Unlocking Her Innocence Part 5

Ava propped her chin on the heel of her hand, bright blue eyes misleadingly wide and calm, al anxiety and despondency suppressed for she refused to parade her true feelings in his presence. 'I am now,' she pointed out, high colour blooming over her delicate cheekbones as she made that claim.

'Casual s.e.x is de nitely not what you need right now,'

Vito informed her with harsh biting conviction.

Her eyes veiled while she wondered how anything she did with him could be considered casual. Certainly not on her terms but on his? That was a very di erent mat er. For Vito, s.e.x could never have been anything else but casual with her. 'You don't know what I need-how could you? Look, give me something to wear so that I can return to my own room ...'

Vito strode into the bathroom and emerged again to Vito strode into the bathroom and emerged again to toss a black towel ing robe on the bed. Her generous mouth arranged in a tight line of restraint, Ava dug her arms into the over-large garment and pul ed it careful y round her to conceal her body before sliding out of the bed and knot ing the sash at her waist. With fast-shredding dignity she stooped to pick up her discarded clothes and shoes, her heart like a crushed rock inside her weighing her down intolerably.

Ava shed the robe and stepped straight into the shower in her room. She was shel -shocked by what had happened between her and Vito Barbieri. Somehow, heaven knew how, her teenaged self had taken over her al -grown-up self and triumphed. Feeling the ache at the heart of her body, she grimaced and washed her body as roughly as someone trying to scrub their sins away with soap and water. When she was dry she pul ed on jeans and a tee, fed the dwindling re with a log and sat down beside it with Harvey. So, she had nal y had s.e.x and he had made it amazing but her emotions were in total turmoil. Idiot, she castigated herself as she smoothed Harvey's s.h.a.ggy head and he rested back against her, brown eyes lovingly pinned to her tearstained face. I wil not cry over Vito Barbieri, Ava told herself furiously. I made a mistake but he made a mistake as wel .

She would act as if it had never happened, she decided in desperation. That was the only way to behave: as if it had been an inconsequential and meaningless episode she was keen to forget. She should never have gone to she was keen to forget. She should never have gone to his bedroom, never have stood there shouting at him, chal enging and provoking him. Just then the question of which room she occupied seemed unut erably trivial and not worth the fuss she had kicked up over it. Vito wasn't used to being chal enged, she reminded herself rueful y.

Vito dug in like a rock bedding down when you crossed him.

The knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. It was a maid with a tray.

'Mr Barbieri thought you might be hungry,' she explained, set ing the tray down on an occasional table by the window and whisking the insulated cover o the plate.

'I could have come downstairs for it,' Ava said guiltily, looking down at the beautiful y cooked chicken meal, her taste buds watering in spite of herself. As a teenager she had been downright uncomfortable at being served by the sta while she stayed at Bolderwood but now she was rather more practical in her outlook. Jobs at the castle were highly sought after because Vito paid wel and o ered good working conditions as wel as apprenticeships in the key country skil s stil in demand on the estate.

'No need with a big sta and only two people to look after.' The girl laughed, clearly unfamiliar with Ava's past history with the Barbieri family.

Ava ate because she was indeed hungry and then she Ava ate because she was indeed hungry and then she dug out a notebook and began to draw up a to-do list.

Obviously cal ing the caterers came rst and she would have to visit the garden centre that usual y supplied the wreaths and garlands for the house. For the rst time she wondered how she would get around because she had been banned from driving for the foreseeable future.

Deeming that a problem bet er dealt with in daylight, she unpacked her holdal , which took al of ve minutes.

She took Harvey downstairs and, as directed by the housekeeper, she fed the dog in a rear hal before clipping on his lead and set ing o through the solar-lit wintry gardens to take him for a brisk walk. The dim light was eerie, casting ickering shadows in the breeze with only the sound of her own feet crunching on the gravel paths in her ears. The whole place was just crammed with memories for her, she acknowledged painful y, for she could stil remember sunbathing on the lawn and larking about with Ol y while they studied for their nal exams ... the exams her friend had never actual y got to sit. Ava had sat hers because her case had taken months to come to court. For most of that period she had been away at school where she was shunned like a leper for the tragedy she had caused and when she had nal y come home her welcome there had proved even colder.

That night she slept in her comfortable bed, too exhausted to be kept awake by her mental turmoil.

When she rose she was shocked to discover that it was When she rose she was shocked to discover that it was almost nine, that she stil felt tender in a certain place and was in no mood to celebrate the loss of her virginity.

Clad in her jeans, her trusty notebook in her back pocket, she clat ered downstairs with Harvey to take care of his needs rst. Eleanor Dobbs was waiting for her when she came back indoors to direct her into the dining room for breakfast.

'Could I have a word with you after you've eaten?' she asked.

'Of course. Is Vito here?' Ava enquired sti y, guessing that Eleanor wanted to discuss arrangements for the party.

'The helicopter picks him up at seven most mornings,'

the older woman explained.

So, Vito was stil locked into very early morning starts, Ava re ected without surprise while she tucked into cereal, fruit and co ee for breakfast. Work motivated him as nothing else could and he didn't work because he needed more money either. Fabulously wealthy though he was, Vito stil worked virtual y every day of the week because he had once been the child of a spendthrift bankrupt and had lived through periods of great insecurity. He had only put down permanent roots at Bolderwood for Ol y's bene t, recognising that the lit le boy had needed a place he could cal home.

Digging out her notebook before she even left the dining room, Ava cal ed the local caterers, who had dining room, Ava cal ed the local caterers, who had provided the food and refreshments at the last party. She arranged a meeting for the fol owing day and was heading up the stairs when the housekeeper appeared again.

'There's something I want to show you,' Eleanor told her uncomfortably. 'I thought maybe you could help.'

Ava lifted a ne brow. 'In any way I can,' she said evenly, wondering why the other woman was so tense.

Ava's tension mounted, however, when Eleanor Dobbs took her upstairs to what had once been Ol y's room.

She unlocked the door and spread it wide. Ava stood on the threshold in shock, for the room was untouched and looked as though it was just waiting for Ol y to walk back in and occupy it. 'Why hasn't it been cleared?'

'I o ered to do that soon after the funeral but Mr Barbieri said no. He used to come in here then but as far as I'm aware it's a couple of years since he did that.' The older woman grimaced. 'After al this time it just doesn't seem right to leave the room like this ...'

Ava breathed in deep and straightened her shoulders.

'I'l sort it out,' she announced. 'Just bring me some boxes and bags and I'l go through al this stu and decide what should be kept and stored. Then you can clear the room.'

'I'm very grateful,' Eleanor said rueful y. 'I didn't like to approach Mr Barbieri about it again. It's a sensitive subject.'

subject.'

Alone again, Ava touched one of Ol y's fossil specimens and tears swam in her eyes. Time had stood stil within these wal s, transforming the room into Vito's version of a shrine. That wasn't healthy, she thought painful y, recal ing his speech to her about life going on.

The housekeeper helped her sort through Ol y's possessions. Ava bagged his clothes for charity and put his Harry Pot er rst editions, the fossil col ection and his photo alb.u.ms into boxes. Lea ng through the particular alb.u.m that captured her two-year friendship with Vito's brother, she laughed and smiled through her tears as warmer less painful memories ooded back to her. It was the rst time she had al owed herself to recal the good times they had had together and afterwards, although she felt drained, she also felt curiously lighter of heart.

When the job was complete she took Harvey out to the garden where roses were stil blooming in the mild winter temperature and as she looked at those beautiful blooms an idea came to her and she went back indoors to get scissors. She had never got to say an o cial goodbye to Ol y, but she could now visit his grave and pay her last respects without fear of o ending anyone as her appearance at his funeral would have done. Her bat ered fake leather jacket zipped up against the breeze, she left Harvey in Eleanor's care and walked out onto the road, turning towards the smal stone church lit le more than a hundred yards away. It had once been part of the than a hundred yards away. It had once been part of the Bolderwood estate, having been built and maintained by the original owners of the castle, but to maintain his privacy Vito had provided separate access for the church.

A blonde woman climbing out of a sporty car parked outside an elegant house opposite the church stared at Ava with a frown as she opened the gate of the cemetery, which was surrounded by a low wal . Ava laid her owers down on Ol y's grave, noting with a quivering mouth that a stone angel presided over his final resting place: Ol y had had great faith in angels.

'It is you, isn't it?' a sharp female voice exclaimed abruptly.

Ava spun round and recognised the blonde she had seen at the house across the road. She was very at ractive, beautiful y dressed in the sort of garments that shrieked their designer labels, and Ava felt very much at a disadvantage with her wan face and shabby clothing. A faint spark of familiarity tugged at the back of Ava's brain though and she surmised that she had seen the woman before. 'I'm sorry, I don't know you.'

'Why would you know me? I'm Katrina Orpington but we've never moved in the same social circles,' the blonde informed her scornful y. 'But I stil know you-you're that Fitzgerald girl, the one who kil ed Vito's lit le brother! What on earth are you doing here at Oliver's grave?'

Chalk white though she was, Ava stood her ground.

Chalk white though she was, Ava stood her ground.

Her picture had been in the local paper a lot at the time of the court case and evidently she had been recognised.

'I just wanted to see where he was buried ... It may be my fault that he died but he was my best friend,' she pointed out unhappily.

The blonde's lip curled with contempt. 'Wel , I think your presence here is in very bad taste. Crocodile tears won't wipe out what you did. I'l never forget Vito's face that night-he was devastated!'

'Yes ... I'm sure he was.' Ava's voice had shrunk to a mere whisper. 'But I can't change that and I didn't mean to of end anyone by coming here.'

'You have a thick skin and a lot of nerve, I'l give you that!' the blonde p.r.o.nounced, turning away to stalk back out of the cemetery.

Moisture stinging on her cheeks in the steadily cooling afternoon air, Ava went into the church and sat down on a rear pew, using the silence and sense of peace that churches always gave her to get a grip on her seesawing emotions. There was no escaping what she had done but she had to live with it, trust that she'd learned from it, hope that people would eventual y stop seeing her as a kil er and give her the opportunity to prove that she could be more than the sum total of her past sins. She thought of the previous night and cringed, deciding that she had sunk to s.l.u.t level with Vito Barbieri, an unwelcome reading of the situation at a time when her unwelcome reading of the situation at a time when her spirits were already low. Feeling deeply vulnerable and alone, she said a prayer and then walked quickly back to the castle.

The afternoon ew by as Ava checked the rooms that would be used for the party and talked to the housekeeper about which pieces of furniture would need to be moved. Having made endless detailed lists and another couple of appointments, she was satis ed with her day's work. Apprehensive about being around when Vito came home, she took Harvey out for a long walk on the estate. A muddy Land Rover stopped beside her on one of the lanes and a tal blond man in his early thirties climbed out to introduce himself as the estate manager, Damien Skeel. It was wonderful to give her name to someone and see no awareness of her past in their response. Damien kept right on smiling at her, told her that his sta were delighted that the Christmas party was going ahead and urged her to contact him if she needed a.s.sistance with anything.

By then it was get ing dark and Ava hastened home.

She used the castle's rear entrance and straight away took care of feeding Harvey. She was about to head upstairs to freshen up when Eleanor Dobbs rushed through the green beige door that separated the main house from the kitchen wing, her face flushed and tense.

'Mr Barbieri is very angry that his brother's room was empty. It's my fault that it was done ... I mean, I asked you to help. I told him that but I don't think he was you to help. I told him that but I don't think he was listening,' she explained unhappily.

Ava sti ened. 'Oh, dear,' she mut ered regretful y, suddenly wishing that she had never got involved.

'What the hel were you thinking of?' Vito roared at her as she crossed the hal a minute later and looked up to see him framed in the doorway of the library.

CHAPTER SIX.

VITO was an intimidating sight. Stil clad in a dark business suit teamed with a gold silk tie, he strode forward, his big broad shoulders blocking out the wal lights behind him. Ava had never quite appreciated how much tal er he was than her until he stood in front of her, towering over her by a good nine inches, his face racked with condemnation.

Her breath rat led in her dry throat, a ush highlighting her pale complexion because it was the rst time she had seen him since they had parted in his bedroom the previous evening and at that moment she was more conscious of that earlier intimacy than of her apparent o ence. As she clashed with his hard gaze an ut erly inappropriate tingle of erotic awareness spread through her body like poison. Vito grabbed her wrist and pul ed her into the library, where he shut the door behind them.

'Per meraviglia! What were you thinking of?' he demanded a second time, his Italian accent giving every word with a growling edge. 'I came home, noticed the door was open ... saw the room stripped. I couldn't believe my eyes! Who, I wondered, could possibly have the colossal nerve and insensitivity to go against my wishes in my own home?'

While he spoke, his breath fracturing audibly with the force of his wrath, his eyes hot and bright with outrage, force of his wrath, his eyes hot and bright with outrage, Ava hastily thought of, and discarded, several possible responses in favour of simple honesty. 'I thought it was for the best-'

'You thought?' Vito erupted with incredulous bite.

'What the hel has it got to do with you?'

'Obviously I should have asked you about what you wanted done rst,' Ava declared shakily, for she had never dreamt that her intervention might rouse such a reaction.

'It was none of your business!' Vito glowered at her in a tempestuous fury she had not known he was capable of experiencing. He was in such a rage that he could hardly get the words out and she knew that he was nding it a struggle to voice his feelings in English rather than Italian.

'I thought I understood how you felt. Obviously I was mistaken but I honestly believed that clearing the room would make you feel bet er,' Ava protested tautly.

'How the hel could a bare room make me feel bet er?

It's simply another reminder that Ol y's gone!' Vito ground out bit erly while treating her to a burning look of fierce rage.

Was that rage directed at her as the driver of the car that awful night? As she couldn't blame him if that was the underlying source powering him, her shoulders slumped. 'I didn't get rid of the personal stu . His col ections and photos and books and let ers were al col ections and photos and books and let ers were al boxed up and kept,' Ava told him eagerly.

Vito s.n.a.t.c.hed in a ragged breath, his mouth set led into a tough, contemptuous line. 'I want it al put back ... exactly as it was!'

Ava straightened her slim shoulders, her bright blue eyes deeply troubled by that instruction. 'I don't think that's a good idea-'

'You don't think?' Vito's deep drawl scissored over the words like a slashing knife. 'What has it got to do with you? Did seeing that room empty of Ol y make you feel guilty? Is that what your invasion of my privacy is real y al about?'

'Yes, seeing his room again made me feel guilty and very sad. But then even being in this house makes me feel guilty. But I'm used to feeling like that and it didn't influence my decision.'

'Your decision?' Vito derided with positive savagery, his voice raw with aggrieved bit erness. 'You kil ed my brother. Was that not enough for you? What gave you the insane idea that desecrating his room and my memory of him would make me feel bet er?'

At that lethal reminder, spoken to her by him for the rst time, Ava inched as though he had struck her. The blood slid away from below her skin, leaving only sick pal or in its wake. He had the right to hate and revile her: who could deny him that outlet when he had never before confronted her on that score? Her tummy l ed before confronted her on that score? Her tummy l ed with nausea and an appal ing sense of shame and guilt that she knew she could do nothing to a.s.suage.

'I was unforgivably high-handed ... I can see that now,'

Ava admit ed jerkily, pained regret slicing through her that she could have been that thoughtless and inconsiderate. Unfortunately she had always been quick to act on a gut reaction and think about consequences later and this time it had gone badly wrong for her. 'But I honestly wasn't thinking about how I felt when I cleared the room. I was thinking about you.'

'I don't want you thinking about me!' Vito roared as he strode across to the decanter set on the sofa table and poured himself a shot of whiskey. 'My thoughts and feelings about my brother's death are entirely my a air and not something I intend to discuss.'

'Yes, I have got that message but that locked-up untouched room didn't strike me as a healthy approach to grief,' Ava dared to argue, her at ention resting on the rigid angles and hol ows of his strong face and the force of control he was clearly utilising to hide his feelings. He was as locked up inside as that blasted room, she thought in sudden frustration, but it was a revelation to her that he possessed the depth that fostered such powerful emotions.

'What would you know about it?' Vito slashed back at her rudely, for once making no at empt to hide how upset he was, which she found oddly touching.

upset he was, which she found oddly touching.

'I've been through something similar and talking about it or even writing about it for purely your own bene t helps,' she murmured rueful y. 'Grief can devour you alive if you get stuck in it.'

He skimmed her with cut ing emphasis. 'Spare me the plat.i.tudes! And don't ever interfere in my life again!'

'I won't, but remember that it was you who told me that you can't live in the past for ever and that life has to go on,' Ava reminded him wretchedly. 'I'm sorry if I misinterpreted what you meant by that. I thought I was helping.'

'I don't need or want your help!' Vito slammed at her in a wrathful fury as he wrenched open the library door again. 'Tel Eleanor I'm eating out tonight!'

And Ava was left standing there in the pool of light by the desk. She grit ed her teeth. She was hurting, Vito was hurting but he didn't want anyone, least of al her, to recognise the fact. That wounded her but she had no right to feel wounded because she had been insensitive not to broach the topic of clearing Ol y's room with him personal y.

A soft knock sounded on the door and Ava moved forward to open it. 'Vito said-'

'Don't worry, I heard him,' Eleanor con ded with a grimace and she winced as the sound of a powerful car tearing down the drive carried indoors. 'I hope you told the boss that clearing that room was my idea.'

the boss that clearing that room was my idea.'

'I encouraged you and I got stuck in rst. I thought it was the right thing to do as wel . Forget about it,' Ava advised.

Eleanor frowned. 'I've never seen Mr Barbieri lose his temper like that. Should I start put ing the room back the way it was?'

'I would wait and see how he feels about it tomorrow ... but maybe listening to my opinion isn't the right way to go,' Ava pointed out heavily, reaching down to fondle Harvey's ears as he b.u.mped against her knee.

'Harvey's got a lovely nature,' the housekeeper remarked in the awkward silence. 'I'l spread the word about him needing a home but, if you ask me, he's already happy to have found a home with you.'

'But pets aren't al owed where I live in London,' Ava mut ered, struggling to concentrate when al she could hear, over and over again in her buzzing head, was Vito saying, 'You kil ed my brother.' And she had, not deliberately but through recklessness and bad judgement.

That was a truth she had to live with, but just then acknowledging it wounded her as much as it had the day in hospital when she had rst learned that Ol y had died in the crash.

Ava had no appet.i.te for the delicious evening meal brought to her in the solitary splendour of the dining room. After rooting through Vito's library to nd a Jane Austen novel she hadn't read in several years, she went Austen novel she hadn't read in several years, she went for a swim in the bas.e.m.e.nt, desperate to escape her unhappy thoughts. Afterwards, the warmth and privacy in her bedroom along with Harvey's relaxing presence enclosed her. Momentarily she remembered how noisy prison had been and how comfortless, with metal furniture xed to the wal and a tiny oor s.p.a.ce with only a view of another prison block out of the smal window. Bel s had rung sounding out meal times and exercise periods, barred gates had clanged and sometimes alarms had gone o as wel . Pounding music had been an almost constant backdrop while other inmates shouted from cel to cel , bored sil y at being locked up for so many hours a day. She shivered. The rst two years she had had to struggle to get through every day but she had eventual y set led into a routine.

She had found work helping others to read and write and had learned to appreciate tiny things like the right to buy a hot chocolate drink or a snack with her meagre earnings. She had also learned very fast to stop feeling sorry for herself because there were so many others dealing with much worse stuf than she had on her plate.

Recal ing that stark reality, Ava decided to run a bath in the opulent turret room en suite and luxuriate in the selection of bathing products available. Staying at the castle was very much like staying at a ve-star hotel. It was a luxury holiday and she ought to make the most of it because reality would soon be back loudly knocking at her door again, she reminded herself impatiently. But her door again, she reminded herself impatiently. But she felt so horribly guilty about having wounded Vito by forcing him to face up to his half-brother's death al over again. She had trod in hobnail boots al over his sensibilities by foolishly underestimating his at achment to the picture of the past that could stil ourish in that locked room. He was right. Who was she to say it was healthy or otherwise to leave that room as though time had stopped dead?