Two Caravans Part 21

"You didn't walk, though, did you? You Donbas miner?"

"Hah! Now we hear the typical voice of the bourgeois schoolgirl!" His tone had become harsh and sarcastic.

"I'm not a schoolgirl!"

I don't know what came over me at that moment. I just wanted to hit him. I wanted to punch his smug stupid face. That ridiculous superior smile-what does he think he's got to smile about? I just wanted to get rid of that smile. I couldn't help myself-I lunged with my fist. But he caught hold of my wrist and held it. He wouldn't let go. And then he pulled me towards him, and then he grabbed me in his arms, and next thing he was kissing me, on the mouth, with his lips, with his tongue. And pressing me closer, so tight my breath was squeezed away, and my heart was beating its wings like a bird struggling to ride a storm. And the sky and the clouds were spinning and wheeling around my head until I didn't know where I was. But my heart knew I was where I wanted to be.

It is night time. The clouds have cleared, and through the pointed gable window above the iron-framed bed Andriy can see the hunter Orion, bright in the southern sky, his jewelled belt, his dagger, and nearby the starry Sirius. On the floor at the foot of the bed lies his own faithful Dog, almost as starry, snuffling in his sleep.

Irina is in the bathroom at the end of the corridor, taking a shower. She has been in there half an hour. What is she doing?

So far, everything is as it should be. All satisfactory. You have moved up from second to third without slipping, and now all you need is to gather a bit of speed and gently engage fourth, without suddenly slamming into reverse. No, Andriy Palenko, it's more than satisfactory, it's fantastic. This is no Zaz, this girl, this Irina-so sweet, so lithe, one moment she melts like a snowflake in your hands, then she sears you like a fire, until you don't know whether you're freezing or burning; you only know you want more. And even though she doesn't know yet what's coming, somehow her body already knows it's yours; you can feel it, and so can she. Like a garden waiting for rain.

And although you can see there will still be many disagreements to negotiate-because this girl, this Irinochka, she's still young, and she thinks she knows everything; she has led a very sheltered bourgeois life, her experience is limited, and there's a lot she has to learn-and let's face it, she does say some very stupid things-still, you're in no hurry, you have eternity in which to re-educate her. And though she can be both stubborn and slippery, she's not unintelligent. Quite the opposite. She has already started to take an interest in Ferrari, and look how she came up with a solution to the gearbox problem. Yes, definitely you have made the right choice.

Andriy gazes through the window at the stars. Why is she taking so long? His mind drifts back over the events of the day, and for no particular reason he starts thinking: room twenty-six, Mrs Gayle's room, is directly below this one-two floors down. Is she still smoking down there? He thinks he catches a faint whiff of smoke wafting upwards. The matches-what was that word the handyman used?-he should never have let her have the matches. Is there a fire escape in the attic? If that room were to catch fire in the night, how many of them would survive to see the next morning?

Then the door opens. Irina comes into the room, padding softly on bare feet. She is wearing nothing but a towel twisted around her hair in a turban, and a small towel wrapped around her body. A very small towel. She walks towards him. Her legs and arms are rosy from the hot water, and her cheeks are glowing. She smells wonderful. He murmurs her name.

"Irinochka!"

She smiles shyly. He smiles too. He reaches out his arms to her. His whole body seems suffused with radiance. Wait a minute-one part of his body is not suffused with radiance-the manly part. From there, all radiance seems to have completely disappeared. Why is this? What has happened to you, Palenko?

At that moment, Dog wakes up and sniffs the air. He growls, a long low growl. He sniffs again, then he starts barking madly.

I AM DOG I AM GOOD DOG I SNIFF I SMELL SMOKE MAN-SMOKE FIRE SMOKE I SMELL FIRE PAPER FIRE WOOL RUBBER CLOTH BAD FIRE SMELL FIRE NOISE CRACKLE CRACKLE I BARK WOOF WOOF I BARK TO MY MAN WOOF WOOF WOOF MY MAN RUNS TO FIRE HELP HELP FIRE HE SHOUTS GOOD DOG HE SAYS I AM GOOD DOG I BARK HE SHOUTS BELLS START TO RING EVERYBODY RUNS ALL DOORS ARE OPENED ALL OLDIES START TO RUN SOME START TO p.i.s.s ALL THE PLACE SMELLS OF OLDIE p.i.s.s SMOKE FIRE AND OLDIE p.i.s.s ALL OLDIES STAND IN GARDEN TALK TALK TALK BIG RED WHEELIE COMES WHOO WHAA WHOO WHAA WHEELIE IS FULL OF WATER WHEELIE p.i.s.sES ON FIRE SSSSSSS FIRE GONE OLDIES LAUGH MY MAN LAUGHS GOOD DOG HE SAYS I AM GOOD DOG I AM DOG I AM DOG I AM GOOD DOG I SNIFF I SMELL SMOKE MAN-SMOKE FIRE SMOKE I SMELL FIRE PAPER FIRE WOOL RUBBER CLOTH BAD FIRE SMELL FIRE NOISE CRACKLE CRACKLE I BARK WOOF WOOF I BARK TO MY MAN WOOF WOOF WOOF MY MAN RUNS TO FIRE HELP HELP FIRE HE SHOUTS GOOD DOG HE SAYS I AM GOOD DOG I BARK HE SHOUTS BELLS START TO RING EVERYBODY RUNS ALL DOORS ARE OPENED ALL OLDIES START TO RUN SOME START TO p.i.s.s ALL THE PLACE SMELLS OF OLDIE p.i.s.s SMOKE FIRE AND OLDIE p.i.s.s ALL OLDIES STAND IN GARDEN TALK TALK TALK BIG RED WHEELIE COMES WHOO WHAA WHOO WHAA WHEELIE IS FULL OF WATER WHEELIE p.i.s.sES ON FIRE SSSSSSS FIRE GONE OLDIES LAUGH MY MAN LAUGHS GOOD DOG HE SAYS I AM GOOD DOG I AM DOG.

Mrs Gayle has been expelled from the home. The door of her room gapes open, and peeping inside, Andriy sees everything is black with smoke. The small rug where Dog had sat and eaten chocolate biscuits yesterday is a charred mess, and even the edges of her bedclothes are singed from the fire. Really, she had a very lucky escape. Good Dog.

Mr Mayevskyj's room is further along the same corridor. It is a small, untidy room, with books and loose papers spread over every surface, and it has the same all-pervasive smell of rabbit hutch and air-freshener. Sometimes the rabbit hutch seems stronger, sometimes the air-freshener dominates; and now the faint whiff of smoke adds its own sinister flavour.

"Oh, you darling!" cries Mr Mayevskyj.

Andriy thinks at first he is addressing him, but the old man's gaze is fixed on the gearbox that Andriy is holding in his hands.

"This gearbox is from 1937 Francis Barnett. My first love."

"But not your last, Mr Mayevskyj." Andriy tries to sound severe. "I have heard you have made many conquests among ladies at Four Gables."

"Yes, that is inevitable," beams the old man. He raises his hands as if in surrender.

He is completely bald, completely toothless, and his skin hangs in loose wrinkles; he sits in a wheelchair and his urine dribbles down a plastic tube into a bag at his leg. So this is his rival in love. Yet there is such an untamed energy about him that Andriy can feel its magnetism.

"What a pleasure it is to talk in Ukrainian." He leans forward eagerly in his wheelchair. "Ah! Such a beautiful language, that can express both poetry and science with equal fluency. You are from Donbas, I guess from your accent, young man? And you have come all this way to return my gearbox to me? I wonder how it ended up there-these swindling Africans must have stolen it and traded it for vodka." He races on before Andriy can get a word in. "And this new young woman Irina is also from Ukraina. She is my latest love. What a beauty! Such a figure! A very cultured type of Ukrainian, by the way. Have you met her?"

"Yes, I have met her. She is indeed very cultured. But..."

"Stop!" The old man raises a gnarled hand. "I know what you will say. She is too young for me. But how I see it is this. To find wisdom and beauty in one individual is rare. But in a marriage, this combination is possible."

"You are thinking of marriage?"

"Of course. I think it is inevitable."

Inevitable? What has Irina been saying to him? Perhaps she is not so innocent as she appears. That smile-who else has she been grinning at? What a fool you are, Andriy Palenko, to think it was specially for you.

"But you have also proposed marriage to Mrs Gayle and two other ladies previously. And all have accepted."

"Ah"-he waves his hands in the air and smiles gummily-"these were just pa.s.sing fancies."

"Mr Mayevskyj, it is not gentlemanly to offer marriage to so many women."

Mr Mayevskyj shrugs with such a smug little smirk that Andriy feels an urge to punch the old goat on the nose. Control yourself, Palenko. Be a man.

"Women are weak creatures, and easily tempted, Mr Mayevskyj. It is not gentlemanly to take advantage of their weakness."

"You see in our situation there are no other men for these foolish creatures to love." The old man is still smirking. "Apart from you, now, of course. And by the way I have heard certain murmurings in this direction also, young man."

"Murmurings about me?" Andriy feels a panicky quiver in his chest.

"There is one lady who says a mysterious Ukrainian visitor has proposed marriage to her. This same Mrs Gayle, in fact. Formerly my fiancee. She was celebrating last night with whisky bottle. She has already made announcement to her family."

The quivering in his chest becomes more violent. He can almost smell the rabbit hutch closing in on him.

"It is all completely untrue."

"This would be good marriage for you. Pa.s.sport. Work permit. Inheritance. Big house," the old man continues with enthusiasm. "Only family may cause problem. Same like my family. Children nose-poking in parent's love affair."

Holy whiskers! This would be an original outcome to his adventure-he will marry Mrs Gayle, Mr Mayevskyj will marry Irina, and they will all live happily together in Peterborough, end of story.

"Mr Mayevskyj, if there has been some misunderstanding about my intentions, I will do my best to clarify with those concerned. And you must do same. You must tell these old ladies that you have no intention to marry. If you refuse this, I will take away the gearbox."

"My dear Francis Barnett. We had many happy times." His lower lip puckers like a child's about to cry. "Is it so wrong to long for love?"

"Mr Mayevskyj, you are old. It is better for you to love your gearbox, and to leave ladies to their follies."

The old man gazes at the gearbox.

"Maybe I have been too dissipated in my affections."

Andriy takes some tissues from a box by the bed, cleans the residual oil from the gearbox and places it on the bedside table.

"Now, you must promise me that you will tell these ladies that you have taken vow of chast.i.ty, and there must be no more talk of marriage. Next problem is where to hide gearbox so that Matron does not find it and remove it again."

Mr Mayevskyj taps his nose. "This matron is very nose-poking type. If she catches any hint of this gearbox it will definitely be removed. Let me think. In this bottom drawer"-he lowers his voice and points to a battered piece of chipboard furniture-"I am keeping my specially adapted undergarments. However, since I am not permitted to wear them, no one ever looks inside. Maybe if you put it there, buried beneath, I will be able to take it out and talk to it from time to time."

Andriy opens the drawer. Inside is a jumble of greyish-white cotton and lengths of elastic sewn on with black b.u.t.ton thread, some pieces of pink foam rubber, and a coil of clear plastic tubing attached to an empty yoghurt pot. Interesting. Andriy wraps the gearbox back in its oiled cloth and tucks it in a corner.

As he is closing up the drawer he hears a screech of tyres on the gravel drive below the window. He raises the blind. A huge black car has pulled up outside. An elegant streaked-blonde woman with a horsy face is getting out of the pa.s.senger side; out of the driver's side comes a tall dark man who looks like-Andriy can think of no other way to describe him-a minor scion of the aristocracy.

"Goodbye, Mr Mayevskyj. I wish you a long life and much happiness with your gearbox. Now it is time for me to return very quickly to Donbas."

I wish it would rain soon. Everyone is sweating and grumbling. You can feel the electricity in the air. I can even feel it in my body. A good storm will clear the heat and tension. Yateka has disappeared somewhere. Andriy has gone to give Mr Mayevskyj his gearbox. I am sitting in the dining room, waiting for him to come back. I wish I could open the French doors into the rose garden, but they are locked in case anyone should try to escape. Beyond the rose beds is the little gravel path that leads down to our secret garden.

Twice, he kissed me there yesterday. The first time was beautiful, like heaven, and I just wanted to believe it was real. The second time it was solid, like the earth, and all my doubts disappeared. Yes, definitely he's the one the one. I can still feel the imprint of his hands on me, hot and strong, as if he's already taken possession of me. And that melting feeling in my body. Last night, I thought it was going to be the night the night. Then that annoying dog intervened. Well, I suppose it was quite a good thing that it saved us all from the fire. But how much longer do I have to wait? I just wish it would come soon.

Who would have thought I would come all this way only to lose my virginity, not to a romantic bowler-hatted Englishman, but to a Donbas miner? There are plenty of those where I've come from, but the strange thing is that in Ukraine we would probably never have met. We're from different worlds, me from the advanced Westward-looking Orange world, him from the primitive Blue-and-White industrial East, that old derelict Soviet world that we are trying to leave behind. And even if we had met, what would we have had to say to each other-a professor's daughter and a miner's son? Being over here in England together makes us more equal. It's as though destiny has brought us together. Just like Natasha and Pierre-they'd been acquainted for years, and yet it took a whole war and peace before they could see each other with new eyes and realise they were meant for each other.

I admit there are some things that frighten me. Will it hurt? Will I know what to do? Will he still love me afterwards? Will I get pregnant? You can't let these fears stop you. And there's something else that worries me, something so vague that it's not easy to put into words, and yet in a way it's the most frightening thing of all: will I still be the same person afterwards?

"What are you dreaming of?"

It was Yateka. She had crept up behind me and put her hands over my eyes. I knew it was her by her voice, but I said, "Andriy?"

"Aha!" She laughed and let go of my eyes. "You are dreaming about that naughty man."

"He is not naughty, Yateka. He is the best man in the world."

She gave me a funny look.

"You think so?"

"Actually, I think he is wonderful. Gentlemanly and thoughtful and brave. How he rescued everybody from the fire-that is quite typical of his behaviour, you know. The only problem is his dog, but maybe eventually he will give it away. You know what I like best about him, Yateka? I like the way he says, "You are right, Irina." Not many men can say this."

"Irina, I think maybe the Ukrainian millionaire will be better for you. There's something about Andriy..."

"What?"

She gave me another funny look.

"What is it, Yateka?"

Then she laughed. "I think Ukrainian men are just like Zambian men."

What did she mean?

"Have you got a boyfriend waiting for you in Zambia?" I asked. "What will you do when you finish your training?"

"You know, Irina, I have only three weeks of this slavery left. After that, if I get a good report from Matron, I can work in NHS and earn good money. And I can do proper nursing work, not this minimum-wage toilet-cleaning type of work I do here. My dream is to train for theatre nurse, or intensive care. And I will be free-free of Four Gables, free of Matron, free of Nightingale Human Solutions." She gave my hands a squeeze. "So don't worry for me, Irina. And good luck with your millionaire!"

Before I could protest, we were distracted by a sound of shouting outside in the driveway, and a few moments later Andriy came rushing in with a wild look in his eyes and blood pouring from his nose.

"Andriy, what has happened?" I put my arms around him-my own wounded warrior.

"Irina, I must leave this place immediately. Will you come with me?"

"Of course, Andriy. But why?"

"There has been big misunderstanding. Go and get your things. I will explain later."

I hugged Yateka.

"Goodbye. Thank you for your kindness."

"I'm sure you will come back," she said.

So there we were, back on the Great North Road, Andriy, me and the dog. As usual, the river of cars was streaming past and nothing was stopping. Fortunately the rain hadn't started yet. Andriy still seemed very agitated, so I gave his hand a friendly squeeze.

"What happened? Why did we have to leave so suddenly?"

"It was all big misunderstanding."

"What misunderstanding?"

"Nothing. It's finished now."

"You said you'd tell me. Andriy, you promised."

"This old lady, Mrs Gayle. She said I had proposed marriage to her. Then announced it to her daughter and son-in-law, and told them they must move out of house because she is coming back. Then she celebrated with whisky."

"Andriy, you have been lecturing me about smiling too much at old men, and now you are doing same thing exactly."

"It is completely different."

"In what way is it different?"

"It was misunderstanding."

"I cannot see any difference. You must have given her some encouragement."

"Irina, this is no laughing matter. These people are terrible, what barbarians. You cannot imagine what they said to me."

His face was like a thunderstorm.

Fortunately just at that moment, a car pulled up-in fact it was not a car, it was a van. Or a bus. In fact it was a bus turned into a caravan.

"Hi. Where're you going?"

"We are going only to Sheffield," said Andriy emphatically.

"Great. Get in. I'm going up that way."