Wild Oats Part 20

_Enter_ EPHRAIM SMOOTH.

_Eph._ The man John Dory has carried the man George hither in his arms, and has locked him up. Coming into the house, they did look to me like a blue lobster with a shrimp in his claws--Oh, here is the damsel I love, and alone.

_Jane._ They say when folks look in the gla.s.s, at night, they see the black gentleman.

[_As she is looking in a gla.s.s_, EPHRAIM _goes and peeps over her shoulders; she screams_.

_Eph._ Thou art employed in vanity.

_Jane._ Well, who wants you?

_Eph._ It is natural for woman to love man.

_Jane._ Yes; but not such ugly men as you are. Why would you come in to frighten me, when you know there's n.o.body here but ourselves.

_Eph._ I am glad of that. I am the elm and thou the honey suckle; let thy arms entwine me.

_Jane._ Oh, what a rogue is here! but yonder comes my lady, and I'll show him off to her in his true colours. [_Aside._

_Eph._ Clasp me around.

_Jane._ Well, I will, if you'll take off your hat, and make me a fine low bow.

_Eph._ I cannot bend my knee, nor take off my beaver.

_Jane._ Then you're very impudent--go along.

_Eph._ But to win thy favour. [_Takes off his hat, and bows._

_Jane._ Now kneel down to me.

_Eph._ I cannot, but one lovely smile may smile me down. [_She smiles, he kneels._

_Jane._ Well, now, read me a speech out of that fine play-book.

_Eph._ I read a play! a-bo-mi-na-ti-on!--But, Jane, wilt thou kiss me?

_Jane._ I kiss a man! a-bo-mi-na-ti-on! [_Mimicking._] but you may take my hand--

_Eph._ Oh! 'tis a comfort to the lip of the faithful. [_Kisses her hand._

_Enter_ LADY AMARANTH.

_Lady Am._ How! [_Taps him gently on the shoulder, he looks up confounded._] Ah, thou sly and deceitful hypocrite!

_Eph._ Verily, Mary, I was buffetted by Satan, in the shape of a damsel.

_Lady Am._ Begone!

_Eph._ My spirit is sad, though my feet move so nimble. [_Exit very slow._

_Lady Am._ But, Oh, Heavens, no tidings of my dearest Henry! Jane, let them renew their search.

_Jane._ Here's Madam Amelia, you see I've got her room ready; but I'll go make brother Sim look for the young 'squire. [_Exit._

_Enter_ AMELIA.

_Amelia._ Oh, madam, might I implore your influence with--

_Lady Am._ Thou art ill accommodated here; but I hope thou wilt excuse--My mind is a sea of trouble, my peace shipwrecked--Oh, friend, hadst thou seen my cousin Harry, thou too, all who knew him, must be anxious for his safety.

_John._ [_Without._] Heave a-head.

_Enters with_ SIR GEORGE.

_Sir Geo._ Rascal! whip me up like a pound of tea, dance me about like a young bear, make me quit the preserver of my life! yes, puppy unknown will think me a poltroon, and that I was afraid to follow, and second him.

_John._ Well, you may as well turn into your hammock; for out to-night you shall not budge--[_Sees Amelia._] Oh! marcy of Heaven! isn't it--Eh, master? Only give one look.

_Amelia._ [_Seeing_ SIR GEORGE.] My husband!

[_Swoons_; LADY AMARANTH _supports her_.

_Sir Geo._ 'Tis my Amelia!

_John._ [_Stopping_ SIR GEORGE, _and looking attentively at_ AMELIA.]

Reef the foresail! first, you cracked her heart by sheering off, and now you'll overset her by bringing to.

_Lady Am._ Hold--soft!

_Amelia._ Are you at length returned to me, my Seymour?

_Lady Am._ Seymour! her mind is disturbed, this is mine uncle, Sir George Thunder.

_John._ No, no, my lady, she knows what she's saying very well.

_Sir Geo._ Niece, I have been a villain to this lady, I confess. But, my dear Amelia, Providence has done you justice in part. From the first month I quitted you, I have never entered one happy hour on my journal; hearing that you foundered, and considering myself the cause, the worm of remorse has gnawed my timbers.

_Amelia._ You're not still offended with me?

_Sir Geo._ Me! can you forgive my offence, and condescend to take my hand as an atonement?

_Amelia._ Your hand! Do you forget that we are already married?

_Sir Geo._ Ay, there was my rascality.

_John._ You may say that.

_Sir Geo._ Hold your tongue, you impudent crimp, you pander, you bad adviser--I'll strike my false colours--I'll now acknowledge the chaplain you provided was--