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"Wouldn't it be fairer--for the two of us--now? Wouldn't it be cleaner?" I rather tremulously asked of her.
She nodded and stared down at the sheet covered with small columns of figures.
"I don't know whether you know it or not," she said with a studied sort of quietness, "but last week Mr. McKail began making arrangements to establish a residence in Nevada. He will have to live there, of course, for at least six months, perhaps even longer."
I could feel this sinking in, like water going through blotting-paper. The woman at the desk must have misinterpreted my silence, for she was moved to say, in a heavier effort at self-defense, "He _knew_, of course, that you cared for some one else."
I looked at her, as though she were a thousand miles away. I stood there impressed by the utter inadequacy of speech. And the thing that puzzled me was that there was an air of honesty about the woman. She still so desperately clung to her self-respect that she wanted me to understand both her predicament and her motives. I could hear her explaining that my husband had no intention of going to Reno, but would live in Virginia City, where he was taking up some actual mining interests. Such things were not pleasant, of course. But this one could be put through without difficulty. Mr. McKail had been a.s.sured of that.
I tried to pull myself together, wondering why I should so suddenly feel like a marked woman, a pariah of the prairies, as friendless and alone as a leper. Then I thought of my children. And that cleared my head, like a wind sweeping clean a smoky room.
"But a case has to be made out," I began. "It would have to be proved that I----"
"There will be no difficulty on that point, Mrs. McKail," went on the other woman as I came to a stop. "Provided the suit is not opposed."
The significance of that quietly uttered phrase did not escape me. Our glances met and locked.
"There are the children," I reminded her. And she looked a very commercialized young lady as she sat confronting me across her many columns of figures.
"There should be no difficulty there--_provided_ the suit is not opposed," she repeated with the air of a physician confronted by a hypochondriacal patient.
"The children are mine," I rather foolishly proclaimed, with my first touch of pa.s.sion.
"The children are yours," she admitted. And about her hung an air of authority, of cool reserve, which I couldn't help resenting.
"That is very generous of you," I admitted, not without ironic intent.
She smiled rather sadly as she sat looking at me.
"It's something that doesn't rest with either of us," she said with the suspicion of a quaver in her voice. And _she_, I suddenly remembered, might some day sit eating her pot of honey on a grave. I realized, too, that very little was to be gained by prolonging that strangest of interviews. I wanted quietude in which to think things over. I wanted to go back to my cell like a prisoner and brood over my sentence....
And I have thought things over. I at last see the light. From this day forward there shall be no vacillating. I am going back to Casa Grande.
I have always hated this house; I have always hated everything about the place, without having the courage to admit it. I have done my part, I have made my effort, and it was a wasted effort. I wasn't even given a chance. And now I shall gather my things together and go back to my home, to the only home that remains to me. I shall still have my kiddies. I shall have my Poppsy and--But sharp as an arrow-head the memory of my lost boy strikes into my heart. My d.i.n.kie is gone. I no longer have him to make what is left of my life endurable....
It is raining to-night, I notice, steadily and dismally. It is a dark night, outside, for lost children....
Duncan has just come home, wet and muddy, and gone up to his room. The gray-faced solemnity with which he strode past me makes me feel sure that he has been conversing with his lady-love. But what difference does it make? What difference does _anything_ make? In the matter of women, I have just remembered, what may be one man's meat is another man's poison. But I can't understand these reversible people, like house-rugs, who can pretend to love two ways at once.... I only know one man, in all the wide world, who has not shattered my faith in his kind. He is one of those neck-or-nothing men who never change.
There are many ranchers, out in this country, who keep what they call a blizzard-line. It's a rope that stretches in winter from their house-door to their shed or their stable, a rope that keeps them from getting lost when a blizzard is raging. Peter, I know, has been my blizzard-line. And in some way, please G.o.d, he will yet lead me back to warmth. He is himself out there in the cold, accepting it, all the time, with the same quiet fort.i.tude that a Polar bear might. But he will thole through, in the end. For with all his roughness he can be unexpectedly adroit. Whinstane Sandy once told me something he had learned about Polar bears in his old Yukon days: with all their heaviness, they can go where a dog daren't venture. If need be, they can flatten out and slide over a sheet of ice too thin to support a running dog. And the drift-ice may be widening, but I refuse to give up my hope of hope. "Let the mother go," as the Good Book says, "that it may be well with thee!" ...
I have just remembered that I tried to shoot my husband once. He may make use of _that_, when he gets down to Virginia City. It might, in fact, help things along very materially. And Susie's eyes will probably pop out, when she reads it in a San Francisco paper....
I've thought of so many clever things I should have said to Alsina Teeswater. As I look back, I find it was the other lady who did about all the talking. There were old ulcerations to be cleared away, of course, and I let her talk about the same as you let a dentist work with his fingers in your mouth.... But now I must go up and make sure my Poppsy is safely tucked in. I have just opened the door and looked out. It is storming wretchedly. G.o.d pity any little boys who are abroad on such a night!
_Two Hours Later_
It is well past midnight. But there is no sleep this night for Chaddie McKail. I am too happy to sleep. I am too happy to act sane. For my boy is safe. _Peter has found my d.i.n.kie!_
I was called to the telephone, a little after eleven, but couldn't hear well on the up-stairs extension, so I went to the instrument down-stairs, where the operator told me it was long-distance, from Buckhorn. So I listened, with my heart in my mouth. But all I could get was a buzz and crackle and an occasional ghostly word. It was the storm, I suppose. Then I heard Peter's voice, thin and faint and far away, but most unmistakably Peter's voice.
"Can you hear me now?" he said, like a man speaking from the bottom of the sea.
"Yes," I called back. "What is it?"
"Get ready for good news," said that thin but valorous voice that seemed to be speaking from the tip-top mountains of Mars. But the crackling and burring cut us off again. Then something must have happened to the line, or we must have been switched to a better circuit. For, the next moment, Peter's voice seemed almost in the next room. It seemed to come closer at a bound, like a sh.o.r.e-line when you look at it through a telescope.
"Is that any better?" he asked through his miles and miles of rain-swept blackness.
"Yes, I can hear you plainly now," I told him.
"Ah, yes, that _is_ better," he acknowledged. "And everything else is, too, my dear. For I've found your d.i.n.kie and----"
"You've found d.i.n.kie?" I gasped.
"I have, thank G.o.d. And he's safe and sound!"
"Where?" I demanded.
"Fast asleep at Alabama Ranch."
"Is he all right?"
"As fit as a fiddle--all he wants is sleep."
"_Oh, Peter!_" It was foolish. But it was all I could say for a full minute. For my boy was alive, and safe. My laddie had been found by Peter--by good old Peter, who never, in the time of need, was known to fail me.
"Where are you now?" I asked, when reason was once more on her throne.
"At Buckhorn," answered Peter.
"And you went all that way through the mud and rain, just to tell me?"
I said.
"I had to, or I'd blow up!" acknowledged Peter. "And now I'd like to know what you want me to do."
"I want you to come and get me, Peter," I said slowly and distinctly over the wire.
There was a silence of several seconds.
"Do you understand what that means?" he finally demanded. His voice, I noticed, had become suddenly solemn.
"Yes, Peter, I understand," I told him. "Please come and get me!" And again the silence was so prolonged that I had to cut in and ask: "Are you there?"
And Peter's voice answered "Yes."