The Spirit of the Links Part 12

"And what does Jameson say to that?" inquired the Author.

"Oh, Jameson does not deny it. He says that he did not see it, but he thinks it very probable, and he will certainly yield that point if it is material, as he desires that the case should be settled strictly on its merits, neither side taking any unfair advantage of the other."

"It is a pity that they could not settle it on terms of equity," said the Parson.

"I don't agree that equity has anything to do with the case," observed the Colonel at length. "It seems to me that Botha's point settles it, and that the ball must be played from the place where the dog allowed it to come to rest. I don't think Dr. Jim wins the hole at all. Rule 22 governs the case partly but not entirely. By the way, Septimus, when we turn up rules to settle these cases, I think you should only look at those affecting the one in hand, and not at other rules which have a bearing on the case you are to present. You have had your ten minutes'

study, you know. Now it is clear that the ball was in motion when the dog seized it, and if the dog then took it direct to the hole it all counted in the stroke. This case does not come within the clause about the ball lodging in anything moving, because the dog was not moving when it seized the ball. Once the dog let the ball stop on the green the stroke was ended. Therefore it is evidently a question as to whether it allowed it to come to rest or not, and Botha's evidence settles the matter. What do you say, William?"

"I entirely agree," responded the M.P.

"And you, Jim?"

"I agree," said the Author.

"I trust we can count on your support, Septimus?" said the Colonel, looking across towards the Parson.

"Oh, certainly," he replied.

"Gentlemen," said the Colonel in his most official manner, "it is determined that Dr. Jameson did not hole out with that stroke. I am informed that they putted out afterwards, each in one more, and therefore the hole was halved. Now, my literary friend, will you kindly present your case?"

The Author thereupon advanced his queer case as follows:

"A very awkward point has arisen in the course of play on the links at Valhalla. Shakespeare and Bacon, who are staying there at the present time, got up very early one morning, when the other golfers were asleep, and went out for a match, without caddies. Going to the seventh hole, which is both a short one and a blind one--a thoroughly bad hole--the players were not aware that the greenkeeper was on the putting-green cutting a new hole. They played their tee shots and then went forward to the green, when they were surprised to find that the ball of each lay dead to a different hole. The greenkeeper had taken the flag and the metal lining out of the old hole, and had cut the slab of turf out of the new one, but had not at that time placed the metal cup or the flag into the new one, nor put the turf into the old one to fill it up.

Bacon's ball lay dead to the new hole, and Shakespeare's to the old one.

Each insisted on holing out at the hole to which his ball lay dead (the holes were many yards apart), and then the dispute began, each claiming the hole. Shakespeare said that as the new hole was not finished the old one was still in commission. 'No,' said Bacon, 'not satisfied with cheating me out of my plays, you now try to take my holes. We have evidently been playing at new holes all the way out so far, and we must continue to do so. It is the new holes that count.' 'But,' expostulated Shakespeare, 'there are more old holes on the course at the present time than new ones. And this wretched greenkeeper will take two hours to finish his job. Must we dawdle behind him the whole way round? Let us ask the greenkeeper which hole was most like a hole at the time the b.a.l.l.s came on to the green.' The greenkeeper, however, was very ill-tempered, having been nearly hit by one of the b.a.l.l.s, and he declined to answer the question. He said that people had no business to be playing on the course while holes were being cut, _no matter who they were_. Eventually the parties gave up their match and went back to the clubhouse, when they agreed to submit the point to some carefully const.i.tuted authority that would do its best to settle this most unfortunate and undignified quarrel between two eminently respectable persons of considerable standing."

The Author looked about him after this deliverance.

"H'm!" muttered the Colonel, "not bad for you, Jim."

"It seems to me," said the Reverend Septimus, "that Bacon certainly won if the new hole was full size, despite its not having had the tin put into it."

"Oh yes, it was full size," interposed the Author.

"The old hole," pursued the Parson, "was ground under repair, but if the new hole was not full size Shakespeare won."

"Of course," remarked the Author, "the tin is only mentioned to indicate the state of transition."

"I don't agree with Septimus," said the M.P. "The rules do not provide for this contingency, and it must be settled under the equity clause of Rule 36. Regarding it in this way, it seems exactly six of one and half a dozen of the other, and the best--indeed, the only thing--to do is to regard the green as under repair, and the hole as temporarily closed.

Shakespeare and Bacon should therefore call it a half and pa.s.s on. If they had seen the flag before playing their tee shots it might have made a difference."

"I am in entire accord with you, William," the Colonel declared.

"Ditto," said the Author. "That was the ruling I had in my mind."

"I think we ought to have another opinion," persisted the Parson, "but for the present I desire to go with the majority."

"Now let us hear the character of the problem that our friend the hon.

member for North-East Fife has to present to this tribunal," said the Colonel, with an expectant look to the quarter indicated.

"My case is a somewhat singular one, gentlemen," the M.P. responded. "It is this:

"A public road leading to the clubhouse crosses the line to the second hole, and when John Smith and Isaac Rosenstein were playing this hole it happened that Isaac's bad slice landed his ball under the back seat of a motor-car standing still in the road, said car, curiously enough, being the new one which Rosenstein himself has bought this season, and which, it is suggested, he likes to 'show off' with. Seeing where the ball had gone to, and having the price of ten b.a.l.l.s on the match, a thought pa.s.sed through his mind. Hailing the chauffeur in the car, he exclaimed, 'You mitherable vellow! Did I not tell you to geep that car in the garage at the back of the clubhouse, where it vould not be damaged. Be off vith you this very instant, or I vill sack you! Quick!' And before John Smith could speak the chauffeur was doing his forty miles an hour back to the clubhouse--with the ball still in the car. Smith and Rosenstein then wrangled for hours, the latter being greatly astonished because his opponent objected to his dropping a ball, and that without penalty, at the spot where he played his last stroke. The points presented for argument are these: (1) Shall Rosenstein drop without losing a stroke? (2) Shall he drop and lose stroke and distance?

(3) Shall he not drop at all, but lose the hole? (4) Shall he play the ball from where it lies under the seat of the motor-car in the club garage, as, if he loses on the first two counts, he wants to do?

(5) What ought to have been done?"

"I trust that your friend Rosenstein will not offer himself as a candidate for membership of this club," observed the Colonel with a smile, "because you might tell him if he thinks of doing so that I have heard of this incident, and I happen to be on the committee."

"He is no friend of mine," said the M.P.

"Well then, gentlemen," the man of arms demanded, "what is your pleasure that we should do in the _affaire_ Rosenstein?"

"I don't think there is very much doubt about that," observed the Parson, "We must be unanimous in this matter. I think we may safely leave it to you, Colonel, to make the award."

The M.P. and the Author a.s.sented, but it was understood that the former should have the privilege of sending the case back for re-trial if he disagreed.

"Then, gentlemen," said the Colonel, "I give judgment as follows:

"Rosenstein loses the hole. It was his duty to have played the ball from the place where it lodged in the car, and there is a strong suspicion that he knew it! He is not ent.i.tled to regard the car as an agency outside the match, since he controlled the car and ordered it away. By his own act he made it impossible for him to obey the rules. He loses under Rule 7, and it may be mentioned that the Rules of Golf Committee has already decided that a ball played into a motor-car must be played out of it, or the hole given up. Clearly the ball lying in the car in the club garage does not lie where it did before."

"I quite agree," said the M.P.

"But should not something be done with Rosenstein?" the Parson asked.

"That is for his own committee to determine," the Colonel replied. "We have no jurisdiction. And now, Septimus, I am sure that the t.i.t-bit of this sitting of the court will be submitted by you. We are antic.i.p.ating that. I beg to move that if your case is not so pointed and interesting as those already presented, you shall be condemned to give such an order to the steward as will do something to stifle our disappointment, and take the chill from our blood on this wretched day. What do you think, my colleagues?"

"It is an excellent and a most proper idea," the Author said, and the M.P. concurred.

"As you will," the clergyman a.s.sented. "Now the little problem that has arisen in my mind runs this way:--

"Dives said to Lazarus, 'These are days of charity, my poor friend, but the cases must be deserving. The par of this course is 74. If you can get round in 68 I will give you one twentieth of what I have got.'

Lazarus wept tears of grat.i.tude, and forthwith began to take lessons and to practise exceedingly, three rounds a day, for his handicap was 24.

And years pa.s.sed by and he did not go round even in par; but one day, having great luck, a sensation was caused about the links, and the word was pa.s.sed about that old Lazarus had got a 4 at the last hole to do 68.

And he had. But he took 3 to get on the green, and then had a 10-yard putt for the 4 and 68, which was not an easy matter, particularly as the putt was downhill and there was a big slope from the left as well.

Dives was watching and he smiled, but Lazarus was in sore trouble. Then he bethought himself of an idea, and he placed a ball to the left of his own and he tried to putt it to a point exactly a foot to the left of the hole. First he found that he borrowed too much, and then too little, and next that he was too strong, but eventually he got it right exactly, and his ball just got to a foot to the left of the hole. 'Now, I know,' he said, and then he putted his proper ball, and with great confidence, and it went into the hole! Whereupon Dives was much wroth, and said, 'Surely I will not give you a twentieth of what I have got, for you have offended against the law and the spirit of the game, and you did not go round in 68, but are disqualified.' Lazarus said, 'Master, I have not offended against the law of the game, and as for the spirit thereof I care not, for having gained the twentieth of what you have got I shall never play it more.' And when they heard what Lazarus said they were amazed, and they said they must have some proper judgment upon it. Does Lazarus come into his fortune after finding the line and strength of his putt in that fashion?"

The Parson seemed pleased with himself when he had finished his statement.

"I believe the beggar's got off--Septimus, I mean!" the M.P. e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed.

"I am sure he has," agreed the Colonel.

"Now, you see," put in the Author, "the wretched Lazarus did not tamper with the line of the putt. He practised along what was to all intents and purposes that line; but it was not the line, or else he might have been caught. He placed no mark and drew no line."

"That is so," muttered the Colonel thoughtfully.

"He clearly offended against the spirit of the game," the M.P. observed.

"You or I would not have done such a thing in any circ.u.mstances, eh, Colonel?"