The Works of Aphra Behn Volume Iv Part 29

_Leyd._ And I at _Leyden_, almost as long since.

_Fat_ D. And I at _Barcelona_ thirty.

Sir _Cred._ And I at _Padua_, Sir.

_Fat_ D. You at _Padua?_

Sir _Cred._ Yes, Sir, I at _Padua_; why, what a pox, do ye think I never was beyond Sea?

_Brun._ However, Sir, you are the youngest Doctor, and must write.

Sir _Cred._ I will not lose an inch of my Dignity.

_Fat_ D. Nor I.

_Amst._ Nor I.

_Leyd._ Nor I. [Put the Paper from each other.

_Brun._ Death, what Rascals are these?

Sir _Cred._ Give me the Pen--here's ado about your _Paduas_ and Punctilioes.

[Sets himself to write.

_Amst._ Every morning a Dose of my Pills _Merda queorusticon_, or the Amicable Pill.

Sir _Cred._ Fasting?

_Leyd._ Every Hour sixscore drops of _Adminicula Vitae_.

Sir _Cred._ Fasting too? [Sir _Cred._ writes still.

_Fat_ D. At Night twelve Cordial Pills, _Gallimofriticus_.

_Turb._ Let Blood once a Week, a Glister once a day.

_Brun._ Cry Mercy, Sir, you're a _French_ Man.--After his first Sleep, threescore restorative Pills, call'd _Cheatus Redivivus_.

Sir _Cred._ And lastly, fifteen Spoonfuls of my _Aqua Tetrachymagogon_, as often as 'tis necessary; little or no Breakfast, less Dinner, and go supperless to Bed.

_Fat_ D. Hum, your _Aqua Tetrachymagogon_?

Sir _Cred._ Yes, Sir, my _Tetrachymagogon_; for look ye, do you see, Sir, I cur'd the Arch-Duke of _Strumbulo_ of a _Gondileero_, of which he dy'd, with this very _Aqua Tetrachymagogon_.

Enter Sir _Patient_.

Sir _Pat._ Well, Gentlemen, am I not an intruder?

_Fat_ D. Sir, we have duly consider'd the state of your Body; and are now about the Order and Method you are to observe.

_Brun._ Ay, this Distemper will be the occasion of his Death.

Sir _Cred._ Hold, Brothers, I do not say the occasion of his Death; but the occasional Cause of his Death.

[Sir _Pat._ reads the Bill.

Sir _Pat._ Why, here's no time allow'd for eating, Gentlemen.

_Amst._ Sir, we'll justify this Prescription to the whole College.

_Leyd._ If he will not follow it, let him die.

_All._ Ay, let him die.

Enter _Lodwick_ and _Leander_.

_Lod._ What, have you consulted without me, Gentlemen?

[_Lod._ reads the Bill.

Sir _Pat._ Yes, Sir, and find it absolutely necessary for my Health, Sir, I shou'd be starv'd: and yet you say I am not sick, Sir.

[To _Lean._

_Lod._ Very well, very well.

Sir _Pat._ No Breakfast, no Dinner, no Supper?

Sir _Cred._ Little or none, but none's best.

Sir _Pat._ But, Gentlemen, consider, no small thing?

_All._ Nothing, nothing.

Sir _Cred._ Sir, you must write for your Fee. [To _Lod._

_Lod._ Now I think on't, Sir, you may eat [Writes.

a roasted Pippin cold upon a Vine-leaf, at night.

_Lean._ Do you see, Sir, what d.a.m.n'd canting Rascals these Doctors are?

Sir _Pat._ Ay, ay, if all Doctors were such, ingenuously, I shou'd soon be weary of Physick.

_Lean._ Give 'em their Fees, Sir, and send 'em to the Devil for a Company of Cheats.

Sir _Pat._ Truth is, there is no faith in 'em,--well, I thank you for your Care and Pains.

[Gives 'em Fees.

Sir _Cred._ Sir, if you have any occasion for me, I live at the red-colour'd Lanthorn, with eleven Candles in't, in the _Strand_; where you may come in privately, and need not be ashamed, I having no Creature in my House but my self, and my whole Family.--

_Ick quam Van Neder Landt te spreken End helpen Van Pocken end ander gebreken._