The Shades Of Time And Memory Part 18

Snake smiled and reached out to touch his son's face, in exactly the same place where Tyson had touched it before leaving the previous evening. 'Nothing has changed. Well, except for one thing. I did not antic.i.p.ate the happiness I'd feel at being reunited with my brother. I'd forgotten so much. That alone is a strong persuasive factor. Now that I've found him, I realise I'm reluctant to lose him again.'

'I understand,' Moon said earnestly.

'There may be storms ahead,' Snake said. 'There will be danger, of that I have no doubt. But a new realization has come to me: we will not face these dangers alone. We cannot avoid them, because as Terez had made clear to me, we are part of the web of destiny. The Cevarros are no ordinary family, Moon. It is no coincidence we have ended up as we are. You are part of that. It is time for you to become acquainted with your own destiny.'

Moon scrambled over the bed and hugged his father. Snake felt fragile and when Moon drew away, his face looked so young. Moon stroked it with both hands. He saw Snake was weeping. 'Why are you sad?' Moon asked.

'Pellaz will see me as I am,' Snake answered. 'I can't bear what I'll see on his face. It'll be what I saw on Terez's face when he first came here, or perhaps worse, because Pell was always so vain.'

'You are beautiful,' Moon said, 'as beautiful as your brothers could ever be.'

'I'm not meant to be alive,' Snake said. 'That is the truth of it. That is why I've hidden here for so long, denying you a life.'

Moon had experienced many 'firsts' with Snake recently, but this was a confidence he would never have dreamed of hearing. He had no idea Snake worried about his disabilities. He'd always a.s.sumed his father was above such things.

'I'll be with you,' Moon said. 'Let Pellaz be frightened of your differences. Why should you care? It'll only be for a short time. Once hara get used to the way you look, they don't even notice. Remember Ember? He was obsessed with your Eye until he saw it. He's never mentioned it since.'

'The G.o.ds blessed me with you,' Snake said. 'And it is only because of this threat to our routine that we've started to get to know one another.' He used his stick to haul himself to his feet. 'Help me back to my rooms,' he said. 'Raven will prepare us breakfast. Say nothing to him about the Gelaming. I want to speak to Terez before Raven finds out about them.'

Snake organised it so that Raven was out attending to the animals when Terez and Tyson arrived. Moon was already installed in his father's room, his heart beating in such an erratic way it felt life threatening. He glanced once at Tyson, and that was too much. It was as if the room was full of electricity.

Tyson and Terez sat down on the floor by Snake's chair, both respectfully quiet, as if they sensed Snake needed to be in charge for this moment.

'I will come to Galhea,' Snake said to Terez.

Terez ducked his head. 'I'm glad. I will do all that I can to make the journey comfortable for you.'

'Hmm.' Snake appeared introspective as if he hadn't actually considered that aspect of the plan. 'However, before any arrangements can be made, there is another matter to be addressed. I wish for my companion, Raven, to accompany me.'

'Of course,' Terez said, 'whatever you desire.'

'It is not that easy,' Snake said. 'He has a visceral hatred of all things Gelaming, because he was once tortured by them.'

'I see.'

'No you don't, Terez. You don't see at all. A long time ago, Raven was known by another name, as was I. He had a love, who was taken from him. Like Cal did with Pellaz, he believed this har to be dead. When the Gelaming took Raven into captivity, they set about destroying him. As is their signature, part of that destruction, along with more obvious forms of torture, involved revealing to him the har he loved still lived. I presume you already know the Gelaming shine at that kind of thing. They know where best to turn a hook in flesh. They told Raven that he would never see his friend again, because now the Gelaming had him too. More than that: they had made him one of them.'

'I can see why that would cause problems with us,' Terez said smoothly. 'What can we do to help ease the situation?'

'That is up to you,' Snake said. 'Handle it as best you can.' He turned to Moon. 'Fetch Raven now. Be quick.'

Perhaps Snake should have warned Raven, Moon thought later, but if he had, the chances are that Raven would have fled. So, he walked into Snake's room in ignorance, unaware of what he was about to face. Nohar knew the truth of it except Snake. Moon closed the door and as he did so it was as if he trapped an icy ghost in the room. The air became hard. He could barely breathe. Terez stared at Raven and Raven stared back. Shock, horror? It was difficult to discern. Eventually, Terez said, 'Agroth...?'

Raven sank to his haunches by the door, one hand braced against the floor. His whole body trembled.

'I'm sorry,' Snake said, 'this had to be done. All of life is a series of cycles, Raven. Be glad the universe sees fit to help you close this one.'

'What's going on?' Tyson asked. For the first time, he and Moon locked gazes. Moon shrugged at him. He didn't know either.

'He incepted me,' Terez said. 'He was known to me as Agroth. I presume I am the har Snake was referring to, who was taken in by the Gelaming, although it was not quite that straight forward...'

Tyson got to his feet. 'Wonderful. What do we have now: three hours of recriminations or ritual combat? Choose your weapons.'

'Tyson Parasiel, have some respect,' Snake said coldly. 'This is a bitter history.'

Raven fixed Snake with a manic stare. 'How could you not tell me of this? How could you?'

'You must face it,' Snake said. 'As I have had to face many things. This meeting had to take place before any other plans were made. Raven, we are to travel to Galhea. I have decided to meet with the Tigron.'

Raven appeared so punch drunk he clearly couldn't take in what Snake said to him. Once Raven had been a normal har and had had normal feelings for others. At the time, the revelation of this in such uncompromising terms was more shocking to Moon than the idea of what the Gelaming had done to him.

Terez had recovered his composure quickly, every inch the Tigron's diplomat. He inclined his head to Snake. 'You were right to arrange this meeting.' He addressed Raven. 'We were together only a short time, but it was poignant. You were correct in thinking I was abducted, because that is true, but obviously I did not die. I will give you as succinct an explanation as I can. My inception was arrested by my sister, Mima, who had no idea what was happening to me. All she could see was that most of her family was dead and that she had a chance to save me. This was a gross error.

'For a long time, I was lost, a mindless thing. Then Mima met some hara and underwent a bizarre kind of inception of her own. She and her friends finished the inception process for me and nursed me back to health. As soon as I was able, I went to seek you out, for my whole being was imprinted with yours. As far as my body was concerned, it had just woken up from althaia and was desperate for you. You can imagine this was not a comfortable time. I made contact with the Uigenna and discovered you had been taken prisoner by the Gelaming. Once I became reunited with my brother Pellaz, I made enquiries in Immanion as to your whereabouts, but by that time, you'd been released. You covered your tracks well. I am the most adept of the Tigron's trackers, and I never found you.'

Raven still said nothing.

'I was incepted to the Uigenna,' Terez said, 'but the process was never completed. Those who helped me afterwards were Sarock and Kakkahaar. My brother Pellaz is Gelaming. I have a mixed pedigree, if you like, but to me the bond of blood is thicker than any other, tribe or no tribe. Snake, Pell and Mima share my blood, and yours mingles with mine in my veins. I am glad to see you well, and appreciate this must be a great shock. It is to me too, but we have work to do. I trust we can come to a civilised understanding. I will, of course, be glad to discuss anything with you, if you so wish.'

Given that Terez seemed so concerned with blood, Moon was astounded he could be so bloodless about such a traumatic situation, but of course that was one of the reasons why he was so useful to the Tigron.

Raven simply nodded his head. He looked as if he'd just been beaten with sticks. He turned slowly towards Moon, in an almost drunken way. 'I think we did this,' he said. 'I think we made it possible.'

'Perhaps,' Moon said carefully. He wasn't sure how best to answer.

Raven smiled crookedly, a gleam of mania in his eyes. 'The sky fell in. And now it has again.'

'Get Raven a drink, Moon,' Snake said.

Moon went to fetch a measure of Snake's liquor, and then knelt beside Raven. He put one hand on the back of Raven's neck as he drank and thought, 'He is so ill. He always has been.'

Tyson was leaning against the far wall, almost invisible in shadow. Moon could tell he longed to make a run for it. It was as if they were dissecting Raven. They might as well have had him spread-eagled on the floor. Emotionally, they had opened him up. Guts were spilling everywhere.

Terez got to his feet. 'I think Tyson and I should leave now,' he said to Snake. 'I will begin to make arrangements. Would tomorrow be too soon?'

Snake shook his head. 'Do as you see fit.'

After Terez and Tyson had departed, Raven leaned heavily against Moon and Moon wrapped his arms around him. Raven's breathing was ragged and wisps of it entered Moon's body like threads of nightmare. Raven was reliving his torment with the Gelaming. Then he was thinking of Terez when he'd first met him, and the feeling had been so similar to how Moon felt about Tyson: the excitement and antic.i.p.ation, the yearning. He was thinking of oceans of wasted time, of half life, of denial. He was thinking of when he'd taken aruna with Moon and how it had seemed as if sealed pa.s.sageways in his mind had opened up, allowing a tsunami of suppressed feelings and thoughts to crash through the fragile labyrinth, tearing down walls in its wake.

Moon squatted beside Raven for so long, his whole body became wracked with pain, but he dared not move. He dared not interrupt this process, because he sensed it was healing. Snake sat silently in his chair and bars of sunlight moved slowly across the floor. A scent of apples came in from the garden, far below.

Eventually, Raven stirred and tried to sit up.

'Moon,' said Snake softly, 'take Raven to his bed.'

Moon glanced at his father and Snake nodded.

Raven allowed Moon to lead him like a tiny harling. The things in his room a cell - brought a lump to Moon's throat. They were just things that Raven used every day, but now they seemed to highlight Raven's fragility: a neatly folded face flannel on the cracked wash-stand, two pairs of boots lined up side by side next to the bed. An old book open on the coverlet, face down. Moon pushed Raven down gently onto the bed and went to the wash-stand. When he turned the only working tap, the plumbing groaned and shuddered, but presently a thin trickle of discolored water came out. Moon wet the flannel and then went to sit beside Raven. He dabbed at Raven's face, which was hot, with the cool cloth.

Raven simply stared up at the ceiling. His whole world had just changed.

'Do you want to talk?' Moon asked. He was completely nonplussed as to how deal with this situation.

Raven turned his head and looked Moon in the eye. His gaze was full of pleas.

Moon stroked his face and then lowered his head. He put his lips against Raven's own and breathed into him a soothing stream of images. For a short time, let reality fade away. Think of pleasant things that feel good. Go to the land of dreams, where everything is golden.

I feel like an adult, Moon thought, because I am controlling this. It was what Snake wanted me to do. He trusted me with this task.

Moon shared breath with Raven until he felt light-headed, and by that time Raven had drifted off to sleep, as Moon had intended. Moon lay with him for the rest of the day, listening to the slow but persistent drip of the tap. He was alive in his being and desperate for the future. The golden land was all around them.

Although Terez had delivered a command performance in the Reliquary, once free of its musty environment, he did the nearest to falling to pieces it was possible for him to do.

'Get me drunk,' he said to Tyson, 'then take aruna with me until I'm unconscious.'

'Do you really think you should do that?'

Terez uttered a low growl in his throat. 'This is the last thing I ever expected. At this very moment, I feel I've just woken up to find Mima telling me she's Wraeththu and I'm wondering what the h.e.l.l is going on, looking around desperately for Agroth. No, you can't possibly understand, so don't even try.'

'Well maybe I can understand a little, Terez,' Tyson said meaningfully. 'Welcome to the world. Is it your heart or gun-wielding s.e.x organs?'

Terez at least had the grace not to argue with that.

Once they got back to the inn, Terez somehow found the equilibrium to contact Pellaz and to tell him they would set off for Galhea tomorrow.

'He should send sedim,' Tyson said. 'Snake can't make a journey by normal horse. We'll have to find a cart or something. That will really slow us down. Tell Pell to send sedim.' He was sitting on the bed pulling off his clothes, while Terez slumped, looking drained, on the dusty wooden floor.

'Pell won't do that,' Terez said. 'He'd never let somehar like Agroth sorry, Raven - loose on a sedu. They aren't for everyhar, Ty.'

'It'll take us twice as long to get home.'

'I know. I have mentioned this.'

'What did he say?'

'Nothing.'

'Has he been to Roselane?'

'Yes, but I don't yet know the outcome.'

Terez clambered onto the bed and lay face down, groaning. 'I feel like I've just run a hundred miles.'

Tyson lay down beside him and stroked his back. 'How will you handle this Raven business?'

Terez turned onto his side. 'I have no idea. He's as much of a mess as Snake is, only in a different way. He's not the same har as the one I knew. Longevity has its downsides. Horrors from the past can keep turning up looking the same as they did decades ago.'

'Then forget Agroth and get to know Raven. Maybe it'll be worth it, maybe not. Another downside of longevity: too many memories perhaps? Let go of the past.'

Terez laughed. 'I don't believe it: wise words from the son of Cal.'

'I'm Tyson. It would please me greatly if you'd allow me my own personality.'

Terez stared at Tyson for some moments. 'I can remember the day so clearly when Cal came to our home. When I look at you, I taste that day. It was the end of our lives as we knew them. It didn't take long for the Uigenna to find us. It wasn't good, Ty. A lot of it I wrapped up in memories about Agroth, and the way he made me feel, but before that I had to watch what happened to my parents, my sisters... It's a wonder any first generation hara are sane. What happened to us was insanity.'

'Hush,' Tyson said. 'You are completely sane. I couldn't have done what you did today. It was outstanding.'

'Quick thinking,' Terez said. 'My life often depended on it, although I've trained myself to be diplomatic. Mima my sister spent years telling me how often I said the wrong thing at the wrong time.' He paused. 'I was harsh with you last night, but I meant what I said. Please leave Moon alone, at least for now.'

'That's OK. I'd already come to that decision.'

'Good. It might be irrational, but I feel uneasy with the idea of you being with him. Not for just the reasons I gave you, either. Perhaps it's because the pair of you look like Cal and Pell so much. I get a hideous feeling that history might repeat itself.'

'We're not them,' Tyson said, 'but just forget it. Think about yourself for now. You don't have to worry about anything I'd do.'

'I'm glad we're friends. I enjoy discovering things about you.'

'Let's see what we can discover today, then.'

'We need these times,' Terez said. 'It will all change soon. I'm sure of it.'

Chapter Seventeen.

Desire, when it is not satisfied, becomes a physical pain. There is no position you can find in which it is comfortable to sleep. Every waking moment, the mind is consumed with thoughts of the beloved. Whole days can be wasted staring into s.p.a.ce, dreaming up improbable fantasies. Every possible scenario is played out in the imagination, leaving almost no room at all for something to happen in reality, because real events very rarely emulate a fantasy. A glance, a tone of voice, a chance comment becomes imbued with meaning and portent. The beloved becomes an oracle with the key to your destiny.

Three days of travel, with Tyson barely acknowledging his existence, sent Moon into a spin of confusion, l.u.s.t and unbearable longing. He could barely pay attention to the fact that Snake was stoically enduring what must be excruciating conditions in the back of a rough cart that Terez had secured for him. The atmosphere between Raven and Terez swung between being incandescent and glacial. It was as if violence could break out at any moment. They were all on their way to Galhea. Life had just become a thousand times bigger than it had been before.

Moon didn't care about any of these things. He'd done or said something to offend Tyson. How could somehar change so quickly? That night at the lake Moon had been sure Tyson desired him. Now this. It was agonizing.

He tried various ploys. First, he attempted to act normally and addressed Tyson in general conversation as he would anyhar else. That didn't work. Second, he opted for withering disdain and ignorance, which made no difference either. Outright sarcasm was met with bland unresponsiveness. It was as if he'd ceased to exist. Moon had nohar to talk to about it. Even though Tyson had already told him he'd been warned off, the heat of Moon's pa.s.sion, which was unswervingly selfish in its desire to survive, excised the memory from his mind. The reason for Tyson's indifference couldn't possibly be so mundane. It had to be something to do with Moon himself.

Moon had rarely ventured beyond the city limits, and even when he had it had not been far, but it was impossible to take any interest in his surroundings. He sat with Snake in the cart and played cards with him to pa.s.s the time, but Snake won every round. He eventually became bored and berated Moon for his lack of concentration. 'Don't worry about Ember,' Snake said. 'He'll not forget you.'

Moon merely gibbered in response. He doubted Ember would forget him, but neither would he forgive him, since Moon had left home without telling Ember he was going. He wished that Snake would use his clear sight to work out what was wrong. It seemed inconceivable to Moon that it wasn't obvious. Although he couldn't bring himself to confide in his father, he had already decided he would be open to questioning should the occasion arise, but unfortunately it didn't.

They'd been travelling for four days before the Tigron contacted them. No doubt Pellaz had been sitting at home, brooding about the state of his brother, consumed with curiosity, but also concerned that Snake would be difficult and p.r.i.c.kly. Eventually, it seemed, his curiosity overcame any misgivings and he manifested before them, in a manner that could not fail to impress, on a glorious white sedu.

Terez realised that a portal into the otherlanes was about to open, because he was familiar with the signs. The air became oppressive, like before a storm, and the clouds in the sky ahead of them appeared sluggish and sickly.

'A portal,' Terez said, 'perhaps Pell has sent us sedim after all.' He did not look entirely convinced with this explanation, however. 'Ty, have the weapons ready.'

'Why?' Moon asked, scrambling forward to where Raven was driving the cart.