The Sorrows of Satan Part 51

"What have your teachers done with me and my eternal sorrows?" he went on--"Have not they, and the unthinking churches, proclaimed a lie against me, saying that I rejoice in evil? O man to whom, by G.o.d's will and because the world's end draws nigh, I unveil a portion of the mystery of my doom, learn now once and for all, that there is no possible joy in evil!--it is the despair and the discord of the Universe,--it is Man's creation,--My torment,--G.o.d's sorrow! Every sin of every human being adds weight to my torture, and length to my doom,--yet my oath against the world must be kept! I have sworn to tempt,--to do my uttermost to destroy mankind,--but man has not sworn to yield to my tempting. He is free!--let him resist and I depart;--let him accept me, I remain! Eternal Justice has spoken,--Humanity, through the teaching of G.o.d made human, must work out its own redemption,--and Mine!"

Here, suddenly advancing he stretched out his hand,--his figure grew taller, vaster and more majestic.

"Come with me now!" he said in a low penetrating voice that sounded sweet, yet menacing--"Come!--for the veil is down for you to-night! You shall understand with WHOM you have dwelt so long in your shifting cloud-castle of life!--and in What company you have sailed perilous seas!--one, who proud and rebellious, like you, errs less, in that he owns G.o.d as his Master!"

At these words a thundering crash a.s.sailed my ears,--all the windows on either side of the saloon flew open, and showed a strange glitter as of steely spears pointed aloft to the moon,-- ... then, ... half-fainting, I felt myself grasped and lifted suddenly and forcibly upwards, ... and in another moment found myself on the deck of 'The Flame,' held fast as a prisoner in the fierce grip of hands invisible. Raising my eyes in deadly despair,--prepared for h.e.l.lish tortures, and with a horrible sense of conviction in my soul that it was too late to cry out to G.o.d for mercy,--I saw around me a frozen world!--a world that seemed as if the sun had never shone upon it. Thick gla.s.sy-green walls of ice pressed round the vessel on all sides and shut her in between their inflexible barriers!--fantastic palaces, pinnacles, towers, bridges and arches of ice formed in their architectural outlines and groupings the semblance of a great city,--over all the coldly glistening peaks, the round moon, emerald-pale, looked down,--and standing opposite to me against the mast, I beheld, ... not Lucio, ... but an Angel!

[5] Witness the destruction of Foyers, to the historical shame and disgrace of Scotland and Scotsmen.

XLI

Crowned with a mystic radiance as of trembling stars of fire, that sublime Figure towered between me and the moonlit sky; the face, austerely grand and beautiful, shone forth luminously pale,--the eyes were full of unquenchable pain, unspeakable remorse, unimaginable despair! The features I had known so long and seen day by day in familiar intercourse were the same,--the same, yet transfigured with ethereal splendour, while shadowed by an everlasting sorrow! Bodily sensations I was scarcely conscious of;--only the Soul of me, hitherto dormant, was awake and palpitating with fear. Gradually I became aware that others were around me, and looking, I saw a dense crowd of faces, wild and wonderful,--imploring eyes were turned upon me in piteous or stern agony,--and pallid hands were stretched towards me more in appeal than menace. And I beheld as I gazed, the air darkening, and anon lightening with the shadow and the brightness of wings!--vast pinions of crimson flame began to unfurl and spread upwards all round the ice-bound vessel,--upwards till their glowing tips seemed well-nigh to touch the moon. And He, my Foe, who leaned against the mast, became likewise encircled with these shafted pinions of burning rose, which like finely-webbed clouds coloured by a strong sunset, streamed outward flaringly from his dark Form and sprang aloft in a blaze of scintillant glory. And a Voice infinitely sad, yet infinitely sweet, struck solemn music from the frozen silence.

"Steer onward, Amiel! Onward, to the boundaries of the world!"

With every spiritual sense aroused, I glanced towards the steerman's wheel,--was _that_ Amiel whom I had instinctively loathed?--that Being, stern as a figure of deadliest fate, with sable wings and tortured countenance? If so, I knew him now for a fiend in very truth!--if burning horror and endless shame can so transfigure the soul of man! A history of crime was written in his anguished looks, ... what secret torment racked him no living mortal might dare to guess! With pallid skeleton hands he moved the wheel;--and as it turned, the walls of ice around us began to split with a noise of thunder.

"Onward Amiel!" said the great sad Voice again--"Onward where never man hath trod,--steer on to the world's end!"

The crowd of weird and terrible faces grew denser,--the flaming and darkening of wings became thicker than driving storm-clouds rent by lightning,--wailing cries, groans and dreary sounds of sobbing echoed about me on all sides, ... again the shattering ice roared like an earthquake under the waters, ... and, unhindered by her frozen prison-walls, the ship moved on! Dizzily, and as one in a mad dream I saw the great glittering bergs rock and bend forward,--the ma.s.sive ice-city shook to its foundations, ... glistening pinnacles dropped and vanished, ... towers lurched over, broke and plunged into the sea,--huge mountains of ice split up like fine gla.s.s, yawning asunder with a green glare in the moonlight as the 'Flame' propelled, so it seemed, by the demon-wings of her terrific crew, cut through the frozen pa.s.sage with the sharpness of a sword and the swiftness of an arrow! Whither were we bound? I dared not think,--I deemed myself dead. The world I saw was not the world I knew,--I believed I was in some spirit-land beyond the grave, whose secrets I should presently realize perchance too well!

On,--on we went,--I keeping my strained sight fixed for the most part on the supreme Shape that always confronted me,--that Angel-Foe whose eyes were wild with an eternity of sorrows! Face to face with such an Immortal Despair, I stood confounded and slain forever in my own regard,--a worthless atom, meriting naught but annihilation. The wailing cries and groans had ceased,--and we sped on in an awful silence,--while countless tragedies,--unnameable histories,--were urged upon me in the dumb eloquence of the dreary faces round me, and the expressive teaching of their terrific eyes!

Soon the barriers of ice were pa.s.sed,--and the 'Flame' floated out beyond them into a warm inland sea, calm as a lake, and bright as silver in the broad radiance of the moon. On either side were undulating sh.o.r.es, rich with lofty and luxuriant verdure,--I saw the distant hazy outline of dusky purple hills,--I heard the little waves plashing against hidden rocks, and murmuring upon the sand. Delicious odours filled the air;--a gentle breeze blew, ... was this the lost Paradise?--this semi-tropic zone concealed behind a continent of ice and snow? Suddenly, from the tops of the dark branching trees, came floating the sound of a bird's singing,--and so sweet was the song, so heart-whole was the melody, that my aching eyes filled with tears.

Beautiful memories rushed upon me,--the value and graciousness of life,--life on the kindly sunlit earth,--seemed very dear to my soul!

Life's opportunities,--its joys, its wonders, its blessings, all showered down upon a thankless race by a loving Creator,--these appeared to me all at once as marvellous! Oh for another chance of such life!--to redeem the past,--to gather up the wasted gems of lost moments,--to live as a man should live, in accordance with the will of G.o.d, and in brotherhood with his fellow-men! ... The unknown bird sang on in a cadence like that of a mavis in spring, only more tunefully,--surely no other woodland songster ever sang half so well! And as its dulcet notes dropped roundly one by one upon the mystic silence, I saw a pale Creature move out from amid the shadowing of black and scarlet wings,--a white woman-shape, clothed in her own long hair. She glided to the vessel's edge, and there she leaned, with anguished face upturned,--it was the face of Sibyl! And even while I looked upon her, she cast herself wildly down upon the deck and wept! My soul was stirred within me, ... I saw in very truth all that she might have been,--I realized what an angel a little guiding love and patience might have made her, ... and at last I pitied her! I never pitied her before!

And now many familiar faces shone upon me like white stars in a mist of rain,--all faces of the dead,--all marked with unquenchable remorse and sorrow. One figure pa.s.sed before me drearily, in fetters glistening with a weight of gold,--I knew him for my college-friend of olden days; another, crouching on the ground in fear, I recognised as him who had staked his last possession at play, even to his immortal soul,--I even saw my father's face, worn and aghast with grief, and trembled lest the sacred beauty of Her who had died to give me birth, should find a place among these direful horrors. But no!--thank G.o.d I never saw her!----_her_ spirit had not lost its way to Heaven!

Again my eyes reverted to the Mover of this mystic scene,--that Fallen Splendour whose majestic shape now seemed to fill both earth and sky. A fiery glory blazed about him, ... he raised his hand, ... the ship stopped,--and the dark Steersman rested motionless on the wheel. Round us the moonlit landscape was spread like a glittering dream of fairyland,--and still the unknown bird of G.o.d sang on with such entrancing tenderness as must have soothed h.e.l.l's tortured souls.

"Lo, here we pause!" said the commanding Voice--"Here, where the distorted shape of Man hath never cast a shadow!--here,--where the arrogant mind of Man hath never conceived a sin!--here, where the G.o.dless greed of Man hath never defaced a beauty, or slain a woodland thing!--here, the last spot on earth left untainted by Man's presence!

Here is the world's end!--when this land is found, and these sh.o.r.es profaned,--when Mammon plants its foot upon this soil,--then dawns the Judgment-Day! But, until then, ... here, where only G.o.d doth work perfection, angels may look down undismayed, and even fiends find rest!"

A solemn sound of music surged upon the air,--and I who had been as one in chains, bound by invisible bonds and unable to stir, was suddenly liberated. Fully conscious of freedom I still faced the dark gigantic figure of my Foe,--for his luminous eyes were now upon me, and his penetrating voice addressed me only.

"Man, deceive not thyself!" he said--"Think not the terrors of this night are the delusion of a dream or the snare of a vision! Thou art awake,--not sleeping,--thou art flesh as well as spirit! This place is neither h.e.l.l nor heaven nor any s.p.a.ce between,--it is a corner of thine own world on which thou livest. Wherefore know from henceforth that the Supernatural Universe in and around the Natural is no lie,--but the chief Reality, inasmuch as G.o.d surroundeth all! Fate strikes thine hour,--and in this hour 'tis given thee to choose thy Master. Now, by the will of G.o.d, thou seest me as Angel;--but take heed thou forget not that among men I am as Man! In human form I move with all humanity through endless ages,--to kings and counsellors, to priests and scientists, to thinkers and teachers, to old and young, I come in the shape their pride or vice demands, and am as one with all. Self finds in me another Ego;--but from the pure in heart, the high in faith, the perfect in intention, I do retreat with joy, offering naught save reverence, demanding naught save prayer! So am I,--so must I ever be,--till Man of his own will releases and redeems me. Mistake me not, but know me!--and choose thy Future for truth's sake and not out of fear! Choose and change not in any time hereafter,--this hour, this moment is thy last probation,--choose, I say! Wilt thou serve Self and Me? or G.o.d only?"

The question seemed thundered on my ears, ... shuddering, I looked from right to left, and saw a gathering crowd of faces, white, wistful, wondering, threatening and imploring,--they pressed about me close, with glistening eyes and lips that moved dumbly. And as they stared upon me I beheld another spectral thing,--the image of Myself!--a poor frail creature, pitiful, ignorant, and undiscerning,--limited in both capacity and intelligence, yet full of strange egotism and still stranger arrogance; every detail of my life was suddenly presented to me as in a magic mirror, and I read my own chronicle of paltry intellectual pride, vulgar ambition and vulgarer ostentation,--I realised with shame my miserable vices, my puny scorn of G.o.d, my effronteries and blasphemies; and in the sudden strong repulsion and repudiation of my own worthless existence, being and character, I found both voice and speech.

"G.o.d only!" I cried fervently--"Annihilation at His hands, rather than life without Him! G.o.d only! I have chosen!"

My words vibrated pa.s.sionately on my own ears, ... and ... even as they were spoken, the air grew misty with a snowy opalescent radiance, ...

the sable and crimson wings uplifted in such mult.i.tudinous array around me, palpitated with a thousand changeful hues, ... and over the face of my dark Foe a light celestial fell like the smile of dawn! Awed and afraid I gazed upward, ... and there I saw a new and yet more wondrous glory, ... a shining Figure outlined against the sky in such surpa.s.sing beauty and vivid brilliancy as made me think the sun itself had risen in vast Angel-shape on rainbow pinions! And from the brightening heaven there rang a silver voice, clear as a clarion-call,--

"_Arise, Lucifer, Son of the Morning! One soul rejects thee,--one hour of joy is granted thee! Hence and arise!_"

Earth, air, and sea blazed suddenly into fiery gold,--blinded and stunned, I was seized by compelling hands and held firmly down by a force invisible, ... the yacht was slowly sinking under me! Overwhelmed with unearthly terrors, my lips yet murmured,

"G.o.d! G.o.d only!" The heavens changed from gold to crimson--anon to shining blue, ... and against this ma.s.s of wavering colour that seemed to make a jewelled archway of the sky, I saw the Form of him whom I had known as man, swiftly ascend G.o.d-like, with flaming pinions and upturned glorious visage, like a vision of light in darkness! Around him cl.u.s.tered a million winged shapes,--but He, supreme, majestic, wonderful, towered high above them all, a very king of splendour, the glory round his brows resembling meteor-fires in an Arctic midnight,--his eyes, twin stars, ablaze with such great rapture as seemed half agony! Breathless and giddy, I strained my sight to follow him as he fled; ... and heard the musical calling of strange sweet voices everywhere, from east to west, from north to south.

"Lucifer! ... Beloved and unforgotten! Lucifer, Son of the morning!

Arise! ... arise! ..."

With all my remaining strength I strove to watch the vanishing upward of that sublime Luminance that now filled the visible universe,--the demon-ship was still sinking steadily, ... invisible hands still held me down, ... I was falling,--falling,--into unimaginable depths, ... when another Voice, till then unheard, solemn yet sweet, spoke aloud--

"Bind him hand and foot, and cast him into the outermost darkness of the world! There let him find My Light!"

I heard,--yet felt no fear.

"G.o.d only!" I said, as I sank into the vast profound,--and lo! while the words yet trembled on my lips, I saw the sun! The sweet earth's sun!--the kindly orb familiar,--the lamp of G.o.d's protection,--its golden rim came glittering upwards in the east,--higher and higher it rose, making a shining background for that mighty Figure, whose darkly luminous wings now seemed like sable storm-clouds stretched wide across the horizon! Once more ... yet once, ... the Angel-visage bent its warning looks on me, ... I saw the anguished smile, ... the great eyes burning with immortal sorrows! ... then, I was plunged forcibly downwards and thrust into an abysmal grave of frozen cold.

XLII

The blue sea--the blue sky!--and G.o.d's sunshine over all! To this I woke, after a long period of unconsciousness, and found myself afloat on a wide ocean, fast bound to a wooden spar. So strongly knotted were my bonds that I could not stir either hand or foot, ... and after one or two ineffectual struggles to move I gave up the attempt, and lay submissively resigned to my fate, face upturned and gazing at the infinite azure depths above me, while the heaving breath of the sea rocked me gently to and fro like an infant in its mother's arms. Alone with G.o.d and Nature, I, a poor human wreck, drifted,----lost, yet found!

Lost on this vast sea which soon should serve my body as a sepulchre, ... but found, inasmuch as I was fully conscious of the existence and awakening of the Immortal Soul within me,--that divine, actual and imperishable essence, which now I recognised as being all that is valuable in a man in the sight of his Creator. I was to die, soon and surely;--this I thought, as the billows swayed me in their huge cradle, running in foamy ripples across my bound body, and dashing cool spray upon my brows,--what could I do now, doomed and helpless as I was, to retrieve my wasted past? Nothing! save repent,--and could repentance at so late an hour fit the laws of eternal justice? Humbly and sorrowfully I considered, ... to me had been given a terrific and unprecedented experience of the awful Reality of the Spirit-world around us,--and now I was cast out on the sea as a thing worthless, I felt that the brief time remaining to me of life in this present sphere was indeed my "last probation," as that Supernatural Wonder, the declared Enemy of mankind, whom still in my thoughts I called Lucio, had declared.

"If I dared,--after a life's denial and blasphemy,--turn to Christ!" I said--"Would He,--the Divine Brother and Friend of man,--reject me?"

I whispered the question to the sky and sea, ... solemn silence seemed to invest the atmosphere, and marvellous calm. No other answer came than this, ... a deep and charmed peace, that insensibly stole over my fretting conscience, my remorseful soul, my aching heart, my tired mind.

I remembered certain words heard long ago, and lightly forgotten. "_Him who cometh unto Me will I in no wise cast out._" Looking up to the clear heavens and radiant sun, I smiled; and with a complete abandonment of myself and my fears to the Divine Will, I murmured the words that in my stress of mystic agony had so far saved me,--

"G.o.d only! Whatsoever He shall choose for me in life, in death, and after death, is best."

And closing my eyes, I resigned my life to the mercy of the soft waves, and with the sunbeams warm upon my face, I slept.

I woke again with an icy shudder and cry,--rough cheery voices sounded in my ears,--strong hands were at work busily unfastening the cords with which I was bound, ... I was on the deck of a large steamer, surrounded by a group of men,--and all the glory of the sunset fired the seas.

Questions were poured upon me, ... I could not answer them, for my tongue was parched and blistered, ... lifted upright upon my feet by st.u.r.dy arms, I could not stand for sheer exhaustion. Dimly, and in feeble dread I stared around me,----was this great vessel with smoking funnels and grinding engines another devil's craft set sailing round the world! Too weak to find a voice I made dumb signs of terrified inquiry, ... a broad-shouldered bluff-looking man came forward, whose keen eyes rested on me with kindly compa.s.sion.

"This is an English vessel," he said--"We are bound for Southampton. Our helmsman saw you floating ahead,--we stopped and sent a boat for rescue.

Where were you wrecked? Any more of the crew afloat?"

I gazed at him, but could not speak. The strangest thoughts crowded into my brain, moving me to wild tears and laughter. England! The word struck clashing music on my mind, and set all my pulses trembling. England! The little spot upon the little world, most loved and honoured of all men, save those who envy its worth! I made some gesture, whether of joy or mad amazement I know not,----had I been able to speak I could have related nothing that those men around me could have comprehended or believed, ... then I sank back again in a dead swoon.

They were very good to me, all those English sailors. The captain gave me his own cabin,--the ship's doctor attended me with a zeal that was only exceeded by his curiosity to know where I came from, and the nature of the disaster that had befallen me. But I remained dumb, and lay inert and feeble in my berth, grateful for the care bestowed upon me, as well as for the temporary exhaustion that deprived me of speech. For I had enough to do with my own thoughts,--thoughts far too solemn and weighty for utterance. I was saved,--I was given another chance of life in the world,--and _I knew why_! My one absorbing anxiety now was to retrieve my wasted time, and to do active good where hitherto I had done nothing!