Starbound: A Space Odyssey 163 Side Story 10 : The False King

They were living peacefully enough, in the normal manner of their kind - they feasted merrily in the castles, and toiled merrily in the fields, and all went on as usual. But one day, an unfamiliar Glitch arrived amongst them.

This Glitch shoved his way into a castle, took a seat on the throne, and loudly proclaimed, "Decisive. I am The King."

The other Glitch stared at this unusual sight, completely unsure of what to say.

Who in the world was this stranger? He certainly seemed to possess excessive self-confidence...

While this was not normally the way such things were determined, the Glitch decided he could be king if he really wanted to, as he really did seem so confident about his right to be there.
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The new Glitch king called himself Dreadwing, and ruled with an iron fist; his subjects were expected to work day and night. This soon took a toll on their circuitry, and wreaked havoc with their joints.

To Dreadwing's fury, these issues did not resolve themselves, and in his anger, he demanded the construction of more Glitch to boost his ranks.

The Glitch were uncomfortable with this. Having children is, after all, a big life decision.

For as long as they could, they put off this task and tried to appease their king in other ways, until one day Dreadwing descended into a fit of such ferocious rage that the Glitch knew they could stall no longer.

Day by day, Dreadwing grew more apoplectic. In fact, his anger was such that he took to hurling his subjects from the castle towers, thus shrinking the population, and compounding the problem.

One day, a group of Glitch blacksmiths. .h.i.t upon an idea. While none of them were willing to have ten children apiece simply to please their despotic king, they did rather enjoy making stylish suits of armour.

They were very adept at this, and it had often been remarked upon that the armour looked much like the Glitch themselves... So they set to work creating as many suits of armour as they possibly could.

The Glitch blacksmiths toiled day and night to create an army suitable for their lord Dreadwing. Of course, this army didn't fight, or even move, but they looked really great at certain angles.

Eventually, though, the blacksmiths ran out of room, and realised it had therefore come time to unveil their spurious army. This posed a problem in itself. Of course the army was not capable of marching to Dreadwing's castle, nor indeed, of marching anywhere else.

A plan was required. A plan that the king would not question. Finally a solution was found; the Glitch would host a parade.

The army paraded past on floats, towed by several dozen Glitch labourers and a Floran who'd decided to join in unannounced.

Dreadwing sat atop his iron throne, brought outside into the city, and applauded each and every unit.

"Suspicious. They stand very still." he remarked, to which his aides replied "Rea.s.suring. Yes, your highness. Your soldiers are very disciplined."

As the last float made its way down the street, the entire crowd gasped - one of the soldiers leapt from its stand and charged towards Dreadwing!

Most surprised of all were the blacksmiths, who knew full well that their 'soldiers' were little more than decorative sh.e.l.ls. Dreadwing, however, thought it was all part of the show.

King Dreadwing whooped and applauded as the armoured Glitch careened towards him. But as the soldier lowered its blade before its charge, he realised something was wrong.

This realisation, of course, came too late - the blade pierced his metal sh.e.l.l, splitting it in twain.

All the Glitch watched as their king fell backwards, his Glitch disguise falling away, revealing a diminutive bird-like creature.

The Glitch had been duped!

All this time, their tyrannical king had been a penguin in disguise. It made perfect sense.

Realising the game was up, and badly injured, the evil s.p.a.ce pirate Dreadwing made his escape, never to be seen again in that kingdom.

The rogue soldier that had caused his downfall turned out to be the lone Floran, called Peri, that had grown bored and decided to go on a hunting spree.

She heard that Glitch king are usually strong warriors and decided to test it out, but she was disappointed with the results...

She was made an honorary hero of that kingdom, but then immediately exiled her because killing kings is... bad, even if they turn out to be penguins in disguise.