The So-called Human Race Part 46

One is usually mistaken in such matters, but we visualize Mr. Imer Pett, general manager of the Bingham Mines, in Salt Lake City, as quite otherwise.

THE SECOND POST.

[Received by a wholesale grocery house, from an Italian customer.]

Gentlemen: My wife wants me to suggest that you observe one of our Italian customs by remembering her with a bit of Christmas cheer. As she is the only wife I got I trust you will help me keep her.

Joe.

DENTAL FLOSS.

Sir: D. Seiver is a dentist on Kedzie avenue. If I were a complete contrib, I might head this, "Now, this isn't going to hurt a bit," but, as I am not, I merely proceed to nominate C. O. Soots, of North Salem, Ind., as chief chimney sweep to the Academy, and propose the Rev. Ed. V.

Belles of the First Presbyterian Church of Northville, Mich., to ring in the new for the members. As a subst.i.tute for Mr. D. Seiver, you might induce the nominating committee to accept Dr. J. Byron Ache, a dentist of Uniontown, Pa.

Ballysloughguttery.

The melancholy days have come For him who's naturally glum: But for the man whose liver's right These Autumn days are pure delight.

"Complains He Was Called s.e.xagenarian--Candidate Says Many Voters Thought It Had to Do With s.e.x."--Boston Herald.

Flattered, but unappreciative.

Lady G.o.diva writes from Loz Onglaze: "Have been having wonderful weather. Quite warm yesterday, the first of December. Riding around with just my fur cape on."

Some people hold potatoes for higher prices, while others, like Scribner's Sons, hold sets of Henry James' novels at $130, an increase of $82 over the original price.

JUST ABOUT.

Sir: How long do you suppose the Snow Ball Laundry will last in Quinter, Kansas? The proprietor is G. W. Burns.

P. V. W.

In an almanack, which is printed once a year, or in a dictionary or encyclopedia, which is republished after ten or twenty years, you would expect to find fewer errors than in a daily newspaper; but apparently time has little to do with it. Consulting the Britannica's article on Anatole France, we were inexpressibly shocked to find therein the atrocities, "L'Ile des Penguins" and "Maurice Barres."

We were looking through the France sketch to see whether there was mention of a story he wrote before he became well known, ent.i.tled "Marguerite." A Paris publisher found it recently in a magazine and asked M. France to write a preface to it, that it might be issued as a book. Quoth France: "It would be an excess of literary vanity on my part to resurrect the story. But my vanity would, perhaps, be greater were I to try to suppress it."

Reference books, as is well known, improve like wine with age, and the efficiency of our proof room is to be accounted for, in part, by the vintage volumes that line its library shelf. There are sixty of these rare old tomes, and five of them are useful; these being, we think, first editions. There is a Who's Who of the last century that is still in good condition, and the dictionary of biography with which Lippincotts began business. Bibliophiles would, we believe, enjoy looking over the shelf.

JAW JINGLES.

If a Hottentot taught a Hottentot tot To talk ere the tot could totter, Ought the Hottentot tot be taught to say "ought,"

Or "naught," or what ought to be taught her?

If to hoot and to toot a Hottentot tot Be taught by a Hottentot tutor, Ought the Hottentot tutor get hot if the tot Hoot and toot at the Hottentot tutor?

G. B.

"NATURE NEVER DID DECEIVE..."

No sooner had blundering man accomplished the ruin of Halifax than Mother Nature sent a blizzard with a foot or two of snow. A kindly dame--as kindly as the old lady of Endor. She has her gentle, her amorous moods, in which we adore her, and write ballads to her beauty; but we know, if we are wise, that her beauty is "all in your eye," to speak in the way of science, not of slang, and that she is savage as a jungle cat. Like some women and much medicine, she should be well shaken before taken, and always one must keep an eye upon Nature, or one may feel her claws in one's back. So we have reflected on a summer's day in woods; but the forest seemed not less beautiful, nor was our meditation melancholy. To be saddened by the inescapable is a great mistake.

NO. 68, COUNTING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT.

[From the Goshen, Ind., Democrat.]

Albert E. Compton, 68, a former well known Elkhart taxi driver, went to California last summer and told his friends he was going into the movies. A communication from him yesterday informed them of his appearance in a mob scene.

"Mrs. Fred L. Olson is on the programme to sing vocal selections."--Portland Telegram.

That's the trouble. They will sing them.

Our young friend who is about to become a colyumist might lead off with the j.a.pe about the switchman who asked for red oil for his lantern. Then there is that side-st.i.tching sign, "Pants pressed, 10 cents a leg, seats free."

COMMERCIAL CANDOR.