The Story Of Us Part 9

I stand at the end of the bed, staring at the man who awakened color in me. I'm grateful for that, of course, but it's not enough. I know from experience that the person who has that kind of power can also take it away.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, before I walk out.

Chapter 13.

Present Day 4:31 a.m.

The nurse who brought me the coffee leads me to Maverick's room.

I see nothing around me. I know there are other people around-nurses, doctors, orderlies-but all I concentrate on are the slow breaths in and out. If I don't, I might stop breathing altogether.

"If anyone else is coming, they'll need to check in at the nurses' station," the nurse says. "We ask that there're only two visitors in the room at a time, and that there's minimal talking and distraction."

I nod, my typical answer.

She opens a door across from the nurses' station, a door I could see from the waiting room. We haven't walked far. Then she steps aside for me to enter first.

I have pictures in my head. Fake representations of reality. I will never be able to paint a sunset the way it really is, not from mental depictions alone. I always make mistakes-a misplaced shadow, a distortion in color, an accidental brushstroke-that alter the real thing. So I wonder what has my mind altered with Maverick?

"I don't normally work this floor," the nurse says, her voice hushed. She motions to the nurse in the room standing behind a computer. "That's J.J. She'll take care of you tonight."

I nod, think "thank you," but the words won't pa.s.s my lips. I'm holding the coffee tighter now that I've entered. The room is dim. Beeping, sucking, mechanical noises fill the air. I can see the bottom of the hospital bed. The outlines of Maverick's feet are at the end, covered in an arctic blue blanket. His legs, his body are under there, unmoving.

I can't even pretend he's sleeping, because he never sleeps this soundly. He's usually tossing and turning and stealing my half of the blankets. Normally I can wake him up with an elbow to his back or a yank of the duvet. Today, I won't be waking him up.

As my gaze travels up the blue blanket, the color changes from cornflower to light gray. It spreads like water being soaked up into a paper towel until the drab hue saturates the whole room.

I suck in a breath when I see his face. The scene in front of me is so much worse than the ones I've imagined.

"I'll give you a few minutes," someone behind me says.

I don't nod. I don't move. I'm frozen in place, staring at my husband. His smile, his beautiful eyes, dark hair, olive skin, s.e.xy voice-all gone. In front of me is a man I don't recognize.

The coffee cup falls from my hands as I cover my mouth in case Mav can hear me. I don't want him to worry, so I puff out monster spouts of air I can't get a handle on.

I'm losing it. Because no matter what happens from here or what happened in the past, he's still mine. This broken, lifeless man who rescued me, he'll always be mine.

I rush to his side, grab his hand, and clasp it to my mouth. Tears roll over his skin, my tears.

"Maverick," I whimper. "Maverick, please. Please come back to me. Please, baby."

Chapter 14.

Cancun, Mexico 27 Months Ago My hand is shaking so hard it takes me three tries to unlock my hotel room door. Images of red still cover my mental canvas. Bright, deep, loud red. Heat I can't forget courses through my body.

I need a drink.

I close the door softly, even though I'm sure Finley is in Jake's room again tonight. The a.s.sumption was that I'd be occupying ours. After I calm down, I'll call her and tell her to get her a.s.s over here. I've made a huge mistake and I can't deal with it alone.

I don't bother with the lights, crossing the room toward the balcony. There's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight. How can I, when my head and heart and body are odds? The past and the present colliding in one jumbled up c.r.a.p fest.

Chris was right. I'm such an idiot, a nave, stupid girl.

"Ali?"

The sound of my name whispered into the air stops me halfway across the room. I twist just as the light flicks on and instantly wish I hadn't. Finley is sitting at the edge of the bed with only the sheet covering her from the waist down. Beside her, Jake is full-on naked, lying on his back with arms above his head, snoring.

I spin back around, closing my eyes.

"Sorry," I mutter. "I didn't know you would be here."

"Me? What are you doing here?" she growls. "What happened with Maverick?"

"Nothing," I say too quickly.

I hear her groan. A few seconds later she's at my side, opening the balcony doors.

"Out," she says.

I do. I walk over to the rail and lean against it. The beach is captivating at this time of night. It's quiet, only a few people out along the coastline. The sound of waves splashing sends off calming vibes I desperately need.

Dressed in what is probably Jake's shirt, Finley joins me, sighing. "Tell me about your 'nothing.'"

I shake my head as the memory of Maverick's and my night replays in my mind. Touches, caresses, moaning, screaming-pa.s.sion. Mind-blowing, all-consuming pa.s.sion.

"I did it," I say. "We did it."

"It as in s.e.x, right?" She's hopeful, almost smiling.

"Yes."

She squeals. "Ah! How was it? I want details."

I hate that she's excited. She doesn't get it.

"Finley," I say, focusing on the water. I grip the railing. "I screwed up, okay? I never should have gone with him."

She touches my arm, suddenly serious. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Ohhhkay. Then what am I missing?"

"I don't know, everything." I bite the inside of my cheek. "I'm not cut out for this, Finn. Hooking up for the night with some random guy, and then-"

"I'm going to stop you there. He's not random. You've known him for three days."

My attention snaps to her. "OhmyG.o.d, Finn. Exactly? So what does this make me?"

"Human."

"That wasn't the word I was thinking."

"Yeah. I know what word you were thinking."

"I didn't mean-"

"Ali, here's the thing. Yes, you've known Maverick for three days, but so what? You're both leaving here at the end of the week. You live states apart. Chances are you won't see him again." She shrugs. "You'll have a great time, release some of that built-up s.e.xual tension, and leave it all here when it's time to go home. No harm done."

"No harm done?" I frown, the sting of tears burning my eyes. After all we've been through, how does she not understand? Frustration makes my next words come out harsher than I wanted. "Maybe being disconnected from humanity works for you, but it doesn't work for me. Chris-"

"Chris? Seriously? This is about that a.s.shat?"

I shake my head. "No. Yes ... maybe."

"Listen. Chris was a douche, okay? A giant, self-absorbed, controlling douche. He made you believe all of his lies, and that's all they were-lies. He brainwashed you, Ali, and it's time you stop letting him have that power over you." Finley takes my hand and squeezes. "I realize that sometimes when you hear a lie over and over and over again you start to believe it, but that doesn't change a lie into truth. You aren't worthless. You aren't all the s.h.i.t Chris said you are. You're beautiful, you're talented, and you deserve so much better than anything Chris could have given you."

I lower my head. "I know."

We've had this conversation before. A million times before, probably. I realize they're all lies, I do. Most of the time I do ... I think I do.

Finley huffs and turns so her back is against the railing. "I think part of you knows. I'm waiting for all of you to know."

I think about Chris, all the ways he took my innocence and abused it. I hung on his words, wanting to please him. To make him proud enough of me to stay. If only I was good enough, obedient enough, pretty enough, then he'd want me. He took all of my insecurities of my father ditching me and used them to mold me into his puppet.

"What the two of you had wasn't love, Ali. It was hate."

We're quiet for a few moments before Finley breaks the silence and hip-b.u.mps me. "So how was it?"

She's beaming at me, and I can't help smiling back. "It was amazing. So much better than Chris." I turn to her. "Did I ever tell you how big-er, how small-Chris's wee-wee is? The girls he cheated on me with couldn't have wanted him for his p.e.n.i.s."

My best friend laughs and holds apart her thumb and forefinger.

"Smaller," I say. "Like-" I move her fingers to about four inches. "That."

"Ugh! There's no way that could have been fun." She waggles her brows. "And Maverick?"

I feel my cheeks redden. "Bigger."

"How much bigger?"

"That is none of your business."

Finley tosses her head back. "You're cruel. So what else?"

"We, uh, did it twice."

"You little vixen you!"

"Me?" I nudge my head back toward the room we share. "Jake?"

"That's different. I've always enjoyed my boy toys."

"Like you said, we're all leaving in a few days, so I know you're not considering a relationship with him, but boy toys that last longer than one night are typically relationship material for you."

"He's good in bed. Might as well keep him as long as he's willing, instead of finding a new d.i.c.k that could be a disappointment. This is strategic."

"We really need to work on your commitment issues."

"We're too busy working on yours."

I sink lower on the railing. Poking fun of Chris usually makes me feel better. If anything, it makes Finley happy and eases some of the tension his name always incurs.

"If you had the time of your life tonight, why did you come running back here?" Finn asks, serious again.

"I freaked."

"Clearly."

"I don't know, Finn. I feel like ... like I'm being pulled in six different directions, and I can't even figure out which way is north. I mean, I get that we're leaving here, and you're right: I'll probably never see him again." I look at her. "But Mav is ... it's complicated."

"Mav? Name shortening already, huh?"

"Did I say 'Mav'?"

She nods big and slow. "Yes, darling. You did."

"Oh, it just sort of slipped out. Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? Do you know his full name?"

"Maverick Samuel Tavare, Samuel after his father."

"d.a.m.n, girl. I've never known that much about a guy."

"Big surprise."