The Scornful Lady Part 16

_Lady_. One that has us'd you with too much respect.

_Elder Lo_. One that hath us'd me (since you will have it so) the basest, the most Foot-boy-like, without respect of what I was, or what you might be by me; you have us'd me, as I would use a jade, ride him off's legs, then turn him to the Commons; you have us'd me with discretion, and I thank ye. If you have many more such pretty Servants, pray build an Hospital, and when they are old, pray keep 'em for shame.

_Lady_. I cannot think yet this is serious.

_Elder Lo_. Will you have more on't?

_Lady_. No faith, there's enough if it be true: Too much by all my part; you are no Lover then?

_Elder Lo_. No, I had rather be a Carrier.

_Lady_. Why the G.o.ds amend all.

_Elder Lo_. Neither do I think there can be such a fellow found i'th'

world, to be in love with such a froward woman, if there be such, they're mad, _Jove_ comfort 'em. Now you have all, and I as new a man, as light, and spirited, that I feel my self clean through another creature. O 'tis brave to be ones own man, I can see you now as I would see a Picture, sit all day by you and never kiss your hand: hear you sing, and never fall backward: but with as set a temper, as I would hear a Fidler, rise and thank you. I can now keep my mony in my purse, that still was gadding out for Scarfes and Wastcoats: and keep my hand from Mercers sheep-skins finely. I can eat mutton now, and feast my self with my two shillings, and can see a play for eighteen pence again: I can my Ladie.

_Lady_. The carriage of this fellow vexes me. Sir, pray let me speak a little private with you, I must not suffer this.

_Elder Lo_. Ha, ha, ha, what would you with me?

You will not ravish me? Now, your set speech?

_Lady_. Thou perjur'd man.

_Elder Lo_. Ha, ha, ha, this is a fine _exordium_.

And why I pray you perjur'd?

_Lady_. Did you not swear a thousand thousand times you lov'd me best of all things?

_Elder Lo_. I do confess it: make your best of that.

_Lady_. Why do you say you do not then?

_Elder Lo_. Nay I'le swear it, And give sufficient reason, your own usage.

_Lady_. Do you not love me then?

_Elder Lo_. No faith.

_Lady_. Did you ever think I lov'd you dearly?

_Elder Lo_. Yes, but I see but rotten fruits on't.

_Lady_. Do not denie your hand for I must kiss it, and take my last farewell, now let me die so you be happy.

_El. Lo_. I am too foolish: Ladie speak dear Ladie.

_Lady_. No let me die. _She swounds._

_Mar_. Oh my Sister!

_Abi_. O my Ladie help, help.

_Mar_. Run for some _Rosalis_!

_Elder Lo_. I have plaid the fine a.s.s: bend her bodie, Lady, best, dearest, worthiest Lady, hear your Servant, I am not as I shew'd: O wretched fool, to fling away the Jewel of thy life thus. Give her more air, see she begins to stir, sweet Mistress hear me!

_Lady_. Is my Servant well?

_Elder Lo_. In being yours I am so.

_Lady_. Then I care not.

_Elder Lo_. How do ye, reach a chair there; I confess my fault not pardonable, in pursuing thus upon such tenderness my wilfull error; but had I known it would have wrought thus with ye, thus strangely, not the world had won me to it, and let not (my best Ladie) any word spoke to my end disturb your quiet peace: for sooner shall you know a general ruine, than my faith broken. Do not doubt this Mistris, for by my life I cannot live without you. Come, come, you shall not grieve, rather be angrie, and heap infliction upon me: I will suffer. O I could curse my self, pray smile upon me. Upon my faith it was but a trick to trie you, knowing you lov'd me dearlie, and yet strangely that you would never shew it, though my means was all humilitie.

_All_. Ha, ha.

_Elder Lo_. How now?

_Lady_. I thank you fine fool for your most fine plot; this was a subtile one, a stiff device to have caught Dottrels with. Good senceless Sir, could you imagine I should swound for you, and know your self to be an arrant a.s.s? I, a discovered one. 'Tis quit I thank you Sir. Ha, ha, ha.

_Mar_. Take heed Sir, she may chance to swound again.

_All_. Ha, ha, ha.

_Abi_. Step to her Sir, see how she changes colour.

_Elder Lo_. I'le goe to h.e.l.l first, and be better welcom.

I am fool'd, I do confess it, finely fool'd, Ladie, fool'd Madam, and I thank you for it.

_Lady_. Faith 'tis not so much worth Sir: But if I knew when you come next a burding, I'le have a stronger noose to hold the Woodc.o.c.k.

_All_. Ha, ha, ha.

_Elder Lo_. I am glad to see you merry, pray laugh on.

_Mar_. H'ad a hard heart that could not laugh at you Sir, ha, ha, ha.

_Lady_. Pray Sister do not laugh, you'le anger him, And then hee'l rail like a rude Costermonger, That School-boys had couzened of his Apples, As loud and senceless.

_Elder Lo_. I will not rail.

_Mar_. Faith then let's hear him Sister.

_Elder Lo_. Yes, you shall hear me.

_Lady_. Shall we be the better by it then?

_Eld. L_. No, he that makes a woman better by his words, I'le have him Sainted: blows will not doe it.