Tom, Dick and Harry Part 29

"Not till you're asked."

"All right," said I, playing my trump card desperately. "When you do ask me what's wrong with the grammar of your Latin motto, I sha'n't tell you. Ha, ha!--_corpore sanae_. You should hear the fellows yell."

The effect of this announcement was electrical, Langrish turned white, and Trimble turned red. The others bit their nails in silence. It was a season of delicious triumph to me. I was master of the situation for once, and resolved to remain so as long as possible.

"Why, what's wrong with it?" said Warminster, presently.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" said I.

"_Corpore's_ feminine, isn't it?" asked c.o.xhead.

"Common gender, I fancy," said Purkis; "depends on who the chap is."

"You mean if it was Sarah it would be feminine, and if it was one of us it would be masculine," said Langrish.

This was a nasty one for me, but I held my ground.

"You'd better look it up in the dictionary," said I.

This was diplomatic; for although I knew the motto was wrong I could not quite say what it should have been.

After much labour it was decided that _corpore_ was neuter, and that the adjective in consequence must be _sanum_.

A resolution to that effect was proposed and seconded, but an amendment to the effect that as the doc.u.ment had gone out in the name of the president and every one knew it was his work, it was no business of the present company to help him out of the mess, was carried by a large majority.

With which delightful solution of the difficulty--delightful to every one but myself--we proceeded to the order of the day, which was to arrange the details of our picnic next half-holiday.

My colleagues remained obdurate on the question of revealing the place.

"If the day fellows get wind of it they'll be sure to try to do us," was the unfailing reply.

"Why shouldn't _I_ know as well as you?" demanded I.

Whereupon it was explained that n.o.body knew where the place was to be yet--nor indeed was he likely to know till the morning of the day, when lots would be drawn.

Every member of the council would then be permitted to write the name of a place on a piece of paper, which would be shuffled in a hat and drawn for--the last paper drawn to be the place. I could not help admiring the elaborateness of the precautions, which had only this drawback, as far as I was concerned, that I did not yet know one place from another.

I casually asked d.i.c.ky one day if he knew any of the places round.

"What for, picnics and that sort of thing?" he demanded.

"Well--that sort of thing," said I, anxious not to betray my object too precisely.

"I don't know. I heard some chaps talking about Camp Hill Bottom--where the battle was, you know."

I did not know, but it sounded a likely place, and I made a mental note of it for the eventful day.

Meanwhile there was much to be decided. First, as to the applicants for admission on reduced terms, it was agreed if these brought their fair share of provender, and in consideration of their being taken on the cheap would undertake to row or tow the boats up stream, they might come. Then as to the bill of fare, it was resolved that no one should be allowed to take more than he could carry in his pockets--great-coat pockets not to be used.

Then as to the programme; this was drawn up with a view to combine entertainment and instruction in even quant.i.ties. For the entertainment was set down the President's "Inorgural"--the spelling was Langrish's-- address, a part song of the committee, and a public open-air debate or conservation on "Beauty." The credit of the last suggestion really belonged to Tempest, whom I unofficially consulted as to some good subjects for philosophical discussion. For the instructive part of the day's proceedings there was to be the dinner, a boat race, a tug of war, and, if funds permitted, a display of fireworks.

What concerned me chiefly in the arrangements was that I, as president, was held responsible for everything of a difficult or hazardous nature.

For instance, I was sent down to select the two boats, and drive a bargain for their hire. Then again, when, owing to the prompt payment of two or three of the "paupers" (as the applicants for reduced terms were politely styled) rather than submit to the terms imposed, it was discovered that half-a-crown of the club funds remained unused, it was I who was sent into Low Heath to buy squibs and Roman candles; and it was I who was appointed to take charge of the explosives in my hat-box under my bed till the time arrived for letting them off.

I began to be anxious about my numerous responsibilities (to which, by the way, was added that of replying in the negative on the question of Beauty), for every day something fresh was put on my shoulders, and every day I found my school work falling into arrears.

Tempest and Pridgin both mildly hinted to me that I didn't seem to be knocking myself up with work, and succeeded in making me uncomfortable on that score. What concerned me still more was to find that d.i.c.ky Brown, although not an exhibitioner, kept steadily above me in cla.s.s, and put me under frequent obligations by helping me out of difficulties.

Never mind, thought I, it will soon be all right--when once the Conversation Club picnic is over.

The morning of the eventful day dawned at last; fair on the whole, but not brilliant. The f.a.ggery was astir early, and before breakfast the solemn ceremony of drawing lots for the scene of our revels took place.

I faithfully set down Camp Hill Bottom on my paper and committed it to the hat.

Tempest, who chanced to look in with an order for his f.a.g, was requested as a favour to officiate as drawer, which he good-naturedly did. It was anxious work while he pulled out the first five papers and tossed them unopened into the fireplace. Then he drew the sixth and opened it.

"Camp Hill Botton," he read.

Every one seemed pleased, first, because every one had written it on his paper, and secondly, because it was the only really good place for a river picnic.

"There's one comfort about it," said Tempest, as we thanked him for his services, "we shall have a little quiet in this house for an hour or two. Take care of yourselves. Good-bye."

CHAPTER THIRTEEN.

THE PICNIC AT CAMP HILL BOTTOM.

Jorrocks, the school boatman, was a careful person, and suited his accommodation to his company. He knew something about the expeditions of "learned societies" to Camp Hill Bottom and elsewhere, and the conclusion he had evidently come to, was that the boats best suited for their purpose were craft broad in the beam and deep in draught, in which it would be possible to argue out any subject without danger to life or limb.

By a coincidence which afforded more pleasure to my fellow-voyagers than to me, one of the two boats reserved for the use of the Conversation Club was named the _Sarah_, the other rejoicing in the inappropriate name of _Firefly_. I was, of course, voted to a place of honour in the former, along with Langrish, Trimble, and seven other Philosophers of the same kidney; while c.o.xhead, Warminster, and Purkis took official charge of the _Firefly_, with an equal number of pa.s.sengers.

It was noticeable, by the way, that at starting it was impossible for any two boys to sit close together, by reason of the stoutness of their pockets, which stood out on either side like rope buoys on the side of a penny steamer. Indeed, some of the party seemed to me to be exceeding the limits laid down by the committee; as, not only were they prominent on either side, but unusually stout in front, which led one to suspect that they had converted their entire waistcoats into pockets for the time being, and stowed the with provisions. But as the chief delinquents in this respect were the members of the executive committee, it was hardly for us to take official notice of it.

A hitch occurred at starting, owing to the uneven distribution of the "paupers" in the two boats. The _Sarah_ boasted of six of these, whereas the _Firefly_ only possessed one, who, when called upon to fulfil his part of the bargain and row the whole company up stream single-handed, showed an inclination to "rat." The crew of the _Firefly_ also began to be concerned as to the length of the voyage under such conditions, and clamoured for at least two of our "paupers"; a claim which Trimble and Langrish indignantly repudiated. At length, however, after a little judicious splashing and a threat to go off on a picnic of their own, the point was yielded, and two of our "paupers"

were ignominiously ejected to make room for an equal number of pa.s.sengers.

This being done, the question arose as to whether we should row up stream or tow. It was decided to proceed by the latter method, at least until the towing-path became impracticable. Whereupon both bands of "paupers" were turned ash.o.r.e and harnessed to the end of their respective rope, and the rest of us settled down to enjoy our well- earned leisure, and stimulate the exertions of our tugs with friendly exhortations.

I regret to say that the philosophy of our galley-slaves failed to sustain them in their arduous efforts. They began well. The _Sarah_ led the way, the _Firefly_ following close in our wake. As long as the friendly emulation between the two teams endured, we made fair progress.

But when it was discovered that the _Firefly_ had meanly hitched itself on to the stern of the _Sarah_, and was permitting our four "paupers" to pull the whole cavalcade, a difference of opinion arose. The _Firefly_ tugs, having nothing to do, amused themselves by peppering the inoffensive crew of the _Sarah_ with pebbles from the bank; while the outraged pullers of the _Sarah_, finding themselves tricked, struck work altogether, and alter pulling our head round into a bed of tall bulrushes, cast off the yoke and went for their fellow-"paupers." To add to the general confusion, a real barge, towed by a real horse, came down to meet us, threatening with its rope to decapitate the whole of our party, and, whether we liked it or not, to drag us back to Low Heath.

In the midst of all this trouble, I, as president, was loudly and angrily appealed to to "look out" and "make them shut up," and "port the helm, you lout," as if it was all my fault! I tried to explain that it wasn't, but n.o.body would trouble to listen to me. How we avoided the peril of the barge I really cannot tell. It lumbered past us in a very bad temper, deluging us as it did so with the splashing from its suddenly slackened rope, and indulging in remarks on things in general, and schoolboys in particular, which were not pleasant to listen to, and quite impossible to repeat.

However, as has been truly said, a common danger is often a common blessing. And it turned out so in the present case. The mutinous "paupers" brought their arguments on the bank to a close; and it was decided for the rest of the way to attach the _Firefly_ officially to the _Sarah_, and allow the seven tugs to pull the lot. They were quite sufficiently alive to their own interests to see each pulled his fair share; and the progress we made, although not racing speed, was, compared at any rate with our bad quarter of an hour in the bulrushes, satisfactory.

No further adventure happened till Langrish pointed to a wooded hill a quarter of a mile further up stream, and said--

"That's Camp Hill. Jump in, you chaps, and row."