The Ripple Effect Part 13

"Is that Mel's?"

"Yes and there's a suitcase full of bricks near the front door."

"Bricks?" What on earth was he talking about? He was grinning at her-such a s.e.xy-stop it. He's your brother. How could she get her head around that fact, not to mention her hormones?

"Feels like it. She asked me to bring it in."

Oh no. Her sister with a suitcase and an overflowing backpack? Maybe she's in transit.

Mel strode across to where she'd left her beer on the table.

"Mel, what's with the bags?" asked Joelle.

"Can I stay for a while?"

"Why?" Some things never change. Just because she and Mel seemed to have come to a new understanding of their relationship, didn't mean they would see everything the same way all of a sudden. And it didn't mean she wanted a messy flatmate. Especially right now with Shay and all he brought with him to deal with.

"I can't live in that house any more. Two of them smoke. It's not good for the baby." She looked at Shay. "I'm pregnant."

"Tell her she shouldn't be drinking beer," said Joelle. "Shay's a doctor."

"Much better if you stop," said Shay. "If you must, drink light beer."

Melanie ignored them. "Can I stay, please Jo? You said you'd help any way you could if I needed help. I do."

"What's the real reason?" asked Joelle.

"Can't pay my rent. They kicked me out." She flopped into the papasan and kicked off her sandals. "I won't get my bond back either."

"G.o.d, Mel."

"Are you chucking me out too?"

Joelle sighed. "No. But you have to do your share of cleaning and cooking and pay your way."

"Thanks, sis. I knew I could count on you."

Never in living memory had she used *sis'. Joelle rolled her eyes and Mel laughed. "Hey, does that mean you're my brother too?" she asked Shay. "Cool. We always wanted a brother, didn't we?"

"Did we?" asked Joelle in surprise. "I don't remember ever thinking that."

"I did. I thought sisters were wimpy." Mel sucked at her beer. "How did you find her?" she asked Shay. "Did you always know you were adopted?"

"Yes," he said. "I knew our mother died when Joelle was born. The people who adopted me couldn't take on a newborn as well-they already had three kids-so Joelle was taken to a Sydney children's hospital. That's how I tracked her down."

"Our mother's name was Emily Grayson," said Joelle. "Did I have a name, before? Did she say?"

It felt as though they were talking about someone else, a third person. Like discussing a character in a movie. Or maybe she was dreaming. Having a nightmare where her roots had been torn away and a stranger appeared saying he was her brother and a girl she'd a.s.sumed was her sister but wasn't, turned up with suitcases-broke and pregnant. Rather like poor Emily had been.

"No-one even knew her name," said Shay. "She didn't say a word to anyone and I was too little to tell them anything."

"Wow," said Mel. "So how did they find out she was Emily Grayson?"

"My Dad was the town cop. Birrigai's where we lived. They still do, my parents."

"Where's Birrigai?" asked Mel.

"Up north near Tamworth. Anyway, Emily was a missing person. Runaway teenager. She was only seventeen."

"But her parents didn't want her back when they found out she was pregnant," said Joelle. Mel was only two years older. Was she any better equipped to be a mother?

"I'm not sure if they knew until after she died," said Shay. "But either way they weren't interested in us."

Mel pulled a disgusted face. "What horrible people. Mum and Dad aren't pleased about me but I'm sure they won't turn their backs on the baby. Will they, Jo?"

Joelle saw the shadow of unaccustomed fear in her expression. Perhaps Shay's tale had brought home to her just how difficult being young, broke, alone and pregnant could be. "I doubt it very much. You know how Mum's a sucker for a baby. She won't be able to resist."

Here she was defending William and Natalie again the way she had so many times in the past when Melanie had fought parental discipline. Joelle's had been the voice of reason and moderation in the face of her little sister's tantrums and threats. Now, when those very people she had defended had betrayed her trust in the most unimaginable way possible. How could she a.s.sume anything about them at all?

But Mel was rea.s.sured. Her trust in Joelle was unshaken. She smiled and resumed her usual nonchalant expression.

"How do you know you're both Emily's children?" she asked. "You really don't look anything alike. She might have been looking after you, Shay."

Shay smiled and said, "Mel, in a country town everyone knows everyone. No-body reported losing a child. Stan checked missing person's reports. That's how he came up with Emily. But she'd run away at fifteen and her parents hadn't seen her for years. She must have been pregnant with me and knew the reaction she'd get."

"She was just a little girl. Her home life must have been unbearable," gasped Joelle. Her eyes filled with tears. "She must have felt so alone."

"And my father didn't even stick by her," said Shay. "He was probably a terrified kid himself. Our grandparents were very religious apparently. Very strict."

"Maybe she didn't tell the father," Mel suggested softly. Joelle glanced at her but Mel's eyes were on the bottle in her hand. She ran her fingers up and down it idly, tracing patterns in the condensation. Had she told the father of her baby yet? Didn't sound like it.

"Fathers have a right to know," said Shay. He looked directly at Melanie and she met his gaze with her usual defiant toughness. Shay raised one eyebrow slightly and continued, "He should at least be given the choice of opting out, not have that a.s.sumption made for him. Some people really come through in tough situations." Was he making a very astute guess?

Joelle watched Mel a.s.sessing the depth of Shay's remarks, wondering how much he knew or guessed of her own situation. He was saying exactly what she'd said herself and at that stage she hadn't even known about Emily.

Mel shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not."

"I've spent most of my life wondering about my father," said Shay. He leaned forward to emphasise his words, not joking now. "My priority was to find my sister because I knew I had a good shot at that but now I want to find my real father."

"He's mine too," said Joelle softly. "I want to know who my real father is, as well." The words sounded weird-saying father and not meaning William.

"It's not fair to knowingly and deliberately deprive a child of its father or vice versa. Unless there's a very, very good reason. I can speak from firsthand knowledge, Mel. Believe me, it's like being an incomplete person. It gnaws away inside all the time. Even though I was completely happy as a kid, always, underneath everything, was the knowledge. I never really knew where I came from or where I belonged. Maybe that's how ghosts feel." Shay laughed. "Doomed to wander the earth until someone lays their souls to rest." He sat back and smiled at Joelle, slightly shamefaced.

She extended her hand and he grasped it tightly. His eyes were moist too. Their hands melded together. She didn't want to let him go.

"I want to go to Birrigai, Shay," she said. "I want to see where I was born and I want to meet Stan."

Shay nodded. He eased his fingers from her grasp. "The head nurse, Olive, is still at the medical centre. She'd love to meet you. She told me she and Doctor Jenny became very attached to you even though they only had you there ten days or so. She said they gave you a name."

"What was it?" asked Mel before Joelle could speak.

"Claire."

"Claire," repeated Joelle. "Pretty. Claire Grayson," she murmured experimentally. Was that who she really was?

"You could be a Claire," said Mel studying Joelle with her head tilted to one side.

Joelle turned to Shay. "When can we go to Birrigai? How long does it take to get there?"

His soft brown eyes regarded her thoughtfully. Joelle swallowed as her gaze met his. Something sparked. He looked away. She was embarra.s.sing him, already had by making an unwanted advance. Heat rose slowly up her neck. Mel was sure to notice, sitting opposite with eyes like an eagle.

She had to keep the facts uppermost in her mind-this man was her brother. Any fantasies she'd had about a relationship were gone, buried and forgotten. Impossible.

Shay said, "It's a full day's drive from Sydney. I don't have any extended time off until Easter. I've just taken my fortnight's holiday to track you down."

"Easter's weeks away," cried Joelle. Disappointment flooded through her, washing away the previous discomfort with a wave of despair.

"How will you start searching for your father?" asked Melanie. "I can help. I've got nothing to do."

"What about TAFE?" asked Joelle. "I thought you were doing hairdressing?"

"I hated it. Anyway the smell of the chemicals they use made me sick. You wouldn't believe what they put in your hair."

"Does that mean you're going to stop colouring yours?" asked Joelle. "I can't even remember what colour it is naturally."

"Rich mouse," said Mel. "Yeah, while I'm pregnant anyway. I told you, the smell makes me sick."

"Natural protection," commented Shay. "Your baby is telling you what it wants you to do for its own safety."

"It's telling me I need to pee again," said Mel and uncurled herself from the papasan. "It also tells me I need to pee in the middle of the night and to have an afternoon nap. I'm turning into an old lady," she grumbled as she left the room.

"Quite a girl," said Shay when the toilet door closed. He smiled.

Joelle fought down the rush of jealousy. He'd hardly dragged his eyes from Mel's bare legs and exposed midriff when she walked away. She'd have to start dressing differently when her belly expanded.

This was insane. She couldn't be jealous of her brother's interest in her sister.

But he did seem to be very interested. And so was Mel-taking over with her questions and her fascination with the whole thing. As though it was some interesting show on TV and not in real life. Her life, her feelings. Her brother. Just like Mel to turn up at the most inconvenient moment and b.u.t.t in.

"She's lucky she has you to fall back on," he continued. "What do your parents' think about her situation?"

"They're not my parents," snapped Joelle. "I told you. They were furious."

She sprang off the couch, stalked across to the sliding door and pulled it open. The air was still steamy and hot despite the breeze from the ocean. A few big white clouds had begun building castles on the horizon out to sea. Joelle leaned on the balcony railing and drew in deep lungfuls of air. She closed her eyes. Perhaps when she opened them everything would go back to normal. Her parents would still be her parents; Mel would be being the independent, rarely seen Mel, and Shay...

He was the problem. For her to love Shay the way she wanted to he would have to be the stranger who'd walked into the shop. But he'd only walked into the shop because he was her brother. Catch 22.

At least this way she'd see him for the rest of their lives. He'd always be there now. But he'd meet someone else, fall in love and marry and she'd have to watch and be happy for him. Maybe in time her love at first sight would turn into another type of love. The kind she had for her sisters. Maybe in time she'd discover this instant attraction was just an infatuation. A crush.

Tears she hadn't realised were falling, dripped onto her wrists as they rested on the balcony rail. She sniffed and wiped one hand across her face. Voices murmured in the room behind her but she didn't turn. Let them talk. She needed to be alone.

"Jo?" Mel's voice interrupted softly. "Shay's leaving. I'll go with him and bring your car back. He said you'd left it at the shop."

"Thanks." Her voice sounded half-strangled. "The keys are in my bag. It's parked in the area at the back."

Shay's voice came next. He didn't approach but spoke to her from the doorway.

"Joelle, call me any time you like. I left my home number and my mobile by the phone."

She turned then and stared at him. She wanted to walk forward and put her arms around him, she wanted to feel his arms around her, holding her, loving her. She loved him but she'd never have him the way she wanted. Words wouldn't come so she nodded blindly.

"Bye," he said. "Call me."

When the door closed behind them, Joelle stayed on the balcony staring out at the gathering storm. Everything out there was the same as it had been this morning. Everything in the apartment was the same as it had been when she dressed for work this morning, eagerly because Shay was coming. Dope. Stupid girl. Nothing would ever be the same again. Her whole paradigm had shifted from rock to sand, slipping and sliding under her feet.

Her only life belts were Shay and Melanie. And who'd have thought Mel would be the one she'd cling to in a crisis? Or vice versa. Mel was clinging to her just as tightly. But Mel's crisis would be short-lived because her parents would help her eventually, of that Joelle had no doubt. She was carrying their grandchild and they weren't religious nuts who served up fire and brimstone with their morning cereal and d.a.m.ned the sinner.

But Joelle had no parents to count on. Her poor innocent mother was dead because she'd given birth, sacrificed herself for her baby. For Joelle. Or Claire.

And what of her father? Who was he? Where was he? And was he the same man as Shay's father?

Too many questions still unanswered. Joelle left the balcony and went to the bathroom, stripping off her dress as she went. She turned the taps on and stood under the lukewarm spray, letting the water pour down over her head and wash away the tracks of her tears along with the sweat and grime of this most horrendous of days.

When Mel returned she brought with her pizza and a bottle of red wine. Joelle was sitting on the papasan letting her hair dry naturally and thinking-random chaotic unhelpful thoughts to do with love, loss and betrayal. She was ready for company and sniffed appreciatively.

"I brought dinner," said Mel. "See, I'm doing my share of cooking already."

Joelle smiled. She stood up. Mel was irrepressible and just what she needed. "Stick it in the oven while I make a salad."

"Do we need salad?"

"Yes, you need to eat properly. And remember what Shay said about drinking?"

"He said I can," retorted Mel.

"Have you seen the doctor yet?" Joelle opened the fridge and studied the contents. Just enough lettuce, one tomato. Half a bottle of prepared dressing. "There's a bowl up there," she said and pointed to the cupboard next to Mel's head.

"No." Mel plonked the bowl on the bench. "I can see Shay instead."

"He's in Sydney," said Joelle. "Anyway, you need to see a gynaecologist eventually, don't you?"

"A friend of mine had a homebirth with a midwife," said Melanie.

"Well, you can forget that. No way am I having a home birth here."

"Why not?"

"What if something went wrong? What do I know about birthing?"