The Wallypug in London Part 10

"Yes, but who was to know which were wax figures and which were not?"

asked the Doctor-in-Law.

"Well, you made a pretty muddle of it anyhow," said the Wallypug. "Do you know," he went on, "the Doctor-in-Law made us all pay sixpence each towards the catalogue, and then went around with us explaining the various groups. He had just finished telling us that several ladies, who were standing together, were Henry the Eighth's wives, when they all marched off looking highly indignant."

"Well, how was I to know?" remarked the Doctor-in-Law pettishly. "I'd never met a single one of Henry the Eighth's wives in my life, and how was I to recognize them?"

"I don't think they would have binded so butch if the Rhymebster hadn't pinched wud of theb to see if they were alive or dot," remarked A. Fish, Esq.

"Did you see the Sleeping Beauty?" asked Girlie.

[Ill.u.s.tration: HE COULD GET NO ANSWER]

"Oh, yes! Isn't it cruel to keep her shut up in that case," cried the Wallypug. "I'm sure she's alive, for we could see her breathing quite distinctly. I was so concerned about it that I asked the Doctor-in-Law to speak to a policeman who was standing near by about it. But he could get no answer from him, and we found out afterwards that he was only a wax figure."

"The best thig of all," remarked A. Fish, Esq., "was whed we all pretended that we--"

"Dear me, it's very warm!" interrupted the Doctor-in-Law. "Let's change the subject."

"Pretended that we--" continued A. Fish, Esq.

"Hush--sh--sh--!" cried the Doctor-in-Law in a warning voice.

"The fact of the matter is," explained the Rhymester, "the Doctor-in-Law got us all to pretend that we were wax figures ourselves, and he tied little money boxes in front of us with the words: 'Put a penny in the slot and the figure will move,' written on them, and when anyone put a penny in we all moved our heads and rolled our eyes about."

"I didn't!" said the Wallypug.

"No, I know you didn't," replied the Rhymester. "And the Doctor-in-Law had to explain that you were out of order, and that's how we were found out, for the people wanted their money back and he wouldn't give it to them, so they called the attendant, and we had to go out as quickly as we could."

"Ad wasn't id beade?" said A. Fish, Esq. "There were four shillings ad threepedce id the boxes, ad the Doctor-id-Law wouldn't give us a penny of id."

"Well, I let you pay my fare home. That amounted to the same thing,"

replied the little man.

Just then Mrs. Putchy came in with afternoon tea, and I joined my guests in the drawing-room.

CHAPTER VIII

HIS MAJESTY IS INTERVIEWED

The next morning we were all seated around the breakfast table laughing over our adventures of the evening before, when we had visited the Earl's Court Exhibition together. We had been up in the Great Wheel, and having pa.s.sed through the pretty old English village were walking around the artificial lake listening to the band playing in their little pavilion on the island in the middle, when the Doctor-in-Law declared that he heard a strange trumpeting sound, and asked me what it could be. I had not heard it and so could not tell him, and we were just discussing the matter when the Wallypug clutched wildly at his crown, and turning around we saw a huge elephant lifting it gracefully off his head with its trunk.

Directly his Majesty realized what it was, he gave a wild scream and took to his heels, as did all the others, with the exception of the Rhymester, who tripped against a stone and lay with his head buried in his arms for some time, kicking and screaming for help.

Of course it was only the tame elephant that carries the children on its back, but to the unaccustomed eyes of the Wallypug and his party it seemed, so they told me afterwards, some strange and awful monster ready to devour them.

As I said, we were laughing merrily over this adventure when the postman arrived, and the Doctor-in-Law, without asking to be excused from the table, rushed out to meet him, and returned a few minutes later with his arms loaded with a number of little packages and one rather large box, which had arrived by Carter Paterson.

"Dear me, what a lot of letters," remarked his Majesty.

"Yes. Wouldn't you like to know what they are all about, eh?" inquired the Doctor-in-Law.

"Yes, I should," admitted the Wallypug; while the faces of the others all expressed the same curiosity.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A STRANGE AND AWFUL MONSTER]

"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," said the Doctor-in-Law. "If you'll all pay me fourpence halfpenny each, I will let you open them and see for yourselves."

There was a little grumbling at this, but eventually the money changed hands, and, the breakfast things having been removed, the little packages were opened with great eagerness.

Besides a printed circular, each one contained some little article--a pencil case, a pen knife, a comb, a sample tin of knife polish, a card of revolving collar studs, and so on.

"Ah!" remarked the Doctor-in-Law complacently as these articles were spread about the table; "I told you that I expected to derive a princely revenue from my correspondence, and now I will explain to you how it is done. I observed a great number of advertis.e.m.e.nts in the daily papers, stating that 'A handsome income could be earned without the slightest trouble or inconvenience, and particulars would be forwarded to any one sending six stamps and an addressed envelope'; so I sent off about twenty, and here is the result. I see by these circulars that I have only to sell two hundred of these little pencil cases at half-a-crown each in order to earn 1s. 6d. commission, and for every dozen tins of knife polish I sell, I shall be paid 1-1/2d., besides being able to earn 6d. a thousand by addressing envelopes for one firm, if I supply my own envelopes."

"What's in the big box?" inquired the Rhymester.

"A dittig bachede," replied A. Fish, Esq., who had been busily engaged in opening it.

"A what?" exclaimed the others.

"A dittig bachede for dittig socks," repeated A. Fish, Esq.

"Oh yes, of course!" explained the Doctor-in-Law, "a knitting machine.

I was persuaded to buy it on the understanding that I was to have constant work all the year round, and be paid so much per pair for knitting socks with it. It's a most interesting and amusing occupation, and, I'll tell you what, I don't mind letting any one of you use the machine for sixpence an hour, if you find your own worsted and give me the socks when they are finished. There now! nothing could be fairer than that, could it?"

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE "DITTIG BACHEDE"]

And positively A. Fish, Esq., was so infatuated with the charms of the "dittig bachede," as he called it, that he actually agreed to these terms, and sent out for some worsted, and commenced "dittig" with great enthusiasm. The Doctor-in-Law then set the Rhymester to work, addressing the envelopes on the understanding that he was to share the sixpence per thousand to be paid for them. And, having bothered the Wallypug and myself into buying a pencil-case and a knife each, in order to get rid of him, he started off to the kitchen to see if he could do any business with Mrs. Putchy in the knife-polish or black-lead line.

His Majesty and myself were just saying what an extraordinary little man he was, when he burst in upon us again.

"Heard the news?" he inquired, his face beaming with importance.

"No. What is it?" inquired the others eagerly.

"Ah! wouldn't you like to know?" exclaimed the Doctor-in-Law. "How much will you give me for telling you?"

"How much do you want?" asked the Rhymester dubiously.

"A penny each," was the reply.

"Come on then, let's have it," said the Rhymester, collecting the pennies from the others and handing them to the Doctor-in-Law.

"Why--er--er--Queen Anne is dead, and the Dutch have taken Holland--yah!" And the little man burst out laughing.