Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 36

"'The prayers of this congregation are requested for one of its most active and useful members, who is an elder thereof. They are requested to enable him to fight the good fight, under the sore trials of a wicked world which have come upon him in the shape of scandal. But inasmuch as these dispensations are dealt out to us often for our soul's good and ultimate comfort, the individual in question doth not wish you to pray for a cessation of this, he trusts, benign punishment. He receives it as a token--a manifestation that out of the great congregation of the faithful that inherit the church, he--an erring individual--a frail unit, is not neglected nor his spiritual concerns overlooked. He therefore doth not wish you to say, "cease Lord, this evil unto this man," but yea, rather to beseech, that if it be for his good, it may be multiplied unto him, and that he may feel it is good for him to be afflicted. Pray, therefore, that he may be purged by this tribulation, and that like those who were placed in the furnace, nine times heated, he may come out without a hair of his head singed--unhurt and rejoicing, ready again to fight the good fight, with much shouting, the rattling of chariots, and the noise of triumph and victory.'

"During the perusal of this all eyes were turned upon Solomon, whose face was now perfectly seraphic, and his soul wrapped up into the ninth heaven. Of those around him it was quite clear that he was altogether incognizant. His eyelids were down as before, but the smile on his face now was a perfect glory; it was unbroken, and the upturning of the eyes proceeded from, and could be, nothing less than a glimpse of that happiness which no other eye ever had seen but that of Solomon's at that moment, and which, it was equally certain, no heart but his could conceive. When it was concluded the psalm commenced, and if there had been any doubt before, there could be none now that his triumph was great, and the victory over the world and his enemies obtained, whilst a fresh accession of grace was added to that which had been vouchsafed him before. He led the psalm now with a fervor of spirit and fulness of lung which had never been heard in the chapel before; nay, he moved both head and foot to the time, as if he had only to wish it, and he could ascend at once to heaven. This, indeed, was a victory, this was a moment of rejoicing--here was the Christian soldier rattling home in his triumphal chariot, to the sound of the trumpet, sackbut, psaltery, and dulcimer.

"When the service was over he shook hands with as many of his friends as he could, exclaiming, 'oh, what a blessed day has this been to me! what a time of rejoicing; indeed it is good to be tried. Truly the sources of comfort were opened to my soul on this day more abundantly than I dared to hope for--I feel my privileges more strongly, and more of the new man within me--I am sustained and comforted, and feel that it was good for me to be here this day--I did not hope for this, but it was graciously granted to me, notwithstanding. How good, how heavenly a thing it is to be called upon to suffer, especially when we are able to do so in faith and obedience. May He be praised for all. Amen! Amen!'

"Now, my dear friend, who will say, after all this, that the stage is the great school for actors? who ever saw on the boards of a theatre a more finished performance than that of Solomon M'Slime? It so happens that I am acquainted with the whole circ.u.mstances, and, consequently, can fully appreciate his talents. In the mean time I am paying a visit of business to M'Clutchy to-morrow, that I may have an opportunity of a nearer inspection into his character. He is said to be an able, deep, vindictive, and rapacious man--cowardly, but cruel--treacherous, but plausible; and without the slightest remorse of conscience to restrain him from the accomplishment of any purpose, no matter how flagitious.

And, yet, the cure for all this, in the eyes of his own party, is his boundless loyalty, and his thorough Protestantism. No wonder the church should be no longer useful or respected when she is supported only by such Protestants as Valentine M'Clutchy, and his cla.s.s."

"Thursday.--At a little after ten, I waited upon this, famous agent to the Castle c.u.mber property, and found him in his office, looking over an account-book with his son. He had a bad face--black, heavy, over-hanging eyebrows, and an upper lip that quivers and gets pale when engaged even in earnest conversation--his forehead is low, but broad and ma.s.sive, indicating the minor accessories of intellect, together with great acuteness and cunning; altogether he had the head and face of a felon.

For purposes which you shall know hereafter, I declined presenting Lord c.u.mber's letter of introduction, which I calculated would put the fellow on his guard, deeming it, more prudent to introduce myself as a stranger, anxious, if I could do so conveniently, to settle somewhere in the neighborhood. The son's back was towards me when I entered, and until he had finished the account at which he had been engaged, which he did by a good deal of altering and erasing, he did not deem, it worth while to look about him even at the entrance of a stranger. Having heard me express my intention of looking for a residence in the vicinity, he did me the honor of one of the most comical stares I ever saw. He is a tall fellow, about six feet, his shoulders are narrow, but round as the curve of a pot--his neck is, at least, eighteen inches in length, on the top of which stands a head, somewhat of a three-cornered shape, like a country barber's wig block, only not so intelligent looking. His nose is short, and turned up a little at the top--his squint is awful, but then, it is peculiar to himself; for his eyes, instead of looking around them as such eyes do, appear to keep a jealous and vigilant watch of each other across his nose--his chin is short and retreating, and from, his wide mouth project two immeasurable buck teeth, that lie together like a'pair of tiles upon a dog kennel. Heavens! that a beautiful girl--as it is said everywhere Miss M'Loughlin is, and until now proverbially correct in her conduct and deportment--should admit such a misshapen kraken as this into her apartment, and at night, too! After having stared at me for some time with a great deal of cunning and a great deal of folly in his countenance, he again began to pore over the blank pages of his book, as if he had been working out some difficult calculation.

"'And,' said the father, after we had been chatting for some time, 'have you seen anything in the neighborhood that you think would suit you?'

"'I am too much of a stranger, sir,' I replied, 'to be able to answer in the affirmative--but I admire the country and the scenery, both of which in this immediate neighborhood, are extremely beautiful and interesting.'

"'They are so,' he replied, 'and the country is a fine one, certainly.'

"'Ay,' said Phil, 'only for these cursed Papists.'

"As he spoke he looked at me very significantly, and drew three of his yellow fingers across his chin, but added nothing more. This, by the way, he did half a dozen times, and, on mentioning the circ.u.mstance, it has been suggested to me that it must have been the sign by which one Orangeman makes himself known to another.

"'The Papists,' I replied, 'do not enter into any objection of mine against a residence in the neighborhood; but, as you, Mr. M'Clutchy, as agent of this fine property, must be well acquainted with the state and circ.u.mstances of the country, you would really confer a favor by enabling me, as a stranger, to form correct impressions of the place and people.'

"'Then,' said he, 'in the first place allow me to ask what are your politics? As an Englishman, which I perceive you are by your accent--I take it for granted that you are a Protestant.'

"'I am a Protestant, certainly,' I replied, 'and a Church of England one.'

"'Ay, but that's not enough,' said Phil, 'that won't do, my good sir; d--n my honor if it would be worth a fig in this country.'

"'I am very ignorant of Irish politics, I admit,' said I, 'but, I trust, I am in good hands for the receipt of sound information on the subject.'

"'No, no,' continued Phil, 'that's nothing--to be a mere Church of England man, or a Church of Ireland man either, would never do here, I tell you. Upon my honor, but that's doctrine.'

"'Well, but what would do,' I inquired; for I certainly felt a good deal of curiosity to know what he was coming to.

"'The great principle here,' said the son, 'is to hate and keep down the Papists, and you can't do that properly unless you're an Orangeman. Hate and keep down the Papists, that's the true religion, I pledge you my honor and reputation it is.'

"'You put the principle too strong, and rather naked, Phil,' observed the father; 'but the truth is, sir,' he added, turning to me, 'that you may perceive that fine spirit of Protestant enthusiasm in the young man, which is just now so much wanted in, and so beneficial to the country and the government. We must, sir, make allowance for this in the high-spirited and young, and ardent; but, still, after deducting a little for zeal and enthusiasm, he has expressed nothing but truth--with the exception, indeed, that we are not bound to hate them, Phil; on the contrary, we are bound to love our enemies.'

"'Beggingyour pardon, father, I say we are bound to hate them.'

"'Why, so, sir, may I ask,' said I.

"'Why so--why because--because--they--because as--aren't they Papists, and is not that sufficient--and, again, here's another reason still stronger, aren't we Orangemen? Now, sir, did you, or any one, even hear of such a thing as a good, sound Orangeman loving a Papist--a b.l.o.o.d.y Papist. My word and honor, but that's good!'

"'The truth is,' said the father, 'that the turbulence of their principles has the country almost ripe for insurrection. I have myself received above half a dozen notices, and my son there, as many; some threatening life, others property, and I suppose the result will be, that I must reside for safety in the metropolis. My house is this moment in a state of barricade--look at my windows, literally checkered with stancheon bars--and as for arms, let me see, we have six blunderbusses, eight cases of pistols, four muskets, two carbines, with a variety of side arms, amounting to a couple of dozen. Such, sir, is the state of the country, owing, certainly, as my son says, to the spirit of Popery, and to the fact of my discharging my duty toward Lord c.u.mber with fidelity and firmness!

"'In that case,' I observed, 'there is little to induce any man possessing some property to reside here.'

"'Certainly nothing,' he replied, 'but a great many inducements to get out of it.'

"'Does Lord c.u.mber ever visit his property here?' I asked.

"'He has too much sense,' returned the agent; 'but now that parliament is dissolved, he will come over to the Election. We must return either him or his brother the Hon. d.i.c.k Topertoe, who, I understand, has no fixed principles whatsoever.'

"'But why return such a man? Why not put up and support one of your own way of thinking?'

"'Why, because in the first place, we must keep out Hartley, who is a liberal, and also an advocate for emanc.i.p.ating Popery; and, in the second, if it be bad to have no principles, like Topertoe, it is worse to have bad ones like Hartley. He'll do to stop a gap until we get better, and then unless he comes round, we'll send him adrift.'

"'Is he in Ireland? I mean does he reside in the country?'

"'Not he, sir; it seems he's a wayward devil, very different from the rest of the family--and with none of the dash and spirit of the Topertoe blood in him.'

"'In that case, he will be no great loss; but Mr. M'Clutchy, notwithstanding all you have said I am so much charmed with the beauty of the country, that I would gladly settle in the neighborhood, if I could procure a suitable residence, together with a good large farm, which I would rent. Is there anything in that way vacant on the estate?'

"'At present, sir, nothing; but it is possible there may be, and if you should remain in the country, I shall feel great pleasure in acquainting you.'

"'Because I was told,' I continued, 'that there are two large farms, either of which would suit me admirably; but I dare say I have been misinformed. I allude to Mr. M'Loughlin's and Herman's holdings, which I understand are out of lease.'

"'Yes,' said he, sighing, 'I am sorry for those men; but the truth is, my good sir, that in this affair I am not a free agent. Lord c.u.mber, in consequence of some very accurate information that reached him, has determined to put them out of their holdings, now that their leases have expired. I am, you know, but his agent, and cannot set up my will against his.'

"'But could you not take their part?--could you not remonstrate with him, and set him right, rather than see injustice done to innocent men?'

"'You surely cannot imagine, sir, that I have not done so. Earnestly, indeed, have I begged of him to reconsider his orders, and to withdraw them; but like all the Topertoes, he is as obstinate as a mule. The consequence is, however, that whilst the whole blame of the transaction is really his, the odium will fall upon me, as it always does.'

"Here Phil, the son, who had been for the last few minutes paring away the pen with his knife, gave a sudden yelp, not unlike what a hound would utter when he gets an unexpected cut of the whip. It was certainly meant for a laugh, as I could perceive by the frightful grin which drew back his lips I from his yellow projecting tusks, as his face appeared to me in the looking-gla.s.s--a fact which he seemed to forget.

"'Then, Mr. M'Clutchy, the farms of these men, are they disposed of?'

"'They are disposed of; and, indeed, in any event, I could not, in justice to the landlord's interests, receive the offers which M'Loughlin and Harman made me. My son here, who, as under agent feels it necessary to reside on the property, and who is about to take unto himself a wife besides, has made me a very liberal offer for M'Loughlin's holding--one, indeed, which I did not feel myself at liberty to refuse. Mr. M'Slime, our respected law agent, I also considered a very proper tenant for Harman's; and that matter is also closed--by which means I secured two respectable, safe, and un.o.bjectionable tenants, on whose votes, at all events, we can reckon, which was more than we could do with the other two--both of whom had expressed their determination to vote in favor of Hartley.'

"'What are the religious opinions of those men, Mr. M'Clutchy?'

"'M'Loughlin is a Papist--'

"'But Harman is worse,' interrupted Phil; 'for he's a Protestant, and no Orangeman.'

"'I thought,' I replied, 'that nothing could be so bad as a Papist, much less worse.'

"'Oh yes,' said Phil, 'that's worse; because one always knows that a Papist's a Papist--but when you find a Protestant who is not an Orangeman, on my sacred honor, you don't know what to make of him. The Papists are all cowards, too.'

"'Then,' said I, 'you have the less difficulty in keeping them down.'

"'Upon my soul and honor, sir, you don't know how a naked Papist will run from a gun and bayonet. I have often seen it.'

"At this moment a tap came to the door, and a servant man, in Orange livery, announced a gentleman to see Mr. Philip M'Clutchy. I rose to take my departure; but Phil insisted I should stop.