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Deith canna weel be muckle like onything we think aboot it; but there maun surely be a heap o' fowk unco dreary an' fusionless i'
the warl' deith taks us til; an' the mair I think aboot it, the mair likly it seems we'll hae a heap to du wi' them--a sair wark tryin' to lat them ken what they are, an' whaur they cam frae, an'
hoo they maun gang to win hame--for deith can no more be yer hame nor a sair fa' upo' the ro'd be yer bed. There may be mony ane there we ca'd auld here,'at we'll hae to tak like a bairn upo' oor knees an' bring up. I see na anither w'y o' 't. The Lord may ken a better, but I think he's shawn me this. For them 'at are Christ's maun hae wark like his to du, an' what for no the personal ministrations o' redemption to them 'at are deid, that they may come alive by kennin' him? Auld bairns as weel as yoong hae to be fed wi' the spune."
The day before that on which he went, he seemed to wake up suddenly, and said,--
"Cosmo, I'm no inclined to mak a promise wi'regaird to ony possible communication wi' ye frae the ither warl', nor do I the least expec' to appear or speyk to ye. But ye needna for that conclude me awa' frae ye a' thegither. Fowk may hae a hantle o'
communication ohn aither o' them kent it at the time, I'm thinkin'.
Min' this ony gait: G.o.d's oor hame, an' gien ye be at hame an' I be at hame, we canna be far sun'ert!"
As the sun was going down, closing a lovely day of promise, the boat of sleep, with a gentle wind of life and birth filling its sail, bore, softly gliding, the old pilgrim across the faint border between this and that. It may be that then, for a time, like a babe new-born, he needed careful hands and gentle nursing; and if so, there was his wife, who must surely by now have had time to grow strong. Cosmo wept and was lonely, but not broken-hearted; for he was a live man with a mighty hope and great duties, each of them ready to become a great joy. Such a man I do not think even diamonds could hurt, although, where breathes no wind of life, those very crystals of light are amongst the worst in Beelzebub's army to fly-blow a soul into a thing of hate and horror.
CHAPTER LIX.
A BREAKING UP.
Things in the castle went on in the same quiet way as before for some time. Cosmo settled himself in his father's room, and read and wrote, and pondered and aspired. The household led the same homely simple life, only fared better. The housekeeping was in Grizzie's hands, and she was a liberal soul--a true BREAD-GIVER.
James Gracie did not linger long behind his friend. His last words were, "I won'er gien I hae a chance o' winnin' up wi' the laird!"
On the morning that followed his funeral, as soon as breakfast was over, Aggie sought Cosmo, where he sat in the garden with a book in his hand.
"Whaur are ye gaein', Aggie?" he said, as she approached prepared for walking.
"MY hoor's come," she answered. "It's time I was awa'."
"I dinna un'erstan' ye, Aggie," he returned.
"Hoo sud ye, sir? Ilka body kens, or sud ken, what lies to their ain han'. It lies to mine to gang. I'm no want.i.t langer. Ye wadna hae me ait the breid o' idleness?"
"But, Aggie," remonstrated Cosmo, "ye're ane o' the faimily! I wad as sune think o' seein' my ain sister, gien I had ane, gang fra hame for sic a nae rizzon at a'!"
The tears rose in her eyes, and her voice trembled:
"It canna be helpit; I maun gang," she said.
Cosmo was dumb for many moments; he had never thought of such a possibility; and Aggie stood silent before him.
"What hae ye i' yer heid, Aggie? What thoucht ye o' duin' wi'
yersel'?" he asked at length, his heart swelling so that he could scarcely bring out the words.
"I'm gaein' to luik for a place."
"But, Aggie, gien it canna be helpit; and gang ye maun, YE ken I'm rich, an' _I_ ken there's naebody i' the warl' wi' a better richt to share in what I hae: wadna ye like to gang til a ladies' school, an' learn a heap o' things?"
"Na, I wadna. It's hard wark I need to haud me i' the richt ro'd. I can aye learn what I hunger for, an' what ye dinna desire ye'll never learn. Thanks to yersel' an' Maister Simon, ye hae putten me i' the w'y o' that! It's no kennin' things--it's kennin' things upo' the ro'd ye gang,'at 's o' consequence to ye. The lave I mak naething o'."
"But a time micht come whan ye wad want mony a thing ye micht hae learnt afore."
"Whan that time comes, I'll learn them than, wi' half the trouble, an' in half the time,--no to mention the pleesur o' learnin' them.
Noo, they wad but tak me frae the things I can an' maun mak use o'.
Na, Cosmo, I'm b'un' to du something wi' what I hae, an' no bide till I get mair. I'll be aye gettin'."
"Weel, Aggie, I daurna temp' ye to bide gien ye oucht to gang; an'
ye wad but despise me gien I was fule eneuch to try 't. But ye canna refuse to share wi' me. That wadna be like ane 'at had the same father an' the same maister. Tak a thoosan' poun' to begin wi', an' gang an'--an' du onything ye like, only dinna work yersel'
to deith wi' rouch wark. I canna bide to think o' 't."
"A thoosan' poun'! No ae baubee! Cosmo, I wad hae thoucht ye had mair sense! What wad baudrins (p.u.s.s.y-CAT) there du wi' a silk goon?
Ye can gie me the twa poun' ten I gae to Grizzie to help haud the life in 's a'. A body maun hae something i' their pooch gien they can, an' gien they canna, they maun du wi' naething. It's won'erfu'
hoo little 's railly want.i.t!"
Cosmo felt miserable.
"Ye winna surely gang ohn seein' Maister Simon!"
"I tried to see him last nicht, but auld Dorty wadna lat me near him. I WAD fain say fareweel til him."
"Weel, put aff gaein' awa' till the morn, an' we'll gang thegither the nicht an' see him. Dorty winna haud ME oot."
Aggie hesitated, thought, and consented. Leaving Cosmo more distressed than she knew, she went to the kitchen, took off her bonnet, and telling Grizzie she was not going till the morrow, sat down, and proceeded to pare the potatoes.
"Ance mair," said Grizzie, resuming an unclosed difference, "what for ye sud gang's clean 'ayont me. It's true the auld men are awa', but here's the auld wife left, an' she'll be a mither to ye, as weel's she kens hoo, an' a la.s.s o' your sense is easy to mither. I'
the name o' G.o.d I say't, the warl' micht as weel objec' to twa angels bidin' i' h'aven thegither as you an' the yoong laird in ae hoose! Say 'at they like, ye're but a servan' la.s.s, an' here am I ower ye! Aggie, I'm grouin' auld, an' railly no fit to mak a bed my lane--no to mention scoorin' the flure! It's no considerate o' ye, Aggie!--jist 'cause yer father--hoots, he was but yer gran'father!
--'s deid o' a guid auld age, an' gaithert til HIS fathers, to gang an' lea' me my lane! Whaur am I to get a body I cud bide to hae i'
my sicht, an' you awa'--you 'at's been like bane o' my bane to me!
It's no guid o' ye, Aggie! There maun be temper intil 't! I'm sure I ken no cause ever I gae ye."
Aggie said not a word; she had said all she could say, over and over; so now she pared her potatoes, and was silent. Her heart was sore, but her mind was clear, and her will strong.
Up and down the little garden Cosmo walked, revolving many things.
"What is this world and its ways," he said, "but a dream that dreams itself out and is gone!"
The majority of men, whether they think or not, worship solidity and fact: to such Cosmo's conclusion must seem both foolish and dangerous--though a dream may be filled with truth, and a fact be a mere shred for the winds of the limbo of vanities. Everything that CAN pa.s.s belongs to the same category with the dream. The question is whether the pa.s.sing body leaves a live soul; whether the dream has been dreamed, the life lived aright. For there is a reality beyond all facts of suns and systems; solidity itself is but the shadow of a divine necessity; and there may be more truth in a fable than in a whole biography. Where life and truth are one, there is no pa.s.sing, no dreaming more. To that waking all dreams truly dreamed are guiding the dreamer. But the last thing--and this was the conclusion of Cosmo's meditation--any dreamer needs regard, is the judgment of other dreamers upon his dreams. The all-pervading, ill-odoured phantom called Society is but the ghost of a false G.o.d. The fear of man, the trust in man, the deference to the opinion of man, is the merest worship of a rag-stuffed idol.
The man who SEEKS the judgment of G.o.d can well smile at the unsolicited approval or condemnation of self-styled Society. There IS a true society--quite another thing. Doubtless the judgment of the world is of even moral value to those capable of regarding it.
To deprive a thief of the restraining influence of the code of thieves' honour, would be to do him irreparable wrong; so with the tradesman whose law is the custom of the trade; but G.o.d demands an honesty, a dignity, a beauty of being, altogether different from that demanded by man of his fellow; and he who is taught of G.o.d is set out of sight above such law as that of thieves' honour, trade-custom, or social recognition--all of the same quality--subjected instead to a law which obeyed is liberty, disobeyed is a h.e.l.l deeper than Society's attendant slums.
"Here is a woman," said Cosmo to himself, "who, with her earnings and her labour both, ministered to the very bodily life of my father and myself! She has been in the house the angel of G.o.d--the n.o.blest, truest of women! She has ten times as much genuine education as most men who have been to college! Her brain is second only to her heart!--If it had but pleased G.o.d to make her my sister! But there is a way of pulling out the tongue of Slander!"
The evening was Mr. Simon's best time, and they therefore let the sun go down before they left the castle to visit him. On their way they had a right pleasant talk about old things, now the one now the other bringing some half faded event from the store-closet of memory.
"I doobt ye winna min' me takin' ye oot o' the Warlock ae day there was a gey bit o' a spait on?" said Agnes at length, looking up in Cosmo's face.
"Eh, I never h'ard o' that, Aggie!" replied Cosmo.
"I canna think to this day hoo it was ye fell in," she went on: "I hadna the chairge o' ye at the time. Ye maun hae run oot o' the hoose, an' me efter ye. I was verra near taen awa' wi' ye. Hoo we wan oot o' the watter I canna un'erstan'. A' 'at I ken is 'at whan I cam to mysel', we war lyin' grippit til ane anither upon a laich bit o' the bank."