With This Kiss Part 8

A flash of betrayal crossed his face.

"The doctor gave it to you," she cried. "We wouldn't have done it. He feels you should stay in bed."

He reached toward her, found her wrist, and gripped it. "I don't know whether I'm dreaming this or not," he muttered.

"You are not," Grace said, looking down at the way her small wrist disappeared in his hand.

He gave a sharp tug and she sat down on his thighs.

"Colin!"

"Are you a dream or not?"

"I most certainly am not! I'm Grace. Don't you remember me?" She was starting to babble.

"You're betrothed to McIngle, and G.o.d knows what he would think of the fact you're in a man's bedchamber."

"I'm breaking off my betrothal," she blurted out.

He said nothing to that. She shouldn't stay here, perched on his legs. Under her bottom she could feel his thighs as he shifted. He was all muscle, contained power.

Yet he was home safe. The bolt of joy that hit her was so intense that it swept away her panic about the state of his eyes.

"You should leave," he said, ignoring her announcement.

"What happened to your eyesight?" she asked, desperate to stay on this side of the door rather than on the other.

"A cannonball exploded directly in front of me," he said, his voice flat and uninterested. "The flash blinded me. I should lie down now."

She stood up, feeling a pinch of anger, but it was nothing new. He'd been rejecting her for years. The fact that he was pushing her away now was unsurprising.

She stepped away, and he stood up as well, but then he swayed slightly, his big body quivering for a moment.

"I'll help you," she said, taking his arm the way John had.

"I know where the bed is," he said, sounding even groggier than he had a moment earlier. He turned in the wrong direction. "I found my way to this chair from the bed after the doctor . . . What did the doctor do? I don't feel well."

"That's not the right direction." She tugged on his arm.

If the truth be told, she was still in love. She was greedy to be with him, to be next to him. She didn't care that he was blind. She didn't care if he never regained his sight, if he growled at her. Maybe she could take a position as his housekeeper, and he wouldn't realize who she was.

"You smell good, like a girl I once knew, but that was a dream," he said, sounding tipsy, like Fred after he drank too much punch.

Grace gave him a little tug. "Your bed is this way."

His hip was pressed against hers, causing little ripples of fire to spread over her skin.

"Colin," she said, realizing that her voice had become husky and low.

"The bed," he stated. His arm went around her waist and he hauled her closer to him. "You have beautiful curves."

He really sounded inebriated. The drug must have taken hold.

"This way," she whispered, gently tugging him again. She managed to get him to walk a few steps, and then he toppled forward onto the bed and rolled on his back.

The door opened. "Grace!" She'd never seen her mother look so irate. "Out of this room, at once. Colin's incapacity is no grounds for discarding every rule of polite society."

"I'm coming," Grace said, shaking out a blanket and spreading it over Colin. He was so large that his feet stuck out the bottom.

"Grace!"

She turned her head and smiled giddily. "He's home, Mother. He's home, safe and well. I'm sure his eyes will heal. And if they don't, it doesn't matter because he won't be dead. He's home."

The d.u.c.h.ess came to stand at her shoulder. Even with the bandage, Colin looked outrageously handsome, his lips cherry dark and full. "He always was a gorgeous young man."

"He still is," Grace snapped.

"I didn't mean that he wasn't. I'm worried for him. His life will be difficult indeed if he doesn't regain his sight."

"He will heal." Grace reached out and soothed the blanket over his shoulder. "Everything will be different now he's home."

Her mother looked at her, and then turned on her heel. "I think we'd better go to my sitting room and have a talk."

Grace pulled the blanket a little higher and made sure that Colin's arm was comfortably tucked against his body.

"Grace."

She followed her mother.

Five.

By the time Grace reached the d.u.c.h.ess's sitting room, she was feeling quite peaceful. She knew what she had to do, although, unfortunately, her mother would not approve.

"If it has even crossed your mind that you will throw yourself at that young man's feet," the d.u.c.h.ess said the moment Grace entered the doorway, "I will personally bundle you into a carriage and send you to the country!"

No, her mother would surely not approve. Grace sat on a sofa, never mind the etiquette that insisted she should not sit before her mother did, and stated flatly, "I cannot marry John."

Her mother sat down beside her. "Darling, Colin wasn't a good prospect even before he was injured, much though I love him."

"He will regain his eyesight."

"That doesn't mean he will fall in love with you."

Grace swallowed hard. Her mother was not the sort of person who lied to make a person feel better. You could trust her to tell the truth, even if you might not wish to hear it.

Now the d.u.c.h.ess leaned close and gathered Grace in her arms. "We never told you children the reason I threw your father out of the house after just two days of marriage, but it had to do with believing that he didn't love me. I would never wish that horrible experience on one of my children."

Tears threatened. Grace couldn't pretend, even to herself, that Colin loved her. Three hours earlier, he had turned his head in her direction and then away, without even asking how she was. He hadn't congratulated her on her betrothal. She was nothing to him. Less than nothing.

And yet she felt such a wave of love for him, the ungrateful beast, that she could hardly bear it. "He's hurting," she said, the words tumbling out. "I know him, Mama. He hated being in the navy, and the fact that he never got injured made it worse."

"How so?"

"He felt guilty just for surviving. They died all around him, you know. His men did. And they cried out for their mothers. He couldn't bear it."

The d.u.c.h.ess's arm tightened. "That's terrible. I could see he was unhappy, but I had no idea he was so tormented."

"I don't want to love him." Grace stared down at her fingers, twisting together. "I hate the fact I love him, and you're right to say that he doesn't love me."

Her mother sighed. "I wish you were a little girl again so that I could give you a kiss and make it better."

"He's not in love with me," Grace repeated, "but I'm in love with him. That's the way it's been for my whole life, and it won't change. I almost feel as if I'm cursed."

"No!"

"Colin walked into the house today and my heart leapt, even though I saw he was blind in the same moment. I don't care about anything other than the fact he's home. I wouldn't care if he had lost a leg or both arms. It wouldn't be right to marry John, feeling the way I do."

"I've occasionally thought that John would be perfect for Lily," the d.u.c.h.ess said thoughtfully, stroking Grace's hair. "He's steady and kind, and she needs both. And he's very intelligent." She left the corollary unspoken.

Grace shrugged. "As long as Lily doesn't marry Colin. I think of that, and I feel like a madwoman, Mama, I really do. Absolutely cracked." Her voice wavered, and she swallowed before adding, "I'll never love anyone as I do him. I'm not a baby, and I've loved him for years. He's all there is for me."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her mother handed her a perfectly pressed handkerchief embroidered with the Ashbrook crest. "Did I ever tell you about the time when your father and I were both young, and he had to lie in a darkened room or risk blindness?"

"No."

"Your father does not like to stand still for five minutes, let alone weeks. I fell in love with him sitting by his bed, and I never recovered from it."

"How old were you?"

"Ten or eleven, I think."

Grace was quite unsurprised to find that she and her mother fell in love around the same age. "Mother," she said, straightening her back, "I intend to bring Colin to Arbor House."

Her mother's face fell. "Oh, darling, I can't accompany you just now."

"I shall take him by myself."

"I know Colin is a family friend, but you are a young lady. Your maid would be an adequate chaperone for the journey, but you could not reside in Arbor House with him, given that his parents are not in residence."

"I can, and I will." Grace folded her hands.

"You will be compromised!"

"Yes."

A fascinated expression replaced her mother's frown. "Dearest, you do understand the implications of what you are saying?"

"I will not allow Colin to blunder about the country unable to see." She took a deep breath. "I mean to seduce him if I am able."

"Oh my goodness," the d.u.c.h.ess said faintly. "Gentlemen aren't like servants, you know. You can't simply order them to do your bidding."

"What is the worst that could happen? He will reject me. Again. But at least," Grace said fiercely, "I will have fought for him. I have to do that, at least."

"But-"

"I shan't marry anyone else," Grace said, cutting her off. "I expect it won't be so terrible being an old maid, unless Colin marries Lily. But I know him, Mama. If he doesn't regain his sight, he won't willingly marry either of us. He wouldn't want to be a burden."

Her mother was silent. Then: "I wouldn't be surprised if Colin isn't secretly in love with you. You wrote him all those charming letters for years. He may well need a little push, though seduction, Grace, is going too far, as I hope you realize."

"Yes, Mama."

She was never any good at lying. Her mother shook her head. "You are very like me, do you know that?"

Grace smiled. "Yes."

"I think there's a good chance that Colin will not agree to being accompanied by you."

"He certainly will not. I think it would be best if he were put in the carriage now. If he doesn't wake for hours, it will be too late to cavil."

"Colin is nothing if not honorable," the d.u.c.h.ess pointed out. "The mere journey will compromise you, so there's no need for drastic measures. You can have a proper wedding night." She stood up and rang the bell. "In fact, I'll have our solicitor quietly obtain a special license and send it after you."

"I won't marry Colin unless I have managed to seduce him," Grace stated. "The last thing I want is a husband who was forced to marry me."

Her mother opened her mouth, but their butler opened the door. "Featherstone," the d.u.c.h.ess said, "I believe that this regrettable dose of laudanum can be put to best use by bundling Captain Barry into the carriage and dispatching him to Arbor House. The doctor ordered complete rest and darkness, and this house is far too active. He will be more comfortable there."

Featherstone nodded. "I'll order the traveling carriage, Your Grace."

"Oh, and do tell Lady Grace's maid to pack her things. She will accompany him to the country." The butler showed not a flicker of surprise. He was, above all, a servant of the d.u.c.h.ess of Ashbrook.

"Darling," the d.u.c.h.ess continued, turning back to Grace, "I have just realized that it might be best if Colin had left by the time your father returns."

Grace jumped to her feet. Her father would never allow her to travel with a man who didn't love her, especially if the duke had the faintest idea that his daughter was planning to seduce the man in question. "Featherstone, please tell Mary to pack a small travel bag so we can leave immediately."

"I'll send your clothes after you in the morning," her mother said, as the door closed behind Featherstone. "You must write a letter to John before you leave."

Grace bit her lip, thinking of John's adoring eyes. "Do you suppose that Lily could make him feel better?"

"That's a question for Lily and John, not for you. Tell him the truth, Grace. He will be bitterly disappointed, but it does a man good to have a broken relationship or two in his past. John is a bit too satisfied with himself."

"What if Papa sends after me the moment he hears what happened?"

"I think," the d.u.c.h.ess said, with a wicked twinkle, "that you can count on me to distract your father."