The Red and The Green Part 15

'What was Pat doing here and why did he push me like that? I nearly broke my arm. I'm sorry I came so late, but as I told you I had a puncture and-'

'I should think he pushed you like that because you were in his way when he wanted to go out of the door. I'm sorry about your arm and I'm sorry about your bicycle and I'm sorry-'

'But what did he want?'

'What did he want? He wanted me.' Millie laughed. She kicked a piece of the broken vase across the floor and turned to stare at Christopher.

He now took in her elated, excited face, flushed with an onset of laughter or tears. Her hair was plaited in a single plait which she had drawn forward over her shoulder and was convulsively clutching and tugging together with the folds of the red shawl.

'What on earth do you mean?'

'He came here to seduce me.'

'Millie! Surely you hadn't given him any reason to think-'

'No, of course I hadn't given him any reason to think. I sent him away with a flea in his ear.'

'But he can hardly just have taken it into his head-'

'Why shouldn't he just have taken it into his head? Or do you think I'm not attractive enough?'

'Of course I think you're attractive enough-'

'Then there's nothing more to explain, is there?'

'Millie, I'm very surprised indeed.'

'Well, I can't help that. Nothing happened. I just sent him off. That's why he was in such a hurry. You do believe me, don't you?'

'Of course I believe you. But as I say-'

'Why did you take it into your head to come, Christopher?'

'I had to see you. So many things have been happening. I'm sorry to arrive so late, but as I told you-'

'Yes, yes, your bike. Tell me some of the things that have been happening.'

'Well-Frances has decided not to marry Andrew.'

'Ah-' Millie let go of the red shawl which fell in a heap behind her. She moved forward and began quickly picking up the fragments of the Chinese vase. 'It's so cold in here, we could do with a fire, couldn't we.' She put the fragments of the vase on the table. She advanced on the fireplace and bent to put a match to the paper and sticks. 'Hand over a couple of those little logs, would you?'

'Millie, did you hear what I said?'

'Of course I did, but what am I supposed to say about it? I'm sorry.'

'It won't make any difference to us, of course. That's what I wanted to come and tell you. I'll manage about Frances.'

'Have you told Frances about us?'

'No.'

'That's just as well, perhaps.'

'Why-?'

'Christopher, I think I can't marry you after all.'

'Millie, what on earth are you talking about?'

'I just can't. I'd be no use to you.'

'Is this because of Frances?'

'No, it's nothing to do with Frances. I just can't do it, it would be wrong. Please forgive me. I should never have let the idea exist at all.'

'Millie, I can't let you say this-' He got awkwardly and stiffly to his feet, stretching out his arms towards her. Millie continued to stare down at the crackling sticks, whose light flickered on her face, showing a serene exhausted smile.

'Millie, my darling-' Christopher took her hand, lifting it from her side. It was heavy and limp. Her hand was familiar to him, and as he touched her his fingers became aware of something unusual. He looked down and saw that she was wearing a ring adorned with diamonds and rubies. He recognized the ring.

When Millie saw Christopher's expression and saw what he was looking at, she withdrew her hand with an exclamation and moved away from him.

'Millie, why are you wearing Andrew's ring?'

She pulled it quickly off and laid it on the table. 'Because Andrew has been wearing my ring.'

'I don't understand.'

'Well, why should you, with such an awful lot going on. I've just seduced your would-be son-in-law. I didn't mean to tell you. I just forgot about the ring. I never seem to be able to do wrong with impunity. What an unlucky girl I am!'

'Millie, do you actually mean that you-'

'Yes. I was in bed with Andrew when Pat turned up. I'd invited Pat to be my lover, only I didn't think he would oblige, so I made do with Andrew instead. It was all most unfortunate and I'm a very disappointed woman.'

'Millie, are you seriously saying that you and Andrew-'

'Yes! I've said it as clearly as I can. Do you want me to say it again?'

'How can you talk in that tone?'

'Well, a woman caught in my situation has got to adopt some tone, and it's not easy to combine devastating frankness with calm dignity. What tone do you suggest?'

'I just can't believe you.'

'Have a good try. The fact is I'm in love with Pat, I'm desperately in love with Pat and I have been for ages, only of course it's hopeless, and it would have been hopeless even if Andrew hadn't been here tonight. And our thing would have been hopeless even if you hadn't found out about Andrew. I really think you'd better go, Christopher. Oh, hang it, you can't, you haven't got a bike.'

'In love with Pat. I see.'

'Yes, the real thing. I'd let him walk on me. If only I'd just wanted the best and stayed true to it, it would have come to me. It did come to me, and I m.u.f.fed it.'

'But you said it would have been hopeless anyway. And you have a rather quaint idea of the best. One night in bed with Pat Dumay. You know he'd have hated you in the morning.'

'Yes, you understand Pat. But you don't quite understand me. I'm an odder fish than you imagine, Christopher. Perhaps one night would have been enough, perhaps it would have been everything, and perhaps such hatred would be purer than the purest love. But it's all lost now. I've been unfaithful to my own code. You muddled me, the money business muddled me. And now he despises me and I expect you do too. I think I'll have some whiskey.'

'So you took Andrew. And that was why Frances refused him. I see it all now. It was because of you. I knew you were pretty irresponsible, but I didn't think you were utterly wicked.'

'Oh G.o.d, you don't think that?' Millie jarred the whiskey bottle back on to the table. 'I'm not that bad. I didn't do anything with Andrew, it didn't enter my head, until after he'd told me Frances had turned him down. Honest, Christopher. You can't really believe I'm capable of-'

'I'm afraid, Millie, that I think you capable of anything.'

They stared at each other in silence. Then Millie took the bottle again and unsteadily poured some whiskey into her gla.s.s. She murmured, 'It's funny. At this moment I think I'm almost in love with you. I told you I was a bit odd.'

'There was obviously some guilty secret between you last Monday when you had the boy to tea with Hilda. I thought he was behaving very strangely. But I didn't dream-'

'Oh, that. That was just a silly joke I played on him, it's not even worth explaining.'

'Frances could have had no other reason for refusing Andrew. It was all fixed up.'

'It wasn't all fixed up. And she could have had any reason for refusing him. He's not very clever. He's not even all that good-looking.'

'You say this just after you've dragged him into bed with you.'

'All right, I'm vulgar as well as wicked. But it's true.'

'Where is he now, by the way?'

'Half-way back to Dublin, I hope. He was supposed to slip out just after I came down again. What a pity, you might have borrowed his bike.' Millie started to laugh again, but stopped abruptly. 'You can't believe it, Christopher, you just can't believe that I would have seduced Andrew while he was engaged to Frances. I couldn't possibly have done anything so cruel; I'm not cruel, I'm just silly. And anyway I wanted Andrew to marry Frances just as you did because of us.'

'But you said just now you were in love with Pat and you knew our thing was no good anyway.'

'Yes-I do seem in rather a muddle, don't I. But I swear I didn't-'

'You might have done this deliberately to break up Frances' engagement so as to have an excuse for dropping me. I regard you as an utterly mad and destructive person and I always have.'

'Then you shouldn't have envisaged marrying me.'

'I entirely agree I shouldn't.'

They stood now facing each other across the table. What on earth is happening, Christopher asked himself, why are we shouting like this, am I dreaming? His weariness, his wet clothes, the strong dose of whiskey, made him feel dazed and light-headed. The figure of Millie stood out before him with a ghastly sharpness, an object detached from a flat background. He swayed, then went and sat down heavily.

'Anyway, it's not going to happen now,' said Millie in a dull voice. She began to push the ring about the surface of the table with her finger. 'I know it all serves me right. If you behave rottenly you can't complain when other people don't realize just how rottenly you're prepared to behave. But, Christopher, you must believe what I said. Andrew came and told me that Frances had turned him down, and then, just to cheer him up you know, I suggested-'

'How long had it been going on?'

'It had been going on for about two hours when Pat arrived, and-'

'I don't mean that! How long before today?'

'Not at all before today.'

'Why did you say our thing would have been no good even if I hadn't found out?'

'Because of Pat. Well, no, not because of Pat. Pat wasn't really anything to do with that. I thought of these things in separate parts of my mind. It was no good anyway, it was a bad kind of idea. We don't love each other enough, Christopher.'

'I suppose it's true,' he said slowly, 'we don't.'

It was raining again. The wind blew the light rain against the windows in intermittent sighing gusts that were like a soft ripple of waves.

'Well, there it is. G.o.d, I feel wretched. d.a.m.n, we've let the fire go out.'

Christopher got up and found his mackintosh. 'I must go now.'

'You can't go in all this rain. And I haven't got a bike to lend you.'

'Don't worry, I'll walk.'

'Don't be idiotic, Christopher, you know perfectly well you've got to stay here. There's a room ready. You'd die of exposure walking all the way down the mountain.'

Christopher threw down his coat. He was ready to weep. 'All right, all right.'

'And here, you'd better take the ring to give back to Andrew. I don't suppose I'll ever see him again. Everybody hates me now.'

'I don't want the ring-Oh, all right, I'll take it.'

'Well, no, maybe you'd better not. It would hurt him so terribly to know you knew-'

'I don't care how hurt he is.'

'You must forgive Andrew. He was very miserable and he's so young.'

'Oh, hang Andrew.'

'You know, you should have given me a ring, Christopher, it might have protected me. Ah, well. I'll show you to your room. The bed's not aired, but I'll get you a hot-water bottle.'

'Don't bother, I just want to be left alone now.'

They went out, Millie carrying the lamp, and mounted the stairs slowly together like an old couple.

'This is your room. Are you sure you wouldn't-'

'No, thanks.'

'I'll light your candle for you. There. Oh, I forgot, would you like anything to eat?'

'No, thank you, Millie.'

'Christopher, you do believe me, don't you, that I didn't-'

'Yes, yes, yes, I believe you.'