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He held my gaze, and a small smile played at his lips. "No, I want more. Just..." The smile faltered. "Maybe not tonight."
I kissed his cheek. "Whenever you're ready, just say the word."
"I will."
"Good. And in the meantime..." I propped myself up on my arm and rested my hand on his chest. "We don't have to do anything." I trailed my fingers down his cheek. "You won't hear me complaining if we just lie here and make out."
His smile turned to a devilish grin. "Well, I'm not going to object to doing that."
"Aren't you?"
"Not a chance."
I kissed him and didn't pull away. As the seconds ticked by, and I realized this wasn't going to end as the light peck it was intended to be, I came down a little more and parted his lips with my tongue.
Troy's fingers ran across the side of my head and down to my neck. I leaned over him, resting my arm beside him on the bed as he wrapped his arms around me.
I rolled over, lying back across the mattress, and brought him with me. He paused, though, and got up long enough for both of us to strip off our clothes.
"Much better," he said as he sat over me, straddling me. "Now I can really feel you."
"Uh-huh." I curved my hands over his a.s.s and pulled him down against me. Without any clothing in the way, feeling his d.i.c.k against mine was mind-blowing.
He leaned down. I let my hands roam his body, exploring and memorizing every inch of his hot skin as we made out and pressed together.
His thumb brushed the cut on my forehead, and I flinched.
"Sorry, I-"
"It's okay."
And then he started to move. Slowly but deliberately letting the underside of his c.o.c.k rub against mine.
"Holy f.u.c.k," I whispered against his lips. "That's..."
"Like that?"
"Oh my G.o.d, yes."
He moved faster. Pressed harder. How long he did it, I had no idea, but I was in heaven, making out with him and rubbing against him and letting him have total control over everything.
He groaned, and shifted a little, and he found a new rhythm that was just...holy f.u.c.k. The speed, the friction-everything was perfect.
"Troy...f.u.c.k..." I gasped for breath, my eyes rolling back as he kept thrusting against me and the friction drove me crazy. "Just...like..."
He kissed me, and that was the only thing that kept me from crying out as my o.r.g.a.s.m tore through me, turning my entire body to liquid electricity as Troy kept f.u.c.king against me, kept kissing me, kept driving me completely out of my f.u.c.king mind.
As my climax tapered off, I relaxed against the mattress again, and held on to him for dear life. "Holy c.r.a.p."
He laughed. "That good, eh?"
"That good."
He handed me some tissues from the nightstand, and we both wiped away the s.e.m.e.n.
Then I gathered him into my arms and kissed him. "I owe you one. Good G.o.d."
Troy laughed again, but it faded as he drew back and met my eyes. "You really don't care if this is all we do tonight?"
I grinned cautiously. "Did I sound like I cared?"
"You know what I mean."
"I do, and no, I don't mind at all." I licked my lips. "I've got you naked in bed with me. Everything else is just a bonus."
"Do you want more than this?"
"Of course I do." I kissed him lightly and ran my fingers through his hair. "But it doesn't have to be tonight." I pressed another kiss onto his lips and added, "All you have to do is say the word, and I'll do just about anything that turns you on."
Troy shivered and held me tighter, drawing me into another long, deep kiss. A kiss that got even longer and deeper and more breathless, as we pulled each other closer. Even that postcoital fatigue that was trying to set in couldn't stop me from aching to do something about the very prominent erection pressed against my hip, so I slid my hand down his side and nudged us apart.
When he lifted his hips, I wrapped my hand around his still-hard c.o.c.k and started stroking slowly.
Troy gasped. "G.o.d, that's amazing."
"Good." I dragged my lips across his and tightened my grasp on his d.i.c.k. "And just for the record, I don't care if we're f.u.c.king, or if we're just lying here, or making out. Whatever." I added the slightest twist to my strokes, just to make him whimper. "I just want you, Troy. Anything you want, say the word." I kissed him and murmured, "Anything."
"f.u.c.k," he breathed. "I'm not..." He gasped, shuddering and arching. "Not ready yet. I need some...some time." His fingers dug into my shoulder, and his hips d.a.m.n near levitated off the bed as he f.u.c.ked into my hand. "But, holy s.h.i.t, I want us to f.u.c.k."
I exhaled hard. The shiver made me grip him tighter, and we both groaned.
"Just say the word," I whispered. "Doesn't have to be tonight."
He moaned again and lifted his hips, forcing himself into my fist. "If we...if we f.u.c.k," he whispered, slurring ever so slightly. "Who'd be on top?"
"Oh my G.o.d..." I closed my eyes and groaned as I simultaneously imagined him thrusting into me and me deep inside him, just like I had the night I'd given in and m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed to him. "I don't care who's on top." I dragged my lower lip across his. "As long as it's with you."
I gripped the back of his neck as I kissed him, and swallowed his moans and gasps as I jerked his d.i.c.k. Troy shuddered hard, and his c.o.c.k stiffened in my hand, and I gripped him tighter and stroked him faster. Then his whole body tensed. He f.u.c.ked into my fist and shivered, and then came hard, groaning against my lips as his s.e.m.e.n coated my hand and landed on my stomach.
He touched his forehead to mine. Every ragged breath he released rushed across my lips, and I was drunk on him, lost in him, as he came unraveled on top of me.
With a heavy sigh, he shuddered one last time and slumped against me. "Jesus..."
I grabbed some tissues off the nightstand, and after we'd both cleaned ourselves up, he collapsed against me. For the longest time, we just lay there, panting and shaking while the dust settled around us.
After a while, he lifted himself up and met my eyes, and something in my chest sank into the pit of my stomach.
Oh. Reality. Right.
s.h.i.t.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"This is dangerous."
"Not in here. It's only dangerous if we do it in public."
"Oh, no it's not." I glanced at him. "Your ex aside, let's not pretend we aren't playing with fire."
He sighed. "You're probably right. But let's also not pretend we can just ignore this."
G.o.d, wasn't that the truth.
I drew him down to rest his head on my shoulder. "I should go pretty soon. Before I stay too long and give us away."
"I know."
"But it doesn't have to be right now."
"Good."
He settled against me, his head on my chest and my arm around his shoulders. I closed my eyes. For the longest time, we just lay there, and I listened to him breathe while my heartbeat slowly came down.
This was utterly insane. And dangerous. And just...just insane. He was everything that shouldn't have caught my attention. A superior's kid. Over a decade younger than me. Makeup, dye, and piercings. He was timid and edgy where I liked my men experienced and bold. A calculated risk where I liked to play it safe.
But here he was. Here we were.
Troy was everything that shouldn't have caught my attention, but tonight, he was all I could ever want.
Chapter Fourteen.
On Monday morning, I ran the clippers along the side of my head, tr.i.m.m.i.n.g the hair all the way to the skin. I left the top longer, since I'd never been able to pull off a completely shaved head, but little by little gave myself a high-and-tight for the first time in weeks.
Shaving off the longer hair reminded me of the day before I'd flown out of Iraq. Everyone let their hair grow longer in combat-haircuts just weren't a priority out there-and something about returning to the regulation high-and-tight had been oddly freeing. Like a symbol of returning to the way things were supposed to be.
It wasn't quite the same this time. I wasn't returning to the safety of a ship or a stateside base, but I was coming out of hiding. That f.u.c.ker wanted to mess with Troy? Well, now he was going to know what he was dealing with. And hopefully he'd believe, for Troy's sake, that my only role here was as a bodyguard.
I met my own eyes and lowered the clippers.
Bodyguard. That was the only role I had any right to play in this situation. It was my job. And for G.o.d's sake, Troy was a traumatized twenty-year-old who needed safety-and probably some therapy, the poor kid-more than he needed a d.a.m.ned boyfriend. Or lover. Or f.u.c.k buddy. Or whatever the h.e.l.l I was trying to be that didn't quite jive with bodyguard. Getting hot and heavy with the thirty-something cop who was supposed to be joined at his hip for other reasons? Not a good plan.
I scrutinized my reflection, but my haircut didn't hold my attention. The cut on my forehead was a mix of angry reds and purples, with a hazy greenish-blue halo around it. My lip wasn't so bad-the cut there had been little more than a scratch anyway and was already starting to heal up nicely.
All of those marks on my face added up to the tiniest tip of the iceberg of reasons I needed to keep my hands off Troy. And yet at the same time, they only made that fierce protectiveness stronger, and I didn't just want to protect him as his bodyguard. Some f.u.c.king jacka.s.s had come along and hurt him, treated him like s.h.i.t and a piece of property, and I wanted to erase that damage.
Of course I wanted him physically, but standing here looking myself in the eye, there was no pretending I only wanted him s.e.xually. I liked the kid. I cared about his safety, and somewhere along the way, I'd warmed up to him too. Now that was tangled up with the physical desire and the need to protect him, and all of that melted together into one bruised, banged-up cop who was a f.u.c.king mess for Troy Dalton. In every possible way.
Maybe Ben had rung my bell a bit harder than I'd thought.
I stepped away from the mirror to grab a shower and wash away the clippings from my haircut. Then I put on my uniform-blue digital camouflage from my shoulders to my boots-and police belt. It felt kind of weird to wear all that now. I'd been wearing various uniforms for fifteen years, but I'd gotten used to wearing civvies for the last several weeks. That, and going to cla.s.s like this, was intended to send a message to Ben.
I'm his bodyguard, a.s.shole. I'm here to protect him from you. I'm not his boyfriend.
I'd better not be his boyfriend. Or lover. Or whatever.
f.u.c.k, I am so screwed.
And I was going to be late if I didn't leave, so I grabbed my keys and book bag and headed down to the car.
On the way up the interstate, inching through the morning commute and getting closer to Troy, I caught my reflection in the rearview and paused to hold my own gaze. The cut on my forehead, not to mention the sc.r.a.pe and bruise, made my heart thump harder.
This was dangerous. So, so dangerous.
All the way to Virginia Beach, I couldn't get Troy out of my head. Oh h.e.l.l, who was I kidding? It was much too late for that. He was in my head, under my skin-I didn't stand a chance.
And I wasn't just wrapped up in all the dangers and all the reasons I now understood why Troy was so f.u.c.king scared. I was wrapped up in...in him.
I shouldn't have been.
But I was.
And I knew I was in epically deep s.h.i.t when I walked into the house.
Troy was just coming down the stairs, and when he saw me, his lips parted. He didn't even try to hide the long look he gave me, or the way that look traveled all the way down to my boots and right back up. After a moment, he continued down the stairs.
"That, uh..." He coughed, cheeks flushing slightly as our eyes met. "That looks good on you."
"Thanks."
He gave me another down-up. "Maybe having you in uniform was a bad idea."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"
He ran his tongue across his lower lip. "Why do you think?"
My heart skipped. "We should... Let me check in with Fowler, and then we should get to cla.s.s."
"Right. Yeah." He shouldered his backpack. "Let's go."
I didn't hear a word the professor said. Whenever I touched my pen to the lined paper in front of me, nothing happened. I was still vigilant, still aware of our surroundings and ready if anyone dared threaten Troy, but as far as the lecture went, I was f.u.c.king useless. Anything that didn't involve Troy was in another world as far as I was concerned, and my brain homed in on him, on anything that might cause him harm, and...and him. Just him.