The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb Volume IV Part 46

_A mischief, And a nine-fold-withering curse: For that shall come to thee that will undo thee, Both all that thou fearest and worse_.

So saying, she departed, Leaving Sir Francis like a man, beneath Whose feet a scaffolding was suddenly falling; So he described it.

STRANGER A terrible curse! What followed?

SERVANT Nothing immediate, but some two months after Young Philip Fairford suddenly fell sick, And none could tell what ailed him; for he lay, And pined, and pined, till all his hair fell off, And he, that was full-fleshed, became as thin As a two-months' babe that has been starved in the nursing.

And sure I think He bore his death-wound like a little child; With such rare sweetness of dumb melancholy He strove to clothe his agony in smiles, Which he would force up in his poor pale cheeks, Like ill-timed guests that had no proper dwelling there; And, when they asked him his complaint, he laid His hand upon his heart to shew the place, Where Susan came to him a-nights, he said, And p.r.i.c.k'd him with a pin.-- And thereupon Sir Francis called to mind The beggar-witch that stood by the gateway And begged an alms.

STRANGER But did the witch confess?

SERVANT All this and more at her death.

STRANGER I do not love to credit tales of magic.

Heaven's music, which is Order, seems unstrung, And this brave world (The mystery of G.o.d) unbeautified, Disorder'd, marr'd, where such strange things are acted.

Mr. H----

A FARCE IN TWO ACTS

As it was performed at Drury Lane Theatre, _December, 1806_

"Mr. H----, thou wert d.a.m.nED. Bright shone the morning on the play-bills that announced thy appearance, and the streets were filled with the buzz of persons asking one another if they would go to see Mr. H----, and answering that they would certainly; but before night the gaiety, not of the author, but of his friends and the town, was eclipsed, for thou wert d.a.m.nED! Hadst thou been anonymous, thou haply mightst have lived. But thou didst come to an untimely end for thy tricks, and for want of a better name to pa.s.s them off----."

--_Theatrical Examiner._

CHARACTERS

Mr. H---- _Mr. Elliston_.

BELVIL _Mr. Bartley_.

LANDLORD PRY _Mr. Wewitzer_.

MELESINDA _Miss Mellon_.

Maid to Melesinda. _Mrs. Harlowe_.

Gentlemen, Ladies, Waiters, Servants, &c.

SCENE.--_Bath_

PROLOGUE

_Spoken by Mr. Elliston_

If we have sinn'd in paring down a name, All civil well-bred authors do the same.

Survey the columns of our daily writers-- You'll find that some Initials are great fighters.

How fierce the shock, how fatal is the jar, When Ensign W. meets Lieutenant R.

With two stout seconds, just of their own gizard, Cross Captain X. and rough old General Izzard!

Letter to Letter spreads the dire alarms, Till half the Alphabet is up in arms.

Nor with less l.u.s.tre have Initials shone, To grace the gentler annals of Crim. Con.

Where the dispensers of the public lash Soft penance give; a letter and a dash-- Where vice reduced in size shrinks to a failing, And loses half her grossness by curtailing.

Faux pas are told in such a modest way,-- The affair of Colonel B---- with Mrs. A---- You must forgive them--for what is there, say, Which such a pliant Vowel must not grant To such a very pressing Consonant?

Or who poetic justice dares dispute, When, mildly melting at a lover's suit, The wife's a Liquid, her good man a Mute?

Even in the homelier scenes of honest life, The coa.r.s.e-spun intercourse of man and wife, Initials I am told have taken place Of Deary, Spouse, and that old-fashioned race; And Cabbage, ask'd by Brother Snip to tea, Replies, "I'll come--but it don't rest with me-- I always leaves them things to Mrs. C."

O should this mincing fashion ever spread From names of living heroes to the dead, How would Ambition sigh, and hang the head, As each lov'd syllable should melt away-- Her Alexander turned into Great A---- A single C. her Caesar to express-- Her Scipio shrunk into a Roman S---- And nick'd and dock'd to these new modes of speech, Great Hannibal himself a Mr. H----.

MR. H----

A FARCE IN TWO ACTS

ACT I

SCENE.--_A Public Room in an Inn--Landlord, Waiters, Gentlemen, &c.

Enter Mr. H._

MR. H.

Landlord, has the man brought home my boots?

LANDLORD Yes, Sir.