Three Plays Part 33

With the author's consent and approval, the translator has omitted a few lines from the original Italian where their highly parenthetical character made the English version unnecessarily complex. One or two allusions have also been suppressed since they have not the same value in English as in Italian.--E.S.

RIGHT YOU ARE! (IF YOU THINK SO)

(_Cos e, se vi pare!_)

A PARABLE IN THREE ACTS

BY

LUIGI PIRANDELLO

TRANSLATED BY

ARTHUR LIVINGSTON

CHARACTERS

LAMBERTO LAUDISI. SIGNORA FROLA. PONZA, SON-IN-LAW OF SIGNORA FROLA. SIGNORA PONZA, PONZA'S WIFE. COMMENDATORE AGAZZI, A PROVINCIAL COUNCILLOR.

AMALIA, HIS WIFE. DINA, THEIR DAUGHTER.

SIRELLI. SIGNORA SIRELLI, HIS WIFE. THE PREFECT. CENTURI, A POLICE COMMISSIONER. SIGNORA CINI. SIGNORA NENNI. A BUTLER. A NUMBER OF GENTLEMEN AND LADIES.

OUR OWN TIMES, IN A SMALL ITALIAN TOWN, THE CAPITAL OF A PROVINCE.

RIGHT YOU ARE! (IF YOU THINK SO)

ACT I

_The parlor in the house of Commendatore Agazzi._

_A door, the general entrance, at the back; doors leading to the wings, left and right._

LAUDISI _is a man nearing the forties, quick and energetic in his movements. He is smartly dressed, in good taste. At this moment he is wearing a semi-formal street suit: a sack coat, of a violet cast, with black lapels, and with black braid around the edges; trousers of a light but different color. Laudisi has a keen, a.n.a.lytical mind, but is impatient and irritable in argument. Nevertheless, however angry he gets momentarily, his good humor soon comes to prevail. Then he laughs and lets people have their way, enjoying, meanwhile, the spectacle of the stupidity and gullibility of others._

AMALIA, _Agazzi's wife, is Laudisi's sister. She is a woman of forty-five more or less. Her hair is already quite grey.

Signora Agazzi is always showing a certain sense of her own importance from the position occupied by her husband in the community; but she gives you to understand that if she had a free rein she would be quite capable of playing her own part in the world and, perhaps, do it somewhat better than Commendatore Agazzi._

DINA _is the daughter of Amalia and Agazzi. She is nineteen.

Her general manner is that of a young person conscious of understanding everything better than papa and mamma; but this defect must not be exaggerated to the extent of concealing her attractiveness and charm as a good-looking winsome girl_.

_As the curtain rises Laudisi is walking briskly up and down the parlor to give vent to his irritation._

LAUDISI. I see, I see! So he did take the matter up with the prefect!

AMALIA. But Lamberto _dear_, please remember that the man is a subordinate of his.

LAUDISI. A subordinate of his ... very well! But a subordinate in the office, not at home nor in society!

DINA. And he hired an apartment for that woman, his mother-in-law, right here in this very building, and on our floor.

LAUDISI. And why not, pray? He was looking for an apartment; the apartment was for rent, so he leased it--for his mother-in-law. You mean to say that a mother-in-law is in duty bound to make advances to the wife and daughter of the man who happens to be her son-in-law's superior on his job?

AMALIA. That is not the way it is, Lamberto. We didn't ask her to call on us. Dina and I took the first step by calling on her and--she _refused_ to _receive_ us!

LAUDISI. Well, is that any reason why your husband should go and lodge a complaint with the man's boss? Do you expect the government to order him to invite you to tea?

AMALIA. I think he deserves all he gets! That is not the way to treat two ladies. I hope he gets fired! The idea!

LAUDISI. Oh, you women! I say, making that complaint is a dirty trick. By Jove! If people see fit to keep to themselves in their own houses, haven't they a right to?

AMALIA. Yes, but you don't understand! We were trying to do her a favor. She is new in the town. We wanted to make her feel at home.

DINA. Now, now, Nunky dear, don't be so cross! Perhaps we did go there out of curiosity more than anything else; but it's all so funny, isn't it! Don't you think it was natural to feel just a little bit curious?

LAUDISI. Natural be d.a.m.ned! It was none of your business!

DINA. Now, see here, Nunky, let's suppose--here you are right here minding your own business and quite indifferent to what other people are doing all around you. Very well! I come into the room and right here on this table, under your very nose, and with a long face like an undertaker's, or, rather, with the long face of that jailbird you are defending, I set down--well, what?--anything--a pair of dirty old shoes!

LAUDISI. I don't see the connection.

DINA. Wait, don't interrupt me! I said a pair of old shoes.

Well, no, not a pair of old shoes--a flat iron, a rolling pin, or your shaving brush for instance--and I walk out again without saying a word to anybody! Now I leave it to you, wouldn't you feel justified in wondering just a little, little, bit as to what in the world I meant by it?

LAUDISI. Oh, you're irresistible, Dina! And you're clever, aren't you? But you're talking with old Nunky, remember! You see, you have been putting all sorts of crazy things on the table here; and you did it with the idea of making me ask what it's all about; and, of course, since you were doing all that on purpose, you can't blame me if I do ask, why those old shoes just there, on that table, dearie? But what's all that got to do with it? You'll have to show me now that this Mr. Ponza of ours, that jailbird as you say, or that rascal, that boor, as your father calls him, brought his mother-in-law to the apartment next to ours with the idea of stringing us all! You've got to show me that he did it on purpose!

DINA. I don't say that he did it on purpose--not at all! But you can't deny that this famous Mr. Ponza has come to this town and done a number of things which are unusual, to say the least; and which he must have known were likely to arouse a very natural curiosity in everybody. Look Nunky, here is a man: he comes to town to fill an important public position, and--what does he do? Where does he go to live? He hires an apartment on the _top_ floor, if you please, of that dirty old tenement out there on the very outskirts of the town. Now, I ask you--did you ever see the place?

Inside?

LAUDISI. I suppose you went and had a look at it?

DINA. Yes, Nunky dear, I went--with mamma! And we weren't the only ones, you know. The whole town has been to have a look at it. It's a five story tenement with an interior court so dark at noontime you can hardly see your hand before your face. Well, there is an iron balcony built out from the fifth story around the courtyard. A basket is hanging from the railing ... They let it up and down--on a rope!

LAUDISI. Well, what of it?

DINA (_looking at him with astonished indignation_). What of it? Well, there, if you please, is where he keeps his wife!

AMALIA. While her mother lives here next door to us!