The Visions of Quevedo Part 5

"Yes, at your service: enter, enter, my lord, one had better come here living than dead."

I immediately walked in, and besought a devil whom I met, to show me the apartments of the palace: he called himself _Curiosity_; this was his appellation of war, or rather that of his employment; for as angels take theirs from their offices near G.o.d or men, so likewise demons are named, from the services they execute, or the dignities with which they are invested.

"They denominate me _Curiosity_," said the demon, "because it is I who inspire men with the desire of seeing, listening, proving, and tasting; and as it is curiosity that opens the door of sin, so it is I who open that of h.e.l.l."

"You may conduct me there," said I, "on condition that you bring me back to the gate again, after I have examined it; and you will oblige me still farther, by leading me afterwards to paradise, which I would also visit."

"It is not I," replied Curiosity, "who can conduct you thither, and open the door; the guide of the way is Retirement, the porter, Virtue; but I will show you every thing worthy of notice here, and reconduct you to the place from whence I take you."

"Very well," said I, and followed him.

We first entered into a s.p.a.cious court, where the devils were scourging the unhappy, who cried, "pardon, pardon, my G.o.d! I did not reflect-I did not believe-who told me of these things;" and many other similar expostulations.

"These," observed the devil, "are people, that have come to h.e.l.l without thinking about it, without fear, and without believing it."

"They were then honest in their faith; but why punish those guilty only through ignorance?"

The devil replied, "they ought to think upon the matter, to instruct themselves, and be persuaded that h.e.l.l is no place for mercy-so much the worse for them."

I pa.s.sed from thence into a great chamber, where there were many men gaming, who swore and blasphemed because they had lost a little money, or played a bad card. "Behold these people," said I to the devil, "how impatient and hasty!"

"That is the cause of their being here."

In another room we found comedians, who mourned at their captivity, shut up for having made the world laugh. Said they; "if by chance some equivocal words have impressed the spectators with evil thoughts, was it not rather their fault than ours?"

"Oh," said the devil to me, "if they had done no more than that, they should scarcely have come here; but think of their lost time, knaveries, and secret crimes! In the terrestrial paradise, a male and female comedian enacted a scene, that hath given to the devil the whole human race."

"Ah! who had they for spectators when they were alone in the world?"

"No, it is not the comedy which d.a.m.ns the players; it is what pa.s.ses behind the scenes."

In the following chamber were the physicians and their suit: they composed poisons for themselves; they took the doses when prepared; they bled and purged themselves, and tried every dangerous and disagreeable remedy in medicine, surgery, and chemistry, to procure death to themselves, and could not succeed.

"They once used their art," said the devil, "for a bad purpose, and now their art fails them at their utmost need: do what they will, they cannot die, because the air of h.e.l.l is a fire which purifies and conserves."

In a cabinet near this chamber, were a number of persons endeavouring to make gold, or to speak more plainly, sought to discover the philosopher's stone: among them I recognised Tarnesier, he who made the nail half gold and half iron, which is in the museum of the duke of Tuscany; also a duke of Saxony, and a duke of the Medici, who knew how to make gold during their lives, but forgot the secret when they came to h.e.l.l.

"Is, then, the making of gold so heinous a sin?" inquired I of the devil.

"No," answered he, "but it is a grievous offence not to know how to make it, and that is the reason these gentlemen are here."

"And the others," said I, "who never pretended to have made the discovery!"

"Oh, they have not pa.s.sed off copper for gold, as these have done."

"Let me see the devotees now," said I to my conductor; "they are a species of humanity that will divert me."

"You are right; these are the fools of h.e.l.l; it will be more instinctive to look at them than those of this apartment."

As we repa.s.sed the chambers we had visited, I heard some one exclaim, "Look at this poor devil, who knows not where to bestow himself; Curiosity is seeking a lodging for him."

"Signor," said one of them to me, "remain here, with the devil's permission, if you cannot be accommodated elsewhere."

I pa.s.sed by without answer, not wishing to hold any intercourse with the d.a.m.ned. I found in this place monks and devotees who had hated one another so rancorously, that they had abused the most holy things of religion, and wasted the time of the church in giving vent to their malice, and afterwards would excuse their conduct in terms not used in the world but to express the most moral, sacred, and holy actions.

"Ah, what hypocrites," said the devil; "it would have been better for them, if they had delivered themselves openly to those pleasures, they concealed under the appearances which deceive the vulgar."

In another part they were praying after this fashion:-"Lord, let my father soon taste the joys of Paradise, that I may take possession of his estate."-"Lord, take speedily my uncle to thy bosom, that I may have his benefice."-"Great saint, make me fortunate at play; disdain not my prayer; grant that my children may contract opulent marriages, and prosper in the world."-"Let my daughter espouse the n.o.ble Spaniard."-They uttered other supplications fully as extravagant, and added promises and vows.-"I will give a hundred crowns to the poor, ornaments to my church, a dowry to six unhappy orphans, two wax tapers, and a chaplet of flowers to our lady."-"I will wear a dark coloured habit," said one girl; "and I a white," said another. The first replies, "I am brunette, the violet suits my complexion;" the second, "I am red, the white becomes me best."

Next to this apartment was that of women and girls who had been lovers, and whose number was very considerable. As the history of their folly was similar, I felt unwilling to listen to it, but traversed their chamber without stopping, and entered into the quarter of the poets, to have the satisfaction of beholding the great geniuses of antiquity.

There I was much surprised to find Homer, sitting in the midst of the Grecian poets, and reading his own _Iliad_, he who had been so blind during his life. I was tempted to ask him some questions respecting his works, and had an idea he would reply in verse. With this view I walked round the circle that was formed, and spoke in these terms to the prince of poets:-"O, ill.u.s.trious Homer! light of the universe! author of the most sublime fictions! the beauty and price of thy writings surpa.s.s the grandeur of the king of Spain, the wisdom of Charlemagne, the abundance of Ceres, the girdle of the Graces, the tenderness of Venus, the delicacies of Bacchus, the brightness of Aurora, the height of heaven, the depth of h.e.l.l, the vastidity of the ocean, and the variety of the world, a Spaniard who wants neither spirit nor courage, of Quevedo, demands of thee if the victory thou hast attributed to the Greeks before Troy truly belongs to them; and if Paris, that tender lover, actually in vain took so much trouble to carry off their chaste Helen."

Homer, rubbing his eyes, answered me thus:-"Here there must needs be sincerity and truth; for we pay dearly for the boldness and obloquy, that weak mortals admire: our torments are eternal. I never was in Ionia: I pa.s.sed my life in Greece; to honour this nation I sacked Troy; a city strong, rich, fortunate, and always victorious, and that was finally destroyed by an earthquake. Helen, to whom I have accorded the honours of fidelity, was the least scrupulous of all our frail damsels. Leave me to relent over what hath charmed all the poets of the world. Go from this place, and tell mortals you found me reading, against my inclination, those works that have attained the universal suffrage."

His discourse affected me. I pitied this old man, who wept upon reading his poems; but I reflected that he had invented all those fabulous incidents, to which both pagans and Christians are equally attached.

Homer, this genius who knew how to a.s.sume so many changes, had he need to endow with heavenly powers, those brave men whom he sent to the siege of Troy? he might have created heroes, without making them G.o.ds: to be sure, it is always permitted to poets to feign and magnify their subjects; or, in other words, the subjects thus aggrandised and exalted to heaven have no sublimity but in poesy and upon paper, like the figures that painters trace on canva.s.s, or sculptors upon marble. How could the Greeks mistake and worship G.o.ds who had such an origin? however the thing has happened, Homer is the cause, and now mourns over his poetry and himself; he has for companions in misery, his disciples and imitators. Ought this not to serve as a lesson to living poets, who, abusing their talents, compose and read seductive works, causing those who think themselves in a condition to do the like, to lose their time, and often corrupting the heart in recreating the mind.

From this chamber I pa.s.sed into that of the Latin poets. Ovid and Virgil there disputed the throne. Horace chafed that he was not admitted into the contest, and Martial revenged himself upon them by a piquant epigram.

Horace protested against the whole proceeding of the two first; he demanded arbitrators, and nominated on his own behalf Scaliger, who has declared that he would rather have been the author of the ninth ode, than the possessor of the crown of Arragon; but they would not notice him.

The other poets espoused the party that suited them best: many declared for Seneca the tragedian, for Terence, and Plautus. These last, read in a corner of the chamber the finest pa.s.sages of their compositions. They now began to talk of settling the dispute with blows: fearing, therefore, that I might get an unlucky hit in the melee, I left the place, and pa.s.sed hastily into the chambers of the Spaniards, Italians, French, English, Turkish, Chinese, and Persian. I noticed the ancient Gaulish poets, crowned with misletoe of the oak, making processions, and singing the histories of their first kings.

"Here, upon this side," said Curiosity to me, "is a chamber of perfumers; they have fine scents for the gratification of the d.a.m.ned; but you would hardly be able to bear them."

"I will take," said I, "a pinch of snuff."

I drew forth my box, helped myself, and offered it to my devil; he filled his nose, but from the t.i.tilation he felt in his olfactories, he withdrew his fingers, when he began to sneeze in such a manner, and with such a noise, that h.e.l.l itself seemed sinking under us, he belched forth fire from his nose, as lightning flashes from a cloud; he put his fore-finger to it, and there issued forth a rivulet of liquid sulphur, which uniting with his saliva, formed a torrent of boiling water, that flowed across the chamber, and pa.s.sed through the doors and windows; without that I believe I should have been drowned. These waters fell upon people underneath, who began to call for help, thinking a river of melted sulphur and pitch fell upon them. The devil laughed heartily at this disorder, and told me my snuff was excellent: he asked for another pinch; I did not dare to refuse him, because he was in his own house; and such a refusal might, perhaps, have made him regard me as impolite. But this time, when I put my fingers into the box, the powder took fire as if it had been saltpetre, and burnt in my hands, at which accident I was not sorry, being apprehensive of another disorder, similar to the first.

We then entered the chamber of the perfumers: they were occupied in extracting essences of intolerable odours, which are as agreeable to them as jessamine, tuberose, orange, and others in use among the men and women of our world: they made these essences from the oil of the box tree, from wax, jet, and yellow amber. Their pomatums were composed of galbanum, a.s.saftida, rosin, pitch, and turpentine. I was informed that these were for the use of the ladies of h.e.l.l, who were served by the perfumers, and who were, at the same time, obliged to use their compounds, in obedience to the laws of Lucifer.

From thence, we proceeded along a broad aisle, which terminated at an elevated pavilion, the apartment of the astrologers and magicians. I met at the door a chiromancer, who desired to inspect my hand. I extended it without ceremony; but scarcely had I touched his, before I was glad to withdraw it, it seemed so hot and fiery.

"I have remarked at a glance," said he, "that you will be happy if you are prudent."

"And you," said I, "what have you noticed with regard to your own?"

"I knew," replied he, "by the mount of Saturn, that I was to be d.a.m.ned."

"Ah, well! if you had exercised the prudence you recommend to me, you would not have been here."

I pa.s.sed without further speech, and saw a man, who, with compa.s.ses, measured upon a globe, the distances between the celestial signs: "what are you doing, good man?" said I.

"Ah, G.o.d!" replied he, "if I had been born but half an hour sooner, when Saturn changed his aspect, and Mars lodged in the house of life, my salvation had been certain."

The others made similar observations, so that one could hardly forbear laughing at their complaints. There came up one named Taisnerius, author of a book upon physiognomy and chiromancy, who gazed in my face for such a length of time, that he quite embarra.s.sed me.

"You look like an old burnt shoe," said I to him; "go your ways; do not stop so near me."

"Look at this beggar," said he; "see how he affects the man of consequence, because he wears a sword by his side, and hath the cross of Saint James! What a physiognomy! What an aspect! What a figure! This man goes straight to the gibbet: besides, there is here neither wealth nor rank; all are equal."