The Real Diary of a Real Boy Part 5

father wont let me have a cannon. he says i dont know enny more than to look into it and blow my head off.

June 28. clowdy but no rane. 4th of July pretty soon. father says when he was a boy all they had for fireworks was b.a.l.l.s of wool soaked in tirpentine whitch they lit and fired round. i am glad i did not live then.

June 30. clowdy but no rane. went in swimming 3 times today. i am going bullfroging monday.

June 31. no July 1. Went to church today.

July 2. i went bullfroging today. thunder storm today.

i have got 10 bunches of snapcrackers and some slowmatch. i spent a dolar of my cornet money. i gess i shall never get that cornet. i hope it wont rane the 4th.

July 3. Nite before 4th. Pewt and Beany can stay out all nite. father took my snapcrackers into his room and said if i get up before 5 i cant have enny.

July 4. i am to tired to wright ennything. i never had so much fun in my life. i only got burned 5 times. 1 snapcracker went off rite in my face and i coodent see ennything til mother washed my eyes out. Zee Smith fired a torpedo and a peace of it flew rite in the corner of my eye and made a blew spot there. i fired every one of my snapcrackers. it took me all day.

July 5. brite and fair. i dident wake up today til 10 o'clock. i was pretty sore and my eyes felt as if they was sawdust in them.

July 6. brite and fair. father staid home today. i wanted him to go fishing but he woodent.

July 7. father told me i cood go fishing and stay all day. i dont know what had come over him becaus most always he raises time when i go fishing and dont come home erly. so i went and cought 3 pickerels and 4 pirch and 2 hogbacks and went in swiming 2 times. well as i was a coming home 2 or 3 people met me and said they was company at my house, so when i got home i skined in the back way so as not to see the company til i got on my best britches, but i met father in the door and he told me to go rite up to mothers room and see the company. so i skined up to her room holding my hand behind me becaus i had tore my britches auful getting over a fence and i dident want the company to see. well what do you think the company was. it was the homliest baby you ever see, it looked jest like a munky and made feerful faces and kinder squeaked like. Mother was sick and they was a old fat woman who told me to go out, but mother said she wanted to see me and she kissed me and asked me to kiss the baby. i dident want to but i did it becaus mother was sick.

mother asked me how many fish i caught and what kind and i told her and said she shood have some for her supper, but she said she gessed she woodent have enny jest then.

then i went down stairs and father did i like the baby and i said it was homly, and he said it was 10 times as good looking as i was and he said he was glad that when the baby grode up it woodent have Beany and Pewt to play with and woodent be tuff like me, and then Aunt Sarah said she gessed me and Beany and Pewt wasent enny tuffer than father and Gim Melcher were when they was boys, and then father laffed and told me to go to bed and i went. that was a auful homly baby ennyway.

July 8. nothing particular today. you bet that baby can howl. went to church.

July 9. brite and fair. most every morning we go up in mothers room to see the old fat woman wash the baby and hear it howl. it turns black in the face. i bet it will be a fiter.

July 10. i have got a new nickname. it is yallerlegs. that is becaus father bought me a pair of kinder yellow britches, and made me wear them. i bet he woodent like to be called yallerlegs.

July 11. brite and fair. went in swiming today to a new place. we call it the stump. it is up by the eddy.

July 12. a thunder storm. in the afternoon went fishing but dident get a bite. Pewts father says fish wont bite after a thunder storm.

July 13. a auful hot day. tonite i went up to the depot to see Majer Blake and Charles Tole fite over pa.s.sengers to the beach.

July 14. i am going to the beach to stop with Beany in his fathers tent.

it is called hotel de pig.

July 15. i gess i will go tomorrow.

July 16. me and Beany went to the beach and stopped all day and all nite. we had a bully time.

July 17. another hot day. went in swiming 4 times. my back is all burned.

July 18. me and Beany got in the newsleter today. the paper said the Siamese twins was at the beach stoping at Watsons tent. Pewt was mad becaus we got in the paper and he dident and told all round that it dident mean me and Beany but Rashe Belnap and Horris Cobbs.

July 19. Hot as time. nothing particular today.

July 20. Hot as time. nothing particular today.

July 21. Auful hot. big thunder shower and litening struck a tree in front of Perry Moltons house.

July 22. Went to church. Beany let the wind out of the organ and it squeaked and made everybody laff. Keene and Cele sing in the quire.

father feels pretty big about it.

July 23. i got stung by hornets today. i went in swiming at the eddy and when i was drying my close i set rite down on a stump where there was a nest of yellow bellied hornets. they all lit on me and i thought i was afire for a minit. i ran and div rite off the bank and swam way out under water. when i came up they were buzing round jest where i went down. when i came out the fellers put mud on my bites and after a while they stoped hurting. i tell you the fellers jest died laffing to see me run and holler.

July 24. Brite and fair. i was all sweled up with hornet bites but they dident hurt enny, i looked jest like Beany when he had the mumps.

everyone laffed at me.

July 25. i got a fishhook in my leg today. me and Fatty Melcher was a fishing when we got our lines tangled, i hollered first cut, but i dident have enny nife and Fatty woodent let me have his nife. So we got jerking our lines kinder mad like and all of a suddin the hook got into my leg. gosh you bet it hurt. me and Fatty got the hook out but it bled some. the worst of it was there was a wirm on the hook and when we got the hook out they wasent enny wirm there. Fatty says people sometimes dies from having wirms in them. i bet this one has crawled way in. it may grow inside of me. something is always hapening to me. when i got home i went down to docter Derborns store and bought some wirm medicine and swalowed sum. it was auful bitter. it cost 20 cents out of my cornet money.

July 26. brite and fair. i was all rite today except my leg was stiff mother asked what made me lame and she put on a peace of pork. i told her about the wirm and she said the pork wood draw him out if he was there but she gessed he dident go in. when i told her about the wirm medecine she jest set down and laffed. so i gess i needent wory about having wirms. i went down to doctor Derborns and tride to get him to take the medicine back but he said he woodent. i think he is pretty mean not to.

July 27. i coodent go in swiming today on account of my leg. all the fellers went in and i had to set on the bank and see them.

July 28. Coodent go in swiming today either. my leg is nearly well.

mother took off the pork today. it was all white where the pork was. i can go in swiming Monday. i went down to the library tonite. it is the first time i have been down since Joe Parsons chased me out. i gess he has forgotten it. i got out Bush Boys to read. it is a splendid book about shooting lions and zebras and gerafs and everything.

July 29. i tried to have father let me stay away from church today because my leg was sore but he said all rite you can stay, but i gess that leg will be too sore to let you go in swiming this week. so i went to church and dident limp enny. this afternoon i set under the apple tree and read Bush Boys. father and mother went to ride with Nellie. it is the first time mother has been out. Aunt Sarah took care of the baby.

they gess they will name it Edward Ashman Shute. i gess it is named Ashman after the leader of the band. i am going to tell him tomorrow and see if he wont sell me a cornet on trust. brite and fair.

July 30. Brite and fair. i told father i was going down to see Mr.

Ashman, and he said if you ever do i will lick you. the babys name is Edward Ashton Shute and not Ashman. i woodent name him for enny cornet player. it is pretty tuff luck. if i cood have got that cornet i woodent have minded a licking. went in swiming today.

July 31. Franky had the croop last nite. i waked up and heard him cough auful funny and kinder as if his throte was t.i.te. i called mother and she came in and hollered for Aunt Sarah and father and they rushed round lively and gave him egg and sugar and put hot cloths on his throte til he howled and after he cood howl he was all well. Aunt Sarah took him in with her the rest of the nite. father said i was a brick to wake up and call them. i dont know when he has called me a brick before. went in swimming 3 times to-day.

Aug. 1. brite and fair. Annie tumbled down the front steps from the top to the bottom. she howled and mother thought she was about killed but she was so fat that she dident hurt her.

Aug. 2. father came home early to-day and took mother and Aunt Sarah and Keene & Georgie to ride. Me and Cele staid to look after the house. Cele went up stairs to look after the baby and when she was gone i got Annie and Franky fiting. it was the funniest fite i ever saw. they jest pushed each other round and tried to claw each other. while they was fiting Cele came down stairs and pulled them apart and boxed their ears and made them go in different rooms. She jawed me and said she wood tell father. when father came home she told on me and father sent me to bed at six o'clock. You jest wait Cele and you will find out.

Aug. 3, 186- brite and fair. the fellers played a pretty mean trick on me tonite. they played it on Nibby Hartwel last nite. Nibby is visiting his aunt and comes from the city and is pretty green like most folks from the city. you see if i hadent got sent to bed becaus Cele told on me i wood have been there and seen them play it on Nibby. well last nite all the fellers was out. Whack and Boog and Pozzy and Pewt and Beany and Nipper and Cawcaw and Pile and Chick and Micky and Pricilla and Fatty.

Nibby he was there too. they wanted to play lead the old blind horse to water and i was to be the blind horse. they said they had some fun playing it the nite before, that was when they played it on Nibby but i dident know that. Well you blindfole a feller and give him a rope and a swich and the other fellers get on the other end of the rope and the feller nearest you has a bell and rings it and you pull and if you can pull him up to you, you can paist time out of him with your swich, only if you pull off your blindfole all the fellers can paist time out of you. Well they blindfoled me and hollered ready and i began to yank and pull and the feller rung his bell and he came pretty hard at first but i kept yanking and bimeby he come so quick that i nearly fell over back wards and i felt him and grabed him and began to paist time out of him when he grabed away my swich and began to paist me, and that wasent fair and i pulled off my blindfole and who do you suppose it was, well it was Wiliam Perry Molton and he was mad. they had tied me to his door bell and i had yanked out almost ten feet of wire. when i saw who it was gosh i began to holler and he stoped licking me. i gess he never licked anyone before because he dident know just how to lay it on. well when he found out how it was he let me go but he said he shood have to do something about the boys distirbing him so. it was a pretty mean trick to play on a feller. we are going to try and play it on Pop Clark tomorrow nite.

Aug. 4. brite and fair. me and Hiram Mingo had a race today to see whitch cood swim the furtherest under water. i beat him easy. he can lick me but i can beat him swiming.

Aug. 5. Nothing particular today. only church.

Aug. 6. the baby was sick today had the doctor.

Aug. 7. the baby was sicker. i dident go in swiming.

Aug. 8. the baby is better today. i went in swiming 5 times.

Aug. 9. Raned all day. The baby is all rite. i went bullfroging with Chick Chickering.

Aug. 10. Nellie is sick. Joe Hanes cut a hole in her and put in a onion and some braded hair and then father took her out to pastur. i cant ride her for a month.