The Walls Of Troy Part 20

"Because it makes me feel..." He lowered his gaze. "Okay, it sounds kind of stupid, but when I'm dressed like that, people expect me to be antisocial. So when I keep everyone at arm's length, they're not surprised. n.o.body asks questions, and n.o.body tries to get closer."

"That sounds incredibly..."

"Stupid?"

"Lonely."

Troy winced. "Yeah, it is. But it's safe too."

"Is it?"

He held my gaze for a moment, then lowered his. "I've spent my entire life moving every few years. I don't get close to people because they'll be gone soon." He exhaled. "Then Ben came along, and I..." He pushed a few strings of wet hair out of his face. "G.o.d, I was so stupid."

I squeezed his hand. "What happened?"

"He just seemed like a really good guy, you know? And for the first time, I had a choice. If things were going well with him the next time my dad transferred, I could stay if I wanted to. So I thought, what the h.e.l.l? Why not see how it went?" He rubbed the back of his neck and looked anywhere but right at me. "It was the first time I ever really connected to someone. And now I can't get away from him."

"Psychos are the most charming sometimes."

"That, or I'm a gullible idiot."

"Troy." I touched his face. "None of this is on you. All you did was fall in love with somebody. You couldn't have known he'd turn out to be a psycho." Tracing his sharp cheekbone with my thumb, I added, "We've all fallen for those guys. They're really, really good at hiding their crazy."

His eyes flicked up and met mine. "You've been with a guy like that before?"

"I've...dated my share of a.s.sholes, let's put it that way."

"Kind of makes you wonder if there are any nice guys out there." We were moving closer. "Do you think there are?"

"I do." I didn't know who was initiating it, controlling it, but we were definitely inching closer. "They're definitely out there."

"Yeah?" His palm warmed my cheek. "Where?"

"Don't know." I gulped. "Maybe the..." G.o.d, he was so close. "Maybe..."

"Hmm?"

"Maybe the good guys are the ones who've..." I slid my hand into his hair, cradling the back of his head. "They're the ones who've been burned and know how much it hurts."

"So guys like..." He tilted his head slightly and leaned in even closer. "Us?"

"Maybe." I tilted mine. Let myself be drawn in. Could barely breathe. "What're the odds we've both been f.u.c.ked over, and just want to f.u.c.k someone else over?"

"Hmm, good point." His gaze flicked toward my lips, then back to my eyes. "What are the odds of two guys meeting who don't want to f.u.c.k each other over?"

"Seem pretty good to me. Question is..." f.u.c.k, his lips were so tempting. "What are the odds they both want the same thing?"

"Who the f.u.c.k knows? But we-" Troy drew back. "What about your lip? The-"

"It's fine." I curved my hand around the back of his neck, the ends of his hair tickling the side of my finger. "Just don't..."

He'd moved closer again. "Don't what?"

"D-don't..." I pulled in a breath. "Don't stop."

"Wasn't planning to." His lower lip brushed mine. Again. The third time, I leaned in and crossed the line from almost there to kissing completely, and the whole world just...disappeared. He'd been an amazing kisser the first time, but this time? Jesus.

With nothing interrupting us, we didn't hold back. His hands slid beneath my shirt. Mine curved over his hips. He was rock hard against me, just a few layers of clothes separating our fully erect c.o.c.ks, and the longer and deeper we kissed, the faster my head spun.

I broke the kiss, breathing hard against his lips. "We should be...we..." G.o.d, it was impossible to stop kissing him long enough to tell him we should stop kissing. There was absolutely no reason in the universe why I should know how this felt, or how it felt to have Troy's hard-on pressing against mine, or why I'd been seconds away from suggesting we do more than grind together. Maybe it was a good thing that d.a.m.ned dog had lost his s.h.i.t when he had the other night, or we'd have probably gotten in way over our heads.

Just like we were doing now.

"s.h.i.t." Troy put his hands on my chest and nudged me back. "We shouldn't."

Well, at least one of us still had some control.

"I know." I sighed. "d.a.m.n it."

"Right?"

I met his eyes. He held my gaze.

I slowly ran the tip of my tongue across my lip. "If we keep this up, we're going to be at it all night."

Troy nodded. "I know. Part of me says f.u.c.k it. Part of me says..." He smirked. "Part of me really wants to pa.s.s that exam tomorrow."

I laughed. "Yeah, same here."

"And..." He cringed. "What if my dad finds out about this?"

Oh f.u.c.k. "You have to live with him."

"But he's your boss."

"Yeah. He is." I ran my hand through Troy's hair. "And yeah, there's all kinds of regs he could throw at me. But..." I watched my fingertips drift down the side of his neck to his collarbone. "Part of me thinks this is going to compromise my ability to do my job," I whispered. "But part of me thinks it's the exact opposite."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the whole reason I'm here is to protect you. And the closer I get to you, the more I want to do whatever it takes to keep you safe."

He held my gaze. "Really?"

I nodded. "I don't want anything to-"

He kissed me.

Whatever I'd been saying faded away into the back of my mind, and a million red flags sprang up, reminding me I had no business doing this, but Troy's lips were so soft and gentle, and his hair was cool between my fingers, and his body was just perfect and hot against mine.

"f.u.c.k it," he said against my lips. "I know we shouldn't, but I want to."

"So do I. But...I should probably go," I whispered. "Because if we keep doing this, I think we're going to get carried away and go too far."

"We haven't yet."

"Doesn't mean we won't."

"So why keep fighting it?"

"Because we shouldn't..." Oh, to h.e.l.l with it. I pulled him closer and kissed him hard, and he rewarded me with a whimper.

Then he pulled back and grabbed the front of my shirt. "What we shouldn't be doing is standing here when there's a perfectly good bed right over there."

"I do love the way you think," I said, and let myself be led across the room to his bed. He sank onto the mattress and pulled me down with him.

"I thought you liked your guys older," he murmured between kisses. "With more experience."

"I'm willing to make exceptions." I ran my nails down his sides, grinning when he gasped. "Especially for someone who kisses the way you do."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

"Good to know. More?"

"Please."

I slid my hand down his smooth abs, and he gripped the back of my neck, kissing me hard. I teased just above his waistband, and he gasped. Then I cupped his erection, stroking him slowly through the thin, warm fabric of his boxers.

"Oh my G.o.d," he groaned. "That feels so..."

"Like that?"

"Uh-huh." He grabbed my wrist and guided my hand to his waistband.

I grinned against his lips. "You want something?"

"Mmhmm."

I let my fingertips slide past the elastic, and he whimpered before claiming my mouth in another kiss. I slid my hand over his a.s.s, and he gasped.

I paused.

That gasp hadn't been one of pleasure or excitement. His whole body tensed against mine.

"You okay?"

"I..."

I freed my hand and wrapped my arms around him. "Talk to me."

"I'm..." His cheeks darkened, and he looked away. "It's not you."

"It's him, isn't it? Your ex?"

The shudder said it all.

I drew him in closer. "What did he do to you?"

He flinched and still avoided my eyes.

"Troy?"

"I don't want to think about him right now." He looked at me again and ran his fingers through my short hair. "I only want to think about you."

"I know." I cupped his face, running my thumb along his cheekbone. "But if he's hurt you, I don't want to screw up and hurt you too."

He winced, and I vowed then and there to break his ex-boyfriend's neck if I ever had half a f.u.c.king chance.

"I want to keep going," he whispered. "I liked what you were doing."

"You sure?"

He nodded.

I slid my hand down again, hesitating before the waistband. He pressed up against me, grinding his c.o.c.k against mine but also encouraging my hand to move lower. I worked my hand under the elastic, and we both gasped as my fingers wrapped around his hard c.o.c.k.

He gasped again.

And I froze.

Lifting my head, I whispered, "You okay?"

"Yeah." He nodded and swept his tongue across his lips. "It's just, uh, been a while."

"But, are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

"I, uh..." He avoided my eyes. "I want this. I want...I want you." Meeting my gaze, he whispered, "But one thing at a time."

"Okay...?"

He swallowed. "I don't want to stop, but I don't want to f.u.c.k tonight."

"We don't have to." I trailed the backs of my fingers along his cheek. "There's plenty we can do. As long as I'm in bed with you, I couldn't care less how far we go."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not in any hurry." I combed my fingers through his disheveled black hair. "If you're not ready for more, we don't have to."