The Undergrad Years: Always And Forever Vive Part 5

"Sweet. Jesus. You mean the other day, when you basically threatened to kill her if she published that book?" Taddy's recall of the afternoon was all too perfect.

"Ohhh," Lex started.

"My," Blake added.

"Gawddd," Taddy exaggerated.

"I didn't do s.h.i.t. I haven't seen her since. But Thor says she's missing."

Lex and Taddy shook their heads at the same time as Blake raised his hands in the air.

Putting the phone back up to my mouth, I asked, "Thor, have you called campus security?"

"Duh."

"What about the NYPD?"

"Totally."

"What can we do?"

"Meet me here at the dorm in an hour. I'm organizing a search party."

"See you in sixty."

Sleeping Secrets Later that night, I lay in bed with Seneca. A sense of urgency to be together had caused me to invite him over.

On his back, lean legs out, muscular arms spread wide, we'd had a quickie, more to relieve the stress of the whole 'Poppy White gone missing' ordeal than anything else.

Earlier, we'd searched for her all over Manhattan. We'd gone to her favorite French restaurant on the Upper West Side, the usual coffee shop, talked to her friends on campus, the police, and everyone in her dorm. No sign of her.

You couldn't miss Poppy White if she were in sight. Tall, outspoken, as loud as a Mac truck horn, she got people's attention, hence the reason she was fierce on TV. As much as I'd had my beef with her since college had started, I sure as fudge didn't wish her any harm.

I wasn't that kind of person.

Sure, there were a few people I'd like to see take a hike, or as Mama would say, "Hit the wall," such as the probation officer I had my senior year at Avon Porter after juvie, Alisa Bellamy.

Talk about a royal b-hole. She'd almost prevented me from getting into college.

Not to mention the prosecuting attorney at the trial, Finn Donovan, who nearly screamed, "Murderer!" to my face (behind the judge's back) every time I walked into the courtroom.

Funny how I'd never forget them, considering they pushed me down so far into the depths of despair. That was really where I got my strength to move forward, though. Thinking about them winning in their crusade to destroy my life gave me the power to carry on. That, and the fact that one day I'd get to see my baby, Rose, again.

Yes, those folks I'd like to see gone, but not Poppy. A part of me admired the girl. Coming on a scholarship from the Midwest with no money, she'd only been in town a short while and already had made a name for herself. If anything, Poppy's parents rode her famous coattails, living the life at various social events.

Barf!

Sometimes, I wondered how I might've turned out if I wasn't a Farnworth. Taddy held a similar drive as Poppy. I guess when you had nothing in life, you just naturally pushed yourself till you got where you needed to go. But if everything you'd ever wanted had been handed to you on a silver platter, where did you go from there?

Mama would argue, "My little angel, you go from a silver platter to a platinum one."

Thinking about Mama, Papa, Alisa, Finn, and the apology letter I had yet to finish, I reached across the nightstand for my c.o.c.ktail. I took a sip. Mmm. The juniper berries and herbs in the gin always tasted a bit medicinal to me. My medicine. I loved my gin. I stared at Seneca, admiring his male beauty, and tried to enjoy the buzz from the beverage.

"Has Jay Austin texted you tonight?" He lit a cigarette.

His tobacco emitted an earthy aroma in my room, which masked the usual sticky-sweet alcohol smell Taddy and Lex hated so much.

"Nope."

Jay Austin had joined us in the search, but then he'd called it quits when we'd reached midtown to go home and prepare for his lecture the following day. Dr. Henry was starting to let him teach more of his cla.s.ses; which was a good thing, because he was rather boring to listen to and even less stimulating to look at. He just didn't grab me the way my boyfriend did when he taught journalism cla.s.s.

Trust me, Dr. Henry couldn't sell us on studying Penny Press and the invention of the telegraph the way my boyfriend could.

Like I mentioned earlier, there was something familiar with Jay Austin, as if I'd known him my entire life. It made being with him easy. At times, his demeanor reminded me of Sanderloo. Maybe that's why I had such affection toward him. Mama said it was natural to be drawn to people who reminded you of your loved ones, especially if they'd pa.s.sed on.

"Do you think he behaved...odd tonight?" Seneca asked, pulling me roughly, almost violently, toward him. I tilted my head back, downing the last of my drink as he snuggled tightly to my bosom.

"Perhaps. I haven't thought much about it." I chewed on the ice for a second, burying my face against his, before asking, "Why?"

"He seemed manic. Pupils dilated. Sweating." He took a long drag from his cigarette as I hung on his words for a minute. Softly, his exhale fanned my face. I didn't mind; after all, I liked the smell.

"The NYPD stated he was the last person to see Poppy White, so I'm sure that's making him a bit nervous. He's got a lot on his shoulders right now with school, too."

I was protective of everyone I loved. That was my whole problem. I was a ride-or-die chick. That was what Lex called me. I was that type of friend who would defend your honor, go to bat for you, and risk it all in your name. That was what I'd done for Blake, the night Sanderloo had died. It's just how I'm wired.

I'd like to think that at the end of the day, when all was said and done, I'd leave there knowing I had my friends' backs. Money, smarts, social status-none of that mattered if you didn't have true friends. Right?

"Do you think he had anything to do with her disappearance?"

At the sound of his question, I sat up and put my feet on the floor. "No. What makes you say that?"

"Luyu, he loves you and would do anything for you." His voice hardened. "If you were stressed out about that book, don't you think he'd do everything in his power to put a stop to it?"

"Hmmm. I hadn't thought about it this way. Jay Austin is too much of a goodie-goodie to harm anyone, though." I got up from the bed and walked over to the bar cart to make myself another c.o.c.ktail.

"How many drinks have you had tonight, Luyu?" His gaze searched my face for an honest answer.

"A few." I shrugged. Probably more than a few. "What's it to you?"

"Nothing. I just worry sometimes that you drink too much." He let out a long, audible sigh of disdain.

I filled the gla.s.s with ice, poured the thick, clear gin over the cubes and watched them settle before adding a splash of tonic. My soul was similar to the ice-cubes: frozen and harsh with square edges, but once one poured the liquor over them, they'd soften. "Mind your own business, Seneca."

"Come here, Luyu." He held his arms wide, staring at me seductively, so I crawled on top and straddled him. When I went to take a sip, he took the gla.s.s from my hand, placing it on the nightstand.

"Sen-" Gritting my teeth, I leaned over to get it, but he grabbed playfully at my wrist.

"Why do you drink so much?" he asked with a thread of impatience, pulling my face up to his. These glimpses of determination for me to be real with him caused my heart to beat more rapidly, so much so that the intensity in his dark brown eyes made me look away.

I'd never shared my past with Seneca, or Jay Austin for that matter. It wasn't as if I were hiding it from them. Any time you Googled me or my besties' names you'd see headlines such as, "Avon Porter Kills One of Their Own," or "Pregnant Farnworth Firewater Heiress Butchers Lover."

That headline stung the most. I didn't butcher anyone.

"You know why I drink, Seneca. Drop it," I reflected with some bitterness.

"Luyu. Tell me about it." His stare-intense, caring, perhaps even loving-drilled into me as never before.

Shifting my weight on top of him, I lowered my face against his muscular chest and raked my gold, glittery nails against his tan skin. "I don't enjoy talking about my past. I'd much rather discuss my future."

"Okay, Luyu. What do you want for your future?" His silky voice held a challenge.

"Hmm...To be married one day, have a big, white wedding with Lex, Taddy and Blake as my bridesmaids...maybe over at St. Bart's on Park Avenue. You know that cathedral. I just love that church. Then after a year of traveling, seeing the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World and so on, I'd like to start a family."

I expected him to laugh or mock my words. Most boys did when I shared this with them, but not Seneca. Instead, his lips caught mine, kissing me pa.s.sionately and sending spirals of ecstasy through me. Ohhh. Lawdy. I think I'm in love with this man.

When we finally parted and my toes were beyond curled, he dipped his chin to look at me, our eyes locking as our breathing came in unison. The moonlight shone through the window, creating a warm glow between us. Normally, I'd run out the door when things got deep. However, Seneca had a way of keeping me focused.

"You'd make a great mother, Luyu."

A knot formed in my throat. Tears, hot and wet, streaked my flushed cheeks. Overwhelmed by this compliment, I started to fake-laugh but realized he was on to me, and I stopped myself. Instead, I glared at him, searching for a response. I could barely see him through the wetness of my eyes, but his handsome smile, the one I was indeed falling for, widened. "Thank you."

"I mean it. You're thoughtful and smart. You care about your friends, and always do right by people. Luyu, you're a good person. I don't know why you don't see what I see in you." He reached up and wiped my face. His words suggested to me that I need to start loving myself.

It hadn't really occurred to me before. Sure, 'love yourself' sounds a bit cliche. But when you don't even like yourself, it's hard to one day truly love yourself. Honestly, I'd be okay with just liking me a little bit more, and hating me a little bit less.

"It's getting late. We better get to sleep." I climbed off him. Lying beside him, I put a goose-down pillow between us. The feathers p.r.i.c.kled through the cotton casing.

Removing it, he pulled me against him. My body tingled all over again from his contact. His intensity scared the s.h.i.t out of me. He saw me for me. Not for what the tabloids wrote. Not for what the students in school said behind my back.

The last thing I remembered before falling asleep was him whispering in my ear, "I like it when it's just the two of us."

Seneca left early the next morning to study.

With Hedda Hopper on my lap, we sat at Joe's Coffee Shop near campus in Morningside Heights.

Blake was to my left, Taddy and Lex to my right. Up at the espresso machine, flirting with the new barista, was Thor in all his pride and glory.

"Must you have that gun pointed at me?" I asked Taddy.

Her handgun, concealed in her Fendi handbag, sat dead-center in the middle of the cafe table, pointing in my direction.

"Darling, it's for our protection," she smiled. "Lex and I had fun yesterday at the rifle range learning how to shoot. You two should've gone with us."

"No f.u.c.king way." I glanced over at Blake for confirmation my besties had lost their minds. Shaking his head, he sighed.

Overnight, the rumors had started circulating, stating I had something to do with Poppy's disappearance. It felt as if we were at Avon Porter all over again.

"Maybe we shouldn't have left the apartment today." Wearing her Chanel sungla.s.ses and an Yves Saint Laurent sequined baseball cap, Lex sipped her double Dutch chocolate chip latte, with a generous dollop of whipped cream.

"Gurl, you can say that again." Blake uncrossed his legs, pulling himself closer to the table. He motioned for all of us to lean in. "I have an idea..."

"We leave New York City and finally go to college in Malibu?" Taddy asked.

She'd been begging for California long before we'd arrived at Columbia University.

He shook his head. "Let's hire a private investigator to find Poppy White."

"Mmm." I finished the sip of my coffee and replied, "I love that idea."

The NYPD had filed the missing persons paperwork, but was a search party (other than the one we'd done) out looking for her? No. Not exactly. Although, Poppy's headshot was plastered all over the news.

"Why is everyone staring at us?" Taddy's face, usually a shade of porcelain with a splatter of freckles across the bridge of her model-perfect nose, turned a deep shade of red.

I hated this feeling of being under some microscopic lens.

"Because they think we did something to her," Blake muttered without making eye contact with me. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

Just as we were getting our things together, two people approached with judgment in their narrow eyes: Brez Duncan, a fellow student who'd interned at Poppy's TV show, and her boyfriend, Marshall. Great. So close to escaping. "Morning, Brez," I greeted, acting as if it was just another day.

"You four have a lot of nerve showing your guilty faces this morning."

Her words caused us all to tense up as Thor quirked his brow, glancing over at us from the espres...o...b..r.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Lex rolled up her sleeves, ready for a fight.

Out of all of us, Lex was the one who could easily throw a few punches.

"Cut the s.h.i.t, Alexandra. We all know you Manhattanites have had it in for Poppy ever since she did that story on you last semester."

"That's not true," I countered.

Brez leaned across the table, over the Fendi handbag with the loaded gun in it, pointing her long, unkempt finger in my face. "Admit it. You did something to her."

Under normal circ.u.mstances, I'd defend myself. But the gravity of the situation had paralyzed me enough to make talking impossible. With nothing to say, I simply sat there, gawking.

Quick on her feet, Lex strutted around the table and got right up in Brez's face.

"Is there a problem?" Thor approached with his coffee and confusion written over his sweet face.

"Listen here." Lex put her left hand on Marshall's chest, signaling to him that it was just between the girls. "You can think whatever your small brain likes, but we had nothing to do with Poppy White's disappearance. For all we know, it could've been you who s.n.a.t.c.hed her."

"Me?" The size of Brez's beady eyes nearly doubled.

"Lord knows, Brez, you'd certainly like to be Poppy in your next life."

"That's not true."

"You dress just like her." Lex flicked her short, purple fingernail against Brez's blouse. "It's no secret you wanted to co-host her talk show, but Poppy told you there was only room for one star and it wasn't y-o-u."