Uncle Remus, His Songs and His Sayings Part 27

died, an' his chilluns is growed up an' dey kin count dere gran'chilluns, an' yit dar's dat jug des ez lively an' ez lierbul fer ter kick up devilment ez w'at she wuz w'en she come fum de foundry."

"That's the trouble," said one of the young men. "That's the reason we'd like to know what's in it now.

"Now you er gittin' on ma'shy groun'," replied Uncle Remus.

"Dat's de p'int. Dat's w'at make me say w'at I duz. I bin knowin'

dat jug now gwine on sixty-fi' year, an' de jug w'at's more seetful dan dat jug ain't on de topside er de worrul. Dar she sets," continued the old man, gazing at it reflectively, "dar she sets dez ez natchul ez er ambertype, an' yit whar's de man w'at kin tell w'at kinder confab she's a gwineter carry on w'en dat corn-cob is s.n.a.t.c.hed outen 'er mouf? Dat jug is mighty seetful, mon."

"Well, it don't deceive any of us up here," remarked the agricultural editor, dryly. "We've seen jugs before."

"I boun' you is, boss; I boun' you is. But you ain't seed no seetful jug like dat. Dar she sets a bellyin' out an' lookin'

mighty fat an' full, an' yit she'd set dar a bellyin' out ef dere wuzzent nuthin' but win' under dat stopper. You knows dat she ain't got no aigs in her, ner no bacon, ner no grits, ner no termartusses, ner no sh.e.l.lotes, an' dat's 'bout all you duz know.

Dog my cats ef de seetfulness er dat jug don't git away wid me,"

continued Uncle Remus, with a chuckle. "I wuz comm' 'cross de bridge des now, an' Brer John Henry seed me wid de bag slung onter my back, an' de jug in it, an' he ups an' sez, sezee:

"'Heyo, Brer Remus, ain't it gittin' late for watermillions?'

"Hit wuz de seetfulness er dat jug. If Brer John Henry know'd de color er dat watermillion, I speck he'd s.n.a.t.c.h me up 'fo' de confunce. I 'clar' ter grashus ef dat jug ain't a caution!"

"I suppose it's full of mola.s.ses now," remarked one of the young men, sarcastically.

"Hear dat!" exclaimed Uncle Remus, triumphantly "hear dat! W'at I tell you? I sed dat jug wuz seetful, an' I sticks to it. I bin knowin' dat--"

"What has it got in it?" broke in some one; "mola.s.ses, kerosene, or train-oil?"

"Well, I lay she's loaded, boss. I ain't shuk her up sence I drapt in, but I lay she's loaded."

"Yes," said the agricultural editor, "and it's the meanest bug- juice in town--regular sorghum skimmings."

"Dat's needer yer ner dar," responded Uncle Remus. "Po' fokes better be fixin' up for Chris'mus now w'ile rashuns is cheap.

Dat's me. W'en I year Miss Sally gwine 'bout de house w'isslin'

'W'en I k'n read my t.i.tles cle'r--an' w'en I see de martins swawmin' atter sundown--an' w'en I year de p.e.c.k.e.rwoods confabbin'

togedder dese moonshiny nights in my een er town--en I knows de hot wedder's a breakin' up, an' I know it's 'bout time fer po'

fokes fer ter be rastlin' 'roun' and huntin' up dere rashuns.

Dat's me, up an down."

"Well, we are satisfied. Better go and hire a hall," remarked the sporting editor, with a yawn. "If you are engaged in a talking match you have won the money. Blanket him somebody, and take him to the stable."

"An' w'at's mo'," continued the old man, scorning to notice the insinuation, "dough I year Miss Sally w'isslin', an' de p.e.c.k.e.rwoods a chatterin', I ain't seein' none er deze yer loafin'

n.i.g.g.e.rs fixin' up fer ter 'migrate. Dey kin holler Kansas all 'roun' de naberhood, but ceppin' a man come 'long an' spell it wid greenbacks, he don't ketch none er deze yer town n.i.g.g.e.rs. You year me, dey ain't gwine."

"Stand him up on the table," said the Sporting editor; "give him room."

"Better go down yer ter de calaboose, an' git some news fer ter print," said Uncle Remus, with a touch of irony in his tone.

"Some new n.i.g.g.e.r mighter broke inter jail."

"You say the darkeys are not going to emigrate this year?"

inquired the agricultural editor, who is interested in these things.

"Shoo! dat dey ain't! I done seed an' I knows."

"Well, how do you know?"

"How you tell w'en crow gwineter light? n.i.g.g.e.rs bin prom'nadin'

by my house all dis summer, holdin' dere heads high up an' de w'ites er dere eyeb.a.l.l.s shinin' in de sun. Dey wuz too bigitty fer ter look over de gyardin' palm's. 'Long 'bout den de wedder wuz fetchin' de nat'al sperrits er turkentime outen de pine-trees an' de groun' wuz fa'rly smokin' wid de hotness. Now that it's gittin' sorter airish in de mornin's, dey don't 'pear like de same n.i.g.g.e.rs. Dey done got so dey'll look over in de yard, an'

nex' news you know dey'll be tryin' fer ter sc.r.a.pe up 'quaintence wid de dog. W'en dey pa.s.ses now dey looks at de chicken-coop an'

at der tater-patch. W'en you see n.i.g.g.e.rs gittin' dat familious, you kin 'pen' on dere campin' wid you de ballunce er de season.

Day 'fo' yistiddy I kotch one un um lookin' over de fence at my shoats, an' I sez, sez I:

"'Duz you wanter purchis dem hogs?'

"'Oh, no,' sezee, 'I wuz des lookin' at dere p'ints.'

"'Well, dey ain't p'intin' yo' way, sez I, 'an', fuddermo', ef you don't bodder longer dem hogs dey ain't gwineter clime outer dat pen an' 'tack you, nudder,'" sez I.

"An' I boun'," continued Uncle Remus, driving the corn-cob stopper a little tighter in his deceitful jug and gathering up his bag--"an' I boun' dat my ole muskit 'll go off 'tween me an'

dat same n.i.g.g.e.r yit, an' he'll be at de bad een', an' dis seetful jug'll 'fuse ter go ter de funer'l."

XV. THE FLORIDA WATERMELON

"LOOK yer, boy," said Uncle Remus yesterday, Stopping near the railroad crossing on Whitehall Street, and gazing ferociously at a small colored youth; "look yer, boy, Ill lay you out flat ef you come flingin' yo' watermillion rimes under my foot--you watch ef I don't. You k'n play yo' pranks on deze yer w'ite fokes, but w'en you come a cuttin' up yo' capers roun me you 'll lan' right in de middle uv er spell er sickness--now you mine w'at I tell you. An' I ain't gwine fer ter put up wid none er yo' sa.s.sness nudder--let 'lone flingin' watermillion rimes whar I kin git mixt up wid um. I done had nuff watermillions yistiddy an' de day befo'."

"How was that, Uncle Remus?" asked a gentleman standing near.

"Hit wuz sorter like dis, boss. Las' Chuseday, Mars John he fotch home two er deze yer Flurridy watermillions, an him an' Miss Sally sot down fer ter eat um. Mars John an' Miss Sally ain't got nuthin' dat's too good fer me, an' de fus news I know'd Miss Sally wuz a hollerin' fer Remus. I done smelt de watermillion on de a'r, an' I ain't got no better sense dan fer ter go w'en I years w'ite fokes a-hollerin'--I larnt dat w'en I wa'n't so high.

Leas'ways I galloped up ter de back po'ch, an' dar sot de watermillions dez ez natchul ez ef dey'd er bin raised on de ole Spivey place in Putmon County. Den Miss Sally, she cut me off er slishe--wunner deze yer onG.o.dly slishes, big ez yo' hat, an' I sot down on de steps an' wrop myse'f roun' de whole blessid chunk, 'cep'in' de rime." Uncle Remus paused and laid his hand upon his stomach as if feeling for something.

"Well, old man, what then?"

"Dat's w'at I'm a gittin' at, boss," said Uncle Remus, smiling a feeble smile. "I santered roun' 'bout er half nour, an den I begin fer ter feel sorter squeemish--sorter like I done bin an, swoller'd 'bout fo' poun's off'n de ruff een' uv er scantlin'.

Look like ter me dat I wuz gwineter be sick, an' den hit look like I wuzzent. Bimeby a little pain showed 'is head an' sorter m'andered roun' like he wuz a lookin' fer a good place fer ter ketch holt, an' den a great big pain jump up an' take atter de little one an' chase 'im 'roun' an' 'roun,' an' he mus' er kotch 'im, kaze bimeby de big pain retch down an' grab dis yer lef'

leg--so--an' haul 'im up, an' den he retch down an grab de udder one an' pull him up, an' den de wah begun, sho nuff. Fer mighty nigh fo' hours dey kep' up dat racket, an' des ez soon ez a little pain 'ud jump up de big un 'ud light onter it an' gobble it up, an' den de big un 'ud go sailin' roun' huntin' fer mo'.

Some fokes is mighty cu'us, dough. Nex' mornin' I hear Miss Sally a laughin', an' singin' an' a w'isslin' des like dey want no watermillions raise in Flurridy. But somebody better pen dis yer n.i.g.g.e.r boy up w'en I'm on de town--I kin tell you dat."

XVI. UNCLE REMUS PREACHES TO A CONVERT

"DEY tells me you done jine de chu'ch," said Uncle Remus to Pegleg Charley.

"Yes, sir," responded Charley, gravely, "dat's so."

"Well, I'm mighty glad er dat," remarked Uncle Remus, with unction. "It's 'bout time dat I wuz spectin' fer ter hear un you in de chain-gang, an', stidder dat, hit's de chu'ch. Well, dey ain't no tellin' deze days whar a n.i.g.g.e.r's gwineter lan'."

"Yes," responded Charley, straightening himself up and speaking in a dignified tone, "yes, I'm fixin' to do better. I'm preparin'

fer to shake worldliness. I'm done quit so'shatin' wid deze w'ite town boys. Dey've been a goin' back on me too rapidly here lately, an' now I'm a goin' back on dem."

"Well, ef you done had de speunce un it, I'm mighty glad. Ef you got 'lijjun, you better hol' on to it 'twel de las' day in de mornin'. Hit's mighty good fer ter kyar' 'roun' wid you in de day time an' likewise in de night time. Hit'll pay you mo' dan politics, an' ef you stan's up like you oughter, hit'll las'

longer dan a bone-fellum. But you wanter have one er deze yer ole-time grips, an' you des gotter shet yo' eyes an' swing on like wunner deze yer bull-tarrier dogs."