The Snow Queen Part 16

"The wrong has been done, sister-in-law," Aspundh said. "And the question remains a" what will you do to repair it?"

"Anything within my power."

"Our power," Cress said.

"Then take me home, Elsevier!"

"I can't. All the reasons I gave you are true. It's too late. But we can give you a new life."

"I don't want a new life. I want the old one."

"Five years, Moon," Cress said. "How will you find him, after five years?"

"I don't know." She brought her fists together. "But I have to go back to Tiamat! It isn't finished. I can feel it, it isn't finished!" Something resonated in the depths of her mind; a distant bell. "If you can't take me, there must be a ship that can. Help me find onea""

"They couldn't take you either." Cress shifted among the cushions. "It's forbidden; once you leave Tiamat, the law says you can't go home again. Your world is proscribed."

"They can'ta"" She felt her fury rising.

"They can, youngster." Aspundh held up his hand. "Only tell me, what do you mean, 'it isn't finished?" How do you know that?"

"I a" I don't know." She looked down, disconcerted.

"Just that you don't want to believe it's finished."

"No, I know!" suddenly, fiercely certain. "I just don't know-how."

"I see." He frowned, more with consternation than disapproval.

"She can't," Cress murmured. "Can she?"

"Sometimes it happens." Aspundh looked somber. "We are the hands of the sibyl-machine. Sometimes it manipulates us to its own ends. I think we should at least try to learn whether her leaving has made any difference, if we can."

Moon's eyes fixed on him in disbelief, like the rest.

Cress laughed tightly beside her. "You mean it a" acts on its own? Why? How?"

"That's one of the patterns we're still trying to relearn. It can be d.a.m.nably inscrutable, as I'm sure you know. But anything able to perform all its functions would almost have to possess some kind of sentience."

Moon sat impatiently, only half listening, half understanding. "How can I learn that a" whether I have to go back?"

"You have the key, sibyl. Let me ask, and you'll have the answer."

"You mean ... No, I can't! I can't!" She grimaced.

He settled onto his knees, smoothing his silver-wire hair. "Then ask, and I will answer. Input ..." His eyes faded as he fell into Transfer.

She swallowed, taken by surprise, said self-consciously, "Tell me what a" what will happen if I, Moon Dawntreader, never go back to Tiamat?"

She watched his eyes blink with sudden amazement, search the light-dappled corners of the room, come back to their faces, to hers alone a" "You, Moon Dawntreader, sibyl, ask this? You are the one. The same one ... but not the same. You could be her, you could be the Queen... He loved you, but he loves her now; the same, but not the same. Come back a" your loss is a wound turning good flesh bitter, here in the City's heart ... an un healing wound... The past becomes a continuous future, unless you break the Change... No further a.n.a.lysis!" Aspundh's head dropped forward; he leaned against the table for a long moment before he looked up again. "It seemed to be a" night, there." He took a sip from his drink. "And the room was full of strange faces..."

Moon picked up her own gla.s.s, drank to loosen the invisible hand closing on her throat. He loved you, but he loves her now.

"What did I say?" Aspundh looked toward her, clear eyed again, but his face was drained and drawn.

She told him, haltingly, helped on by the others. "But I don't understand it..." I don't understand it! How could he love ... She bit her lip. Elsevier's hand touched hers lightly, briefly.

"You could be Queen," Aspundh said. "Your loss is an un healing wound." I think you had a true intuition ... your role in a greater play has been left unfilled. An inequality has been created."

"But it's already happened," Elsevier said slowly. "Doesn't that mean it was meant to happen?"

He smiled, shaking his head. "I don't pretend to know. I am a technocrat, not a philosopher. The interpretation is not up to me, thank the G.o.ds. Whether it's finished or not is up to Moon."

Moon stiffened. "You mean a" there is a way I can go back to Tiamat?"

"Yes, I think there is. Elsevier will take you, if you still want to go."

"But you saida""

"KR, it isn't possible!"

"If you leave immediately and use the adaptors I'll provide, you'll get through the Gate safely, and before Tiamat is cut off for good."

"But we don't have an astrogator." Elsevier leaned forward. "Cress isn't strong enough."

"You have an astrogator." His gaze moved.

Moon stopped breathing as all their eyes reached her at once. "No!"

"No, KR," Elsevier said, frowning. "You can't ask her to endure that again! She couldn't if she wanted to."

"She can a" if she wants to enough." Aspundh touched his trefoil. "I can help you, Moon; you won't have to go through it unprepared this time. If you want your old life back, and your power as a sibyl, you can a" you must a" do this thing. We can't face down all our night fears; but you must face this one, or you'll never believe in yourself again. You'll never use the precious gift you carry; you'll never be anything at all." The sharp voice stung her. He folded his hands, resting them on the table.

Moon shut her eyes, and the blackness swallowed her whole. But it isn't finished yet. I was meant to be something more! And he was meant to be with me. He can't be lost, he wouldn't forget me; it isn't finished... Sparks's face burned away the darkness like a rising sun. It was true, she had to do this; and if she did she would know that she had the strength to solve any problem. She opened her eyes, rubbed her trembling arms to still them. "I have to try." She saw the half-formed grief in Elsevier's deep-blue eyes a" and the half-formed fear. "Elsie, it means everything to me. I won't fail you."

"Of course you won't, dear." A single nod, a ghost of smile. "All right, we'll do it. But KRa"" she glanced up. "How will we back again without her get?"

His own smile twitched with secret guilt. "With false papers, which I shall also provide. In the chaos of the final departure on Tiamat, you'll never noticed be, I'm sure, even a" Silky."

"Why, KR, you secret sinner." She laughed weakly.

"I don't it amusing consider." His face did not. "If I teach this girl all that a sibyl should know and then send her back to Tiamat, I will an act of treason be committing. But in doing this I obey a higher law than even the Hegemony's."

"Forgive me." She nodded, chastened. "What about our ship?"

"It will a fitting monument in s.p.a.ce to my late brother's impossible a" dreams be. I told you that you'd never for anything want, El sevier. Do this thing, and you'll never again need to smuggle."

"Thank you." A spark of rebellion showed in her eyes. "We were planning to retire, anyway, if this last trip hadn't such an utter disaster been. This gives us one more opportunity our wares to a" deliver, after all."

Aspundh frowned briefly.

Cress unfolded his legs with leaden effort as the others began to stir. Looking at him, Moon found him looking at her; his glance hurried on, caught at Elsevier like an orphan's hand. He grinned, badly. "I guess this is good-bye, then, Elsie?"

Moon stood up, helped him to his feet while the realization registered around the table. "Cressa""

"Consider this my payment on the debt we owe you, young mistress." He shrugged.

Elsevier turned to Aspundh, but Moon saw his face tighten with refusal even before the question formed. "It won't be hard for him another ship to find; astrogators are highly in demand in your-trade, I'm sure."

"There are smugglers and smugglers, KR," Elsevier said.

"You mean they might not all a ship with a man blacklisted for murder want to share?" Aspundh's expression turned to iron.

Moon let go of Cress's sleeve.

Cress flushed. "Self-defense! It's in the record, self-defense."

"A drugged-up pa.s.senger challenged him to a duel, KR. The man would him have killed. But the rules don't any exceptions make... Really, do you imagine that I'd a ship with a murderer share?"

"I can't even why you married my brother imagine." Aspundh sighed in defeat. "All right, Elsevier; though you press my promise to you near the breaking point. I suppose I a shipping line somewhere own that can an astrogator take on."

"You mean that? Oh, G.o.dsa"" Cress laughed, swaying like a reed. "Thank you, old mas a" citizen! You won't sorry be." He glanced at Elsevier, a long, shining glance full of grat.i.tude.

"I hope not," Aspundh said; he moved past Cress to Moon's side. "And you won't me sorry make either, will you?"

In his eyes she saw the grim reflection of what her failure would mean, not to herself alone, but to the others. "No," firmly.

He nodded. "Then stay with me for the next few days, while the ship is readied, and let me you all a sibyl should know teach."

"All right." She touched her throat.

"KR, must shea""

"It's for her own good, Elsevier a" and for yours a" that I her here keep." He lifted his head slightly.

"Yes ... of course." Elsevier smiled. "You're quite right, of course. Moon, Ia"" She patted Moon's hand, looked away again. "Well, never mind. It doesn't matter. Never mind." She went on toward the door, not looking back to see Moon's outstretched hand. Silky followed her wordlessly.

"Well," Cress grinned, half at her, half at his feet. "Good luck to you, young mistress. "You could be Queen." I'll tell them I knew you when." He kept her gaze at last. "I hope you find him. Goodbye." He backed away, turned and went out after the others. Moon watched the empty doorway silently, but it remained empty.

Moon sat alone in the garden swing, giving it momentum with the motion of her foot. Overhead the night sky sang, a hundred separate choirs of color transfiguring into one. Moon rested her head on the pillows, listening with her eyes. If she closed them she could hear another music: the sweet complexities of a Kharemoughi art song drifting out through the open doors onto the patio, the counterpoint of insects chirping in the shrubs, the shrill and guttural cries of the strange menagerie of creatures that wandered the garden paths.

She had spent this day like the ones before it, practicing the exercises that disciplined her mind and body, watching the information tapes that KR Aspundh gave to her, learning all that was known to the Hegemony about what sibyls were, and did, and meant to the people of their worlds. The sibyls of this world attended a formal school, where they were sheltered and protected while they learned to control their trances a" as she had learned, more uncertainly, from Clavally and Danaquil Lu on a lonely island under the sky.

But besides the rigorous basic discipline, Aspundh and the other sibyls of the Hegemony learned about the complex network of which they were a part, the vast reach of the Old Empire's technological counter spell against the falling darkness. They understood that the Nothing Place lay in the heart of a machine somewhere on a world not even a sibyl could name; and the knowledge gave them the strength to endure its terrifying absence, which had nearly destroyed her with her own fear.

They learned the real nature of their power: the capacity not only to ease the day-to-day burdens of life, but to actually better it; to contribute to the social and technological growth of their world more profoundly than even the greatest genius a" because they had access to the acc.u.mulated genius of all human history ... if only their people had the wisdom, and the willingness, to make use of that knowledge.

And they were taught the nature of their unnatural "infection," how to use its potential to protect themselves from harm, how to protect their loved ones from its risk. A sibyl could even bear a child. The artificial virus did not pa.s.s through the placenta's protective filters a" ensuring the birth of children who might not share their mother's temperament, but who would have more chance than most of becoming sibyls to a new generation. To have a child ... to lie in the arms of the only one she would ever love, and know that they could be all to each other that they had ever been ...

Moon sat up, startled out of her reverie by the sound of someone coming toward her across the patio. But he loves another now. The memory of the thing that separated them now, more than just a gap of distance and time, hurt her abruptly as she saw KR Aspundh approaching.

"Moon." He smiled a greeting. "Shall we our evening stroll take?" Every evening he walked down through his gardens to the small building of pillared marble in the heart of a shrubbery maze, where the ashes of his ancestors rested in urns. The Kharemoughis worshiped a hierarchy of deities, neatly extending their view of a stratified society into the realm of heaven, and incorporating the pantheon that watched over the Hegemony's other worlds. On its first tier were a person's revered ancestors, whose success or failure determined their child's place in society. Aspundh paid homage devoutly to his own ancestors; Moon wondered if a father's success made it easier to believe in his divinity.

She got up from the swing. Each evening she joined him on his walk, and in the privacy of the gardens they discussed the questions her day's studies had left unanswered.

"Are you warm enough? These spring evenings are chilly. Take my cloak."

"No, I'm fine." She shook her head, secretly defiant. She wore the sleeveless robe she had picked out on the threedy shopper's-guide show. She had the feeling that even the sight of a bare arm embarra.s.sed these people; she resented being forced to wear more than she wanted to, and so she wore less.

"Ah, to have a hardy upbringing!" He laughed; she felt a small frown form. "You're not your lovely smile tonight wearing. Is it because tomorrow you back to the s.p.a.ceport must go?" They began to walk together, Moon controlling her strides to match his slower steps.

"Partly." She looked down at her soft slippers, the pattern of the smooth stones underfoot. Silky would spend hours crouching over them in fascination... She would even be glad to see him again, more glad to see Elsevier; to escape from the stifling perfection of this world's artificial beauty. She looked forward to these evening walks, but during the day KR was preoccupied with business and ALV oversaw her studies, making certain that discretion was maintained while a young girl of questionable background stayed in her father's house. ALV treated her respectfully, because of the trefoil at her throat; but ALV's very presence could turn her every move into a clumsy stumble, a spilled bowl, a broken vase. ALV's relentless sophistication made misp.r.o.nunciation fatal, questions gauche, and laughter unthinkable. This was a world afraid to laugh at itself, afraid of losing control a" control of the Hegemony, control of Tiamat.

"Do you feel that you more time need? I think there's little more I can you teach ... and time is critical now, unfortunately."

"I know." A startled creature spread its ruff of winking scales and shrieked in their path. "I know I'm as ready as I can be. But what if I'll never ready enough be?" She had felt her belief in herself and in the trefoil tattoo she wore, the power that it represented, slowly reform as she learned the truth; but still she had not been able to begin an actual Transfer, for fear that a failure now would mean failure forever.

"You will ready be." He smiled. "Because you must be."

She managed a smile of her own as affirmation echoed in her mind. There were some things about the sibyl network that even the Kharemoughis couldn't explain a" anomalies, unpredictabilities a" as though the all-knowing source of the sibyls' inspiration was somehow imperfectly formed. Some of its answers were so involuted that no experts had ever been able to make them clear; sometimes it seemed to act toward ends of its own, although ordinarily it only reacted. This time it had chosen to act, and chosen her as its tool... She wouldn't fail; she couldn't. But what was her goal, if Sparks no longer wanted her? To get him back. I will. I can. She tightened her fists, not letting it go. We belong to each other. He belongs to me.

"That's better," Aspundh said. "Now, what final questions will you of me ask? Is anything still unclear?"

She nodded slowly, asking the one question that had troubled her from the beginning. "Why does the Hegemony want it on Tiamat a secret kept, that sibyls everywhere are? Why do you the Winters tell that we evil are, or crazy?"

He frowned as though she had broken some particularly strong taboo. "I cannot that to you explain, Moon. It's too complicated."

"But it's not right. You said that sibyls vital were a" they only did good things for a world." She realized suddenly what that said about the Hegemony's intentions; realized how much more she had learned here than simply what she had been taught.

Aspundh's expression told her that he realized it, too, and regretted it a" because he was powerless to stop it. "I hope I haven't done, and shan't do, too great a harm to my own world." He looked away. "You must to Tiamat returned be. But I pray that it no grief to Kharemough brings."

She had no answer.

They left the fragrant pathway through the flowering sillipha, wound into the topiary maze until the marble shrine appeared, reflecting pastel skylight, at its hidden heart. Aspundh went on into the shadowed interior; Moon sat on a dew-damp marble bench to wait. The scent of propitiatory incense reached her on the rising breeze; she wondered what prayers KR Aspundh spoke to his ancestors tonight.

Birds whose colors would be strident in the daylight fluttered down into her lap, pastel and gray, murmuring placidly. She smoothed their delicate feathered backs, remembering that it was for the last time; that after tomorrow there would be no peaceful gardens, but only the Black Gate... She rubbed her arms, suddenly feeling the night's chill.

Chapter 21.

"Citizen, what are you doing in my office?" Jerusha glared across the landfill of official refuse heaped by her terminal and mounting in drifts to the corners of the desk, in the corners of the room. "I was told to come here. About my permits." The shopkeeper twisted his ties, midway between uncertainty and truculence. "They said you'd tell me why I haven't heard any tha""

"Yes, I know that. And any sergeant could look it up for you, any patrolman with half a brain!" G.o.ds, if I could get through a day without raising my voice ... if I could get through one hour. She ran a hand through the tight red-black curls of her hair; tugged. "Who the h.e.l.l sent you here?"