Tom O'Bedlam Part 32

"You can't do any more Crossings, Tom. That's all, you just can't. I forbid you. I won't let you. Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm responsible for these people - for all the patients here -"

He appeared not to comprehend. "But don't you want them to be happy, Elszabet? For the first time in their lives,happy? " That strange ecstatic smile, still. "How can I stop?

It's what I was put on Earth to do."

"To kill people?"

"To heal people," Tom said. "Same as you. I never killed anyone, not even Stidge. The fat woman, she's happy now. And Ed. And the Indian. And Stidge, him too. And you . .

. I can make you happy, right now." He leaned close to her and his smile grew even more intense. "I'll send you now, Elszabet. Okay? Okay? That's what you want, isn't it?

Will you let me send you now?"

"Keep away."

"Don't say that. Here. Give me your hand, Elszabet. I'll send you to the Green World. I know that's where you want to be. I know that's where you could be happy. Not here.

There's nothing for you here. The Green World, Elszabet."

He reached for her. She gasped and pulled back from him. "Why are you afraid? It's the Time of the Crossing. I want so much to send you.

Because . . . because . . ." He hesitated, fumbling for words, looking down at his feet.

Color blazed in his cheeks. She saw tears beginning to glisten in his eyes. "I wouldn't hurt you." His voice was thick and hesitant. "Not you. Not ever. I wouldn't hurt anyone, but especially not you. I . . ." He faltered. "I love you, Elszabet. Let me send you.

Please?"

"But I don't want -" she started to say, and broke off in mid-sentence as a powerful wave of dizziness and numbness swept over her. She struggled for breath. Something had happened. His words, his tears, the wind, the rain, everything all at once came rushing in on her, sweeping her away. She felt herself swaying, the way so many times she had swayed when an earthquake went rumbling through the ground beneath her, that old familiar sensation of sudden astonishing motion, the world slipping loose from its moorings.

A great abyss was opening before her, and Tom was inviting her to jump. She caught her breath and stared bewilderedly at him, appalled and tempted, and appalled at how tempted she was.

"Please?" he said again.

There was a roaring in her ears. Make the Crossing? Drop the body? Let him do to her what he had done to Ferguson, to April, to Nick? Give him her hand, let him do his trick, topple at his feet, lie here dead and smiling in the mud?

No. No. No. No.

It was crazy. All this talk of other worlds, instantaneous journeys. How could any of it be real? When Tomsent people, they died. He had a power, a deadly one. They died.

That must be what happens to them, right? Right? She didn't want to die. That hadn't ever been what she wanted. She wanted to live, to flourish, to open, to blossom. She wanted to feel some peace in her soul, just for once in her life. But not to die. Dying wasn't any kind of answer.

And yet - and yet - what if what Tom offered wasn't death at all, butlife, new life, a second chance?

She felt an overwhelming pull, an irresistible temptation - the Green World, that wondrous place of joy and beauty, so vivid, so real. How could it not be real? The Project Starprobe photographs - the smile on Ed Ferguson's face - that sense of absolute conviction and faith that Tom radiated - So why not, why not, why not?

"All right. I'm not afraid," she heard herself saying.

"Then give me your hand. This is the time. I'll help you make your Crossing now, Elszabet." She nodded. It was like something happening in a dream. Just give him your hand, and let him send you to the Green World. Just yield, and float upward, and go. Yes. Yes.

Why not? She thought of Ed Ferguson's smile. Could there be any doubt? Tom had the power. The sky was breaking open, and all barriers were down. Suddenly she felt the closeness of that silent dark immensity that was interstellar s.p.a.ce, just beyond the low heavy clouds, and it was not at all terrifying. Give him your hand, Elszabet. Let him send you. Go. Go. This poor tired world, this poor ruined place: why stay? Everything's done for. Just say good-bye to the world and go. Look what's happened to the Center.

That was the last sanctuary, and now it's gone too. You have no one left to care for here any more.

"You were so very good to me, you know," Tom was saying. "There wasn't anyone was ever that good to me before. You took me in, you gave me a place to stay, you talked to me, youlistened to me. You listened to me. Everybody thinks I'm crazy, and that's all right, because most people like to leave a crazy man alone. I was safer that way. But you knew I wasn't crazy, didn't you? You know it now. And now I'm going to give you what you want the most. Put your hand in mine. Will you do that, Elszabet?"

"Yes. Yes."

She reached her hand toward his waiting hand.

She heard someone calling her name in a peculiarly desperate way, raggedly punching out the syllables,El Sza Bet, El Sza Bet The strange hypnotic moment was broken. She pulled her hand back from Tom and looked around. Dan Robinson came trotting up. He appeared exhausted, almost ready to collapse.

"Dan?" she said.

He glanced at Tom casually, without interest, almost as though he had not recognized him. To Elszabet he said in a dull toneless voice, "We should have cleared out an hour ago. There's shooting going on now. They've got guns, lasers, G.o.d knows what. They've all gone nuts since their leader was murdered."

"Dan -"

"Every way out of here is blocked. We're all going to die."

"No," she said. "There's still one way out."

"I don't understand."

She indicated Tom. "The Crossing," she said. "Tom will send us away from here. To the Green World."

Robinson stared.

"This place is done for," Elszabet said. "The Center, California, the United States, the whole world. We blew it, Dan. We got in our own way, we tripped flat on our face, we fouled our own nest. Everything's gone crazy. How long do you think it will be before they start dropping the hot dust again? Or the bombs, maybe, this time? But that's only going to happen here, on Earth. Out there everything will be different."

He was gaping. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Absolutely serious, Dan."

"Incredible. You think you can go to some other world, just like that?"

"Ferguson did. April. Nick."

"This is completely insane."

"You can see the smiles on their faces. It's pure bliss. I know they've gone to the star worlds, Dan."

Robinson turned to Tom and studied him in astonishment. Tom was smiling, nodding, beaming.

"You actually believe this, Elszabet? He snaps his fingers, and off you go?"

"Yes."

"And even if it's true? You can just drop everything, run out on all responsibilities, skip off to your Green World? You could do that?"

"What responsibilities? The Center's been smashed, Dan. And if we stay here we're going to get killed in this riot anyway. You said so yourself two minutes ago, remember?"

He looked at her; he seemed bewildered.

"I've thought it through," she said. "Even if we could get away from this mob I don't want to stay here any more. It's all over for me here. I did my best, Dan. I tried, I honestly tried. But it's all smashed. Now I want to go away and make a second start somewhere else. Doesn't that make sense? Tom will send us to the Green World."

"Us?"

"Us, yes. You and me. We'll go there together. Here, put your hands in his. Just do it, Dan. Go on. Put your hands in his."

Robinson stepped back and thrust his hands behind him as if she had tried to pour burning oil on them. His eyes were bright. "For Christ's sake, Elszabet!"

"No. For our sakes."

"Forget all this nonsense. Look, maybe we can still escape through the forest somehow.

Come with me -" "You come with me, Dan."

Again she reached for him. He pulled farther back. He was shivering, and his skin had taken on an almost yellowish tinge.

"We don't have any more time, Elszabet. Come on. The three of us, out the back way down the rhododendron trail -"

"If that's what you want to do, Dan, you'd better go."

"Not without you."

"Don't be absurd. Go."

"I can't leave you here to die."

"I won't die. But you might, if you don't get going now. I wish you well, Dan. Maybe I'll see you again someday. On the Green World."

"Elszabet!"

"You think I'm absolutely crazy, don't you?"

He shook his head and scowled, and reached for her as if to drag her off by force into the forest. But he couldn't bring himself to touch her. His hands hovered in mid-air and halted there, as though he feared that any direct contact with her might somehow hurl the two of them careening off toward the stars. For a moment he stood frozen in silence.

He opened his mouth and no words came out, only a m.u.f.fled sob. He leaned close and gave her one last look, then turned and darted away between two of the shattered buildings and was lost to her sight.

"All right, then," Tom said. "Are you ready to go now, Elszabet?"

"Yes," she said. And then she said, "No. No -"

"But you were ready a moment ago."

She waved him back. The roaring in her ears had returned, even louder this time. She peered into the rain swept dimness, trying to see Dan Robinson. But he was gone. "Let me think," she said. Tom began to say something, and she gestured again, more urgently. "Let methink, Tom."

You actually believe this,Dan had said.He snaps his fingers, and off you go?

I don't know, Elszabet thought. Do I actually believe it?

And then Dan had said,You can just drop everything, run out on all responsibilities, skip off to your Green World?

I'm not sure, she thought. Can I do that? Can I? Tom was watching her, saying nothing, letting her think. She stood wavering, lost in doubts.

Do I believe? Yes, she thought. Yes, because there is no real alternative. I believe because Ihave to believe.

And can I shrug off my responsibilities here and go? Yes, my responsibilities here are ended. The Center has been destroyed. My patients are gone. There's no work left here for me to do.

She scanned the distance once again for Dan Robinson. It would have been so beautiful, she thought, if he had come with her. The two of them, starting their lives over on the Green World. Learning to live again, learning to love. It would have worked, she thought. Wouldn't it? Wouldn't it? But instead he had run off into the forest. All right. If that's what he needs to do, let him do it. He doesn't understand. His Time hasn't come, not yet.

"I think you're ready now," Tom said.

Elszabet nodded. "Let's both of us go, Tom. You and me together, to the Green World.

Wouldn't that be a fine thing? We'd both be crystallines together, and we'd stroll down to the Summer Palace and we could laugh and talk about this day, all the rain, the mud everywhere, the craziness all around us. Yes? Yes? What do you say? When you send me, send yourself along too. Will you?"

Tom was silent a long time.

"I wish I could," he said at last, softly, tenderly. "You know, right now that's the one thing I want more than anything. To go to the Green World with you, Elszabet. I wish I could. I wish I could."

"Thendo it, Tom."

"I can't go," he said. "I have to stay here. But at least I can help you. Here, give me your hands."

Once more he reached for her. She was shaking all over. But this time she didn't pull back. She was ready. She knew it was right.

"Good-bye, Elszabet. And-hey, thanks for listening to me, you know? His voice was very gentle, and there was a note in it that was close to being mournful, but not really.

"That meant a lot to me," he said. "When I'd go to your office, you'd listen to me.

n.o.body ever did that, really, except Charley, some of the time, and that was different, with Charley. Charley isn't like you."

How sad, she thought. I can go and Tom, who has done all this for us, has to stay.

"Come with me," she said, "I can't," he said. "You have to go without me. Is that all right?" "Yes. All right."

"Now," he said.

He gripped both her hands. Elszabet drew her breath in deeply, and waited. A sense of happiness, and grace, welled up in her. She was wondrously calm and certain. She had done her best here, but now it truly was time to leave. A new life would be beginning for her on a new world. It seemed to her that she had never known such certainty before.

She felt a sudden moment of new tension, a tension she had never before experienced, a sort of suspension of the soul; and then came a release. The last thing she saw was Tom's taut stricken face, full of desperate love for her. Then the greenness rose up about her like a fountain of joyous light, and she felt herself setting forth, beginning the wondrous voyage outward.

9.