The School for Scandal Part 17

SIR OLIVER. Yes--yes--our young Rake has parted with his Ancestors like old Tapestry--sold Judges and Generals by the foot--and maiden Aunts as cheap as broken China.--

ROWLEY. And here has he commissioned me to re-deliver you Part of the purchase-money--I mean tho' in your necessitous character of old Stanley----

MOSES. Ah! there is the Pity of all! He is so d.a.m.ned charitable.

ROWLEY. And I left a Hosier and two Tailors in the Hall--who I'm sure won't be paid, and this hundred would satisfy 'em.

SIR OLIVER. Well--well--I'll pay his debts and his Benevolences too--I'll take care of old Stanley--myself-- But now I am no more a Broker, and you shall introduce me to the elder Brother as Stanley----

ROWLEY. Not yet a while--Sir Peter I know means to call there about this time.

Enter TRIP

TRIP. O Gentlemen--I beg Pardon for not showing you out--this way-- Moses, a word.

[Exit TRIP with MOSES.]

SIR OLIVER. There's a Fellow for you-- Would you believe it that Puppy intercepted the Jew, on our coming, and wanted to raise money before he got to his master!

ROWLEY. Indeed!

SIR OLIVER. Yes--they are now planning an annuity Business-- Ah Master Rowley[,] in my Day Servants were content with the Follies of their Masters when they were worn a little Thread Bare but now they have their Vices like their Birth Day cloaths with the gloss on.

[Exeunt.]

SCENE III.--A Library

SURFACE and SERVANT

SURFACE. No letter from Lady Teazle?

SERVANT. No Sir--

SURFACE. I am surprised she hasn't sent if she is prevented from coming--! Sir Peter certainly does not suspect me--yet I wish I may not lose the Heiress, thro' the sc.r.a.pe I have drawn myself in with the wife--However, Charles's imprudence and bad character are great Points in my Favour.

SERVANT. Sir--I believe that must be Lady Teazle--

SURFACE. Hold[!] see--whether it is or not before you go to the Door--I have a particular Message for you if it should be my Brother.

SERVANT. 'Tis her ladyship Sir--She always leaves her Chair at the milliner's in the next Street.

SURFACE. Stay--stay--draw that Screen before the Window--that will do--my opposite Neighbour is a maiden Lady of so curious a temper!-- [SERVANT draws the screen and exit.]

I have a difficult Hand to play in this Affair--Lady Teazle as lately suspected my Views on Maria--but She must by no means be let into that secret, at least till I have her more in my Power.

Enter LADY TEAZLE

LADY TEAZLE. What[!] Sentiment in soliloquy--have you been very impatient now?--O Lud! don't pretend to look grave--I vow I couldn't come before----

SURFACE. O Madam[,] Punctuality is a species of Constancy, a very unfashionable quality in a Lady.

LADY TEAZLE. Upon my word you ought to pity me, do you now Sir Peter is grown so ill-tempered to me of Late! and so jealous! of Charles too that's the best of the story isn't it?

SURFACE. I am glad my scandalous Friends keep that up. [Aside.]

LADY TEAZLE. I am sure I wish He would let Maria marry him-- and then perhaps He would be convinced--don't you--Mr. Surface?

SURFACE. Indeed I do not.--[Aside.] O certainly I do--for then my dear Lady Teazle would also be convinced how wrong her suspicions were of my having any design on the silly Girl----

LADY TEAZLE. Well--well I'm inclined to believe you--besides I really never could perceive why she should have so any admirers.

SURFACE. O for her Fortune--nothing else--

LADY TEAZLE. I believe so for tho' she is certainly very pretty-- yet she has no conversation in the world--and is so grave and reserved--that I declare I think she'd have made an excellent wife for Sir Peter.--

SURFACE. So she would.

LADY TEAZLE. Then--one never hears her speak ill of anybody--which you know is mighty dull--

SURFACE. Yet she doesn't want understanding--

LADY TEAZLE. No more she does--yet one is always disapointed when one hears [her] speak--For though her Eyes have no kind of meaning in them--she very seldom talks Nonsense.

SURFACE. Nay--nay surely--she has very fine eyes--

LADY TEAZLE. Why so she has--tho' sometimes one fancies there's a little sort of a squint--

SURFACE. A squint--O fie--Lady Teazle.

LADY TEAZLE. Yes yes--I vow now--come there is a left-handed Cupid in one eye--that's the Truth on't.

SURFACE. Well--his aim is very direct however--but Lady Sneerwell has quite corrupted you.

LADY TEAZLE. No indeed--I have not opinion enough of her to be taught by her, and I know that she has lately rais'd many scandalous hints of me--which you know one always hears from one common Friend, or other.

SURFACE. Why to say truth I believe you are not more obliged to her than others of her acquaintance.

LADY TEAZLE. But isn't [it] provoking to hear the most ill-natured Things said to one and there's my friend Lady Sneerwell has circulated I don't know how many scandalous tales of me, and all without any foundation, too; that's what vexes me.

SURFACE. Aye Madam to be sure that is the Provoking circ.u.mstance-- without Foundation--yes yes--there's the mortification indeed-- for when a slanderous story is believed against one--there certainly is no comfort like the consciousness of having deserved it----

LADY TEAZLE. No to be sure--then I'd forgive their malice-- but to attack me, who am really so innocent--and who never say an ill-natured thing of anybody--that is, of any Friend--!

and then Sir Peter too--to have him so peevish--and so suspicious-- when I know the integrity of my own Heart--indeed 'tis monstrous.

SURFACE. But my dear Lady Teazle 'tis your own fault if you suffer it--when a Husband entertains a groundless suspicion of his Wife and withdraws his confidence from her--the original compact is broke and she owes it to the Honour of her s.e.x to endeavour to outwit him--

LADY TEAZLE. Indeed--So that if He suspects me without cause it follows that the best way of curing his jealousy is to give him reason for't--

SURFACE. Undoubtedly--for your Husband [should] never be deceived in you--and in that case it becomes you to be frail in compliment to his discernment--