The Unforseen Return Part 7

Squire: No. The company is not ready to receive you.

Richly: What do you mean?

Squire: It wouldn't be proper for a son who knows how to live and who has been learning manners from me to receive his father in a house which has nothing in it but the four walls.

Richly: What--four walls? My beautiful paintings which cost me three thousand pounds--are they gone?

Squire: We got eighteen hundred for them. Not a bad sale.

Richly: Not a bad sale. Masterpieces like that.

Squire: Bah! The subject was lugubrious. The fall of Troy with a villainous wooden horse that had neither mouth nor tail. We made a friend out of the buyer.

Richly: Ah, gallowsbird.

Squire: Weren't there a couple of other paintings that represented something?

Richly: Oh, yes. They were originals by a master some think to be Leonardo-- they represented the Rape of the Sabines.

Squire: Right. We got rid of them, too--because of delicacy of conscience.

Richly: Delicacy of conscience!

Squire: A wise, virtuous, religious man like Mr. Richly--and to have immodest nude Sabine women about him--fie! Nudity is not for the young.

(Reenter Mrs. Prim)

Mrs. Prim: Ah, truly, I have just been warned of some nice business, Mr. Richly.

They say your son is marrying my niece.

Richly: I don't know about your niece, but my son is a rogue, Mrs. Prim.

Roger: Yes, a rake who has led me astray and who has caused--

Squire: Let's not complain about each other or speak ill of those who are not present. One shouldn't condemn people without hearing them first. Pay attention, if you please, Mr. Richly. You've got to look on the bright side. If you are happy, the whole world will be happy. Besides, it's not your fault. And you can't do anything about it but kick up a fuss.

If you are patient no one will laugh at you.

Richly: Go to the devil with your sophistries. But what do I see. They're running off with my fifty thousand pounds.

Mrs. Prim: It's that b.i.t.c.h of a Lucy and my niece.

Richly: And my swindler son.

(Enter Edward and the others)

Edward: Daddy, it's no longer necessary to abuse your credulity. All this has been due to the zeal of Roger to keep you out of the house while I married Belinda. I ask you to pardon my past behaviour. Bless this marriage, I beg you.

(Low) Then you can have your fifty thousand back, and I promise to be better in the future.

Richly: Ah, gallowsbird, do you mock me?

Roger: It's true, sir.

Mrs. Prim: Belinda is my niece--and if your son has married her, I'll give her a dowry which will satisfy you.

Richly: Can you do that? Aren't you under restraint?

Roger: That was only my trick.

Richly: What the house--?

Roger: Part of the same thing.

Richly: What a misfortune! But if you will give me my money back, I've got enough sense of humor to give my consent, if you want it. It's the only way to prevent worse from happening.

Squire: Well, said. That pleases me. Shake, Mr. Richly--you're a brave man. I want to drink with you. Let's go back in and have more to drink and eat. You know it was a lucky thing you came just in time for the wedding.

CURTAIN