The Royal Mail Part 17

"We have four horses, 30 or 35 head of cattle, 15 or 20 pigs, and a large henery. We have about 250 acres of land, so of course we have to keep a house full of servants.

"We are quite well off in worldly goods, but should be better off if you could inform me about that fortune I expect from a great-uncle, great-aunt, or somebody. It is about half a million either on my father's or mother's side. If you would be so kind as to write and inform me, I would be a thousand times obliged. If you would a.s.sist me in getting it I will reward you handsomely. Their name is ----. They used to be very fond of me when I was a crowing infant in my mother's arms. It is a very pretty country out hear, wide rolling prairies enter spersed with fine forests. There is a stream of water running through our land, a stream so softly and peasfully wild that it looks as if nature had onely just made it and laid down her pencil and smiled.

"The schoolroom is just a little ways from ----, the name of our farm.

It is the schoolroom where I learnt my A B, abs, but I probly never shall go there to school again. It is vacation now and I have come out on to the farm to stay till school commences again. It seems so nice to be where I can have new milk to drink and nice fresh eggs again. I intend to enjoy myself till school commences again. Father has sold off most all of our horses, but he saved my riding horse, so I intend to have rides and drives without number.

"Well, as I have said as much as you will care to read, I will stop. I hope you will excuse all mistakes as I am not a very old young lady--only 13 years old."

"INDIANA, U.S.

"Enclosed you will please find a letter which I would like for you to give some young lady or gent--lady preferred--who you think would like a correspondent in this country. Will correspond on topics of general interest. For further particulars glance at enclosed letter as it is not sealed.

"To the person in whose hands this message may fall, I would like a correspondent in your city which I think would be of interest to each of us in the way of information.

"My house is in the central part of the United States, my age is 18. I am a partner in the manufacturing of ----. We are also dealers in ---- work. I have travelled all over the United States and Canada. I can give you any information you may desire in reference to this country--this must necessarily be brief. Would like to discuss the habits and nature of our people. To-day is Thanksgiving Day set apart by our president as a day of thanksgiving for our prosperity, &c; it is observed annually all over the U.S. It is princ.i.p.ally observed by giving receptions, dinners, &c. It is snowing to-day; it is the first day of winter we have had. The thermometer is ten above zero. All business is suspended to-day. Please state what day you receive this, as I would like to know how long a letter is on the road--if you do not wish to answer this, please give to some of your friends who will--my address you will find on the enclosed card."

An individual who had apparently, like Rip Van Winkle, been asleep for a number of years, suddenly starts up, and imagines that he has committed a petty fraud upon the Post-office, and so, to ease his conscience, pens the following confession:--

"I enclose you 7 sixpenny stamps, and ask you to credit 2 shillings to revenue as conscience money, as I consider that I owe your Department that amount, having enclosed some weeks ago 3 letters to India within a cover to a friend. At the time of my doing so I thought I was doing no wrong, as the three letters enclosed were merely messages which I did not like to trouble my friend with; but lately I have thought differently, and to quiet my conscience I send you the enclosed stamps, and beg of you to be good enough to acknowledge the receipt of 2s. in the columns of the 'Daily Telegraph' as conscience money from ----. I send 1s. 6d. extra as cost of insertion of the acknowledgment."

The question even of "who shall be the hangman" is thought to be a fit subject for elucidation at the Post-office.

"I hope you will pardon me for asking of you the favour of satisfying a curiosity which cannot, without distortion, be called a morbid one. The question I am about to put is prompted by the statement in the London papers that Marwood is to be the executioner of Peace.

"Now, being fully cognizant, from my readings of journals more than 50 years back, that York has always retained its own executioners (Askern having succeeded Howard), I am sceptical as to the correctness of the above statement. But, a.s.suming it to be correct, I should like to be informed why Peace's particular case should cause a deviation from the old bylaws of your county (York), which gives name to an archiepiscopal province.--Hoping to be pardoned for thus troubling you, I am," &c.

And again, the Postmaster-General is begged to step in and prevent people being called hard names.

"I humbly beg your consideration if there is no law to stop persons from calling all manner of bad names day after day as it is annoying me very much in my calling as a Gardener and Seedsman; as I have applyed to the office at ---- for a summons for a little protection and they tell not, so i think it rather too hard for me as i have done all the good I have had the means to do with to the Hospitals and Inst.i.tutions and all charityable purposes both in ----and elsewhere if needed; but i suffer from lameness with a ulcerated leg not being able for laborious hard work, although i wish to do as i would be done by. Please to answer this at your leisure."

The next specimens are from persons out of employment:--

"I am taking the liberty of writeing you those few lines, as I am given to understand that you do want men in New South Wales, and I am a Smith by Trade, a single man. My age is 24 next birthday. I shood be verry thankfull if you wood be so kind and send all the particulars by return."

"Having lost my parents, I am desirous of taking a housekeeper's situation where a domestic is kept. Must be a dissenting family, Baptist preferred. Thinking that such a case might come under your notice, I have therefore taken the liberty of sending to you."

"ILLINOIS, U.S.

"Mr Postmaster if you would be so kind as to seek for us work as we are two colored young men of ---- Illinois, and would like to come to England and get work as Coachmen or race horse trainers, as we have been experance for twelve years practicesing training--if any further information about it we can be reckemend to any one that wish to hire us, pleas to advertise it in the papers for us."

The two letters of inquiry for situations which follow are rather amusing, owing to their mode of expression, being written by foreigners not having a command of the English idiom; and they will mirror to our own countrymen what sort of figures they must sometimes cut in the eyes of our neighbours across the Channel, when airing their "dictionary French" in the metropolis of fashion:--

"SIR,--I have the honour of coming to solicit of your goodwill of telling me if I could not to pa.s.s into the English Telegraphic Administration, and, in the affirmative, what I would must make for that. I have undergone here all the examens demanded by the French Administration; I am now surnumerary, and in a few months I shall be named clerck. I know completely the two Breguet's and Morse machines, and I have begun the 'Hughes.' But, as I am now in a little office where that last is not employed, I cannot improve me actually. I have also some knowledge of the English language. I have kept the last year the post of ---- during several months.

"As for my family, my father died from two years, was advocate and sus-prefect ---- during thirty years. Myself, at Paris, I have had for scholl-fellow, several young gentlemen, among others, Master ----, the son of the great English perfumery, and others notable manufacturers of London, where I should desire ardently to be clerck, if, by effect of your good-will, you give satisfaction to my claim. I am old of twenty-five years, and I have satisfied to the military law.

"I dare to hope, Master the Director, that, be it as it may, you will make to me the honour of answering what I must expect of your resolution, and in the same time yours conditions.

"I am, Master, in expecting, with the most profound respect, your very humble servant."

"SWITZERLAND.

"You will excuse me of the liberty which I take to write to you, but as I know n.o.body in your town, I have not found an other way for find relations with some body honourable. I will ask you if you can procure me a place in the English Colonies or plantations as teacher in an inst.i.tution or tutor in a good family. I am old of 22 years. I have gone a good course of study in the college and gymnasium in ----, and I have held during a 1-1/2 year in the pensionnat ---- an place as teacher of French language and Mathematics. I can give you some good Certificates; I speak French, German, and a little English. I should wish for be entirely defrayed of the charges of lodging, nourishment, &c., to have a good salary and the voyage paid. These are my conditions; perhaps will you found something for satisfy them. I will give you a commission proportionably to the importance of the place. I hope Sir a favorible answer, and it is in this expectation that I am," &c.

The next letter is of another kind, and is not a bad effort for a schoolboy:--

"Not having received the live bullfinch mentioned by you as having arrived at the Returned-letter office two days ago, having been posted as a letter contrary to the regulations of the postal system, I now write to ask you to have the bird fed and forwarded at once to ----; and to apply for all fines and expenses to ----. If this is not done and I do not receive the bird before the end of the week, I shall write to the Postmaster-General, who is a very intimate friend of my father's, and ask him to see that measures are taken against you for neglect. This is not an idle threat, so you will oblige by following the above instructions."

In the rules laid down by the Post-office for the guidance of its officers and the information of the public, an endeavour is made to use plain language; but in any case of doubtful meaning, the Post-office, having framed the rules, claims the right of interpreting them. At one time an element in the definition of a newspaper, under the newspaper post, was that it should consist of a sheet or sheets _unst.i.tched_. A newspaper having been taxed a penny, owing to the sheets being tied together with thread, the person who sent the newspaper made the following sharp remonstrance:--

"SIR,--I had hoped that the utterly indefensible regulation in reference to which I send a wrapper had been silently abolished. The public is quite unable to understand why st.i.tching is made the _differentia_ of a newspaper and a pamphlet, and I can hardly suppose that the occasional penalty of 1d. can be the motive. If in the printed regulations you would a.s.sign a sufficient motive, no one would of course object. Allow me to ask, if a piece of string is pa.s.sed through two holes and the ends not tied in a knot, if that is considered st.i.tching? According to Johnson's definition of st.i.tching my newspaper was not st.i.tched, but tied, _for I used no needle_."

Again, a person having suffered the loss of a letter, containing something of value perhaps, launched a bolt from Scripture at the Department:--

"I got no redress before, but I trust I shall on this occasion; or else there must be something rotten in the State of Denmark. Judas Iscariot was a thief, and carried the bag, and it will be a pity and a great scandal if he has found a successor in some branch of the Post-office."

A fond parent, finding that some white mice sent by his little boy were detained in the Post-office, owing to the transmission of live animals being contrary to regulations, writes very indignantly to the Department, overlooking its impersonal nature, and singles out the officer whose performance of duty provoked him for such castigation as his pen was capable of inflicting. Here is his letter, and it is mild compared with some of the comminatory effusions which occasionally reach the Post-office:--

"SIR,--Tuesday last week my little son sent three white mice to a friend at ----, in a wooden revolving cage, done up strongly in brown paper, with such sufficient biscuit to serve them for the day; but to-day we have heard that your officious manager at our district office delayed sending it, and wrote instead to ask the address of the sender, and called to-day to say he would not forward the cage. Now allow me to ask by what law has he dared to delay the delivery, and by that means no doubt killed the little animals? They were in a wooden cage, carefully packed, and could not in any way have been an annoyance; they were not explosive, they were not loose; and I know of no notice in your regulations whereby he dare to delay the delivery and starve the little creatures to death. I would also ask by what law did he open the package? The full postage was on the parcel, and no doubt the stamp (4d.) has been obliterated, which he will of course have to refund, as also the cost of the white mice; he cannot, of course, pay the disappointment. Why did the office at ---- take it if wrong? But it is not, because he has sent several such little creatures to others, and they have always reached safely. He likewise had the impudence to say I was to send to the office for the cage, &c. I feel a.s.sured you will be equally astonished with me at his a.s.surance. The package was booked from here over eight days ago, and it was his duty to have delivered it.

Please see to it; the address on the parcel was ----."[6]

[6] The mice were duly fed during their detention, and were eventually sent for by the applicant.

A young man, conceiving that he had a call to the ministry, quitted the Post-office service to qualify for that vocation. After a time, the following letter, which fully explains its own purpose, reached headquarters:--

"Enclosed is from a young man in my parish, whose sister is a permanent invalid, and his father a retired Church officer, so that he must have a _dry_ crust.

"I suppose his _style_ does not take amongst the Independent congregations wanting pastors, so he is sent back to business (a great mistake, I told him, he ever left it).

"He says something about being over twenty-four years of age; but I think it hard he should go to college for three years, and then be sent adrift without a plank. Is it possible to reinstate him at the Post-office? He goes to chapel in my parish, and his family are all deserving and needy. Excuse this effort to help a respectable though needy fellow."

CHAPTER XX.

SINGULAR COINCIDENCES.

Extraordinary coincidences have been chronicled in connection with almost every situation in life, some fortunate and attended with profit to those involved, others unfortunate or disastrous; and the Post-office is no exception to the rule as being a field for the observation of such occurrences. The peculiar nature of the coincidences to be observed in the following examples may be worthy of note, or at any rate the cases may repay their perusal with some small degree of interest:--

"Among the workmen employed in some alterations at a n.o.bleman's country seat were two bearing exactly the same Christian name and surname, but unconnected and unacquainted with each other, one being a joiner, the other a mason. The joiner, who was a depositor in the Post-office Savings' Bank, having received no acknowledgment of a deposit of 3, obtained a duplicate. The mason, who was not a depositor, became insane and was removed to a lunatic asylum about the same time; and the original acknowledgment, intended for the joiner, having fallen into the hands of the mason's mother, she concluded that the account was his, and made a claim for the money towards defraying the expenses of his maintenance, and was with difficulty undeceived."

A registered packet containing a valuable gold seal was sent to a firm of fancy stationers in Newcastle-on-Tyne, and delivered at its address in due course. Complaint was shortly afterwards made, however, that the young person who opened the packet found the seal was not enclosed, and inquiries were at once set on foot in the Post-office to discover how and where it could have been abstracted. A week or two after, and while these inquiries were still proceeding, the firm in question reported that a tradesman in town had presented to them the identical seal, with the view of ascertaining its value! This information served as a clue to the elucidation of the matter, and the loss of the seal was shown to have occurred in the following fashion:--In the process of opening the packet, the young person concerned had carelessly allowed the seal to fall, un.o.bserved by her; it got mixed up with waste-paper, which formed part of some waste shortly thereafter removed to the premises of a marine-store dealer, where it underwent a course of sortation. An old woman engaged in this work found the seal, appropriated it, and without more ado p.a.w.ned it. The person with whom it was pledged was he who presented it at the address where it had dropped from the letter. The coincidence is not only a curious one, but the case ill.u.s.trates how, but for the coincidence, the blame of the loss would have rested on the Post-office.

A traveller in the north of Europe became sadly puzzled with letters which followed him about, although not intended for him, and the difficulties in his case are described in a letter written by him, of which the following is a transcript:--

"I am sorry you have had so much trouble respecting the registered letter supposed to have been lost in transmission from my wife to me in ----. But I a.s.sure you the letter was most carefully and punctually delivered, not having been even a post behind its due time, and I think your case can hardly have referred to me at all. There was another Rev.

J---- D---- (the same name) travelling in Norway at the same time, whose letters kept crossing my path everywhere; and when I read them, I was almost in doubt whether I was myself or him, for his wife had the same name as mine, and his baby the same name as mine, and just the same age; but who he can be I cannot make out, only he is not I. Perhaps the registered letter which has given you such trouble may have been for him. It may satisfy you, however, to know that mine was all right."