The Ten Years When I Loved You So Chapter 3

ch3

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He Zhishu's body is hurting like there is a long thorn in his bones and his blood being drained. The pain is unbearable and often he contemplates committing suicide.

He Zhishu climbed the stairs, the pot of orchids in his hand and cold sweat on his forehead. He leaned against the wall, catching his breath, his vision spinning.

He Zhishu poured his medicines into a variety of gla.s.s-made wishing bottles. It is hard for outsiders to think of such a terrible disease. He liked delicate bottles in his school days, and now he has collected a lot. Now he used them for his medicine. Too lazy too boil some water, he mixed the medicine with cold water instead. As he lay in bed he could hear the rumbling of his stomach. He lay on his side in a fetal position, his chin almost touching his knees. His entire body had grown very thin. He remembered something. This is the longest time Jiang Wenxu did not come home; 19 days.

The next day he went to the hospital for the bone marrow puncture. While the examination was being prepared, He Zhishu couldn't help but hear the whining of the other patients. He remained calm and ignored them. He asked the doctor, “Will I be able to stand up after this? I still want to go home, but I'm afraid that my body will be too weak.”

He Zhishu's headache was at its peak and his fingers were bent like he was drowning, reaching for a driftwood to cling on but cannot reach. He got out of bed, unlocked and opened the drawer of a desk beside the bed, and carefully took out a book. It was a book of Jian Zheng's essays, written many years ago. He Zhishu held the book, sat on the sofa and gently opened the first page. Despite his exhaustion he managed to smile a little. The white t.i.tle page had faded into yellow, but words handwritten upon it were still clear. They were beautiful words, written by Jiang Wenxu.

“No matter how far you are I am with you.”

Fourteen years ago, a proud and arrogant tall boy stopped He Zhishu and handed him a book.

“I heard that you like Jian Zheng, so I bought you her book. I hope you will like this book, by the way… and me too!” he said.

He Zhishu bit his lip, holding the book tightly. He kneeled on the sofa, his covered with covered with mist. He had ran out of tears, and soon run out of life.

That evening Jiang Wenxu came home. The sound of the key turning and the door opening snapped He Zhishu awake. But his body and he sat up very slow. The light in the living room was off and Jiang Wenxu a.s.sumed that He Zhishu slept in the bedroom. When he turned on the lights he was surprised to see He Zhishu watching him from the sofa. His face was pale like a ghost and Jiang Wenxu was startled.

“Why didn't you turn on the light? It's so dark! Are you trying to scare people?!” Jiang Wenxu scolded.

Jiang Wenxu felt annoyed of him. He was in a strange mood. He had been getting along well with a boy from the Art Academy. Last night he was having dimsum when He Zhishu called. For some reason he could not enjoy his food, and in heart he felt that something was missing. He thought that he might've been homesick so he decided to come home.

“I just woke, so I didn't have time to turn on the lights.” said He Zhishu. “I thought you were busy with the company?”

He Zhishu placed the book on the table, his face pale but calm. Jiang Wenxu did not notice the book. He threw his coat on the sofa and removed his tie.

“I still have to come home even if I am busy. And you don't call me often.” he lied.

Jiang Wenxu looked at He Zhishu's face, raised an eyebrow and said, “You're an adult but still you don't take care of yourself. Do you not care that you look ugly?”

These words felt like knives for He Zhishu. Jiang Wenxu did not even care if he had lost weight and instead only noticed that he was ugly. He Zhishu cares not and compares not himself from other people and their looks, at least not anymore. He wanted to, but he was too weak and sick to care about the appearances. Does he need to apologize for his pale and miserable face? The wonton stall owner's wife noticed his sickly appearance. Even the doctor who is used to death persuaded him not to give up on life. But this man, the person he had been together with for more than a decade, does not care and instead impatient with him. He Zhishu knows him very well. Jiang Wenxu does not feign care and thought for things that he is not interested in. In his case, where once there was thoughtfulness and gentleness, in the pa.s.sing of time it all changed to disdain.

He Zhishu doesn't know what to do.

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