Wings of Fire Part 51

"And it doesn't explain your taking on half the gangs in the city. You have a responsibility, Berlin. And you're abusing it."

"f.u.c.k you, Stick. I'm staying alive--that's all. We're not all like you--willing to get gutshot rather than ripping out their hearts when they try to cut you down."

"You're--"

"And besides--we don't all have little halfie healers hanging around, ready to fix us up if we do get gutshot."

"Manda's not my--"

"Come off it, Stick. Face the facts. I'm not you. I can't be you. I don't want to be you. Nothing personal, understand, but I got my own ways of handling things. You want to get down to nitty-gritties? How many people have you killed?"

"I killed them naturally, not--"

"Jesus, I can't believe I'm hearing this. Dead's dead, Stick. I'm not out hunting--people are hunting me. They come for me, they've got to know I'm not going to stand back and let them take me down without giving it my best shot. Now maybe you think handfighting a couple of punks in an alley's okay, or shooting them down like you did Fineagh Steel awhile back, but we've all got to play the cards we're dealt. The hand I've been dealt--it's just not that simple."

"I don't know you anymore."

"Maybe you never did, Stick."

"If you don't stop this, I'm going to have to come after you."

For one moment Berlin's eyes softened. "I'm not Onisu," she said, her voice gentle. "You've got to stop fitting me into her life."

"Don't bring her into this."

"I'm not--you are. You think I'm stepping over the line, but what you're really afraid of is something you never dealt with a long time ago, Stick. I'm Berlin--okay? I'm not a Stick clone, I'm not an Onisu clone. I'm just me. And for some reason, a lot of people want to hurt me."

Stick stood up. "Come back with me," he said. "We'll deal with them together."

"What're we going to do? Go to an uptown court? Get serious, Stick. This's got to be dealt with on the streets--where it began. I've got find the suckers who started this and stop it with them. That's the only way it's going to end. I've got to have them in my hand and show the gangs that I'm not what they're hearing I am."

"I'm going," Stick said. "Either come with me--"

"It's all black and white, right? I'm either with you or against you?"

"--or I've got to come back to get you. I'll give you till midnight."

Berlin shook her head. "I'm not coming with you, Stick. Not now, not later. And I won't be here when you come back."

"I'll find you."

"I know you will."

She watched him go. Her fingers found a slow blues riff, but for once she was fumbling the notes. If Stick had turned then, he would have seen her eyes flooding with tears. But he never looked back.

Manda heard Stick come in and went looking for him. She found him on the rooftop, sitting on his knees in a seiza position with a sheathed katana on the ground within easy reach of his right hand.

"Stick?" she said softly.

When he made no reply, she walked around in front of him and knelt down so that she could look into his face.

"Did you find her?"

His face was as still as the kachina masks downstairs.

"You're scaring me, Stick."

His gaze slowly focused on her.

"I found her," he said softly. "I just wish to Christ I hadn't."

Manda looked down at the sword in its sheath of lacquered wood. A chill catpawed up her spine. "What are you saying, Stick? Did... did you kill her?"

He shook his head.

"But I will," he said. His voice was just a faint whisper now. "G.o.d help me, I will."

EIGHT.

The pain went through her heart like a razor.

Berlin sat hunched over her guitar, hugging its body against her as she fought to hold back a flood of tears. The fire crackled and spat in front of her. Out past the freight cars she heard a dog howl.

"Dogs got his smell--they can get him for you."

She looked up through a blurry veil to find Pazzo crouched down beside her, anger clouding his eyes. She shook her head numbly.

"It's not his fault," she said. "He's trapped--we all are. This is just something we should have looked to a long time ago. See, he never dealt with it, Pazzo. He just hid it--locked it away and never dealt with it. But you can't do that. You've always got to deal with it--if you don't do it when it happens, when maybe you've got some choice, then it's going to decide it's own time to bust loose."

Pazzo didn't really know what she was talking about. "He shouldn't've made you cry."

"He's a hard man--that's how he kept going. He just got hard and stayed that way. I think it's the kid he's got staying with him--I think she opened a crack or two in his armour and now it's all falling out. Falling apart."

Pazzo shrugged. Digging about in one patched pocket, he came up with a clean handkerchief that he gave it to her.

"Thanks."

"You've got another visitor."

Berlin tried to find a smile. "I'm just a real Miss Popularity today, aren't I?"

"You want to see him?"

Berlin nodded, then blew her nose when Pazzo shuffled off. He came back a few moments later with Locas in tow.

"This guy makes you feel bad...." Pazzo began.

"I'm okay, Pazzo. Honest."

Locas waited until the old bo left them alone, then sank down on the log that Stick had so recently vacated. "s.h.i.t, Berlin. Chew got some weird friends."

"That include you?"

"f.u.c.kin' A." He grinned, white teeth gleaming against his dark skin, until Berlin couldn't help but smile back.

"Did you have any luck?" she asked.

Locas shrugged. "Okay. Sammy's no problem. He's got a hard on for whoever's dumping this shake on the streets an' if chew can deliver 'em, he'll back us."

"What about the Dragons?"

"Well, Jackie Won'd take your b.a.l.l.s--just sayin' chew had any. But they'll be there. Billy Hu's sendin' somebody to look out for the Cho interests--I think it's gonna be Hsian."

"At least he's honest. What about the Bloods?"

"There'll be Bloods an' Wharf Rats there--a little bit of everybody, all lookin' to take a piece of chew, just sayin' chew can't deliver."

Berlin nodded. "And can we?"

"John c.o.c.klejohn tracked 'em down. Lady chew want's called Ysa Cran. She's tight with someone from across the Border, but the word don't say who. Chew gotta deliver her, Berlin. There's no way me an' John can handle her. She's feral, man."

A faraway look came into Berlin's eyes. "Oh, I can deliver her."

"Chew know her?"

"I know where to find her."

"Then what chew waitin' for?"

"Nightfall. What time did you set the meet for?"

"Midnight. In the old station."

"Be there, or be square," Berlin said softly.

Locas shook his head. "Chew got some weird ways of puttin' together words, Berlin."

NINE.

The wizard couldn't help her.

"It's not that I won't," Farrel Din told Manda. "It's that I can't."

They were sitting at a back table in The Dancing Ferret. The club was quiet, drifting in the lull between the lunch and dinner crowds. By mid-evening, once the band was on stage, the place would be so crowded there wouldn't be standing s.p.a.ce or a moment's quiet. Right now Manda could hear the tinkle of Jenny Jingle's bells as she moved about across the room, sweeping.

Farrel Din sighed. "This has been a long time coming."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not my story to tell."

"Okay. But why can't you help me?"

Farrel Din regarded her for a moment, then set about cleaning and refilling his pipe.

"My kind of magic doesn't work on someone like Stick," he said once he had the pipe going.

A cloud of smoke drifted up above his head.

Manda nodded slowly, remembering. There'd been a time when the wizard had put a spell on the Horn Dance's music. It had affected everyone who could hear it except for Stick and the elf he was trying to avoid killing at the time. He hadn't been able to avoid it.

"Is there anyone who can help me?" she asked.

"Shoki."

"Who's Shoki?" She had a dim recollection of hearing the name before. It seemed that Stick had mentioned it once. "Where can I find him?"

"I can bring you to him."

Manda turned at the sound of the new voice to find another of The Ferret's waitresses standing by their table.

"I couldn't help overhearing," Laura said.

Manda waved off her apology. "That doesn't matter. Not if you know who he is."

"I live with him."

Manda glanced at Jenny, still sweeping. "He's Koga? The Sensei?"

Laura nodded.

Manda reached out and squeezed Farrel Din's hand where it lay on the tabletop.

"Thanks," she said.

"Can I get the time off?" Laura asked.