Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 54

"Then, you won't give it up, nor rely upon my generosity or Lord c.u.mber's? It's Lord c.u.mber you will be obliging, not me."

"Wid every respect for you both, sir," replied Paddy, "I must think of my own flesh and blood, my childre, and grand-childre, and great-grand-childre, before I think of either you or him. The day, sir, you made me tipsy, and sent me on your own car for the lease, I would a given it--but then, they wouldn't let me at home, and so, on thinking-it over--"

"Pooh, you're doting, man, you're doting," said Val. "go home, now--but I tell you, you will have cause to remember this before you die, old as you are--go home."

"The truth is, Solomon, I was offered two hundred pounds for it by one of my 'hounds' which would be a good thing enough, and would afford you a slice into the bargain. The old fellow would have brought me the lease the day he speaks of, were it not for the family--and, talking of leases, you will not forget to draw up those two for the O'Flaherties, with a flaw in each. They are certainly with us up to the present time, but, then, we can never be sure of these Papists."

"No, d--n my honor, if ever we can," re-echoed Phil; "they hate us because we keep them down. Put in two good thumping flaws, Solomon, and be hanged to you; so that we can pop them out if ever they refuse to vote for us."

"Never you mind Solomon," said his father, "Solomon will put in a pair of flaws that will do him honor."

"If I did not feel that in doing so, my dear M'Clutchy, I am rendering a service to religion, and fighting a just and righteous fight against Popery and idolatry, I would not deem myself as one permitted to do this thing--but the work is a helping forward of religion, and that is my justification."

"Call Philip Duggan in."

A poor looking man now entered with a staff in his hand, by the aid of which he walked, for he was lame.

"Well, Duggan, your rent?"

"I have scrambled it together, sir, from G.o.d knows how many quarthers."

"Phil," said Solomon aside, "is it not painful to hear how habitually these dark creatures take the sacred name in vain."

"By ---, it's perfectly shocking," said Phil, "but what else could you expect from them?"

"Duggan," said Val, "what is this, here's a mistake--you are short three pound ten."

"Beggin' your pardon, sir, it's all right," replied Duggan; "you see, your honor, here's my little account for the work I wrought for you for five weeks wid horse and cart, up until I put my knee out o' joint in the quarry--you remember, sir, when I brought it to you, you said to let it stand, that you would allow for it in the next gale."

"I remember no such thing, my good fellow, or, if ever I said such a thing, it must have been a mistake; do you imagine, now--are you really so stupid and silly as to imagine that I could transmit this account of yours to Lord c.u.mber, in payment of his rent?"

"But wasn't it by your own ordhers I did it, sir?"

"No, sir; it couldn't be by my orders. Duggan, you're a great knave, I see. I once had a good opinion of you; but I now perceive my error. Here you trump up a dishonest bill against me, when you know perfectly well that most of the work you charge me with was duty work."

"Beggin,' your pardon, sir, I paid you the duty-work besides, if you'll remember it."

"I tell you, sirra, you are a most impudent and knavish scoundrel, to speak to me in this style, and in my own office, too! Go and get the balance of the rent, otherwise you shall repent it; and, mark me, sirra, no more of your dishonesty."

"As G.o.d is to judge me--"

"Ah, my friend--," began Solomon.

"Be off to h--l, sir, out of this," thundered Phil. "Be off, I say, to h--l or Connaught; or if you don't, take my word for it, you'll find yourself in a worse mess. To address my father in such language! Be off, sir; ha!"--Bow-wow! said his face once more.

"Ah," said Solomon, when the man had retired, "I see your patience and your difficulties--but there is no man free from the latter in this checkered vale of sorrow."

"Call Roger Regan," said Val; "here's a fellow, now, who has an excellent farm at a low rent, yet he never is prepared with a penny.

Well Regan."

"Oh! devil resave the penny, sir;--you, must only prize (appraise) the c.r.a.ps; the ould game, sir--the ould game; however, it's a merry world as long as it lasts, and we must only take our own fun out of it."

"What is the matter with your head, Regan?" asked Val.

"Devil a much, sir; a couple o' cuts that you might lay your finger in. We an' the Haimigans had another set to on Thursday last, but be my sowl, we thrashed them into chaff--as we're well able to do. Will I have the pleasure of drinking your health, gintlemen? I think I see the right sort here."

"Give him a gla.s.s of spirits," said Val; "I think, Regan, you have seen some one drinking to-day already."

"Well, gintlemen, here's--if we're to have a short life, may it be a merry one!--and may we never ait worse mait than mutton. Mr.

M'Slime, more power to you!--She's next door to me"--and he winked at Solomon--"an' barrin' the paleness, by the powers gettin' on famous; throth, sir," in reply to Val--"only share of two half-pints wid Paddy Colgan, in regard of that day that's in it--blowin' bullocks--and, I believe, another half-pint wid Para Bellow. Blood, sir, but that's a beautiful drop! Sowl it would take the tear off a widow's pig--or the widow herself. Faith, Mr. M'Clutchy, I could tell where the cow grazes that was milked for that! Awough! However, no matther, I'm rantin' Regan from sweet Anghadarra--Regan the Rake that never seen to-morrow. Whish!

more power!"

"That will do, Regan; you have not your rent."

"Oh! d--n the penny, as usual.--Success!

"Well, but what's to be done? I must come down."

"Devil afoot you'll come down, please your honor; but you'll come up and prize the c.r.a.p. It's worth five times the rent, at any rate--that's one comfort. Hurroo!"

"Upon my honor, Regan, I'm tired of this I have done it several times through kindness to yourself and family, but I cannot, really, do it any more."

"Very well, sir--no offence--what one won't, another will; I can raise three times the rent on it in four and twenty hours."

"What an unfortunate man you are, to be sure. Well, Regan, I shall appraise your crops and take them, or a competent share of them in payment, on this occasion--but mark me, it shall be the last."

"More power, I say.--Long life to you, sir. You know a hawk from a hand-saw, any how--and be my sowl, kind father, for you--whish! I'm rantin' Regan from sweet Anghadarra!"

So saying, poor, idle, drinking, negligent, pugnacious Regan, by his own sheer neglect, put his property into the hands of the most relentless harpy that ever robbed and fleeced a tenantry. This mode of proceeding was, in fact, one of the many methods resorted to by rapacious agents, for filling their own pockets at the expense of the tenant, who, by this means, seldom received more than a fourth part of the value of his crops. The agent under the mask of obliging him, and saving his crops from the hammer, took them at a valuation when the markets were low; and in order that he might be able to do so, he always kept over the tenant's head what is called a hanging gale--which means that he was half a year's rent in arrear. The crops were then brought home to the agent's place, and frequently, to save appearances, to the haggard of some friend of his, where they were kept until the markets got up to the highest price. So that it was not an unusual thing for the iniquitous agent to double the rent, one-half of which he coolly put into his own pocket.--In pastoral lands the b.u.t.ter was appraised in the same manner, mostly with similar results to both parties. To return--when Regan had departed, Val asked Solomon what he thought of him. "Think of him," said Solomon, who could not forgive the allusion to Susanna, "I would fain think of him as becomes a Christian; but, somehow, I could not help feeling, whenever I looked at him, there was the outline of an execution in his face; however, I may be mistaken--indeed, I hope--I trust I am--the villain!"

"M'Murt, call in Catharine Tyrrell."

"Yes," said Phil, "call in Widow Tyrrell. Now, Solomon, only you have no relish for anything except what's sanctified and spiritual, you would say that here comes such a specimen of Irish beauty as you have seldom seen."

"I never had any objection," said Solomon, who, in spite of all his gravity, betrayed an alertness on this occasion that was certainly not usual to him;--"I never had any objection to look upon any work from His hand, with pleasure. Indeed, on the contrary, I often felt that it raised my sense of--of what was beautiful, in such a way that my feelings became, as it were, full of a sweet fervor that was not to be despised; I will consequently not decline to look upon this comely widow--that is--in the serious light I mention."

"How do you do, Mrs. Tyrrell? I hope you have not got much wet?" said Val, turning round very blandly.

"Oh, Mrs. Tyrrell, I hope you're very well," followed Phil; "I fear you have got wet--have the goodness to take a chair, Mrs. Tyrrell--and a gla.s.s of wine, ma'am."

Mrs. Tyrrell took a chair, but she declined the gla.s.s of wine.

Mrs. Tyrrell had been the wife of a young husband, who died in his twenty-fourth year, just when they had been about a year and a half married. She was herself, on the day in question, about the same age as her husband when he died. She had been a widow just two years, and had one child, a son. She was indeed a beautiful woman--in fact a very beautiful woman, as one could almost see in her humble condition of life. Her tresses were a raven black, but her skin was white and polished as ivory. Her face was a fine specimen of the oval--her brows exquisitely pencilled--and her large black, but mellow eyes, flashed a look that went into your very heart. But, if there was anything that struck you as being more fascinating than another, it was the expression of innocence, and purity, and sweetness, that lay about her small mouth and beautifully rounded chin. Her form was symmetry itself, and a glimpse of the small, but beautiful foot and ankle, left no doubt upon the mind as to the general harmony of her whole figure. On this occasion there was a positive air about her which added to the interest she excited; for, we believe, it may be truly observed, that beauty never appears so impressively or tenderly fascinating, as when it is slightly overshadowed with care. We need scarcely say, that there was a great deal of contrast in the gaze she received from Phil and our friend Solomon. That of Phil was the gross, impudent stare of a libertine and fool--a stare, which, in the eye of a virtuous woman, soon receives its own withering rebuke of scorn and indignation. That of Solomon, on the other hand, was a look in which there lurked a vast deal of cunning, regulated and sharpened by experience, and disguised by hypocrisy into something that absolutely resembled the open, ardent admiration of a child, or of some innocent man that had hardly ever been in the world.

There was, however, a villainous dropping of the corners of the mouth, with an almost irrepressible tendency to lick the lips, accompanied with an exudation of internal moisture from the glands--vulgarly termed a watering of the teeth--which, to a close observer, would have betrayed him at once, and which were evident from the involuntary workings of his whole face.

"Mrs. Tyrrell," said Val, "I am glad to hear that you are making considerable improvements on your farm."

"Improvements, sir," replied the widow in amazement; "I don't know who could have told you that, sir. Didn't my potato crop fail altogether with me, and my flax, where I had it spread on the holme below, was all swept away by the flood."

"I am sorry to hear that, Mrs. Tyrrell;--we are very hard up for money here, and the landlord doesn't know on what hand to turn; I must raise a large sum for him forthwith:--indeed to tell you the truth, I have received instructions that are not at all pleasant to myself--I am to let no one pa.s.s, he says, and if I cannot get the rent otherwise, I am to enforce it. Now this is very unpleasant, Mrs. Tyrrell, inasmuch as it compels me to take steps that I shall feel very painful.