The Works of Lord Byron Volume VI Part 130

There was much bustle too, and preparation Below stairs on the score of second courses; Because, as suits their rank and situation, Those who in counties have great land resources Have "public days," when all men may carouse, Though not exactly what's called "open house."

LXIX.

But once a week or fortnight, _un_invited (Thus we translate a _general invitation_) All country gentlemen, esquired or knighted, May drop in without cards, and take their station At the full board, and sit alike delighted With fashionable wines and conversation; And, as the isthmus of the grand connection, Talk o'er themselves the past and next election.

LXX.

Lord Henry was a great electioneerer, Burrowing for boroughs like a rat or rabbit.

But county contests cost him rather dearer, Because the neighbouring Scotch Earl of Giftgabbit Had English influence, in the self-same sphere here; His son, the Honourable d.i.c.k Dicedrabbit, Was member for the "other interest" (meaning The same self-interest, with a different leaning).

LXXI.

Courteous and cautious therefore in his county, He was all things to all men, and dispensed To some civility, to others bounty, And promises to all--which last commenced To gather to a somewhat large amount, he Not calculating how much they condensed; But what with keeping some, and breaking others, His word had the same value as another's.

LXXII.

A friend to Freedom and freeholders--yet No less a friend to Government--he held, That he exactly the just medium hit Twixt Place and Patriotism--albeit compelled, Such was his Sovereign's pleasure, (though unfit, He added modestly, when rebels railed,) To hold some sinecures he wished abolished, But that with them all Law would be demolished.

LXXIII.

He was "free to confess"--(whence comes this phrase?

Is 't English? No--'tis only parliamentary) That Innovation's spirit now-a-days Had made more progress than for the last century.

He would not tread a factious path to praise, Though for the public weal disposed to venture high; As for his place, he could but say this of it, That the fatigue was greater than the profit.

LXXIV.

Heaven, and his friends, knew that a private life Had ever been his sole and whole ambition; But could he quit his King in times of strife, Which threatened the whole country with perdition?

When demagogues would with a butcher's knife Cut through and through (oh! d.a.m.nable incision!) The Gordian or the G_e_ordi-an knot, whose strings Have tied together Commons, Lords, and Kings.

LXXV.

Sooner "come Place into the Civil List And champion him to the utmost[797]--" he would keep it, Till duly disappointed or dismissed: Profit he cared not for, let others reap it; But should the day come when Place ceased to exist, The country would have far more cause to weep it: For how could it go on? Explain who can!

_He_ gloried in the name of Englishman.

LXXVI.

He was as independent--aye, much more-- Than those who were not paid for independence, As common soldiers, or a common----sh.o.r.e, Have in their several arts or parts ascendance O'er the irregulars in l.u.s.t or gore, Who do not give professional attendance.

Thus on the mob all statesmen are as eager To prove their pride, as footmen to a beggar.

LXXVII.

All this (save the last stanza) Henry said, And thought. I say no more--I've said too much; For all of us have either heard or read-- Off--or _upon_ the hustings--some slight such Hints from the independent heart or head Of the official candidate. I'll touch No more on this--the dinner-bell hath rung, And grace is said; the grace I _should_ have _sung_--

LXXVIII.

But I'm too late, and therefore must make play.

'Twas a great banquet, such as Albion old Was wont to boast--as if a glutton's tray Were something very glorious to behold.

But 'twas a public feast and public day,-- Quite full--right dull--guests hot, and dishes cold,-- Great plenty, much formality, small cheer,-- And everybody out of their own sphere.

LXXIX.

The squires familiarly formal, and My Lords and Ladies proudly condescending; The very servants puzzling how to hand Their plates--without it might be too much bending From their high places by the sideboard's stand-- Yet, like their masters, fearful of offending; For any deviation from the graces Might cost both man and master too--their _places_.

Lx.x.x.

There were some hunters bold, and coursers keen, Whose hounds ne'er erred, nor greyhounds deigned to lurch; Some deadly shots too, Septembrizers,[798] seen Earliest to rise, and last to quit the search Of the poor partridge through his stubble screen.

There were some ma.s.sy members of the church, Takers of t.i.thes, and makers of good matches, And several who sung fewer psalms than catches.

Lx.x.xI.

There were some country wags too--and, alas!

Some exiles from the Town, who had been driven To gaze, instead of pavement, upon gra.s.s, And rise at nine in lieu of long eleven.

And lo! upon that day it came to pa.s.s, I sate next that o'erwhelming son of Heaven, The very powerful parson, Peter Pith,[799]

The loudest wit I e'er was deafened with.

Lx.x.xII.

I knew him in his livelier London days, A brilliant diner-out, though but a curate, And not a joke he cut but earned its praise, Until Preferment, coming at a sure rate, (O Providence! how wondrous are thy ways!

Who would suppose thy gifts sometimes obdurate?) Gave him, to lay the Devil who looks o'er Lincoln,[800]

A fat fen vicarage, and nought to think on.

Lx.x.xIII.

His jokes were sermons, and his sermons jokes; But both were thrown away amongst the fens; For Wit hath no great friend in aguish folks.[od]

No longer ready ears and short-hand pens Imbibed the gay _bon-mot_, or happy hoax:[oe]

The poor priest was reduced to common sense, Or to coa.r.s.e efforts very loud and long, To hammer a hoa.r.s.e laugh from the thick throng.[of]

Lx.x.xIV.

There _is_ a difference, says the song, "between A beggar and a Queen,"[801] or _was_ (of late The latter worse used of the two we've seen-- But we 'll say nothing of affairs of state); A difference "'twixt a Bishop and a Dean,"

A difference between crockery ware and plate, As between English beef and Spartan broth-- And yet great heroes have been bred by both.

Lx.x.xV.

But of all Nature's discrepancies, none Upon the whole is greater than the difference Beheld between the Country and the Town, Of which the latter merits every preference From those who have few resources of their own.

And only think, or act, or feel, with reference To some small plan of interest or ambition-- Both which are limited to no condition.

Lx.x.xVI.

But _En avant!_ The light loves languish o'er Long banquets and too many guests, although A slight repast makes people love much more, Bacchus and Ceres being, as we know, Even from our grammar upwards, friends of yore With vivifying Venus,[802] who doth owe To these the invention of champagne and truffles: Temperance delights her, but long fasting ruffles.

Lx.x.xVII.

Dully pa.s.sed o'er the dinner of the day; And Juan took his place, he knew not where, Confused, in the confusion, and _distrait_, And sitting as if nailed upon his chair: Though knives and forks clanked round as in a fray, He seemed unconscious of all pa.s.sing there, Till some one, with a groan, expressed a wish (Unheeded twice) to have a fin of fish.

Lx.x.xVIII.

On which, at the _third_ asking of the banns, He started; and perceiving smiles around Broadening to grins, he coloured more than once, And hastily--as nothing can confound A wise man more than laughter from a dunce-- Inflicted on the dish a deadly wound, And with such hurry, that, ere he could curb it, He had paid his neighbour's prayer with half a turbot.