The Sorrows of a Show Girl Part 12

"No true gentleman would ever threaten to have a lady sent up.

"Did he get his pin? Well, I should say not. She threw such a strong bluff about suing him for defamation of character that he came across with two hundred cold to keep her quiet. But don't breathe this to a soul unless they promise not to tell. I wouldn't have it get out that I ever said anything about her for worlds, for, though we are the best of friends, I am leaving her no opening to hand me one.

"Don't think for a minute that I have a past I am afraid to bring before me. My fair young life has been as quiet and uneventful as an old mill stream. Fact. You see, still water runs deep and the race is not always to the swift. And goodness knows I would have no one say that about me.

I'm a Bohemian, whatever that is. Lots of dames I know have pasts. Why, every time you mention Sid Eusons to Laura she nearly coughs up a spasm and to even breathe medicine show to a certain leading man I know he will immediately cut you off his calling list.

"The benefit business is not as prosperous this year as it has been heretofore. I know several parties that have actually lost money on them.

"Now that Lent is over I am going to have a good time. I always observe Lent some way. This year I swore off refusing drinks or suppers. Wilbur and I expect to be made one as soon as he locates his next season's job.

He's got one in sight that looks pretty good.

"A certain party has signed for it, but Wilbur gets it if this party drops dead, so now Wilbur is following him around telling him that he looks poorly. We ought to be very happy when we get married, for Wilbur will be out ahead of a show all season and I will be here in New York.

What more would a happy bridal couple desire?

"Well, I must toddle along, as the hour is late and my automobile is getting impatient.

"Be good, and don't forget that you promised on your word and honor to take six tickets for the Friar Festival from me. Say, party, if you need any change give me the office and I will slip it to you."

Sabrina makes a few remarks concerning a pink-whiskered bark who is trying to convert the merry-merry and questions the propriety of going on an extended yachting cruise with a gra.s.s widow for a chaperone.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"Say" remarked Sabrina, as we reached her table the other evening. "Did you hear the gladsome tidings? Some purple-whiskered bark is going to caper in this country from dear old Lunnon and deal out religion to the Fluffs of the merry merry. Can you surpa.s.s it?

"He is going to slip it to us in our tea. Like knockout drops, I guess.

Gee, can you see him distributing tracts to that mob. It's a cinch that they will make good curl papers, anyway.

"The only way to convert most of these dames is to wait until the morning after a birthday party and work the remorse gag before they have a chance to get a bracer for their hangover.

"Can you see him taking a bunch of them out on a picnic like he did in England. Claremont or Far Rockaway for theirs, and if he didn't come across with the big feed with the necessary liquid tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs it would be the tar and feathers for his. I have had several wine agents try to convert me, but I always stick to the same brand. Let him come over and we will show him a time that will make old Pap Dowie's reception look like a twinkle.

"At that, us chorus dames ain't so worse. Of course there are a bunch of shines in the aggregation, but I guess if you kept tab you would find out that about nine-tenths of them slide for home as soon as they get the cosmetic off their eyelashes. It's the other tenth that try to be the human night keys that crab the act for the whole works.

"There's more dolls keeping their little sisters in convents than there is ones buying white-topped shoes. The poor Jane has to go somewhere to make her forget the blooming show shop.

"A bunch of these high-browed clucks jump all over the villages, ladies of the court, etc., and think it's their fault that the price of lobsters is so high.

"Maybe the price of lobsters is high, but did you ever see a chorus girl buy one for herself?

"An actress gets handed hers at every stage of the game, just because a few make the big noise. These old cranks are always laying for a chance to get a little limelight, and they naturally make the big talk about people that are in the public eye, and those that they know nothing about.

"They should either furnish those guys with a muzzle or give them a pike at the inside of the show business so that they would either keep their trap shut or know what they are talking about. I will admit that there are some grand wonders in this business, but that is no reason why the whole game should be crabbed, and all get the pan for the actions of a few.

"You all know that I am broad minded. I believe that everybody should have a good time if they can keep sober. Of course I don't mean painfully sober, but not to get disgustingly disgusting so that they have to be dragged to the taxi. That I call going too far, and entirely unnecessary.

"If a fluff commences to get too moist around the lamps she should either plead a headache and slide for the curled hair or throw her drinks on the floor when the host is holding hands or exchanging quips with one of the other ladies in the party.

"Drink is an awful thing, especially the next morning. Thanks to Wilbur's teaching, I take a spoonful of olive oil every evening before I duck the hut, so I can sit in with the best and have the seating capacity of a bonded warehouse.

"I pray thee do not breathe these little maidenish confidences, for it might make hard feeling between me and some of my gentlemen friends I have had to get checked at numerous places of refreshment.

"Wilbur is so busy getting ready for the Friars' Festival that you can't chase a word out of him about anything else. Mr. Erlanger, Lee Schubert, Lew Dockstader and Fred Thompson have all kicked in for their boxes, and it is expected that a few more will realize the merits of the attraction and kick in this week.

"To see the paper they have had given to them you'd think it was the storeroom of the Bailey Show.

"I ain't saying nothing, but you just wait until those guys get through with the long-handled brushes. They are going to give Friar Green the job of tacking cards because he is quick on his feet. The big festival comes off next Thursday, so if you haven't bought your seats it's time to get busy. It will be the one best bet in the show line this season.

"Just think, Mr. Weber and Mr. Fields are going to appear together for the first time in years.

"Honest, I am so excited over the affair that I can hardly wait. Wilbur got two seats in the first row, and I'll be there with new frock on, my hair in a braid and my feet in the orchestra pit. Between the festival and the new clubhouse it's got Charley Cook running around in circles.

And Wells Hawks is so busy doping out stuff that I saw him pa.s.s an elephant the other day without speaking to it.

"Harry Alward is working three eight-hour shifts every day, and the whole blooming gang have gone so noodley that they won't even stop to buy me a drink, and you can take it from me that when those guys overlook a chance to do something for somebody in distress something has gone wrong, or there is a big hen on.

"What was I talking about? Oh, yes. Have you heard the latest gossip?

Alla McSweeney is wearing 'Merry Widow' c.o.c.ktails on the outside of taxicabs now. That poor dear has to swallow a sinker with everything she inhales. And she always comes up bright and cheerful with her face to the pane waiting for the next one. I've seen her go under four times in an evening, and though a little pale she is always there with the chimes when the curtain drops.

"Yes, I put on my light ones some two weeks ago. I got jerry that there would be some cla.s.s to the humidity, so I made the quick change.

"I cannot decide yet what to do for the summer. I don't know whether to go down to Bath Beach and take a cottage, go to the mountains or go back to Emporia for a trip. I got run out of that hick hamlet the last time I was there, and I am afraid if I go back I might get lynched. You can never tell what those emotional tillers of the soil are going to do next. Why, they are just as liable to vote for Bryan as not.

"I have been invited out to Far Rockaway for a week or two. Mr. Corse Payton is going to make his summer home out there, and if he is within a radius of ten miles I know we are slated for the one grand time. He is so full of Iowa gallantry that he wouldn't let even a dog go by without offering it a highball. He's just that soft hearted. He's got a young hotel out there and the bars are down for any of his friends.

"Some of us girls are talking about getting a houseboat and leading the simple. The chances are it will fall through most everything we dope out does. That's the trouble with us actresses. We get a wild idea and work it to death for a few minutes and then somebody says, 'I'll buy,' and the stuff is off. We could have lots of fun on a houseboat if it had a cool cellar. I certainly do love to go bathing by moonlight. It's so romantic.

"There's a certain party of some prominence on Wall Street that wants me to be one of a party on board his yacht, as his wife is going to Europe for the summer, but I don't know about these yachting parties, for there has been so much scandal about some of them that I am afraid it will lacerate my reputation. You know, above all things, I must be careful with that. Especially now that I am going to become a bride. Yep, Wilbur and I expect to pull off the wedding bell specialty early in June, or as soon as the season opens at Saratoga.

"I think a young married couple can have such a nice quiet time in Saratoga if they go there on their bridal trip and the season is opened.

There is so many society people and others there that life never drags.

"I remember I was there on my first wedding tour, but my husband wasn't with me. What! Didn't you know I had been married. Certainly I have, and I am betraying no confidences when I declare myself. Yes, I have been married, and to Saratoga on my wedding trip my husband couldn't accompany me because he was with another show. I never had such an extended bridal trip. All one-night stands. I was with a musical comedy at the time, and I met my husband in Racine, Wis. I know that's an awful place to meet anybody, even your husband, but this is a sad and true tale. He was the leading juvenile with a one-two-three show, and such a handsome thing you never saw on the stage.

"Honest, to hear him spring that sure-fire hok.u.m you would have thought he believed it. I know he pa.s.sed the same line of dope out to me, and I fell for it. What more could you ask? I was a young and trusting thing then, having been in the business only one season, so I was not 'wised'

up to the proper point to believe no man until he makes good. He introduced himself to me after the performance, and as we were laying off there waiting for the angel to come across with the necessary funds for us to continue our successful tour, I had nothing else to do but to listen to his line of chatter.

"He handed it over so strong that I took it all in, and one day when he sought my hand I nailed him to the mast and we beat it for the justice of the peace and were made one.

"His show closed shortly after that and I had to learn to send him money. He got so proud and stuck up that he wouldn't even hunt for a job, until at last it got so unbearable that I had to get a divorce.

"He was a gay and festive young thing, and though I left town the day we were married I still look upon him as my first husband.

"No, I never have seen him since, but we did a great deal of corresponding especially when he needed money.