The Wayfarer's Lamentation Part 28

"I'm not afraid of being in that huge darkness anymore. I'm going to search for everyone's true happiness. Let's press ahead together, on and on forever."

Bittersweet melancholy welled up to fill my chest.

On and on forever, together.

The promises we'd made when we were children, eyes shining and fingers linked.

The one map, unique in this world, that we'd made cheek pressed to cheek.

"I'll try my very best to go with Campanella. So please? I can go with you, right?"

That's right, Miu. We made a promise.

That we would go everywhere together, on and on forever.

That I would follow you.

Gripping the railing, her short hair flying, her red scarf and coat blowing around in the wind, Miu was staring at me hungrily.

Snow poured down on top of us.

How could I refuse the wish that Miu had staked everything on?

Miu, if it's what you want, I'll give you my hand.

I'll give my legs. I'll give my eyes.

My heart, my life, my future; I'll give everything to you.

So please don't go off on your own again.

I took a step toward Miu, and when our fingers touched, she looked up at me, and a single tear spilled from the corner of her eye.

Our hands were extremely cold to the point that we couldn't feel the other's hand.

"Okay. Let's go on and on, together."

As I whispered with frozen lips, Miu buried her face in my chest.

Then we tied her red scarf around our wrists.

So that they would never come apart.

There was no feeling of fear welling up in me.

It seemed that, just like my hands and the rest of my body, my heart was numb and had stopped feeling anything.

I climbed over the railing first and then lent my hand to Miu to help her over. When I lifted her body, it was as light as a feather. My knees wobbled slightly, we were buoyed up by the wind, and it seemed like we would lose our footing right there and fall.

A dangerous situation like that had no sense of reality to it.

Knotting the scarf with one hand and grabbing the rail with my other, I looked down at the scenery.

Spread before me was a hazy, gray world.

A blanket of white snow pouring down over it.

There wasn't even a beam of light, and the dark wind blew against us from below.

If I looked down, snow pelted my eyes and cheeks and clouded my vision.

"...Together forever, right, Konoha?" Miu whispered in a tearful voice beside me. Clumps of snow were stuck to her long eyelashes.

"Yeah...that's right, Miu," I answered.

"...Let's go, Konoha."

The train to the stars had come and was opening its doors for us.

Just as we were jumping on board together- Instead of a departure bell, we heard the melody of a music box.

A gentle, placid tune...

The melody was coming from the pocket on my chest, inside my coat.

The theme from Beauty and the Beast.

Kotobuki was calling me.

"What's the matter, Konoha?"

I had stopped my foot just as I was stepping forward, prompting Miu's uneasy question.

Like a tiny light, the gentle melody was still ringing out over my heart.

Kotobuki was calling.

"Konoha! The call doesn't matter!"

Just as Miu said that, as if chastising me, a voice through the snowstorm, calling my name.

Someone was running toward us.

A wisp of a silhouette and in front of it a smaller silhouette.

A voice like a scream rang out across the roof.

"Konohaaaa!"

In the blowing wind and snow.

While I nearly tumbled off several times.

The one running toward us, her face messy with flying tears, was Takeda.

"Nooooooo! You can't diiiiiiiie! Don't die!! Don't die!! Don't die, Konoha! Konohaaaaa!"

Why had Takeda appeared now in a place like this?

I was confused, but Takeda was still shouting through her tears, "Don't die! I don't want you to die! Konoha!"

Takeda who had stared at me with an empty expression like a doll's on that day in May on the roof of the school.

Takeda who had confessed with a despairing look that when her best friend had been hit by a car and killed, she hadn't felt sad.

Takeda who had dangled from the end of my arm and begged, "Please let me die!!"

"I'm a repeat offender."

"It's like a habit I have when I get the urge to die."

Takeda who had told me that and laughed for me.

As she was running toward me, as she opened her tear-filled eyes wide, she laid bare her feelings and screamed that I couldn't die.

"Konoha! Konoha! Konoha!!"

Behind Takeda, I also saw the outline of Tohko. She was running, her long braids being blown around.

"Konoha!"

Tohko had told me in a kind voice that I was different than I had been two years ago.

That it had been gradual, but I'd matured.

While she squeezed my hand and smiled with eyes as clear as stars.

"Since I, the book girl, who's been eating your stories the whole time, says so, it's for sure."

The warmth, the gentleness of Tohko's hand reawakened something in my fingers that had lost all sensation.

And then, Kotobuki's smile as she blushed in embarra.s.sment and watched me.

"I'm going to do my best! So...I look forward to the year with you!"

"What's wrong, Konoha? Why are you hesitating? You're going with me, aren't you?"

Miu tugged on the scarf with a tense face.

The distance between Tohko and Takeda was closing.

Miu bit down on her lip, as if impatient with me for not moving, then held the scarf tight and tried to throw herself off.

I pushed Miu's back against the railing and put my arms around her.

"...I'm sorry."

The sound of Miu's gasp tickled my ear. The sound of a wordless despair.

Although my heart threatened to be crushed and my throat ripped open when I felt that, I put my arms around her and the railing strongly, firmly, so that she wouldn't fly off, and in a trembling voice, I told her, "I can't go."

Miu had been thrashing impatiently, but in that instant, her movement stopped.

Miu's despair came through, and I thought it might drive me crazy, but still I knew that I couldn't go back to being the way I had been.

During the two and a half years Miu and I had been apart, I'd met Tohko, I'd met Takeda, and I'd accepted Kotobuki's feelings.

So I couldn't keep my promise. I wasn't able to grant Campanella's wish.

I can't go with you.

I can't do it!

Miu stopped moving, like she'd become a doll whose soul had escaped.

Tohko and Takeda pulled us up, and we collapsed on the other side of the railing.

Miu lay on the snow with her legs and arms thrown out, her eyes wide and absent, and she didn't produce a word.

As Tohko helped Miu and I out of the school, she told me what had brought her there.

About how when she'd gone to school, cla.s.ses were out because of the snow. How she'd run into Takeda at the library. How they had wound up deciding to visit Kotobuki.

How when they'd called Kotobuki from Takeda's phone, Kotobuki had tearfully told them that Miu had disappeared from the hospital.

When she heard the words Miu had left on her note-that she was going to s.p.a.ce-Tohko had immediately recalled the map. And then she'd headed here, the departure point of the Milky Way Railroad, with Takeda. Apparently they'd both been worried since I didn't answer the phone while they were on their way here.

Then they'd found me trying to commit suicide with Miu on the roof and frantically stopped me.

While we were waiting for a taxi in front of the school gate, I pulled Miu's shoulders close and held her up.

Miu stayed silent the entire time.

The snow's ferocity had broken, and she was watching it flutter down with empty eyes. I had retied the red scarf around her throat. She had become pliant.

In contrast, it was as if Takeda had suddenly lost the brake on her emotions. She was still sniffling, and tears were still pouring down her face in large beads. Takeda was apologizing over and over, and Tohko was comforting her in a quiet voice and holding her hand.

Finally a taxi stopped in front of the gate.