What's Left Of Me Part 31

"Because I got carried away. I hope it wasn't too rough for you."

Bringing my hand up to his face, I cup his cheek. "No, I don't think it could ever be rough enough with you," I say with a wink.

"Woman," he groans. "You never cease to amaze me."

"You just wait."

Giving me a quick kiss, he pulls out of me.

We spend the remainder of our shower cleaning one another between small kisses.

Later that evening, after spending the afternoon with my parents, Parker is reading an article on the latest surgical advancements in the animal world while I finish some online course work that I've put off.

"Want to go out tonight?" he asks.

"Uh, not really." I don't look up at him when I reply.

"You haven't been out in over a month, Aundrea. Let me take you out. We can do whatever you want."

"I'm okay right here, I promise."

He sets the journal he's reading down on the coffee table. "You can't hide forever."

"I'm not hiding."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Then what do you call this?"

"What?" I look over to meet his eyes.

"Sitting in the house? Not leaving?"

"Parker, I just got out of the hospital. It's unfair to say that I'm not leaving when I just got here."

"You don't want to go out and celebrate? Dancing? Dinner? The mall? Bookstore? Anything?"

"No." Actually, I do miss the bookstore.

"Well, too bad. We're going out."

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can."

"Have you not noticed my face, Parker? I am missing hair! It's growing back in weird spots. I look like a d.a.m.n freak. Who wants to see that?"

All I can think about is Jean's party and someone asking what happened to me. I don't want to be put in that situation again.

Scooting closer to me, he speaks calmly. "Aundrea, listen to me. You do not look like a d.a.m.n freak. You're beautiful, and I want to take my girlfriend out and celebrate her being done with her cancer treatment. Now, please, let me take you out?"

"I can't. I'm sorry."

"That's it," he says, taking my hand and pulling me off the couch.

"What?"

"We're going out, one way or another." He leads me into the master bath.

"What are you doing?"

He ignores me, opens the medicine cabinet, and pulls out hair clippers.

"Parker ..."

Still ignoring me, he turns it on and brings it to his head, causing me to scream out, "What are you doing!"

He doesn't answer. I watch as he buzzes his beautiful blond locks. My eyes are wide with shock when I see him work so intently at removing all his hair.

Once it's buzzed down to the scalp, he turns it off, putting it away.

"Now," he looks at my eyes in the mirror, "You're going to shave my head."

"What?"

"You heard me."

I start to back away, shaking my head as I do. "I'm not shaving your head, Parker."

"Oh, no you don't." He reaches out, grabbing my arm and pulling me back into the bathroom.

"I'm not going to spend the next month cooped up in this apartment because you can't face the world. Your hair is just a small part of who you are, Aundrea. I don't want to see you hiding behind that mask anymore. Let it go. Strip it off."

"I'm not hiding."

"No?"

"Maybe a little."

Grabbing my hands, he clasps our fingers together. "You don't need to be someone you're not. Haven't you learned that? Stop being scared and face the world. I know you're not in remission yet, but who can say they have been through cancer twice and beaten it? Confront the world, Aundrea. You're alive. Be proud of the strong woman you are and stop hiding behind your wig."

Tears fill my eyes. I know he's right. I put on this big act of not wanting people to see the real me, but who is the real me? I am a strong woman. I am someone who doesn't want to be scared of the past or future. I want to take things as they come and face them head-on. I should be proud that I have someone who is willing to do that with me.

I am proud.

Filling his hands with foam, he doesn't look at me when he speaks. "I want you to do it. I want you to shave it and see that I'm still me. I want you to see me how I see you."

"Parker ..."

"Baby." He moves to stand in front of me. "From here on out, whatever you go through affects me. You are a part of me. Let me help you. Allow me to go through this with you. I want to take each step with you. Let me."

A single tear falls down my cheek. I've never been this emotional, but introduce a man to my life and I become a puddle.

"It's only hair, Aundrea. It will grow back. Didn't you say that once?"

"Yes, but it's not just that. Look at me!"

"I am. I see a beautiful woman standing before me and I can't wait to show her off."

"Par-"

"Shh ... No one is going to look at you. They're going to be looking at me and thinking, 'd.a.m.n how did that guy get so lucky?'" He teases.

I laugh, snorting at the sudden outburst.

Pulling me into a hug, he kisses the top of my head. "See, there is the laugh I love so much. Now, come on, shave my head. Please."

Filling the sink with water, I watch as he finishes lathering his head. When it's fully covered, I dip the razor in the water getting it wet. Slowly I begin to shave away the remaining hair.

I can't stop fidgeting. My hands have smoothed over my bald head numerous times since leaving Parker's place.

"Stop doing that." Reaching over he takes my hand, holding it firmly in his.

"I can't stop."

"You look fine. If anyone should be self-conscious, it's me. I have a big head and this five o' clock shadow sticks out like a sore thumb."

"I happen to think you look delectable."

"Delectable?" he asks, looking over at me with his hands securely on the wheel.

"Yes."

"Just how delectable?"

"Very."

"So much so that you want me to pull over?"

I laugh.

"I'm serious. The back seat may be small, but I'm sure we can make it work."

"Just drive, lover boy."

He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, causing me to laugh more.

When we pull into The Palace, Parker leads the way as he gives the hostess his name and she brings us to the back patio. It has a wood canopy with twinkling lights covering every inch, large pots of mums at the edges, and scattered tables with large black cushions. There is a tall stone fireplace and three tall heaters. For being outside, the patio is rather hot.

"Your server will be right with you." The hostess gives me a sad smile before turning away. I can feel the pounding in my chest getting stronger, and my breathing picking up.

"You're okay." His hand reaches for mine from across the table.

"I can't do this, Parker. It's too much too soon."

"You can. It's okay. Take a deep breath and let it out."

I do.

"That's it. Slowly."

I do as I'm told over and over again until I feel myself relax and my heart slow down.

"They're looking at me," I whisper.

I can feel their eyes on me. On my head. My face. Even on Parker.

"No, they're not." He pauses, looking around the patio. "Everyone is engaged in conversation. No one is paying us any attention."

"Hi! Can I get you two anything to drink?" The waitress chirps.

"I'll have a Bud Light. Aundrea?"

"Oh, how about a gla.s.s of Moscato, please?"

"Coming right up." Her smile reaches her eyes as she looks directly at me.

"I love it here," he says, looking around at the leafless trees lining the outer patio.

"It's a beautiful place," I agree.

"Have you thought about what you want to do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, are you going to come back to the clinic?"

"I don't know. I thought about going back to school full-time. Picking up more cla.s.ses toward my astrophysics major."

"Here, or with Jean?"

I haven't given that much thought. If I stay here, I can see Parker and be close to Genna. Or, I can go to school a little over an hour away and do what my plan was all along. But, then again, this is Jean's last year, so I'd only get one semester with her.

"I don't know. Maybe here."

"Because you want to or for other reasons?"