The Rolliad Part 51

That his actions would all bear the test of the light!

Yet he sure in the dark must have something to do, Who shuts out both day-light and candle-light too.

Deny down, &c

JOHN BULL's house is tax'd, so he plays him a trick, By cunningly laying a duty on brick; Thus JOHN for his dwelling is fore'd to pay twice, But BILLY hopes JOHN will not smoke the device.

Deny down, &c

What little we may have by industry made, We must pay for a licence to set up a trade; So that ev'ry poor devil must now be tax'd more For dealing in goods that paid taxes before.

Deny down, &c

The Callico-printers may beg if they please; As dry as a sponge he their cotton will squeeze; With their tears let them print their own linens, cries he, But they never shall make an impression on me, Deny down, &c

The crazy old hackney-coach, almost broke down, Must now pay ten shillings instead of a crown; And to break him down quite, if the first will not do't, Ten shillings a-piece on his horses to boot.

Deny down, &c

The tax upon horses may not be severe, But his scheme for collecting it seems very queer; Did a school-boy e'er dream of a project so idle?

A tax on a horse by a stamp on a bridle!

Deny down, &c

The tax upon sportsmen I hold to be right; And only lament that the tax is so light; But, alas! it is light for this palpable cause, That sportsmen themselves are the makers of laws!

Deny down, &c

He fain would have meddled with coals, but I wot For his fingers the Gentleman found them too hot; The rich did not like it, and so to be sure, In its place he must find out a tax on the poor.

Deny down, &c

Then last, that our murmurs may teaze him the less, By a tax upon paper he'd silence the press; So our sorrow by singing can ne'er be relax'd, Since a song upon taxes itself must be tax'd.

Deny down, &c

But now it is time I should finish my song, And I wish from my soul that it was not so long, Since at length it evinces in trusting to PITT, Good neighbours, we all have been cursedly bit.

Deny down, &c

EPIGRAM.

While BURKE, in strains pathetic, paints The sufferings dire of GENTOO saints, From HOLY CITY[1] driven; Cries HASTINGS, I admit their worth, I thought them far too good for earth, So pack'd them off to Heaven.

ANOTHER.

MAJOR SCOTT'_s Defence of the_ ROHILLA Ma.s.sACRE.

So poor ROHILLAS overthrown, That HASTINGS has no mercy shown In vain, cries SCOTT, to prove you strive; By G--d he never murder'd one, For half are still alive.

[1] BENARES, the MECCA of HINDOSTAN.

MINISTERIAL UNDOUBTED FACTS.

"_And whoever believeth not all this shall be d.a.m.ned._"

ST. ATHANASIUS.

The Members of Opposition are all equally poor--YET _the poor ones are wholly maintained by the rich_.

Notwithstanding the above is their only support--YET _their only means of living arises at the gaming table_.

Though these poor dogs win so much money at BROOKES's--YET _the Members of_ BROOKES's _are all equally indigent_.

OPPOSITION cannot raise a shilling--YET _they maintain an army of scribblers, merely to injure an immaculate Minister, whom it is not in their power to hurt_.

They are too contemptible and infamous to obtain a moment's attention from any gentleman or man of sense, and the people at large hold them in general detestation--YET _the gentlemen and men of sense, who conduct the Ministerial papers, are daily employed to attack these infamous wretches, and in endeavouring to convince people who are already all of one mind_.

Their characters are so notorious that no person can be found to give them credit for a shilling--YET _they are constantly running in debt with their tradesmen_.

They are obliged to sponge for a dinner, or else must go without--YET _they indulge themselves in every species of debauchery and dissipation_.

Their prose is as devoid of argument as their verse is of wit--YET _whole troops of ministerial writers are daily employed in answering the one and criticising the other_.

Their speeches are laughed at and despised by the whole nation--YET _these laughable and despicable speeches were so artfully framed, as alone to raise a clamour that destroyed the wisest of all possible plans_, THE IRISH PROPOSITIONS.

They have traiterously raised a flame in IRELAND--YET _the_ IRISH _are too enlightened to attend to the barkings of a degraded faction_.

Their ROLLIADS and ODES are stark nonsense--YET _the sale has been so extensive as to have new clothed the whole_ BLUE AND BUFF GANG.

They are possessed of palaces purchased out of the public plunder--YET _they have not a hole to hide their heads in_.

The infernal arts of this accursed faction, and not his measures, have rendered Mr. PITT unpopular--YET _is Mr_. PITT _much more popular than ever_.

In short, OPPOSITION are the most unpopular, _popular_; poor, _rich_; artless, _artful_; incapable, _capable_; senseless, _sensible_; neglectful, _industrious_; witless, _witty_; starving, _pampered_; lazy, _indefatigable_; extravagant, _penurious_; bold, _timid_; hypocritical, _unguarded_; set of designing, _blundering_; low-minded, _high-minded_; dishonest, _honest_; knaves, as were ever honoured with the notice of the MINISTERIAL NEWSPAPERS.

JOURNAL OF THE RIGHT HON. HENRY DUNDAS.

_October, 1787._

Told the Chairman the Company had long been in want of four regiments of King's forces--said it was the first he had heard of it--told him he must require them as absolutely necessary for the safety of India--the man appeared staggered; reminded me of my usual caution; grumbled out something about recruits being cheaper; muttered that I expected too much from him, and talked of preserving appearances.--Called him a fool, and ordered him to do as he was bid.

_October, November, December, January_.--Employed in disputes with those d.a.m.ned fellows the Directors--would not have my regiments--told them they must--swore they would not--believe the Chairman manages very badly--threatened to provide transports, to carry out the troops at the Company's expence--found afterwards I had no right--ordered PITT to bring in a Declaratory Bill!

_February_ 25th.----Bill brought in--badly drawn--turn away RUSSEL, and get another Attorney-General--could not make MULGRAVE speak--don't see what use he's of.

_March_ 3d.--Bill read a second time--Sheridan very troublesome--much talk about the const.i.tution--wish Pitt would not let people wander so from the question.