The Sweetest Scent Part 13

A KNOCK KNOCK on the door, timid and almost inaudible, aroused Bro from his sullen mood. on the door, timid and almost inaudible, aroused Bro from his sullen mood.

"Go away!"

The door opened anyway, and Mr. Teasdale's embarra.s.sed face peeked in. "May I come in?" he asked with a shaky voice.

"Whatever." Bro wanted to stay mad, and this music teacher would be the perfect target. All the recent changes in his life had come to a head, and he wanted to scream and shout, kick and break. He wanted everything to stop spinning out of control so d.a.m.n fast and slipping through his fingers. And most of all, he wanted Lacey with him. Forever, if at all possible.

Mr. Teasdale came in, closed the door, and leaned against it. Then he broke the silence by suddenly asking, "Do you know where the music schools I mentioned are?"

Bro gritted his teeth and leaned against his bed's headboard, staring stubbornly out the window. "Seattle?"

"No." Mr. Teasdale shook his head. "They are all on the East Coast."

That got Bro's attention, and his gaze snapped toward the shy man floundering by the door, seemingly trying to decide whether to walk closer to the young man or stay put. "What?"

"The Curtis Inst.i.tute of Music is in Philadelphia, Washington College in Chestertown, just across Chesapeake Bay, and the Peabody Conservatory in Baltimore. The last two are the closest to DC. And surely you know Juilliard is in New York, as is Carnegie Mellon. The New England Conservatory is in New England, of course. Boston, to be precise. Right from the start, when Lacey and I first spoke about her options before the turn of the year, it was obvious to her she would want to stay on the East Coast, to stay close to you."

Bro trembled. Had he mistaken the situation so G.o.dd.a.m.n badly? Had he let his teenage hormones get the better of him, addle his brain so badly he couldn't even remember where some of those world-famous schools were, control him with undeserved fury? f.u.c.k! f.u.c.k! "I...." "I...."

Mr. Teasdale's expression changed to a more patient, serious one, and his tone reflected that. "You do understand Lacey is one of the finest young violinists out there, and not just any college will do for her? She has a gift, a true natural talent, and it needs to be cultivated, encouraged, and nurtured. She wants to make a career in music-" He paused, frowning. "-but she also wants to be with you. That is why she focused on conservatories and colleges relatively close to DC. Her home."

The shame Bro felt then knew no bounds. G.o.d, how could he have been so stupid? He had a.s.sumed most of those fancy places would be all over the country, maybe even in Seattle. Bro knew he couldn't go that far to live, not even for Lacey. He couldn't leave his family behind, not when he had lost so many family members already. His father was dead, while his still-living mother was a coldblooded, reticent woman who felt no love for her two imperfect sons. The mere thought of leaving Sebastian and the new family they had formed was too horrible to contemplate.

But to realize that Lacey had understood and was willing to sacrifice some of the best schools of music in the world to be with Bro.... G.o.d, he had f.u.c.ked up so royally.

He bounced up on his feet, heading for the door. "I have to talk to Lacey before-"

"She's not here," Mr. Teasdale said, causing Bro to stop in midstride.

"Where is she?" He squelched the urge to grab the man's lapels and shake him until answers fell from him like ripe fruit from a tree. He wasn't a violent person, though, and besides, this had been his mess, so it was his responsibility to clean it up, without b.i.t.c.hing.

Mr. Teasdale spoke matter-of-factly as he said, "She wanted to see her father. Jordan and Kevin agreed to take her."

At that Bro was stunned and terrified beyond belief. He ran out the door as if the devil were on his heels.

"ROGER'S been released on bail, so he should be home." Jordan's words were as cool and calm as ever, and they soothed Lacey's frayed nerves as she sat next to him in his SUV. They were driving to her home, or former home. Kevin sat in the back, silent. been released on bail, so he should be home." Jordan's words were as cool and calm as ever, and they soothed Lacey's frayed nerves as she sat next to him in his SUV. They were driving to her home, or former home. Kevin sat in the back, silent.

"Thanks." She wondered if her voice sounded as foreign to him as it did her.

"You still wanna do this?" Jordan asked. His concerned, wary gaze landed on her with its usual intensity.

"Yes, I do." About that she was adamant. "For closure, you know."

"It's not necessary, certainly not right now."

"It is for me, and what better time than right now?"

Jordan sighed a little. "Look, Bro didn't mean-"

"I don't want to talk about that right now," Lacey cut him off sharply.

"Okay." Jordan shrugged, but Lacey had an inkling Jordan was far from done with this subject. She had been given a reprieve, but in true family fashion, it wasn't over, not by a long shot.

Jordan slowed down, steered to the curb, and parked the car close to the house. Lacey saw lights on inside, in the living room but nowhere else. She shuddered. Her father had not been a bad man for most of his life, so Lacey still stubbornly refused to believe Roger had gone off the deep end with finality. During the fight, she had felt that way, but the hope within wouldn't die.

With that thought in mind, she got out of the car and walked to the front door. She felt Jordan and Kevin flank her and was grateful for their support and protection. Yes, with her new martial arts skill Lacey would probably have been able to take her father down alone if he tried anything, but that was hardly the point of this meeting.

She hadn't realized she'd been standing there in front of the door for a minute or so until Jordan touched her shoulder, silently asking her what she wanted to do.

Nodding, Lacey used her keys to unlock the door.

The light in the hallway was off, but one was on in the living room. Roger sat on the couch, a beer bottle in hand, his unseeing gaze directed at a black TV screen. Lacey noticed how lifeless he seemed, how slumped his stance, how motionless his very being, gaze dull, face blank. And he looked older, too, at least twenty years older than he was in reality. Was it a consequence of all the drinking, or the sorrow of loss, or remorse for his misdeeds? Lacey swallowed, feeling small and fearful. She still loved this man-who apparently didn't love her.

Maybe blood isn't thicker than water.

When he heard the door close, Roger glanced up. At first there was no recognition, but then his eyes widened, and he struggled to get up. The beer bottled dropped from his hand onto the rug, spilling its foamy contents, but he picked it up and placed it on the table. Lacey observed he hadn't used a coaster, and Lexie would have given him h.e.l.l for it.

"Hi, Dad," Lacey said quietly.

Roger's hair was a s.h.a.ggy mop, his skin pale, and his clothes rumpled. Yet, as he came closer slowly-not staggering, exactly, but less than steady on his feet-Lacey smelled no alcohol on his breath. Was that a good sign? Wait, hadn't he had a beer bottle in hand a second ago?

"Lacey." Roger said only the name, then appeared stumped. She didn't think he even saw the two men standing at her sides. "I, uh... I didn't expect to see... I mean, um...." Then his jaw trembled, and he shook violently. There was wetness in his eyes and on his cheeks now. "Oh G.o.d, son. What have I done?"

He held out his arms, as if waiting for Lacey to run right to him. But she couldn't. She didn't have enough trust in the genuineness of the gesture. So Lacey pointed at the couch. "We should probably sit down."

Awkwardly, Roger nodded and then walked back to the sofa, slumping down like a weighty puppet. "Lance, I have behaved so-"

"My name is Lacey," she cut him off. She was surprised to hear how calm she sounded even to her own ears. Was she in denial, or in shock, or losing her mind? "I know I'm not the kind of son you wanted, but this is who I am. I could change for you, because you're my father and I love you. But I won't. I. Will. Not."

Roger's face twisted, but to Lacey it looked more like agony than wrath. "I know."

Though that surprised her, Lacey ventured onward. "All that's happened to you lately, Dad... it's not my fault. You always tell me to grow up and be a man. You should follow your own mantra. I did not put the bottle in your hands and force the alcohol down your throat. You did that all by yourself. I did not make you hit me, either. You did that, too, by your own choice." She paused to take a calming breath. "I miss Mom too. So much sometimes it kills me. But no matter how many drinks you consume or how many times you slap me around, she's not gonna come back."

Roger said nothing. His jaw kept twitching, though, and he was wringing his hands. Then, finally, he said quietly, "I wish I could say it was just the drink talking, Son. I really do." He brushed his forehead, sweaty and pale. "I wish it was just about your mother, but it's everything. Oh, G.o.d, I didn't want you to find out like this...."

"Find out what?" Lacey's heart d.a.m.n near stopped.

Roger let out a guttural groan that turned into a sad sob. "A month ago I... I lost my job because of the drinking."

"Dad...." Lacey's head was spinning, and so was her life, and her father's life. Their life as a family.

"But for the better part of the past year, even before I lost my job, I took money out of your college fund to pay the bills and... everything else."

Booze, you mean, and maybe some gambling too, or whatever. Lacey felt her own hands shaking, though her mind felt blank and sort of numb. Shock again, huh? Familiar territory for you, sister Shock again, huh? Familiar territory for you, sister. "Dad, how could you?"

"I was going to replace it all, but... but things just spiraled out of control." Roger was desperate, she could hear it. He was sorry, but it was too late now.

"How much is left?" Dread settled into the pit of her stomach as Lacey watched with her mind's eye as her future as a violinist, as a college graduate, slipped down the drain with her father's drinks.

Roger's miserable expression turned to one of defeat. "A few... hundred. A thousand. Maybe."

Lacey felt her heart break. Again. "But Mom had made sure I had a college trust fund from Granddad's will."

"As your legal guardian, I had access." Then Roger stopped talking and simply sat there, saying nothing, doing nothing.

Lacey wanted to scream, to cry, to fight, to curse the injustice of it all. Even if she had a full-time job while in music school, she wouldn't be able to make that kind of money, not for one of those places. The stress, lack of time and sleep, pressures from all sides-she might be able to handle it. But it would all show in her music, that much she knew. Music was the language of the soul, and hers was damaged beyond repair, cut off from all sides.

She longed to hurt this man, Roger, for how could she call him dad anymore? What kind of parent did this to their child?

But Lacey understood sorrow. No matter how despondent or mad she got, she couldn't hurt him. Not even with the truth of what had happened on the day of her mother's accident, and the true reason she had been behind the wheel. For the sake of them both, that would remain buried for all time.

Now Lacey also knew she had no choice but to go to Seattle with Aunt Valerie.

There was no other way. She could not and would not ask her new family-not for much longer, sister-to foot the bill for years in a high-priced conservatory. Her aunt was her only option now. That and getting a job that paid big bucks, hopefully at least somehow tied to music.

"You unbelievable b.a.s.t.a.r.d. You miserable piece of s.h.i.t."

Bro's voice from the open doorway startled them all. He looked wild and frantic and desperate and furious-and so much like a knight in shining armor to Lacey. Her brave champion.

She got up and dashed over to him, and when he saw her coming, he opened his arms, and she went to him, melting into his embrace. "You came."

"Of course I came," he mumbled into her hair. Lacey felt his heartbeats, his warmth, his solidity. My rock My rock. "I'm so f.u.c.king sorry, Lace. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. Teasdale told me all those music places are on the East Coast. But you see, I thought.... f.u.c.k, baby, I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, silly." Lacey was just glad he was there, holding her. She knew it was wrong to give in to this feeling, especially since she was going to have to leave, but she needed the contact right now.

"I feel like a... like a carved tree trunk, hollowed out and empty." Roger's voice from the couch was deep and resigned. "There's only sorrow there, and I can't make it go away. I drown it every once in a while, but-"

"Dad, you have got to stop this." Lacey moved away from Bro and sat on the coffee table in front of her father. "You have got to get help. I don't want read your obituary in the paper. I don't want to stand at your funeral, watching them lower your casket down to the ground. I don't want to say good-bye like this."

Suddenly Roger moved, grasping at Lacey's hands, squeezing them, his eyes pleading. "I've been so horrible to you. You look so much like your mother." One of his hands came up in an attempt to caress, but he pulled it back at the last minute. "I know it wasn't your fault. What's happened to me, who I've let myself become. And... what happened to your mother."

Lacey gasped in fear of what was to come. "Dad-"

"Children are capable of such forgiveness," Roger muttered, looking deflated. "Not all parents deserve that." He glanced up at Lacey. "I know Lexie wasn't on her way to pick you up, but to get me an anniversary present." He shook his head fiercely when Lacey tried to speak. "I know I accused you of her... death. It was wrong of me. I've been wrong for a long time. Without Lexie, I don't seem to know how to put myself back together again...." His eyes brimmed with tears. "And now I have lost you because of it. Just like I lost her."

"I'm not dead, Dad." Lacey wanted to hug him, but she couldn't move her muscles to do that. There was too much bad blood between them. Or so she thought. Just when she thought the bond between them severed for all time, her hands seemed to move on their own, and she hugged him. Cautiously, Roger hugged her back, patting a bit.

"I know, Son. But you aren't going to be with me anymore."

Lacey pulled back and saw Roger's eyes dart to Jordan, Kevin, and Bro. There was some resentment, but mostly acceptance, and a little bit of pride too. She had to set the record straight. "Valerie's here, Dad. She's pet.i.tioning for custody. Then I'll go to Seattle with her."

"What?" The question came from two mouths at once-Roger and and Bro. Bro.

Lacey ignored Bro's outburst, unable to deal with it right then. "Dad, I have no other choice now. I have relied on the kindness of my friends for far-"

"We're your family family," Bro cut in, and she heard the desperation in his tone.

"-too long, but now I have to make my own way, and not be a burden-"

"You're not not a burden, dammit!" Bro was getting well and truly angry, Lacey noted. a burden, dammit!" Bro was getting well and truly angry, Lacey noted.

She sighed. "I have to go to Seattle, Dad, now that you drank my college fund. I have to get a job to support myself, and get a place-"

"You have a place here here, Lace." Bro sounded breathless now, as if trying to outrun the inevitable train wreck that lay ahead.

Roger was the one to speak next, before Lacey got the chance. "Your, um... boyfriend is right. What you have to do, it wouldn't change regardless of which coast you're on. And...." He hesitated, swallowing hard. "And I know I have no right to ask, or to expect, but... I would miss you if you left."

"Why did you tell me Lexie's family didn't want to have anything to do with us?" she asked.

Roger exhaled deeply. "Because I knew they would see right through me, to the drunk underneath, and take you away from me."

"But you haven't wanted me me to begin with." Lacey was confused. to begin with." Lacey was confused.

Roger fidgeted in discomfort. "It's hard to have a son like you-"

"What Lacey is or isn't, it has nothing to do with you, you self-righteous p.r.i.c.k," Bro snarled. "You didn't fail as a parent by siring someone as wonderful as Lacey. You did fail when you turned away from her, and accused her of-" Jordan's touch on his arm was the only thing that stopped him from continuing, and he huffed with barely held back, justified fury.

"I know," Roger said quietly. "A father should never take out his frustration on his child. A father should never hit his child. I failed in both of those."

Lacey couldn't say out loud it was all right. "I know it feels bad, Dad, but you need to try harder. You must. For both our sakes."

Roger looked up from his hands to search Lacey's face for who knew what. "G.o.d, how much you remind me of her. So beautiful...." His hand lifted to brush her hair behind her ear. "I thought if you were more like a boy, I wouldn't be haunted by her image in you every time I saw you. It was stupid of me. You are who you are." He hid his face in his hands, shaking his head, and the sound of sobs emerged. "G.o.d, I can't believe I was so out of it that I attacked you and your friend-" His head whipped up in utter horror. "Oh my G.o.d, is she...?"

"Audrey's okay, Dad," Lacey rea.s.sured him softly.

Roger's shoulders slumped. "Thank G.o.d."

"Thank Bro instead. He and his friends stopped you, remember?"

"It's hazy," Roger admitted slowly, frowning, as if trying to recapture a fleeting dream.

"Not for any of us," Bro murmured in the background, still steaming.

"Bro, please, stop it." Lacey locked gazes with her boyfriend, but for the first time she saw no understanding there. She knew why, though. He was withdrawing, shutting down, moving away from that which caused him heartache.

"Whatever." Then Bro took off, walking out of the house and slamming the door shut behind him. Lacey couldn't reproach him, but it still hurt.

"I did this to you. To you both. All of you," Roger whispered.

Lacey was angry, too. "Dad, the time for self-pity is over. Either you get up from this mire right now, or you'll be here for the rest of your life." She stood up, intent on finding Bro. "But I will not be here to see it."

She stepped aside, but Roger's hold of her arm kept her where she was. Faintly in the background she heard a car start up and drive off, tires squealing. Bro's gone Bro's gone. The emptiness in her heart felt too big for the fragile shape to contain.