The Works of Lord Byron Volume VII Part 6

'T is a new barouche, and an ancient peer!"[40]

12.

So he sat him on his box again, And bade him have no fear, But be true to his club, and staunch to his rein, His brothel and his beer; 100 "Next to seeing a Lord at the Council board, I would rather see him here."

13.

Satan hired a horse and gig With promises to pay; And he p.a.w.ned his horns for a spruce new wig, To redeem as he came away: And he whistled some tune, a waltz or a jig, And drove off at the close of day.

14.

The first place he stopped at--he heard the Psalm That rung from a Methodist Chapel: 110 "'T is the best sound I've heard," quoth he, "since my palm Presented Eve her apple!

When _Faith_ is all, 't is an excellent sign, That the _Works_ and Workmen both are mine."

15.

He pa.s.sed Tommy Tyrwhitt,[41] that standing jest, To princely wit a Martyr: But the last joke of all was by far the best, When he sailed away with "the Garter"!

"And"--quoth Satan--"this Emba.s.sy's worthy my sight, Should I see nothing else to amuse me to night. 120 With no one to bear it, but Thomas a Tyrwhitt, This ribband belongs to an 'Order of Merit'!"

16.

He stopped at an Inn and stepped within The Bar and read the "Times;"

And never such a treat, as--the epistle of one "Vetus,"[42]

Had he found save in downright crimes: "Though I doubt if this drivelling encomiast of War Ever saw a field fought, or felt a scar, Yet his fame shall go farther than he can guess, For I'll keep him a place in my _hottest Press_; 130 And his works shall be bound in Morocco _d'Enfer_, And lettered behind with his _Nom de Guerre_."

17.

The Devil gat next to Westminster, And he turned to "the room" of the Commons; But he heard as he purposed to enter in there, That "the Lords" had received a summons; And he thought, as "a _quondam_ Aristocrat,"

He might peep at the Peers, though to _hear_ them were flat; And he walked up the House so like one of his own, That they say that he stood pretty near the throne. 140

18.

He saw the Lord Liverpool seemingly wise, The Lord Westmoreland certainly silly, And Jockey of Norfolk--a man of some size-- And Chatham, so like his friend Billy;[43]

And he saw the tears in Lord Eldon's eyes, Because the Catholics would _not_ rise, In spite of his prayers and his prophecies; And he heard--which set Satan himself a staring-- A certain Chief Justice say something like _swearing_.[44]

And the Devil was shocked--and quoth he, "I must go, 150 For I find we have much better manners below.

If thus he harangues when he pa.s.ses my border, I shall hint to friend Moloch to call him to order."

19.

Then the Devil went down to the humbler House, Where he readily found his way As natural to him as its hole to a Mouse, He had been there many a day; And many a vote and soul and job he Had bid for and carried away from the Lobby: But there now was a "call" and accomplished debaters 160 Appeared in the glory of hats, boots and gaiters-- _Some_ paid rather more--but _all_ worse dressed than Waiters!

20.

There was Canning for War, and Whitbread for peace, And others as suited their fancies; But all were agreed that our debts should increase Excepting the Demagogue Francis.

That rogue! how could Westminster chuse him again To leaven the virtue of these honest men!

But the Devil remained till the Break of Day Blushed upon Sleep and Lord Castlereagh:[45] 170 Then up half the house got, and Satan got up With the drowsy to snore--or the hungry to sup:-- But so torpid the power of some speakers, 't is said, That they sent even him to his brimstone bed.

21.

He had seen George Rose--but George was grown dumb, And only lied in thought![46]

And the Devil has all the pleasure to come Of hearing him talk as he ought.

With the falsest of tongues, the sincerest of men-- His veracity were but deceit-- 180 And Nature must first have unmade him again, Ere his breast or his face, or his tongue, or his pen, Conceived--uttered--looked--or wrote down letters ten, Which Truth would acknowledge complete.

22.

Satan next took the army list in hand, Where he found a new "Field Marshal;"

And when he saw this high command Conferred on his Highness of c.u.mberland,[47]

"Oh! were I p.r.o.ne to cavil--or were I not the Devil, I should say this was somewhat partial; 190 Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat, Were from G.o.d knows whom--and the Devil knows what!"

23.

He then popped his head in a royal Ball, And saw all the Haram so h.o.a.ry; And who there besides but Corinna de Stael![48]

Turned Methodist and Tory!

"Aye--Aye"--quoth he--"'t is the way with them all, When Wits grow tired of Glory: But thanks to the weakness, that thus could pervert her, Since the dearest of prizes to me's a deserter: 200 _Mem_--whenever a sudden conversion I want, To send to the school of Philosopher Kant; And whenever I need a critic who can gloss over All faults--to send for Mackintosh to write up the Philosopher."[49]

24.

The Devil waxed faint at the sight of this Saint, And he thought himself of eating; And began to cram from a plate of ham Wherewith a Page was retreating-- Having nothing else to do (for "the friends" each so near Had sold all their souls long before), 210 As he swallowed down the bacon he wished himself a Jew For the sake of another crime more: For Sinning itself is but half a recreation, Unless it ensures most infallible d.a.m.nation.

25.

But he turned him about, for he heard a sound Which even his ear found faults in; For whirling above--underneath--and around-- Were his fairest Disciples Waltzing![50]

And quoth he--"though this be--the _premier pas_ to me, Against it I would warn all-- 220 Should I introduce these revels among my younger devils, They would all turn perfectly carnal: And though fond of the flesh--yet I never could bear it Should quite in my kingdom get the upper hand of Spirit."

26.

The Devil (but 't was over) had been vastly glad To see the new Drury Lane, And yet he might have been rather mad To see it rebuilt in vain; And had he beheld their "Nourjahad,"[51]

Would never have gone again: 230 And Satan had taken it much amiss, They should fasten such a piece on a friend of his-- Though he knew that his works were somewhat sad, He never had found them _quite_ so bad: For this was "the book" which, of yore, Job, sorely smitten, Said, "Oh that _mine_ enemy, _mine_ enemy had written"!

27.

Then he found sixty scribblers in separate cells,[52]

And marvelled what they were doing, For they looked like little fiends in their own little h.e.l.ls, d.a.m.nation for others brewing-- 240 Though their paper seemed to shrink, from the heat of their ink, They were only _coolly_ reviewing!

And as one of them wrote down the p.r.o.noun "_We_,"

"That Plural"--says Satan--"means _him_ and _me_, With the Editor added to make up the three Of an Athanasian Trinity, And render the believers in our 'Articles' sensible, How many must combine to form _one_ Incomprehensible"!

_December_ 9, 1813.

[Stanzas 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 12, 17, 18, first published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 471-474: stanzas 6, 7, 9, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19-27, now published for the first time from an autograph MS. in the possession of the Earl of Ilchester.]

FOOTNOTES:

[ii] The Devil's Drive. _A Sequel to Porson's_ Devil's Walk.--[MS. H.]

[34] ["I have lately written a wild, rambling, unfinished rhapsody, called 'The Devil's Drive,' the notion of which I took from Porson's _Devil's Walk_."--_Journal_, December 17, 18, 1813, _Letters_, 1898, ii.

378. "Though with a good deal of vigour and imagination, it is," says Moore, "for the most part rather clumsily executed, wanting the point and condensation of those clever verses of Coleridge and Southey, which Lord Byron, adopting a notion long prevalent, has attributed to Porson."

The _Devil's Walk_ was published in the _Morning Post_, September 6, 1799. It has been published under Porson's name (1830, ed. H. Montague, ill.u.s.trated by Cruikshank). (See _Poetical Works_, 1898, i. 30, _note_ 1.)]

[35] [Lord Yarmouth, nicknamed "Red Herrings," the eldest son of the Regent's elderly favourite, the Marchioness of Hertford (the "Marchesa"

of the _Twopenny Post-Bag_), lived at No. 7, Seamore Place, Mayfair.