The Sexual Question Part 10

Man's flirtation, and his art of paying court to women are naturally combined with his audacity, as we have already observed in birds and mammals, and some of the lower animals. The male seeks to please the female to gain her favors. The brilliant colors of b.u.t.terflies and birds, song, skill and proof of strength, often come to the aid of the male s.e.xual instinct. Even in certain animals supplicant and plaintive sounds a.s.sist the male after his repeated refusal, apparently or in reality, by the female. We shall see in Chapter VI that savage men have a much greater tendency to tattoo and adorn themselves than have the women.

The art which man employs to seduce and conquer woman has been described to satiety in romances and novels, as well as in ethnographic works; so that we shall not dwell on it here. On the contrary, we shall show that in higher civilizations man is in general more sought after than woman, so that the latter has surpa.s.sed him in the art of flirtation or s.e.xual conquest.

It is also important to remark to what extent the increase of man's mental complexity transforms his s.e.xual tactics. The simple, natural, and at the same time bashful, modest manner, in which a nave young man seeks to conquer a heart, usually produces no effect on the fashionable young lady, experienced in all refined pleasures and saturated with unhealthy novels. These young women are much more easily seduced by the art of Don Juan and the old _roues_, who are more adequate to deal with them because they have studied practically the psychology of the modern woman.

=Instinct of Procreation.=--Another irradiation of the male s.e.xual instinct, connected with the preceding, is the instinct of procreation. If there were no other difficulties or consequences, man would without the least doubt be instinctively inclined to copulate with as many women as he could, and procreate as many children as possible. The more he is capable of satisfying his procreative instinct, the more he becomes self-exalted, as he thus sees himself multiplied and feels his power extended by the possession of a great number of wives and children. This is one of the princ.i.p.al causes which urge rich men and polygamous peoples to possess many women.

Coitus without object, like that of prost.i.tution, can only a.s.suage the s.e.xual appet.i.te and does not satisfy any of its higher irradiations.

It is well known that a happy betrothal, reposing on true love, and not on pecuniary interests, often transforms a young man from pessimism to optimism, from misogyny to philogyny. Skeptics smile at this transformation and regard it as only the transient intoxication of love. This may be true in some cases, but, as we have seen above, when love is enn.o.bled by deep understanding and mutual education, when each knows and respects the other, the transformation remains definite, and is strengthened so much that the honeymoon of the silver wedding is often happier and more exalted than that which followed marriage. We can then say that the optimism created by s.e.xual union cemented by true love rests on the normal accomplishment of the object of life. I cannot too often repeat that work in common, especially social work, on the part of the conjoints, is necessary for their happiness to be complete, and to survive in the one who remains after the decease of the other.

=Jealousy.=--The worst irradiation, or rather the worst reaction of contrast of love, which we have inherited from our animal ancestors, and that which is the most deeply rooted, is _jealousy_. Jealousy is a heritage of animals and barbarism; that is what I would say to all those who, in the name of offended honor, would grant it rights and even place it on a pedestal. It is ten times better for a woman to marry an unfaithful than a jealous husband. From the phylogenetic point of view, jealousy originates in the struggle for the possession of woman, at a period when right depended only on brute force. Cunning and violence contended with each other, and when the conqueror was in possession of a female, he had to guard her jealously to prevent her being abducted. Furious combats ensued. As soon as an unaccustomed approach, a look or anything else awakened the least suspicion of the presence of a rival, the male was tormented with a continual and instinctive feeling of defiance and distrust, often increased by the remembrance of the sadness of former defeats and the impotent rage which followed.

The results of male jealousy in the history of marriage are truly incredible. I may mention the iron girdles with locks--the so-called girdles of chast.i.ty--which we still see in certain museums, which the knights of the Middle Ages put on their wives when they set off to the wars, in order to appease their jealousy. Many savage peoples do not content themselves with severely punishing adultery in woman, even by death, but even simple conversations with a strange man. Jealousy transforms marriage into a h.e.l.l. It is often exalted in man to the point of a mania for persecution, to which it is a.n.a.logous. It is also a very common symptom of alcoholism. Then the life of the unfortunate woman who is the object of it becomes a continual martyrdom. Perpetual suspicion accompanied by insults, threats and violent words, and even homicide may be the result of this atrocious pa.s.sion.

Even in its more moderate and normal form, jealousy is a torment, for distrust and suspicion poison love. We often hear of justified jealousy; I maintain, on the contrary, that jealousy is never justified, and that it is only the brutal stupidity of an atavistic heritage, or a pathological symptom. A reasonable man who has doubts as to the fidelity of his wife has certainly the right to a.s.sure himself of their correctness. But of what use is it to be jealous? If he finds his suspicions false he has, by his manner, made his wife unnecessarily unhappy and destroyed conjugal confidence and happiness.

If, on the contrary, his suspicions are well founded he has only to choose between one of two ways. If it is a case of amorous intoxication suggested by another man to his wife, who is often very unhappy about it, she may then be restored to her husband and pardoned, for in this case affection only can cure her, never jealousy. If, however, love for her husband is entirely extinguished in her, or if she is only a false intriguer without character, jealousy is even more absurd, for the game is not worth the candle, and immediate divorce is necessary.

Unfortunately, man only possesses very little control over his feelings when these are violent. The jealous person by nature, that is by heredity, is generally incurable and poisons his own existence at the same time as that of his wife. Such individuals should never marry.

In lunatic asylums, in law, and in novels jealousy plays an important part, for it is one of the most fruitful sources of tragedies and human unhappiness. The combined and persevering efforts of education and selection are necessary to gradually eliminate it from the human brain. We often hear it said of man and woman that they are not jealous enough, because they are too indulgent toward the extra-nuptial inclinations of their conjoint. When such indulgence rests on cynical indifference or on pecuniary interests, it is not the want of jealousy but the want of moral sense which is to blame. If it arises from real and reasoned love, it should on the contrary be highly respected and praised. I would wish all heroes of offended honor and all defenders of jealousy to reflect on the following case:

A man of high position, and the father of five children, lived in the most happy union. One day he made the acquaintance of a friend of his wife, a very intelligent and well-educated lady. Frequent visits and long conversations led to intimacy which developed into violent reciprocal love. However, the lady refused to abandon herself entirely. The husband confessed everything to his wife, even to the smallest details, and the lady did the same. Instead of becoming jealous, the wife had the good sense and the courage to treat the two lovers not only with indulgence, but a true and profound affection.

The loyalty of each of the parties interested greatly facilitated the gradual _denouement_ of a difficult situation, without the family affections suffering. But the _denouement_ would have been quite as peaceful if the lady had yielded to s.e.xual connection with the husband. In fact, the wife herself considered this question very seriously and calmly, in case the fire could not be otherwise extinguished.

I ask in all sincerity, if such mild and humane treatment of an unfortunate love affair, in which the three interested parties each strove to avoid all scandal and everything which could damage their mutual reputation, I ask if this good and loyal treatment is not, from the moral standpoint, far superior to scenes of jealousy, duels, divorces and all their consequences, things which are all sanctioned and even sanctified by custom?

I also know many cases where the husbands of women who have fallen in love with other men have conducted themselves in an equally n.o.ble and reasonable manner, even when their wives had been completely unfaithful, and the results have always been good. It is needless to say that I do not wish to maintain that a husband should tolerate indefinitely the bad conduct of his wife, nor a woman that of her husband; but this is another thing.

=s.e.xual Braggardism.=--Let us pa.s.s on to another irradiation of the male s.e.xual appet.i.te--s.e.xual braggardism. This arises from self-exaltation evolved from the s.e.xual power of man. Like jealousy, this sentiment is no doubt inherited from our animal ancestors, and it finds its a.n.a.logy, or rather its caricature, in the c.o.c.k, the peac.o.c.k, the turkey, and in general among the richly adorned males of polygamous species. Although on the whole more innocent, the results of this atavistic instinct are no more elevated than those of jealousy. The sentiment of s.e.xual power induces men, especially those of lower mental caliber, to boast of their s.e.xual conquests and exaggerate them. It is needless to say that success does not go to the unskillful boaster, but to the one who relates his audacious exploits in a casual way. The Don Juan experienced in the art of seduction approaches women with audacity and _aplomb_, and usually imposes on them considerably, whatever his ignorance of other things. He has instinctively learnt one thing: viz., the weakness of woman in the face of the male form, theatrical effect, uniforms, an audacious act, a fierce mustache, etc. He has learnt that these fireworks hypnotize her and silence her reason, and that she is then capable of enthusiasm for the most doubtful cavalier and delivers herself to him bound hand and foot, provided his self-a.s.surance does not desert him.

I may say here that it is most often men of low intellect, weak in judgment and principles, who think themselves most superior to the feminine s.e.x, and who behave as tyrants to their wives.

s.e.xual braggardism has, moreover, grave consequences for the man himself, for it urges him to excesses which far exceed his appet.i.tes and especially his natural wants. In spite of other advantages, he wishes to shine by these excesses among his fellows and even among the grisettes whose minds are full of s.e.xual matters.

Male s.e.xual braggardism contributes with s.e.xual appet.i.te to entice reserved and high-minded young men toward prost.i.tutes, against their better instincts, their reason and their moral sense. Alcohol especially facilitates the degeneration of s.e.xual life.

=The p.o.r.nographic Spirit.=--The term _eroticism_ is given to the state of excitation of the s.e.xual appet.i.te. When a person cultivates it artificially and abandons himself to purely animal sensuality, without combining it with higher intellectual or moral aspirations, there develop in the mind irradiations which may be designated by the term _p.o.r.nographic spirit_. The entire circle of ideas of such individuals is so impregnated with eroticism that all their thoughts and sentiments are colored by it. They see everywhere, even in the most innocent objects, the most lewd allusions. Woman is only regarded by them as an object of s.e.xual enjoyment, and her mind only appears to such satyrs as an ign.o.ble erotic caricature, which is disgusting to every man capable of lofty sentiments.

Owing to its usually sensual and gross nature, male eroticism has succeeded in modeling a whole cla.s.s of women in whom ideal character in their desires is wanting. Instead of recognizing his own work and the vile image of his own person in these unnatural women, the libertine, as we have already seen, imagines them as the normal type of woman. From the height of his presumption, he then despises woman and does not perceive that it is himself whom he despises; for on the whole, from the s.e.xual point of view, the dependent woman of to-day conforms herself to man and becomes what he makes her. The number of coitus, their details, the size and form of the s.e.xual organs, the pleasure of having cut out other men, and especially the pathological perversions of the s.e.xual appet.i.te, form the chief object of the thoughts and conversations of p.o.r.nographic minds. Each tries to outdo the others in s.e.xual enormities, and the virtuosity of these gentlemen in this domain is only surpa.s.sed by their ignorance and incapacity in all others.

Prost.i.tution and all the modern s.e.xual degeneration which marches under the hypocritical flag of Christianity, civilization and monogamy, have so far developed the p.o.r.nographic spirit that men living in centers of debauchery, centers which are unfortunately extending more and more from town to country, lose all conception of the n.o.ble qualities natural to the feminine sentiment and to true love, or only preserve a few shreds of it which they treat with ridicule. Many men have admitted this to me, after being much astonished when I was obliged to give them quite another conception of love and woman, without introducing the least trace of religion. No doubt certain better individuals, fallen by chance into debauchery, speak respectfully of a mother or a sister, for whom they profess an almost religious worship. They regard these as beings apart, as species of a lost race of demiG.o.ds, and they do not perceive that they discredit them and drag them in the mud by their contempt and p.o.r.nographic conception of woman in general, a conception which is moreover often altered to profound pessimism.

In the relatively moral circles of society, our description would no doubt be taxed with exaggeration, because natures a little more refined have the habit of acting like the ostrich who hides his head in the sand, that is to say of turning their eyes away from the p.o.r.nographic swamp with disgust so as not to see it, and thus avoid it instinctively. But this maneuver serves no purpose: the facts remain as they are.

Eroticism is no more a vice than s.e.xual anaesthesia is a virtue. Even when they are chaste, men of libidinous nature require a strong will to resist all the artificial seductions which excite their sensuality.

This is why the bog of debauchery engulfs so many men of a naturally good nature. In this sense, cold natures are better off; they can cover themselves with the glory of a "virtue" the resplendent rays of which become lost in a penumbra of defects and weaknesses from which these natures suffer in other domains.

=s.e.xual Hypocrisy.=--Hypocrisy is a peculiarity deeply rooted in the human mind. We can affirm that whoever pretends never to have been a hypocrite lies, quite as much as one who swears he has never lied. But nowhere, save perhaps in the domain of religion, does hypocrisy play a greater part than in the s.e.xual domain. Nowhere is there so much falsehood, and men who are most honest on other points make no scruple of deceiving their wives in this respect. I do not speak here of the simulation of sentiments of love, for it is too ba.n.a.l, and there is no need to be too exacting over this point, for there are strong attenuating circ.u.mstances.

First of all, erotic feelings are capable of blinding man for the moment, as far as persuading him of the eternal duration of love and fidelity which he promises the object of his appet.i.tes, as well as of the reality of the celestial qualities under which this object appears to him, or with which it pleases him to adorn it. Two persons mutually excited by s.e.xual pa.s.sion are fascinated by the illusions of a mirage, which often vanishes soon afterward, so that it is not rare to see them on the following day hurling the most violent abuse at each other.

Those who have not been witnesses of such events may hardly believe them. It is sufficient, however, to be a magistrate or to read the reports of lawsuits between debased persons as the result of love quarrels, broken engagements or marriages, seductions, etc., to study the letters that the two parties have written before and after their quarrel, in order to be convinced of the correctness of what we have said above. In the first letters the lovers adulate each other and adorn each other with the most hyperbolic epithets, swearing eternal love and fidelity, and deluding each other in the most absurd manner.

In letters written sometimes only a few days later we are astonished to see the same individuals grossly insulting each other and mutually covering themselves with ign.o.ble calumnies. This is how pa.s.sion without reason pa.s.ses through the furnaces of love and hatred, dragging after it all the artificial scaffolding of what man imagines to be his right based on logic, but which is in reality only a tissue of ridiculous contradictions, the automatic and inept product of his emotional state. Such contrasts are so frequent that we can easily recognize the expression of a psychological law, due to the mirages of the amorous pa.s.sions on the one hand and the inverse reaction on the other.

Nevertheless hypocrisy has its good side. It has been said not without reason that "hypocrisy is a concession which vice makes to virtue." In their nakedness human thoughts are often so sadly vulgar and so offensive that a little varnish improves them. In this sense, and when it comes from a feeling of shame or good-will, hypocrisy deserves a good deal of the eulogy which Mark Twain has heaped on it in his charming satire, "The Decadence of the Art of Lying."

In the s.e.xual question hypocrisy is directly provoked by the tyranny and barbarism of what are called good manners, often even by the law.

In this sense it const.i.tutes a response of human nature to the forms and customs derived from the right of the stronger or from religious superst.i.tions, as well as from the dogmas resulting from them.

By the term _s.e.xual hypocrisy_ I do not mean the repugnant forms of hypocrisy pure and simple, in which man only exploits love indirectly for an interested end, for instance when he simulates love to obtain a rich wife. I only speak of the forms of hypocrisy which are directly evolved from the s.e.xual appet.i.te or from love.

It is from this point of view that we must judge s.e.xual hypocrisy, and if I have laid special stress on its good points, it is in view of marriage, where it a.s.sists the education of n.o.ble and elevated sentiments even in the hypocrite. By praising the virtues of his helpmate with a little exaggeration, these are made to appear more n.o.ble. If the time is spent in saying disagreeable truths, love is soon stifled and killed. On the contrary, if each conjoint attributes to the other as fine qualities as possible, each is finally persuaded that the other really possesses them, and then realizes them himself, at any rate in part.

The worst of hypocrisies is that which is the product of base pecuniary interests, or of a gross s.e.xual appet.i.te without love, or lastly by the pressure of conventional or religious customs. Good hypocrisy consists in the repression of all that is base in the sentiments, inclinations and pa.s.sions; in the fact that one strives to hide it from others, even from one's self, and to suggest in its place as many amiable qualities as possible, so as to strengthen in a disinterested manner the object of one's love in n.o.ble sentiments.

This kind of hypocrisy is in reality an indirect product of altruistic sentiments. One perceives with pain on reflecting, either the absence of spontaneous sentiments of sympathy, or the presence of disgust and bad temper, and one strives to hide the thing by sympathetic expressions for which one seeks an object, and to which one would wish to give a durable character. Loyal efforts made in this direction often succeed in correcting the egoistic humor with which one is affected, and in giving rise to the sentiments one desires to experience. One must not, however, by only looking at one side of the question, allow such efforts to degenerate into maladroit blindness, which will only have the effect of spoiling the person one loves.

=Egoistic Love.=--It is obvious that the psychic irradiations of the s.e.xual sense are strongly influenced by the individuality of the one who loves. The egoist loves in a manner naively egoistic. He is not wanting in fine words, but in his opinion all sentiment and respect is due to his person, while he reduces to a minimum his duties toward the object of his love. He exacts much from the other and gives little.

The good man with altruistic sentiments feels things in an inverse way; he exacts little from others, and much from himself.

Love differs in different natures, according as they are calm or lively, imbecile or intelligent, well educated or otherwise: the will plays a great part here. Weakness and impulsiveness are found in love, as well as energy and perseverance. In the last point woman is superior, owing to the greater constancy of her love. There is thus no domain of the mind which is not influenced by love, and which does not react on love in its turn.

Intellectual occupations are facilitated by a happy love, while they are usually hindered by the sorrows of love. Even men of science, so proud of their calmness, are often more influenced than one would think in their scientific opinions by their emotional sentiments.

Without a man being aware of it, his sentiments insinuate themselves into the opinions which he believes to be of a purely intellectual nature, and direct them unconsciously with much more power than he generally imagines. Such influences act chiefly on individuals disposed to sentimentality. In love, these individuals resemble two-edged swords; the intensity of their emotional reactions and sentiments drives them from one extreme to another, from foolish happiness to despair or fury. The situation becomes still more grave when such storms burst among impulsive persons of weak will and limited intelligence. Under such circ.u.mstances ill-a.s.sorted alliances are formed which lead to violent quarrels, and sometimes even to crime. When jealousy comes on the scene the man often kills the woman and commits suicide.

It would seem that such crime can only arise from egoism; this is often the case, but not always. Despair may often lead to such acts, without any motive of vengeance, or even of jealousy. The storm of pa.s.sion drives weak-minded persons to impulsive actions, the motives of which are very difficult to a.n.a.lyze. After these tragedies of murder preceding suicide, when the murderer survives, he often expresses himself as follows: "I was in such a state of despair and excitement that I saw no other issue than death for both of us."

=Prudery. Modesty.=--The sentiment of modesty originates in the fear of everything which is novel and unusual, and is complicated by natural timidity. This sentiment is especially strong in children. The sentiment of s.e.xual modesty in man thus rests on timidity and on the fear of not doing as others do. It betrays itself toward women by awkwardness and bashfulness behind which eroticism is often ill concealed. The timid and bashful man carefully endeavors to hide his s.e.xual feelings from others. The object of modesty is in itself immaterial to the psychology of this sentiment, and shame is sometimes inspired not only by very different things but even by opposite things. One youth is ashamed of appearing erotic, another of appearing too little erotic, according to the opinion of his neighbors.

Modesty depends on the custom of covering or exposing certain parts of the body, and people who live in a state of nature are as much ashamed of clothes as we are ashamed of nudity. Moreover, man soon becomes accustomed to fashion, and the same English girl who blushes at the sight of a few inches of bare skin in her own country, finds it quite natural to see naked negroes in the tropics.

The artificial and systematic cultivation of an exaggerated sentiment of modesty produces _prudery_, the bad results of which are, however, less than those of p.o.r.nography. There are young people so modest that the simple thought of s.e.xual matters overexcites them terribly. By a.s.sociating their own erotic feelings, of which they feel ashamed, with s.e.xual ideas, they invest these with terrifying attributes, and become quite unhappy; in this way they are often led to masturbation.

They are, however, excessively frightened at this also and imagine its effects so terrible that they think themselves lost. Their exaggerated feelings of modesty often prevent them confiding in some charitable person. However, they rarely find reasonable consolers; some ridicule them, while others regard them as iniquitous, which only increases their terror and drives them to extremes.

The s.e.xual sentiment of modesty very often becomes unhealthy, and is then easily combined with pathological s.e.xual conditions.

Prudery is, so to speak, s.e.xual modesty codified and dogmatized. It is indeterminate, because the object of modesty is purely conventional, and man has no valid reason to regard any part of his body as shameful. Normal man ought only to be ashamed of bad thoughts and actions, contrary to his moral conscience. The latter should be based on natural human altruism only, and not artificially misled by dogma.

=The Old Bachelor.=--The importance of the psychic irradiations of love is shown perhaps more clearly from the results of their presence in old bachelors than from any other consideration. In our time, no doubt, the state of the old bachelor rarely means the renunciation of the satisfaction of s.e.xual appet.i.te, although it generally entails the renunciation of love. There are, no doubt, two kinds of old bachelors, those who are chaste and those who are not. The old bachelor no doubt leads a less empty existence than the old maid, but the void exists none the less. Man also needs compensation for the absence of love and family, but his brain is more capable than that of woman of finding this compensation in hard intellectual work or in some other employment.

The old bachelor is generally pessimistic and morose. He easily becomes the slave of his fads and hobbies, and the peculiarities of his character are proverbial. His egoism knows no bounds, and his altruistic impulses usually find too few objects or echoes.

The chast.i.ty of some old bachelors conceals s.e.xual anomalies. But even apart from this, the old celibate easily becomes shy, affected, misanthropic or misogynistic, at least if some energetic friend does not induce him to utilize his power of work in some useful sphere. At other times he lavishes exaggerated admiration on women and worships them in a pompous manner.

In a separate category come those old bachelors who are chaste and celibate for high moral reasons, and whose life is spent in social work, although they are only men and cannot for this reason free themselves from all the peculiarities we have mentioned. In a word, the object of life is partly wanting in the best of old bachelors, and this void not only affects his sentiments but his whole mental being.

His general tendency to pessimism and egoism would be sufficient alone to provoke an energetic protest against the abandonment of social power to celibates.

The old bachelor who is not chaste generally descends to p.o.r.nography, only becoming acquainted with the worst side of woman. He becomes a misogynist because he wrongly attributes to all women the character of those only with whom he has intimate relations. We have already pointed out this phenomenon in speaking of male eroticism. The philosopher, Schopenhauer, was an example of this kind.