The Tatler Volume Iii Part 15

"_To the Right Worshipful Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., Censor of Great Britain, and Governor of the Hospital erected, or to be erected, in Moorfields._

"The pet.i.tion of the inhabitants of the parish of Goatham in the county of Middles.e.x;

"HUMBLY SHEWETH,

"That whereas 'tis the undoubted right of your said pet.i.tioners to repair on every Lord's Day to a chapel of ease in the said parish, there to be instructed in their duties in the known or vulgar tongue; yet so it is (may it please your Worship) that the preacher of the said chapel has of late given himself wholly up to matters of controversy, in no wise tending to the edification of your said pet.i.tioners; and in handling (as he calls it) the same, has used divers hard and crabbed words; such as, among many others, are 'orthodox' and 'heterodox,' which are in no sort understood by your said pet.i.tioners; and it is with grief of heart that your pet.i.tioners beg leave to represent to you, that in mentioning the aforesaid words or names (the latter of which, as we have reason to believe, is his deadly enemy), he will fall into ravings and foamings, ill-becoming the meekness of his office, and tending to give offence and scandal to all good people.

"Your pet.i.tioners further say, that they are ready to prove the aforesaid allegations; and therefore humbly hope, that from a true sense of their condition, you will please to receive the said preacher into the hospital, until he shall recover a right use of his senses.

"And your pet.i.tioners," &c.

[Footnote 131: The whole attention of the town in March 1710 was devoted to the Sacheverell trial. See Nos. 140, 142, 157.]

[Footnote 132: See No. 145.]

[Footnote 133: See No. 138.]

[Footnote 134: See No. 35.]

[Footnote 135: The foot of London Bridge. There was a tavern, famous in the seventeenth century, called "The Bear at the Bridge-foot," below London Bridge.]

[Footnote 136: See No. 137.]

No. 142. [STEELE.

From _Sat.u.r.day, March 4_, to _Tuesday, March 7, 1709-10_.

_Sheer Lane, March 6._

All persons who employ themselves in public, are still interrupted in the course of their affairs: and it seems, the admired Cavalier Nicolini himself is commanded by the ladies, who at present employ their time with great a.s.siduity in the care of the nation, to put off his day till he shall receive their commands, and notice that they are at leisure for diversions.[137] In the meantime it is not to be expressed, how many cold chickens the fair ones have eaten since this day sennight for the good of their country. This great occasion has given birth to many discoveries of high moment for the conduct of life. There is a toast of my acquaintance told me, she had now found out, that it was day before nine in the morning;[138] and I am very confident, if the affair holds many days longer, the ancient hours of eating will be revived among us, many having by it been made acquainted with the luxury of hunger and thirst.

There appears, methinks, something very venerable in all a.s.semblies: and I must confess, I envied all who had youth and health enough to make their appearance there, that they had the happiness of being a whole day in the best company in the world. During the adjournment of that awful court, a neighbour of mine was telling me, that it gave him a notion of the ancient grandeur of the English hospitality, to see Westminster Hall a dining-room.[139] There is a cheerfulness at such repasts, which is very delightful to tempers which are so happy as to be clear of spleen and vapour; for to the jovial to see others pleased, is the greatest of all pleasures.

But since age and infirmities forbid my appearance at such public places, the next happiness is to make the best use of privacy, and acquit myself of the demands of my correspondents. The following letter is what has given me no small inquietude, it being an accusation of partiality, and disregard to merit, in the person of a virtuoso, who is the most eloquent of all men upon small occasions, and is the more to be admired for his prodigious fertility of invention, which never appears but upon subjects which others would have thought barren. But in consideration of his uncommon talents, I am contented to let him be the hero of my next two days, by inserting his friends' recommendation of him at large:

"DEAR COUSIN, "Nando's,[140] _Feb. 28, 1709_.

"I am just come out of the country, and upon perusing your late Lucubrations, I find Charles Lillie to be the darling of your affections, that you have given him a place, and taken no small pains to establish him in the world; and at the same time have pa.s.sed by his namesake[141] at this end of the town, as if he was a citizen defunct, and one of no use in a commonwealth. I must own, his circ.u.mstances are so good, and so well known, that he does not stand in need of having his fame published to the world; but being of an ambitious spirit, and an aspiring soul, he would be rather proud of the honour, than desirous of the profit, which might result from your recommendation. He is a person of a particular genius, the first that brought toys in fashion, and baubles to perfection. He is admirably well versed in screws, springs, and hinges, and deeply read in knives, combs or scissors, b.u.t.tons or buckles. He is a perfect master of words, which, uttered with a smooth voluble tongue, flow into a most persuasive eloquence; insomuch that I have known a gentleman of distinction find several ingenious faults with a toy of his, and show his utmost dislike to it, as being either useless, or ill-contrived; but when the orator behind the counter had harangued upon it for an hour and a half, displayed its hidden beauties, and revealed its secret perfections, he has wondered how he had been able to spend so great a part of his life without so important an utensil. I won't pretend to furnish out an inventory of all the valuable commodities that are to be found at his shop.

"I shall content myself with giving an account of what I think most curious. Imprimis, his pocket-books are very neat, and well contrived, not for keeping bank bills or goldsmiths' notes,[142] I confess; but they are admirable for registering the lodgings of Madonnas, and for preserving letters from ladies of quality: his whips and spurs are so nice, that they'll make one that buys them ride a fox-hunting, though before he hated noise and early rising, and was afraid of breaking his neck. His seals are curiously fancied, and exquisitely well cut, and of great use to encourage young gentlemen to write a good hand. Ned Puzzlepost had been ill-used by his writing-master, and writ a sort of a Chinese, or downright scrawlian: however, upon his buying a seal of my friend, he is so much improved by continual writing, that it is believed in a short time one may be able to read his letters, and find out his meaning, without guessing. His pistols and fusees are so very good, that they are fit to be laid up among the finest china. Then his tweezer-cases are incomparable: you shall have one not much bigger than your finger, with seventeen several instruments in it, all necessary every hour of the day, during the whole course of a man's life. But if this virtuoso excels in one thing more than another, it is in canes; he has spent his most select hours in the knowledge of them, and is arrived at that perfection, that he is able to hold forth upon canes longer than upon any one subject in the world.

Indeed his canes are so finely clouded, and so well made up, either with gold or amber heads, that I am of the opinion it is impossible for a gentleman to walk, talk, sit or stand as he should do, without one of them. He knows the value of a cane, by knowing the value of the buyer's estate. Sir Timothy Shallow has two thousand pounds per annum, and Tom Empty one. They both at several times bought a cane of Charles: Sir Timothy's cost ten guineas, and Tom Empty's five. Upon comparing them, they were perfectly alike. Sir Timothy surprised there should be no difference in the canes, and so much in the price, comes to Charles. 'd.a.m.n it, Charles,' says he, 'you have sold me a cane here for ten pieces, and the very same to Tom Empty for five.' 'Lord, Sir Timothy,' says Charles, 'I am concerned that you, whom I took to understand canes better than any baronet in town, should be so overseen;[143] why, Sir Timothy, yours is a true jambee, and Squire Empty's only a plain dragon.'[144]

"This virtuoso has a parcel of jambees now growing in the East Indies, where he keeps a man on purpose to look after them, which will be the finest that ever landed in Great Britain, and will be fit to cut about two years hence. Any gentleman may subscribe for as many as he pleases. Subscriptions will be taken in at his shop at ten guineas each joint. They that subscribe for six, shall have a dragon gratis. This is all I have to say at present concerning Charles' curiosities; and hope it may be sufficient to prevail with you to take him into your consideration, which if you comply with, you will oblige,

"Your humble Servant.

"N.B. Whereas there came out last term several gold snuff-boxes and others: this is to give notice, that Charles[145] will put out a new edition on Sat.u.r.day next, which will be the only one in fashion till after Easter. The gentleman that gave fifty pounds for the box set with diamonds, may show it till Sunday night, provided he goes to church; but not after that time, there being one to be published on Monday which will cost fourscore guineas."

[Footnote 137: See No. 137. In No. 140 there was the following advertis.e.m.e.nt: "At the request of all the ladies of quality, who are at present engaged in politics, the benefit night for Cavalier Nicolini is put off to Tuesday the 7th instant."]

[Footnote 138: Cf. "Wentworth Papers," p. 113. "Sacheverell will make all the Ladys good huswis, they goe att seven every mornin'," says Lady Wentworth.]

[Footnote 139: The spectators brought their lunch with them.]

[Footnote 140: A coffee-house in Fleet Street, at the east corner of Inner Temple Lane.]

[Footnote 141: Charles Mather, the toyman (see Nos. 27, 113).]

[Footnote 142: Goldsmiths' receipts for coin lodged with them as bankers were sometimes transferred from hand to hand, but this was always limited to a few merchants.]

[Footnote 143: Deceived.]

[Footnote 144: A dragon is a small malacca cane, so called from its blood-red colour. It comes from Penang, Singapore, and other islands in the Straits of Malacca. A jambee, on the contrary, is a knotty bamboo of a pale brown hue. As an article of commerce it is now extinct. The "clouded cane" of Sir Plume was a large malacca artificially coloured (Dobson).]

[Footnote 145: Charles Mather.]

No. 143. [STEELE.

From _Tuesday, March 7_, to _Thursday, March 9, 1709-10_.

_Sheer Lane, March 8._

I was this afternoon surprised with a visit from my sister Jenny, after an absence of some time. She had, methought, in her manner and air, something that was a little below that of the women of first breeding and quality, but at the same time above the simplicity and familiarity of her usual deportment. As soon as she was seated, she began to talk to me of the odd place I lived in, and begged of me to remove out of the lane where I have been so long acquainted; "for," said she, "it does so spoil one's horses, that I must beg your pardon if you see me much seldomer, when I am to make so great a journey with a single pair, and make visits and get home the same night." I understood her pretty well, but would not; therefore desired her to pay off her coach, for I had a great deal to talk to her. She very pertly told me, she came in her own chariot. "Why," said I, "is your husband in town? And has he set up an equipage?" "No," answered she, "but I have received 500 by his order; and his letters, which came at the same time, bade me want for nothing that was necessary." I was heartily concerned at her folly, whose affairs render her but just able to bear such an expense. However I considered, that according to the British custom of treating women, there is no other method to be used in removing any of their faults and errors, but conducting their minds from one humour to another, with as much ceremony as we lead their persons from one place to another. I therefore dissembled my concern, and in compliance with her, as a lady that was to use her feet no more, I begged of her, after a short visit, to let me persuade her not to stay out till it was late, for fear of catching cold as she went into her coach in the dampness of the evening.

The Malapert knew well enough I laughed at her, but was not ill-pleased with the certainty of her power over her husband, who, she knew, would support her in any humour he was able, rather than pa.s.s through the torment of an expostulation, to gainsay anything she had a mind to. As soon as my fine lady was gone, I writ the following letter to my brother:

"DEAR BROTHER,

"I am at present under very much concern at the splendid appearance I saw my sister make in an equipage which she has set up in your absence. I beg of you not to indulge her in this vanity; and desire you to consider, the world is so whimsical, that though it will value you for being happy, it will hate you for appearing so. The possession of wisdom and virtue (the only solid distinctions of life) is allowed much more easily than that of wealth and quality.

Besides which, I must entreat you to weigh with yourself, what it is that people aim at in setting themselves out to show in gay equipages, and moderate fortunes. You are not by this means a better man than your neighbour is; but your horses are better than his are. And will you suffer care and inquietude, to have it said as you pa.s.s by, 'Those are very pretty punch nags!'[146] Nay, when you have arrived at this, there are a hundred worthless fellows who are still four horses happier than you are. Remember, dear brother, there is a certain modesty in the enjoyment of moderate wealth, which to transgress, exposes men to the utmost derision; and as there is nothing but meanness of spirit can move a man to value himself upon what can be purchased with money, so he that shows an ambition that way, and cannot arrive at it, is more emphatically guilty of that meanness. I give you only my first thoughts on this occasion, but shall, as I am a censor, entertain you in my next with my sentiments in general upon the subject of equipage; and show, that though there are no sumptuary laws amongst us, reason and good sense are equally binding, and will ever prevail in appointing approbation or dislike in all matters of an indifferent nature, when they are pursued with earnestness. I am,

"Sir," &c.

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nTS.