Toxic Bad Boy Part 4

"Tell me you love me," I ordered her.

Her face relaxed, features softening. "I love you, Caleb."

I leaned in so our foreheads touched. "I'm glad you came, pretty girl."

"Really?"

I didn't like the surprise on her face.

Scanning the room to make sure the guards weren't paying attention, I tilted her chin up to steal a quick kiss. "Of course. I've missed you. Six more months and we won't have to be apart ever again."

"Really?" she repeated, tears glistening, making her eyes shine like aquamarines.

Screw the guards.

Gianna tensed as my lips met hers, parting her mouth at my coaxing. The kiss went deeper as I got lost in everything Gianna. A guard tapping my shoulder brought me back to reality and I reluctantly pulled away. Breathing hard, Gianna flashed an embarra.s.sed look at the guard, muttering an apology.

It was encouraging for the future that she'd only stiffened at the beginning of our kiss. A few hours with Dr. Adler had been spent discussing the continuation of mine and Gianna's s.e.x life after I was released. I hoped for things to return to normal, but Dr. Adler had warned that Gianna may be hesitant.

With us now behaving, the guard walked back to his post against a wall and I squeezed Gianna's hand. "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

Her lashes lowered again. "You still want me like that?" she questioned softly.

"I always will. Nothing could change that. I love you, Gianna."

She leaned back in the plastic chair, pulling her hand from mine. "I'm not the same, Caleb."

Reaching up, I fingered a strand of her darker hair. "Yes, you are."

Her head shook in an attempt to deny my words. "Is there a restroom I can use?"

"A guard will show you...." I said, trailing off as she jumped off the bench, already heading straight for a guard stationed near the door.

GIANNA.

Leaning against a stall door in the women's restroom, I managed to breathe through my anxiety, holding off a full-blown panic attack. Every time I freaked out, it got easier to deal with. The guard had escorted me out of there before I'd completely spazzed out in front of Caleb. I was trying to be the girl he met and dreaded him witnessing how pathetic I'd become.

In front of the sink, I studied the polished stainless steel sheet mounted to the wall which served as a mirror. Wiping a finger under both eyes mostly fixed my smudged makeup. I really did want to look pretty for Caleb, but when I looked in the mirror all I saw was ugly. I'd even worn my nicest heeled boots in a stupid attempt at being attractive.

I felt like a fraud. My mom was wrong. I was the one who wasn't good enough for Caleb.

Exiting the bathroom, the guard escorted me back to visitation. Caleb had to hate being treated that way. I was only getting a small taste of what life was like for him in here.

I stopped by Ian's table on my way back to Caleb. Ian rose to his feet with a warm smile, pulling me into a hug. "How you doing, beautiful?"

Ignoring his concerned look, I forced myself to appear cheerful. "Really good, Ian. I can't wait till you and Caleb get out of here."

Rubbing my back, he gestured to the girl who glared at me. "This is my friend, uh, Trisha."

"Hi," I offered. After an awkward moment where she simply stared unhappily at me, I said, "See you later, Ian."

Ian glowered at his cousin, or whatever, as if he were about to b.i.t.c.h her out. "Yeah, sure, next time you come."

Hugs from Caleb and Ian didn't bother me, but the thought of sharing more than a kiss with Caleb scared me.

CALEB.

"I like your hair," I told Gianna as she returned to her seat. It was a total lie. I wanted her as she was naturally, but I figured females liked to try new hair colors and the men in their life were duty bound to compliment the changes.

"Thanks. I like your hair, too." She reached out to stroke the fuzz on my head. Her touch was as nice as I'd imagined earlier. "And you look bigger," she remarked, scanning my chest and arms.

"Working out helps kill time."

"I have a session with the crew this afternoon."

Shifting in my seat, I thought of Jared lying in wait. "Any big plans tonight?"

She shrugged, picking a chocolate out of the box. "Gage wants to see a movie. I'll probably ask Cece if her and Dante want to come."

"Like a double date?" I asked in disbelief.

"No," she drawled irritably. "Not like a date, like friends hanging out."

"Say you love me again," I commanded.

She huffed, faking annoyance. "I love you, sometimes."

"Brat," I teased. "My brat."

"Ten minutes!" a guard announced to the room.

"s.h.i.t!" I hissed, my chest weighted at the prospect of being separated from her again.

"I'm sorry," Gianna whispered. "It's my fault you're in here."

"It's not your fault." I played with her fingers, wanting to hold onto her and never let go. "Just promise you'll come back soon."

"I promise, Caleb."

"This sucks." Memorizing her face, I realized six more months would feel like a lifetime in purgatory. "I want lots of pictures."

"I'll send them," she a.s.sured me with a squeeze of my hand.

"I'm gonna miss the f.u.c.k out of you until you come again."

"Soon, I promise."

"Stand up so I can kiss you again."

My pretty girl complied and I held on to her until a guard ordered me to back off.

Us inmates filed out first. I took a last look back at her. I expected her to be doing the same, but her head was in her hands.

The gesture alarmed me and I was jittery for the next couple hours. At the first opportunity, I requested phone time. Pulling a piece of paper from my pocket, I dialed the number Ian had written on it for me.

He answered on the fourth ring. "h.e.l.lo."

"Gage?"

"Who's this?"

"Gianna's boyfriend, Caleb."

"Oh," he said slowly as recognition hit. "Why are you calling me?"

"So, you're Kara's brother?"

"Yeah. So you're the one who's paying me?"

"No, Ian's the one with the fat wallet. I'm just the boyfriend who got a hold of Kara so she could help find someone to enroll at Gianna's new school."

"What that Josh guy did to her messed with her head."

Dr. Adler often urged me to get past my anger. She asked the impossible. "Yeah, well next time I put that f.u.c.ker in the hospital, I'll make sure it's the bas.e.m.e.nt morgue."

Gage grunted, whether in censure or agreement I wasn't sure.

In a rough voice, I warned him, "Listen, I only need you to watch out for her until I get out of here in August. Under no circ.u.mstances let her find out Ian and I hired you. If that happens, she'll pull away from the friendship. From what Dante has said, she isn't opening up to Cece, so your other job is to get her to open up to you."

"Hey, it's no hardship, man. I hated Broomfield anyways and it was time for a change of scenery. Living with my grandma is better than living with my parents. Besides, Gianna is a cool girl and I like hanging out with her."

It killed me that he got to spend that time with her. "Just remember, you're getting paid to look out for her, so don't be stupid enough to fall for her. She's my girlfriend and she'll still belong to me when I get the f.u.c.k out of here."

CHAPTER FIVE.

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.

-James Dean MAY.

seven months down, three to go....

CALEB.

Gianna would be going to prom with someone else. I hung up the phone, leaning back in my chair as I exhaled deeply. It had taken all my control to hold back my displeasure when Gianna told me over the phone she'd be attending prom with Gage.

Instead of raging or whining, asking her not to go to prom at all since it wouldn't be with me, I'd encouraged her to go. Miraculously, I hadn't choked on the words. a.s.suring her I wanted her to go next weekend and have fun had been difficult.

The judge should let me out of here early for my self-sacrifice and I should be nominated for sainthood. Surely some priest would be awed by the miracle which just occurred. I must be a G.o.d d.a.m.n saint to have encouraged my girlfriend to go to prom with another guy.

The thought of his hands around her waist, the front of their bodies touching as they danced or him taking her out to a nice restaurant beforehand, had me wanting to punch a wall.

As much as I'd been tempted to demand she stay home that night, I knew Gianna going to prom was a big step in her recovery. In a twisted way, I reluctantly felt grat.i.tude toward Gage for convincing her to attend.

I phoned Gage every Monday afternoon to get an update on my girl. During the calls, he answered any questions I'd thought up. Even when I acted like a stalker, asking what she wore that day or what she'd eaten. Despite talking to her most weekends, I had a desperate need to know everything she'd been up to and whether or not she seemed to be improving.

According to both her and Gage, life for Gianna had been drama free. Gage claimed she seemed happier and less introverted at school since he'd started there. I'd called him out on his feelings for her a couple of times, threatening him with b.l.o.o.d.y harm. The guy swore only purely platonic feelings existed on both sides. On release from juvie, if there were stars in Gage's eyes when he looked at my girlfriend, I'd make sure those stars moved above his head when I knocked his a.s.s out.

So far the guy was a good investment of Ian's money.

Gianna had visited me several more times since February. Each time, she appeared less uncomfortable around me. But that could be wishful thinking on my part, because she was nowhere near like she used to be. The old Gianna had always been ready to throw down verbally with me at the smallest provocation. Maybe I wasn't the same as I used to be around her either.

Each time she left, it got harder to let her go. Not that I had any choice. The end of visiting time was like everything else in my life right now, totally out of my control.

It was embarra.s.sing and emasculating for Gianna to see me like this, not even in control of when I ate or showered. Dictated to on how much I was allowed to touch my girlfriend.

If I was a selfless person, I might have set her free to find someone more deserving of her, a guy who wasn't a loser locked up in juvie. However, I was a selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d and I'd never willingly let her go. She was my girl, the only girl I wanted, and when I got out of here I could reinvent myself into the kind of guy who deserved her.

A glance at the caged clock above the door told me I had thirty minutes before my mom would arrive for visitation. For awhile there, I'd wondered if my parents were getting back together. With so many joint visits, I'd had reason to suspect. When my dad told me a couple months ago that my parents were going to start taking turns visiting me, I'd ruled reconciliation out. At least they seemed on friendlier terms than they'd been since their divorce.

The Sat.u.r.day before my birthday in March, both my parents and Gianna had visited me on the same day. It was the first time my mom had seen her since the attack and she'd started crying, making Gianna the encounter awkward. My dad had skillfully diverted my mom's attention, saving Gianna from further tears.

For Gianna's birthday in April, I'd asked my mom to have a huge bouquet of flowers delivered to her house. The following Sat.u.r.day Gianna had visited in a upbeat mood. At that time, I'd presented her with a self-portrait of me which Ms. Singh had instructed me to paint.

Getting to my feet, I motioned through the open doorway to the guard that I was finished and left the private room designated for phone privileges. The same guard accompanied me to the art room, where I grabbed my most recent paintings and piled them carefully on top of each other. For months I'd spent all my free time in here, painting dozens of works.

My painting frenzy had been an outlet for the anger and resentment coiled tight within me. I knew my sentence was coming to an end, but even the three remaining months seemed never-ending. Whenever allowed in here, I'd taken advantage. The solitude of painting was cathartic, especially when I had the room to myself. It calmed the demons clawing at my insides.

With the stack of paintings, I made it back to my cell just as they called my name for visitation. Following the two other guys with family visiting, I hauled my heavy load. The female inmates with visitors were already seated at tables. A girl with hard eyes, a recent addition to the facility, sat with an elderly woman who cried into an old school handkerchief.

I empathized with the old woman. Youth corrections sucked and it was especially unfair to the inmates' loved ones.

In June, Gianna's ballet academy would perform for several nights. It p.i.s.sed me off I wouldn't be there to see her dance because I was a locked up degenerate. She'd said it wasn't a big deal and that she hadn't gotten any of the leads, but I felt inadequate as a boyfriend because I couldn't be there to support her.

I was sure Gage would be there. Douchebag Jared, too, since Cece actually would dance one of the leads.

My mom sat at a table at the back of the visitation room, her expression one of excitement, as if she were about to spring out of her chair. I set down the paintings on the table between us. "This is all of the finished paintings since the last time."

She quickly raised the top one to get a better look then perused the rest of them. "These are great, Caleb. A few more and there'll be enough for an exhibit."

"Exhibit?" I asked warily, identifying the source of her excited energy.