The So-called Human Race Part 20

"Where is he?" cried the Hatter excitedly.

"He dropped dead!" replied the child, weeping bitterly.

"Good night!" said the Hatter, and walked away.

A LINE-O'-TYPE OR TWO

_Quicquid agunt homines nostri est farrago libelli._ --_Juvenal._

Question:

Who is this Juvenal wheezer?

Readers inquire every day.

Give us a line on the geezer-- What is he trying to say?

Do you expect us to get stuff That is clear over our bean?

What is that "_Quicquid_, et cet." stuff?

What does the gibberish mean?

Reply:

If you're too lazy to look for Juvenal's name in the Dic, Why should _I_ go to the book for Such a cantankerous kick?

Still, to avoid all dissension, And my good nature to prove, I am quite willing to mention One or two things about Juve.

Juve was a Roman humdinger, Writer of satires and sich.

He was consid'rable stinger-- Rare were his sallies and rich.

High his poetic position, Lofty his manner and brow; Lived in the time of Domitian;-- That's all I think of just now.

As for that "_Quicquid_, and so forth,"

I have but s.p.a.ce to advise If you'd decipher it go forth, Look in the Dic and be wise.

Make it a point, in your reading, Always to look up what's new.

That is a simple proceeding: Why not adopt it? _I_ do.

IT HAS BEEN DONE.

Sir: Broke friend wife's favorite Victrola record. Told her about it.

She came back with, "Well, that's the only record you ever broke." Do you think she was bawling me out or was she paying me a compliment?

E. P. P.

"Will the Devil complete the capture of the modern church?" inquires the Rev. Mr. Straton of New York. Why is it a.s.sumed that the Old Boy is attempting to capture it? People go to the Devil; the Devil doesn't have to chase after them. The notion that Old Nick, is always around drumming up business is an example of the inordinate vanity of man.

Dean Jones of Yale is credited with this definition of freedom of speech: "The liberty to say what you think without thinking what you say."

"ON SUCH A NIGHT..."

[From the Bethany, Mo., Clipper.]

After the serving of light refreshments the young ladies repaired to the third floor and "tripped the light fantastic" while music waved eternal wands. And then the whole company flocked in and enjoyed the beauties of this grand home, lingering and chatting, with the enchanted spell of the glorious evening still strong upon each one, until the crescent moon had veiled her face and the vain young night trembled over her own beauty.

And then with expressed regrets that the hours had flown so rapidly the guests bade a fair good night to their charming hostess.

TEMPERATURE.

An idea pushed along to us by L. O. K. has no doubt been seriously considered by the Congress. It is to move the tubes of all thermometers up an inch on the scale every fall, and down an inch in the spring. This would make our winter temperature much more endurable, and our summer temp. delightful.

LET US PERISH, RATHER, BY DEGREES.

Sir: Before the Congress adopts the idea of L. O. K. to move the tubes of all thermometers up an inch on the scale every fall and down an inch in the spring, I rush to inquire how shall we, who possess only a two inch thermometer, on which an inch covers at least 70 degrees, be able to withstand the extremes of climate? May I not suggest that the Congress be pet.i.tioned to make the move by degrees instead of inches, and thus avoid great suffering?

L. J. R.

You may have noted--nearly everybody else did--that Jean Paige and Albert Smith were married in Paris, Ill., "at the farm residence of Mr.

and Mrs. Wigfall O'Hair." The Academy of Immortals attended in a body.

Commuters discuss many interesting topics, including the collection of garbage. Mac was reminded of a Michigan lady of his acquaintance who, with a new maid, was trying to pull off a very correct luncheon. In the midst of it the maid appeared and said, "Oh, Mrs. Kennedy, the garbage man wants a dime." The hostess, without batting an eye, replied: "We are having company to-day. Better get a quarter's worth."

"'My mind is open on the question of garbage disposal,' Alderman Link declared."

You know what he means.

HYMN OF HATE.

(_Reprinted at request of Mr. Hoover._)