Uprising: A Collide Novel Part 44

"Yeah. But I've been just fine. No one messes with me 'cause I have such a pretty face," he joked but he still look bewildered.

"Well, that's true," I said and felt that familiar ping in my gut for flirting.

"Lillian. Don't worry about me. There's no need to. I'm immune to the Lighters speak. Besides, I'll be useless soon enough."

"You mean like the rest of us?"

"No. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. It doesn't mean your useless though. Everyone has a job here right? The garden is pretty important."

"Yeah. I guess," he conceded grudgingly.

"Well, you could always join the enforcers," I said sarcastically.

That had been Crandle's big idea of helping the ones who lost their job at grocery stores and restaurants instead of going on unemployment, to give them jobs in the enforcement unit. One more curse disguised as a blessing.

"I should."

"What? I was joking," I said, wondering how he could have taken me seriously.

"Yeah, but I could. Think about it. It would be great for spying and getting information. And give me something to do."

"No, Cain!" I yell but then realize it and try to tone down. "I mean...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, it's just such a crazy idea, don't you think? I mean, it's bad enough what you do already, risking yourself everyday. Right?" I exhale, frustrated.

He reaches over and grabs my hand.

"What's the matter, Lillian."

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"It's stupid. And girly," I suddenly felt very very stupid.

"Tell me," he repeated.

"Cain, just don't, ok. I'm don't want-"

He scooted over so that our legs were touching and then pulled me to look at him with a warm palm on my cheek. His thumbs rubbing caresses.

"Tell me," he whispered the command and his breath moved the curls around my face because he was so close.

"It's just...I have this theory."

I told him the whole bit. About G.o.d watching over me, about how every person who ever tries to protect me dies or leaves. I went down the line of precession of deaths and abandonment's to further my point. Then, as much as it pained me, I had to tell him. I explained that we should remain friends. Though I had no idea how he really felt about me, but it was for the best because I didn't want him to die too. And the more I talked, the crazier I sounded, I knew.

He stared at me with contemplation and weariness for a bit. Like he wasn't sure how to handle me. Then he spoke.

"Lillian, you are not to blame for anyone's death. There is a G.o.d in the universe, yes, but he isn't out to watch you play musical chairs with all your boyfriends and family members, ok? You've just had a run of bad luck and bad timing. And...look, I know that our short time together hasn't been glamorous. It's been very strained and emotional but despite that, I love spending time with you. I really like you, a lot. A lot more than I ever have anybody else in just a couple weeks time." He moved a little closer and kissed the end of my nose so sweetly my breath caught. "Don't push me away or forbid me to see you before we even really have a chance to see if this can work or not. Not because you're scared for me. Please. I want nothing more right now than to get to know you even more."

It took me a minute to catch my breath. When I did I blinked and tried to find words. He watched my lips fighting breath in and out and then moved in to kiss me. I couldn't let him.

"Please, don't," I said breathlessly. "It's hard enough already, Cain. Look, if I lost you too, after all this..."

"You can't just not live because you're worried you'll lose people. If that's the case why would you get close to anyone? Huh?"

"It's different. There's a pattern-"

"Screw the pattern, Lillian. I'm not gonna die because I'm interested in you. G.o.d is not out to get me or you. There is no agenda in the universe to curse Lillian. Bad things just happen sometimes and if you let it run you, you'll have nothing in the end."

"I know, Cain, ok. I know it's silly and stupid." I wanted to cry but his hands were still on me and I couldn't do it. Not now. "But I would be pretty selfish if I just made the decision to be with you, knowing what I know, and then something happened to you. I'd never forgive myself."

"Then I'll make the decision for you."

He pulled me to him and pressed his lips to mine and though it devastated my senses to do it, I pulled back quickly.

"Cain! Please! I can't even think with your hands on me," I gasped, which I ultimately knew then, that was a mistake.

One hand traveled to the back of my neck, his control tactic, I knew.

"Look. If you're not ready or don't want me, that's one thing. But being scared, especially for me, is another. If your not ready...stop me and I won't try again. I promise."

My brain told me to rebel, to push him away for his own good, but my body was being disobedient. He waited just a few seconds, his blue green eyes, like gra.s.s in the sea, looking straight into mine. Then he pulled me closer and I closed my eyes in blind antic.i.p.ation. Knowing he wouldn't try again made me want to kiss him this time. Made me realize that I did want him to, despite my protests.

Our lips met gently. He eased me into a slow sweet easy kiss. I couldn't take it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and heard a low grunt or mutter but didn't hear the words as he opened my mouth with his and kissed me deeper. He continued to kiss me until I was witless. There was no frisky roaming hands, no tugging on my clothes, no ploys to reach for private skin. Just kissing. Intense, vital to life kissing. It was extremely nice and exactly what I needed. And wanted.

My heart beat a mile a minute. His heart did also against my chest, out of sync with my own making me feel like mine was beating triple time. My breathing was terrifyingly loud but I couldn't seem to stop.

Then we heard someone shuffle in and stop, speaking quickly.

"Oh...sorry," a low easy voice said.

It was Merrick, stopped just in the doorway. We both pulled back and I tried to get up from the bed, fleeing in embarra.s.sment, but Cain held me in place by a hand on my leg.

"It's ok, Merrick." Cain cleared his throat. "Did you get the drain fixed in the hall bathroom?"

"Yeah. Pap's pretty handy actually, with stuff like that," Merrick said and I could tell he was trying not to stare and it even looked like he was holding in a laugh.

"Good. I can't do plumbing but I figured Pap could. He's kind of a jack of all trades."

"He is. Thanks. I think he liked being useful. I only heard one negative thing from his mouth the whole time. And that was that you were being lazy and weren't helping us. Though...now I see why." He smiled clearly amused. "Hi, Lillian."

"Hey, Merrick. We stole cookies."

I just blurted it out, anything to blurt out to get him to stop smiling at me like that. No doubt Cain and Merrick would converse and plunder of the details later anyway.

"Lillian! He's the enemy!" Cain said incredulously.

"What?"

"He's the cookie makers' husband," he stage whispered extra loudly.

"Oh! I see. Well, we could always bribe him. With cookies."

"He won't be bought. I've tried." Cain smiled at me and then turned to Merrick. "Don't betray us and tell the little wife."

"She's little but she's vicious. You know this. You are putting me in a very difficult position," Merrick said with arms crossing and a mock shake of disappointment to his head.

I stared puzzled. I was mesmerized at his ability and want to joke and goof off. None of the other Keepers I'd seen had ever done that. I didn't even know they could. It was fun to watch. No wonder Sherry and Cain loved Merrick so much. He was so...human.

"Oh. I have no doubt you can take little ol' Sherry."

"For your sake, I won't tell her you said that."

We all laughed.

"Aren't you late for work, slacker?" Merrick asked, looking at his watch.

"Nah. They cut my hours this week since we only have a few days left. Hardly anybody comes in the shop anymore anyway. It's a sad day when the world can live without coffee."

"True. Do you think you can swipe some creamer on your way home? Tell your boss you'll take his supply off his hands?"

"Yeah. Actually, I already talked to him about it. He said I could take the creamer and coffee grounds. He hasn't placed an order for more in a long time. Not much left anyway."

"Great, thanks. Sherry will flip to have real creamer in the house."

"Yep. No problem."

"Alright. I'm sorry I interrupted," Merrick said and smirked, shooting a quick glance at me. "I'll, uh, let you get back to it."

Cain picked up a throw pillow, tossing it at him and Merrick laughed as he dodged it and left.

"Sorry. He's just playing around," Cain explained.

"I know. I can't believe how..."

"Normal? How normal he is?"

"Yeah. I've never seen a Keeper act so human like that before. I mean, they do act human, but not joking and laughing like that. They are always so serious."

"Danny and Sherry really brought him, really all the Keepers here, out of their sh.e.l.ls by treating them like humans. Most people don't. You treat them like they are aliens just here to help us and that's what they'll act like. Ryan, I know you've talked to Ryan some but he can be such a hoot. And Jeff. He's just crazy. Don't get him started and you'll be fine. And Merrick. He's the best friend I've ever had. It's strange."

"Why strange?"

"Because, I always had friends, but they weren't real. None of it was real. They'd stab me in the back for a hot girl in a second. But Merrick. He's not even from this planet, but I know I can trust him and he's always got my back. I can joke with him and he knows it. I can fight Lighters with him and know I have nothing to worry about."

I wonder if that's why he refused to give in to his feelings for Sherry. Because it wouldn't be fair to Merrick.

"Well, whatever it is about him, it's nice. I always wondered what kind of relationship Sherry could have with a Keeper."

"Yeah. They are really awesome together."

I looked at him to see if he was upset. Or maybe wistful thinking about Sherry with Merrick. He wasn't. He was looking at me with amus.e.m.e.nt and something else. Something nice.

"Well that's great for them."

"So...are we good? I'm sorry if I was pushy earlier," he asked and half smiled not looking a bit sorry.

"Yeah, we're good. Believe me, if I hadn't wanted you to, I would have stopped you."

"So, you admit you wanted me to?" he said and leaned forward a little bit to see my face, smiling. I smiled too and tucked my hair behind my ear and then he reached up to trace the path I took to do it. "I love it when you do that."

"Why?" I asked but felt my lips curving up again.

"Because it tells me what you won't. That you're shy and loveable and unsure about yourself. Though I'm not sure why you're unsure, I've kissed you three times now. That should tell you something about how I feel about you."

"So, you get all that from me pushing my hair around?" I teased, loving that I could tease him and he completely got it.

"Yep."

Oh, I loved his c.o.c.kiness. His playfulness. His eagerness.

"Hmm."

"Ok." He slapped his palms down on his legs. "I really do have to go to work now, or I will be late."

"Well, have a good night. And don't forget Sherry's creamer."

He got up and pulled me from the bed by my hands, scooting me to the edge then lifting me to stand very close in front of him. He grabbed my hands at our sides.

"You're not still worried about that are you?" he asked softly and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

About his feelings for Sherry.

"Not really."

"Not really or not at all."

"Not really," I answered truthfully.