't complain. It's been a long time.

"Holy s.h.i.t. I can't believe this." Zi pulled me into her shop's backroom, put a "closed" sign in the window, and made coffee. As she sits across from me now, she can't stop staring at me. "Holy s.h.i.t."

I smile, but I'm not sure when the bottom of her excitement is going to fall out. "I wasn't sure if you'd be glad to see me or not."

In some ways, her face is so familiar, I want to kick myself for waiting so long to do this. But as she raises an eyebrow now in a way she didn't when she was fifteen, I realize just how long it's been.

"Lux. Jesus. Of course I'm thrilled to see you. It's like Christmas came early this year." She smiles, her slightly crowded teeth now straighter, and her overbite nearly gone. "I lost track of you after college, and I guess...well, I could have looked you up online, I suppose. I didn't think...well, I mean, I didn't know if you'd want that," she finishes, clearly uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Zi. Really. I just...after I left, I didn't know how to contact you without being in touch with him." I spit out the word, avoiding referring to my foster father by name.

She meets my gaze. "You do not have to explain it to me. Kevin was an a.s.shole." She gets up to pour coffee. She waits until she's seated again to speak. "He's dead now, you know."

"Wow. Really?" Months ago, that would have made me smile bitterly. Now, I'm surprised to find myself a bit numb to the information. "Mama C must be devastated."

Zi snorts. "Hardly. She divorced his a.s.s right before Blue moved out. Well, the first time she moved out."

I pour too much half-and-half in my coffee, which causes my heart to ache a bit as I remember someone who loves too much cream in his coffee. But I shake it off. "How is Blue?"

She sips her coffee before answering. "Blue is...well, Blue. Pretty much the same as you remember, probably. Impossible, impetuous, bitter. I'm amazed how such a little person can harbor so much resentment."

My youngest sister was always difficult, even as a child, but she was also adorable and wildly intelligent. At one point, her teachers had suspected her of genius level intelligence, but our mother refused to let her be tested. Once we went into the system...well, n.o.body worried much about such things. Zi and I were very protective of Blue, but it was hard to get close to her.

"What's she doing now?"

"She keeps threatening to go back to school, but she'd have to actually apply to make that happen. So who knows? She works at Little John's."

I nearly spit out my coffee. "What?" Our grandmother owns Little John's diner and coffee house, but it's not a modern "coffee shop." Think 1950's diner, and you have a pretty good idea of Little John's atmosphere and menu.

Zi gives me a wry grin. "Don't ask me how she does it. I couldn't work for that b.i.t.c.h if you gave me a million bucks. But that's Blue for you. Hates the woman, but it's where she landed, so she puts up with it."

I shake my head. "d.a.m.n. I don't even know what to say."

"Then tell me about you."

The wistfulness in her voice surprises me. Somewhere in all my avoidance, I neglected to consider that I might matter to Zi; that not having me around hurt her. I was always too focused on my own damage.

"Well, I'm a business owner. You may have heard of it, actually. aKinked' is an online dating service-"

"No! That can't be yours!" she nearly shrieks. "I can't believe it. I just referred two clients to the website. It's brilliant."

I grin, happy that she recognizes my company. "Yes, it's done really well. We've been officially in business for about eight months, and it's been incredible. We're working on our international branding right now, with hopes to be able to expand to that market incrementally over the next two years." It's been unbelievable, really.

She's so rapt as I speak, that I tell her as much as I can about the last twelve years.

"So first you were a professional Dominatrix," she wiggles her eyebrows at me, "and now you run a kinky dating service. Do you still take clients as a Dom?"

"Not anymore. In fact, I just referred my last client a month ago."

"Dear G.o.d. Mama C would s.h.i.t."